


Sweet Surrender

by BinarySunsetLover15



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Has Issues, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Finn Has Issues, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, In This House We Love Rose, Light Angst, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sharing a Bed, Stranded, The Force Ships It, not so light angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 105,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24567286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinarySunsetLover15/pseuds/BinarySunsetLover15
Summary: Ben and Rey wind up stranded on a distant planet, having to work through the consequences of what happened in the throne room. Forced to interact with each other, they have to face what the other means to them, and if that is enough for them to find their way back to one another.Meanwhile, the war rages on. Hux is now the Supreme Leader. New enemies arise, and the Resistance is left to wonder where Rey is and why she disappeared seemingly at the same time Kylo Ren did.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 185
Kudos: 257





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people! So happy you decided to check this story out! Not quite sure how long it is going to be, but I have an idea for where I want the story to go.
> 
> This is my third story and cannot stop thinking of ideas for these two. I placed this story after the TLJ throne room scene if Ben had woken up first. 
> 
> Again, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the story!

“You come from nothing. You’re nothing.”

Rey can hear his words, but her vision is blurred by the tears falling from her eyes. She can’t believe what is coming out of his mouth. A man she thought she could trust. A man that she thought understood her better than anyone. Someone who she finally felt whole with. Her heart clenched, his words inflicting visible pain. As if he had punched her.

“But not to me” Ben stretched out a gloved hand toward her. So gentle, she mused. He needed her. No—He wanted her. But it was for all the wrong reasons. Reasons that Rey couldn’t fathom. She felt as though she couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breathe. Her eyes drifted down to the blue lightsaber, gripped by his hand.

“Please” Ben begged her. He spoke the words so desperately that she felt the words touch her core. Rey’s eyes shot up to meet his. At first, she saw pain, suffering, and destruction facets she knew that they could bring. _Kylo_

That moment passed and she saw the young, innocent boy from Luke’s vision. Those eyes were longing for her. They gave her so much hope. They made her feel wanted. Whole. She saw Ben.

She could lose herself in those eyes. Lose herself in him forever.

Rey could feel her muscles twitch. Her body automatically reaching out for him. It felt right. Everything in her was screaming to reach out. To take his hand and wrap herself up in his arms.

The vision flashed before her eyes. A serene sight of them enveloped in each other staring off into the sunset on a green, wonderful planet. A perfect scene. The peaceful dream cracked, began to fall away revealing something new. She saw herself curled against him on a black throne. Her saber crackling red, her eyes an unnatural shade of yellow. Rey could hear the screams of her friends echoing in her mind. She snapped out of her trance, only to meet Ben’s eyes once more.

Again, she felt hope, but she also could still hear the screams of her friends. Finn, Leia, the rest of the resistance were in trouble. They needed her.

Rey knew what she had to do, but she didn’t know if she had the strength to do it. The tears streaming down her face were not only because he had betrayed her, but now they were also because she was mourning the loss of them. Both, the beautiful sunset-bathed scene that she longed so hard for, as well as his dark fantasy that she couldn’t deny, the deepest darkest part of her, lusted over, they could never happen. Not if she did this. If she betrayed him.

But Rey couldn’t be selfish. Jedi were not selfish. She must give up her sinful desires to fulfill her destiny. To save the soul of the galaxy, she must sacrifice his. It tore her apart, but she had made her choice.

Slowly, never breaking eye contact with him, Rey began to raise her hand towards his. She continued to stare at him. Knowing that this was probably the last time she would see _Ben_ again. Trying to memorize all the beautiful aspects of his face, she tugged at the force.

One final tear escaped her eye, along with whatever future she might’ve had with him. She pushed her feelings of regret away.

Luke’s lightsaber shot out of Ben’s hand, traveling toward her outstretched hand. Rey could almost feel its weight in her palm. But it never came. Instead, it sat frozen in the air, Kylo’s outstretched arm fighting hers to pull the weapon back to him.

She could feel a numbness somewhere deep inside her. This wasn’t right, they shouldn’t be on opposite sides. But Rey ignored the force’s pleading and pushed these feelings aside to focus more of her energy trying to will the saber toward her.

The force rang violently around them, pushing them apart. Rey grunted, trying to muster more strength to pull on the saber. Kylo’s anger was palpable. He was furious but she could also feel a layer of sadness underneath. He felt betrayed. Rey’s heart broke a little given this realization. His rage materialized in a deep animalistic sound come from somewhere deep in his throat.

Both of them felt exhaustion setting in, their arms ached, their throats raw. The force was pushing an immeasurable weight upon them, begging them to stop. Rey didn’t know how much longer she could hold on.

A loud _snap_ rang in their ears. Rey felt an invisible blast pushing her off of her feet, landing on the floor a few meters away. She only had a moment to look up seeing Kylo sprawled out on the floor across the room from her. He was the last thing she saw before a blinding white light and impossibly tumultuous sound invaded her senses.

—

When Kylo woke, the room was burning. More than it had been from the previous fight. Like, pieces of the walls were _falling off._ His vision was blurry, tears worked to dispel the smoke in the air. He barely made out a figure lying on the opposite side of the room from him. _Rey!_

His legs shaking, he stepped over large pieces of rubble, moving closer toward the motionless body on the ground. He stumbled past the remnants of his grandfather’s old saber, now as powerful as the rest of the debris around it. As the distance got shorter between them, Kylo’s anger grew larger. _She had betrayed him._ He had offered her the galaxy and she still didn’t pick him. Kylo extended his hand, willing his cross-guard saber to his hand. He stared at Rey, knowing that his life would get a whole lot easier if he ended her now.

Kylo raised his hand, igniting his lightsaber. He went to go drop the weapon toward the girl he put out his last drop of hope into, but his arm wouldn’t move. Sighing, he dropped to his knees in front of Rey, his saber extinguishing. He couldn’t do it, not like this.

His breath grew heavy, he choked on the air coming into his lungs. He was so angry at her. She chose the resistance, chose to leave him behind. Why couldn’t he end her and move on to obliterating the last of the resistance? But… _He needed her_. They could be more powerful than any other force beings in the galaxy. Ren flashed back to the vision he had when he touched Rey’s hand. Her yellow eyes pierced into his mind.

A small noise broke through his thoughts. Kylo’s eyes shot toward the entrance. _Someone was coming._ If they found him here with the bisected body of Snoke and an unconscious Rey, there would be no doubt that he would be branded a traitor. Hux would blame him and have his head on a stake.

Glancing around the room again, his eyes landed on Snoke’s escape pod before falling back on Rey. Sighing, he summoned both his and the broken lightsaber toward him. He placed an arm under Rey’s head and the other under her knees, lifting her still figure into the air. _It was time to let the old ways die._ He knew he couldn’t do that while still in the First Order or without Rey.

The voices were now louder, echoing down the hallway, creeping closer toward them. Hustling, Kylo hobbled over toward the escape pod, using his foot to activate the wall panel. Setting Rey down, he moved to begin the launch sequence. They needed to get as far away from the Supremacy as they could.

With one last glance at the throne room, Kylo switched a flip and the pod launched into the deep vastness of space. He began focusing on the task at hand, trying to imagine a place to take them.

A quiet sound broke him out of his concentration. Rey was stirring. “Ben” she breathed ever so quietly that Kylo thought that he could’ve maybe imagined it. He lost those thoughts as she groaned in pain, her eyes somehow squeezing more shut. After a second, they began to open. Kylo held his breath, not knowing how this conversation was going to go down. _Shit_ he thought as he slammed his fist onto the autopilot, he turned to glare at the wall, he could bring himself to look at her. His anger simmered in the air.

Rey stood up, pressing a small hand to her head, pushing slightly as her eyes adjusted to the harsh artificial light of the spacecraft. As she composed herself, her eyes tuned on Kylo, his large frame looking too big for the small space they were currently enclosed in. _Wait... what? Where is she? This must be a dream._

Confusion clouded her features. “Where… What is going—” Her words were cut off by something slamming into the ship. A force sending her tumbling toward Kylo. Colliding with him, they both tumbled off their feet toward the floor, their heads slamming into the hard metal. Rey could feel the heat of his body pressed against hers and could only see the black threads of his clothing before the darkness crept into the corners of her vision and then, overtaking her completely.


	2. Crumbling Foundations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey awakens on a distant planet and must deal with the consequences of Kylo's actions. Meanwhile, Hux makes some interesting revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Another chapter already?? Yes!! Put your cell phones on silent, the real story is now beginning! I hope you all enjoy and will consider sticking around with me for this story!!

The room was still. The only sounds were small beeps and whirls coming from different medical machines attached to the wall. Gripping the coarse sheets, Hux slowly opened his eyes, coming to his senses. Looking around the room, he saw that he was alone. The only company he could amass was the small medical droid in the corner as well as his throbbing headache.

_How? What is going on?_ Hux raced through his previous memories, trying to remember what had happened to have him end up here. Dealing with Kylo Ren’s tantrums, Executing the traitor, Tracking the Resistance. _The Resistance._ The last thing he saw was a flash of white light. _Those imbeciles_ , Hux thought. Disoriented and rushing to get up, Hux needed to get the main bridge. He needed to find the Supreme Leader and Kylo Ren.

—

Rey’s eyes fluttered open, a strong light pierced into them, blinding her. She pressed her eyes back together, groaning as she slowly rolled onto her back. Finally adjusting to the light, she opened her eyes. Staring, she only saw green. Layers and layers of trees coated in a soft glow of sunshine. The sun poked through the leaves like peaceful bullet holes.

Her head throbbed, as though she had fallen in the star destroyer ruins of Jakku. Groaning from the pain, she took in her surroundings. The ringing in her head muted by the buzzing of life all around her, hidden by the portiere of the forest. It calmed her. She felt at peace, as though she had fallen out of her unbalanced reality and into the perfect scene of her daydreams. Rey gave a weak smile. _Maybe she was dead. If this is death, maybe it isn’t so terrible._

Rolling over onto her side, Rey’s eyes caught onto a black mass a few feet away from her. It was overtaking the green scenery. Additionally, she could smell smoke, as if something was burning.

Rey shot up. This was no dream and definitely not death. Looking around she stared at a motionless Kylo Ren lying on the forest floor. His black attire wrinkled and stained. His hair a mess and a few cuts on his face were bleeding. His face was calm, content even. Rey couldn’t help but keep her eyes on him for a few moments more. It was jarring to see him so still, opposed to his familiar fiery persona.

Another few meters away was an unfamiliar ship. Despite the amount of damage, it had sustained in the landing, Rey could tell that it was recently produced from the highest tech. Must be First Order.

_What is going on?_ Rey tried to make sense of the spectacle around her. The last thing she could remember was the fight with over the Saber. At this thought, her eyes ran slid across to fall on the still motionless man lying on the mossy ground. Clipped to his belt were his cross-guard saber and remaining halves of Luke’s saber. Anger bubbled under her skin, her eyes seeing red. He had betrayed her; he would’ve let her friends die. For what? A meaningless power grab.

She had thought he had wanted her for more than her power. That he had seen the future she had seen. But she was wrong. He didn’t want her. Only her power.

Scoffing, Rey stood up and stalked toward the ship, she couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. He was her enemy; they were back to square one. Rey walked with intent onto the small craft, ready to take off and leave Kylo’s sorry ass alone of this planet.  
  


Still smelling smoke, She wandered over to the control panels. Nothing was on fire, but the obvious shaky reentry caused some serious damage. The controls, the navigation, and the radio transmitter all fried.

_Great_. Rey thought, pounding her fist in frustration against the console. She was stuck here with him until she could find a way to fix this ship or signal the resistance to come find her. If they were still alive that is. Hell, she would even hitchhike off this planet if it came down to it.

Picking at the singed wires, Rey began musing over if she could salvage some of the wires and reroute them to save the radio. Calling for help might be her best option. The ship had obviously sustained major damage upon landing. She didn’t even know what planet she was on or if there was anyone still out there for her to call for help.

Tears threatened to prick her eyes. _No._ She thought. _The resistance is smart, they must have gotten away somehow._

Clearing her thoughts, she turned back toward the task at hand. The quicker she got it fixed the faster she could get off this planet and away from the monster that had brought her here.

She spliced a few unharmed wires, twisting them together with the correct pair. Rey paused, waiting to see if the radio would boot up. Nothing.

Rey groaned and placed her head down on the console. Her headache had returned and was buzzing stronger. Racking her brain, she tried to think of a way out of this situation.

“You know, the First Order uses different wiring codes” Rey froze she knew that voice too well. She had heard it in her dreams. As well as in her nightmares. It was one that had given her hope and purpose just a few hours ago, only to rip it away. “We scramble the code so that we can avoid thugs stealing from us. Like your so-called friends in the Resistance” He continued. His voice was laced with something. Rey couldn’t tell quite what. All she knew was that his tone had some degree of displeasure in it.

He was mad at her. She was pissed at him.

Whipping around, Rey looked straight into his dark eyes. He was still disheveled, but also somehow still wore his overwhelmingly dominating persona. But, she was ready for this fight. One she knew she could win without a lightsaber.

“You don’t know what I’m capable of” Rey shouted at him. She stood tall, not backing down.

Shocked, Kylo eyed her up. He tried to read her face. He knew when he had woken up on the ground and found her trying to hotwire their only escape craft without him, that this wasn’t going to be a pleasant reunion. He could read the words between the ones she spit out. He knew how strong she was, and how capable she was of killing him right then. He didn’t back down.

Taking a step toward her, Kylo raised his voice slightly, annoyance lacing his words. “You know, I could’ve left you there to die, to be found by the First Order. But did I? No.” His face burned, his eyes never leaving her gaze. Her eyes were angry, tunneling into his own. He recalled how he had felt a similar way when she looked at him in the elevator. It was an immense pressure, he felt that same force building between them as if lighting was getting ready to spark. Only this time, he only felt rage burning toward him. “You’re welcome” he spits out at her.

Scoffing, Rey closed the distance between them until their faces were less than a foot apart. She was standing her ground. “Just because you think you are doing the right thing doesn’t mean that you are. Look at all the people you have killed to get you to this point”. She fired at him.

Kylo let out a shaky breath, getting ready to retaliate at her, but he didn’t get the chance, her blow just continued.

“And don’t get confused. I never needed you to win this war. The Resistance can and will do it without you. Just because someone gives you hope that they will help you, doesn’t automatically mean they will. Just ask your father.” Rey threw the words at him like a punch. And they landed in all the right cracks. Leaning back slightly he let a breath out, she knew where to hit him. He was exasperated, but that didn’t mean he would be giving up.

Taking one more step forward, Kylo towered over her, trying to use his size to intimidate her. She stood her ground. This made something tweak inside Kylo, it was something he didn’t know how to feel about. He had slaughtered countless. She knew what he was capable of, and yet she didn’t back down. “The resistance is gone. Don’t get your fairytale dreams mixed with your current reality. Just because you think they are good doesn’t mean they are. They have done terrible things too. Just ask all the soldiers who died on Starkiller. Let them go, they can’t help you. They are only holding you back from everything you could be.” 

Rey looked visibly shocked. Some of his words had obviously affected her. She recoiled from his stance, shrinking down, her eyes finally falling from his. She looked as if he had just hit her.

Rey shook from his words. _Was he right, were the resistance really gone? Was everyone she cared about really gone?._ No, she knew that wasn’t true. She felt in the force that it wasn’t true. Looking at the floor, she felt an overwhelming weight overtake her. Tears threatened to fall, but she would never let him have the satisfaction.

“You’re a monster” She echoed her words back from Ach-To, surprising herself that she once more thought of him that way. She didn’t want to. Giving one more shaky breath, and she turned away and fled out of the craft. Her destination unknown, she pressed into the forest. She didn’t know where she was going, but she really didn’t care. Rey knew she just needed to escape his presence. Something proving to be difficult, as his mind remained brushed against hers. It was almost more pressing than his large physical frame looming over her. Moving branches out of her path, Rey moved further into the unknown.

Kylo let out a low hiss and watched her go. Something was off in his chest, something was missing. He felt alone, even more than he had before the events of the past few weeks. How much would he trade to defeat this loneliness? Kylo glanced toward the shuttle entrance, the one that Rey had just stomped out of, walking out toward the mossy trees that clouded his view outside the ship.

He should feel elated; he won their battle. She relented. But despite this, Kylo didn’t feel as he imagined he would after this fight, it was the same emotion he discovered after killing Han. He never could gain the fulfillment the dark side had promised in exchange for these actions. Something was off in him, and he knew he couldn’t figure it out without the girl who had just run away from him. _You’re a monster._ Her words echoed in his mind.

—

Hux couldn’t believe his eyes. Safely aboard the Finalizer, He was watching archived footage from the events on the Supremacy leading up to its destruction.

Snoke was dead. Killed by Ren. And for what? Hux couldn’t quite tell. At first, he believed it was a power grab, but now replaying the tape and given the dark-sider's current absence, he wasn’t quite sure. The lack of audio on the archive troubled him to imagine what this girl and Kylo were speaking about. From what Hux could infer, it had ended poorly. The two savagely fighting over the stupid lightsaber. _How primitive_. The tape ended with a white flash.

Despite this, he was still curious.

“R-4 retrieve the movements of Kylo Ren from the events leading up to the throne room” Hux commanded impatiently.

“Yes sir” The droid beeped cordially.

Several moments flashed-forward upon the screen, nothing looked to out of the ordinary. Until—

“Stop!” Hux shouted at the droid. His eyes widened at the scene in front of him. Hux leaned closer to the screen and watched the two force users having a conversation in the elevator leading up to Snoke’s quarters. Unlike the violent fight that succeeds this in the throne room, this moment one was quiet, calm. Even, maybe weirdly Intimate? Hux’s eyes never blinked as he watched the interaction before him, even with her hands bound the girl wasn’t afraid. She walked right up to Kylo, and he let her. She had a purpose as the conversation progressed. To Hux’s shock, Ren leaned in closer to the girl as the conversation fell on his mouth. They were barely inches apart.

If Hux wasn’t so enthralled in the downfall of Kylo Ren, he might’ve been forced to look away from the sheer amount of tension and intimacy displayed on the screen before him. He couldn’t believe this.

Kylo Ren couldn’t have done this all for a girl. And nonetheless for a worthless scavenger girl. Hux knew he was weak but come on, this was just too good.

Flipping off the tape, Hux sat back in his chair, the room was dark. The only light was a red glow emitting from the console on the table in front of him. It was the only thing illuminating the dangerous grin growing larger on his face.

“Supreme Leader Armitage Hux” he smiled to himself. _It did have a nice ring to it._


	3. New Places, Same Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets some new faces, Kylo is stuck in self-loathing. The resistance receives some alarming news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This chapter we get a little Kylo, a little of the resistance, and a LOT of Rey! This chapter ended up being way longer than I expected, but I guess that’s fine! Thanks for reading, hope that you enjoy!

Rey wandered through the jungle aimlessly. Taking her anger out on the branches projecting out into her walk line seemed to help a bit, but her heart was still pounding from the argument.

Glancing around, Rey distracted herself by looking at the trees. She loved the green aesthetic but there was one thing she found almost as infuriating as the man in black she had just stalked away from. These horrible bugs. Swatting one away, Rey continued through the woods. She didn’t know what she was looking for, but there was something about the path she was on, it had to lead somewhere.

Stopping in her steps and glancing up at a break in the trees, Rey noticed that the sun had been getting lower, still high in the sky, but definitely lower. _I wonder how long the day cycle lasts on this planet._ The days on Jakku seemed to stretch on forever. Rey shuttered at the thought of her homeworld. She will never go back to that horrible place, that horrible life. Even stuck here was at least a bit better than there, despite the company.

Looking around, her eye caught the sight of a large red bulb plant. She had never seen one like this before. _Stunning_. Leaning forward, Rey smiled and admired the fauna for a moment before standing back up and turning away. Resuming her steps, she threw one more look at her new discovery before continuing on in her journey.

After a few more minutes of walking, Rey came across a small river. A smile broke onto her face. She rushed forward to its banks, throwing her hands into the basin. She scooped up some water and splashed it on her face, this feeling never ceased to amaze her. It left her wondering how she had gone most of her life without it.

Her reflection stared back at her in the water. It was almost unrecognizable to her. _Who was she?_ A resistance member? A Jedi? No, she left before her training was complete. Left for a disastrous mission that led her here. _Stars, she should’ve listened to Luke._ If she was being honest, she still didn’t really know where she belonged. Rey’s mind betrayed her and projected the vision she had seen when she and Ben— _no Kylo— had brushed hands._ She let herself indulge in her fantasy for a moment longer, wishing she had found that reality. Not this one with Kylo instead of Ben.

A distant sound broke her train of thought. Rey whipped her head up, glancing around for any intruders.

“Kylo?” She spoke sharply. Circling around, Rey saw nobody. Just trees. A second later the noise came again. She spun around to face the river again. The sound was coming from across it.

Throwing caution to the wind, Rey decided it was worth investigating. Standing back, She dug deep into the force, channeling it. Once she felt that familiar hum in her bones, she took off running. At the bank of the river, she pushed off a rock situated at the shore and leap into the air. For a moment Rey feared she would land in the water, but it never came. Within a second, she had landed on the other side of the stream. Grinning, she stood up and ran toward the direction of the noise.

The trees had seemingly thinned out and Rey was walking on a grassy hill. The sprouts reached up, brushing her ankles. The sun felt even hotter now that the trees were absent from overhead. Stopping at the top of the knoll, Rey glanced over the landscape taking in the beautiful view. Her eyes landed on a small village; it was about the size of Niima outpost.

An uneasy feeling started to creep into Rey’s stomach. Glancing at the village, she couldn’t see any glaring reasons to doubt that it was unsafe, but Rey had learned growing up to always be wary. She threw a brief look back in the direction she had come and for a split second questioned whether or not she should go back and get Kylo. She was unarmed and the tense feeling still lingered in her. _No. She can do this. I’ll only stay for a few minutes. Just to check it out._

—

Wandering into the outskirts of the town, Rey found herself in a sort of marketplace. People passed her left and right, not giving her a second glance. She set her sights on the tables, looking at all the goods. She walked up toward the main stand, where a long line had amassed. Standing off to the side, she watched as each patron walked up to the vendor behind the stand. From what she could see, it was not a pleasant-looking individual.

Rey was instantly taken back to a time that she spent hours waiting in line. Waiting to receive next to nothing from Unkar Plutt. He had controlled everything, from the scavengers like her, to those of other professions. Ones that gave Plutt the most money when a wealthy traveler stumbled into the city wanting a companion for the night. Rey had always been scared that one day she would be grabbed and forced to do that type of work. The simple thought of it made her want to vomit. 

Glancing around, she didn’t see anything of that sort, but looks could always be deceiving.

“Move along Scum!” Rey heard, come from the inside of the rusty stall. She turned her head to see a small boy holding some sort of plant being pushed to the ground by the next person in line. Rey rushed forward toward the sickly thin child. This caught the attention of the worker behind the bars.

Pushing the child between her and the hideous figure, she held her stance. “Don’t you have any humanity” Rey exclaimed at the shadowy figure. “These people are starving.”

The figure gave a gruff laugh before exiting the building with a grim look on his face. “And who are you girl?” The menacing being questioned her. In the light, the creature was even more displeasing to the eye. With sickly grey coloring and eyes that looked as though they could petrify, the junk boss stood over her.

“I— uh”. Rey’s words got caught in her throat staring at the large mass before her.

“Nothing to say huh? Someone needs to teach you that you can’t just walk into a village and be trouble for the man in charge.” Rey itched for her staff, or her lightsaber, unlucky for her, she had neither. The creature stepped closer to her, and before Rey could even react took something— a pole? A stick maybe— and swiped it across her cheek. She instantly saw Unkar Plutt’s face, a defiant feeling crept into her mind.

The cut that lacerated her face, stung. She drew strength from it, digging inside herself reaching for the force. Grasping on, she found power, but it felt different. More unstable. The new sensation filled her body and fueled her fire.

She lifted her arm toward the monstrous creature. He hurt the boy, hurt her and she was ready to strike her blow, to rid this village of this awful tyrant.

The impact never came, as Rey felt another hand, grip her arm and bring it back down to her side. Instantly she went to retaliate, but her eyes found old wrinkled ones, attached to a kind face and a soft smile. That wasn’t the most jarring part. The woman’s eyes were milky white.

The older female couldn’t quite match her gaze, but Rey somehow knew she meant no harm. _She must be blind._

“Why don’t we all just calm down here. Orozco, can’t you see that she is new around here? This must all just be a misunderstanding. I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend you.” The woman spoke calmly to the grotesque bastard. “And I think having a scene on this beautiful day would just be a shame, don’t you?” She ended her words with a small smile, obviously ignoring the current tension lingering in the air.

Orozco grunted in response “Just get her out of here and keep her in line.” He gave Rey one more threatening look before turning away and going back to his stall. The child that had been standing behind Rey took off down the street. Rey glanced after him, unsure of if she should pursue him farther.

“Come with me child” The woman said, walking in the opposite direction, deeper into the town. Rey hesitated for a second. She didn’t know this woman and Rey couldn’t read her, those eyes hiding much of her identity. She had also pulled that stunt pushing Rey’s arm down. _Did she know that Rey had the force?_ She couldn’t figure out what to make of her new acquaintance.

Glancing back at the rusty shack where the being Rey now knew as Orozco was, she gulped and ran after the woman, deciding that she was probably safer with the mysterious figure.

—

Kylo huffed in irritation. He couldn’t get this nagging feeling out of his head. There was an uneasiness in the air, but it shouldn’t bother him. He’s a powerful force user, there’s very little that could intimidate or prey on him.

Despite this, he couldn’t get the troubling feeling out of his mind. The feeling started just after Rey had stomped off into the woods. He knows that he should be concerned for her, but she needed to cool off. Kylo knew this feeling well. They wouldn’t get anywhere with them screaming at each other. Besides, she had taken him out before, there was probably not a lot that could be a formidable foe for her.

He thought back to his fight with Rey. She had called him Kylo. _Kylo._ It shouldn’t bother him. It doesn’t bother him. That was who he was, and he couldn’t be what she had wanted him to be. His soul couldn’t be saved. There was no hope for that. _Hope_

That was something he hadn’t felt in a long time. The first time in 10 years that he had even considered the stupid emotion was when he touched hands with Rey. Only for it to be ripped away.

Kylo didn’t get it. He really didn’t. How could he offer Rey all of him, the literal galaxy, all of it, only for her to turn away and choose the Resistance. He had bargained everything, lost it all and in the end, she left him.

He swallowed painfully. If he hadn’t woken up first, he fears what would’ve happened. He actually would’ve lost her. Thinking of the Resistance gave way to a painful split in his heart. He thought of his mother. How she and his father had left him with Luke. He wondered if they ever missed him as he missed them. They never came back, so he guessed not. She had found a new family with the Resistance. Something worth her time.

_Whatever._ His past life wasn’t a concern anymore, he had to focus on his next move. And that started with Rey and getting them on the same page. He knew deep down they wanted the same thing.

Leaving his thoughts outside, Kylo made his way back into the ship to survey the damage himself. _What a mess._ He didn’t quite remember what had happened leading up to this point. All he could recall was slamming his hand on the autopilot and blacking out when Rey ran into him. He didn’t know what kind of planet was programmed into Snoke’s escape craft, and Kylo wasn’t excited to discover why they ended up here. The planet honestly looked kind of bland. Not the type of place he expected Snoke to be lurking.

He busied himself looking at wires, trying to figure out which wires could be salvaged.

Suddenly, a shock ran through Kylo’s body. He looked down at the wires but realize that the shock hadn’t come from them. It had felt as though something had struck him; he could feel blood beginning to drip. His hand darted to his face, unsure of what had happened, but nothing had. His hand can away clean and after a few seconds, the pain faded.

Kylo stared at his hand, confused. _What was this?_

The realization hit him two seconds later. _It’s Rey. It has to be her._ His stomach dropped, what had happened to her? Abandoning his work inside, he rushed outside whipping his head around, trying to figure out what direction Rey possibly could’ve gone in. _He had no clue._ He quickly reasoned with himself that she must not be in major trouble because that was the only pain that occurred.

Kylo’s pulse calmed down slightly. _She wasn’t in horrible danger_. Still, an uneasy feeling was weighing on his chest.

An idea popped into his head. If he could feel her, maybe the bond was getting stronger. He could try to call out to her at will. Closing his eyes, he focused his energy. Feeling the force move through him, he attempted to reach out toward her.

Nothing.

Kylo let out a hard exhale. _You can do this._ Trying again, Kylo tapped into something he didn’t know he had. It was a different feeling, he couldn’t describe it, but it was certainly distinctly new. A warm pulse grew within his body, and then—he felt it. The brush of her mind against his. He pushed further, gripping his hand into his leg, using the pain to channel more energy. Nothing happened. He couldn’t get past this last wall. He had failed yet again.

Collapsing to the ground, Kylo let out a weakened huff, placing his arms on his knees. _Shit._

—

The old woman led Rey into a run-down shop a few sections of buildings away from the marketplace. Rey entered the shop behind the woman and noticed various trinkets and basic necessities for sale. Walking deeper into the shop, she pushed away a curtain to reveal a small living space. The woman already seated in one of the chairs.

“Who are you?” Rey questioned intrepidly. She still couldn’t quite get a vibe from this woman and that was unnerving to her.

The woman let out a small laugh. “Calm down young virago, I mean you no harm!” The woman’s tone was warm and inviting. This made Rey relax a bit, she didn’t know what the woman had called her, but it didn’t sound to offending.

“The name is Celeste”.

“Is this your shop?” Rey questioned the woman.

“Why of course! This has been my home for many years” The woman replied. She still had a kind smile on her face. Rey was almost entranced looking at it. Celeste continued, a serious look flashed in her eyes, but the smile remained. “You know, a force user like yourself shouldn’t walk around advertising it. Especially with all that is going on in the galaxy right now.” Rey felt as though she was being scolded. Like she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t be.

“All that’s going on in— wait how did you know that I was going to use the force back there?” Rey leaned back from the woman as if she had stung her. _Another force user? Could she dangerous?_ “If you can use the force why are you letting Orozco run the town as he does!” Rey exclaimed at the woman.

Celeste gave a small laugh. “Ha, no I’m not like you Rey” She didn’t quite remember giving the woman her name, but lots of things were going on that Rey didn’t understand so she brushed it away. “I can’t lift objects with my mind or anything like that. But I feel the force. It flows through all of us, people like you can simply harness the energy to a greater extent than others.” Celeste stated as if it were simple.

Rey sat there stunned. She didn’t know how to respond. Celeste seemed to pick up on this and took pity on her, continuing her rambles. “There will always be people like Orozco. He keeps a sort of peace in the town and we need the trade to survive. It is a necessary evil, not everything in this world can be beautiful. We need the darkness or else we would not be able to see the beauty in the light.” Celeste spoke. Her fingers grazed a wilting flower sitting on the table next to her. A bittersweet smile graced her face, as though she was replaying memories from a past life.

Rey contemplated her words, she understood, but still didn’t quite agree with it, knowing what it was like to be on the sharp end of the stick.

“You aren’t alone?” Celeste questioned. Rey had no idea how she knew these things, but she felt no malice coming from the older woman. Relenting, Rey confided in her. “I came with someone else, yes. But he is back at our ship.”  
  
Celeste gave her a knowing smile, cocking her head to the side. A small laugh escaped her lips and her white eyes gleamed. Rey scoffed at the connotation. “No, it’s nothing like that. We are just stuck traveling together.” She honestly couldn’t think of anything farther from the truth, but what was she supposed to say? _We are connected through the force, destined to circle each other_. Besides, Kylo never wanted anything to do with Rey. Just her connection to the force.

“Hmm” Celeste hummed, giving Rey a look. “I know you don’t believe that. I can feel his presence, you carry it with you”. _She could feel the bond?_ Rey just stared at the woman, again not knowing what to reveal or keep to herself.

Thankfully Celeste dropped the topic. “Well, it is getting late. You should be getting back to him.” Rey rolled her eyes, thankful that Celeste couldn’t see her at the moment.

“Take some equipment, you look as though you don’t have much.” Celeste stood up, moving around the room, ducking into the shop and returning with a small pack. Rey usually didn’t take handouts, but she didn’t really have a choice in her current predicament. “Thank you” she smiled gratefully to Celeste.

“Don’t be shy, Come back if you need anything else Rey.” Celeste gave her another smile. “Now get back to your partner, the sun is beginning to set. I’m sure he is worried about your whereabouts.” _Don’t bet on it._

“Thank you again, for everything” She gave Celeste one more appreciative look before walking back outside. Rey didn’t know what to think about her new friend. Celeste was a puzzle to her. She knows that she should’ve been cautious, but Celeste did save her from Orozco.

As she made her way back through the town, Rey glanced around, taking in all the people milling around. Her eyes fell on a pair of people. They were exchanging words in a language Rey couldn’t understand. They seemed to be close, if not a family. A memory flashed behind her eyes. That ship leaving, her small cry for them. A hand on her cheek, a kiss on her forehead. _I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise._ Tears prickled to her eyes. Those _people_ sold her, abandoned her. She had no family.

Rey briefly thought of her friends in the Resistance. Where were they? Were they looking for her or even worried about her? Did they think that she abandoned them?

Wiping her eyes dry, she pulled herself from the trance. Glancing back at the run-down village, Rey looked at the stands, and the cruel man behind the rations counter, slaves of many different ages lined up. Maybe they would get food, maybe not. An old wound reopened in Rey’s chest. She couldn’t help these people. Not alone.

Pushing those thoughts away, Rey calmed herself. She glanced toward the sky; the sun was much closer to the horizon. Giving one last look at Orozco’s stand, she quickly decided that she would rather sleep with the devil she knew than the ones she didn’t and began her hike back toward the ship crash.

—

Kylo had been taking stock of the emergency supplies he had found on the ship when Rey finally returned. The sun was barely hanging on in the sky as her form finally passed through the trees to their little grove. Kylo noticed that Rey had a pack slung over her back one she definitely didn’t have when she left hours earlier.

Rey only lifted her eyes a little, hardly acknowledging that he was there. She walked to the opposite side of the craft, setting her pack down on the bunk.

Choosing to ignore Kylo, She began to unpack all of the supplies that Celeste had given her. A couple of blankets, a flashlight, along with a number of ration packets.

The air was tight, both of them had obviously calmed down, but a twig of annoyance was still palpable from Rey’s side of things. Kylo stopped his actions to turn toward her, staring at her back. She could feel his eyes burrowing into her. It affected her in a way that she didn’t care to admit to. Unable to stand still, she turned around to face him.

Staring at each other, they tried to read each other with their eyes. Kylo couldn’t break his stare away from the scratch on her cheek. He involuntarily reached up toward his own, remembering the sting he had felt. _He had been right._

A few more moments past before he finally broke the silence. “So, what happened to your face?” His eyes flicked between hers and the dried blood just below them. Rey took in his question. His voice sounded level like he was genuinely curious. Rey thought she heard something else. _Concern?_ Probably not, he was just trying to survey the land and learn about possible threats.

“Nothing, just a misunderstanding. There is a nearby town, just across the river.” Rey didn’t know why she lied about the cut. She could tell he didn’t really believe her as his eyes narrowed.

“What did you do there?” He questioned further.  
  


“Just walked around, met a few people. I just wanted to explore the area.” He nodded at her vague response. The air between them felt awkward. Neither of them knows quite how to act around each other anymore. They had confided so deeply in each other just the other day and now they were back on opposite sides of the war.

“Where did you get all of this?” Kylo asked her, gesturing to the pack on the bed with his hand. Rey followed the action and then trailed back up to his eyes.

“A woman I met in town”. Rey wanted to tell him about Celeste, but still didn't know if she could trust him.

He scoffed. “Are you kidding me? We are currently missing after killing the Supreme Leader, you really don’t think there are people looking for us?”

“Can’t you just be grateful for once in your life?” Rey spit out at him. “Nothing happened it was fine! I didn’t even tell anyone my name!” Rey cried out. This was technically true, she never told Celeste her name. “And if I recall, It was you who killed Snoke, not us.”

He gave her a sarcastic laugh, shaking his head at her. Choosing to ignore her sharp tongue, he pressed on. “Did you at least find out what planet we are on?”

Rey paused. His words hung in the air. “Um….. no, I got distracted” Rey admitted, thinking back to her time with Celeste. The woman had done most of the talking.

She could tell that he was getting annoyed with her. He was obviously more technical than her. “Kylo, we can go back tomorrow! It’s not that big of a deal!”

Crossing his arms, he gave her a look. “Rey—”

before he had the chance to argue back. Something cut through the force. Both Kylo and Rey gasped. The energy ripped through their chests, leaving a hole. _What is happening?_ Rey’s vision became disoriented. She felt a familiar presence being ripped away. _Luke._

Once her eyes refocused, she looked at Kylo straight into the eyes. He was visibly shaking, his face was miles away, tears formed at the bases of his eyes. Rey couldn’t focus. She was sad. She was angry. Angry at Ben, angry at the first order, even angry with the force. She pushed off the wall where she had been standing and walked straight past Kylo.

“Are you happy now?”

—

The remaining members of the Resistance were huddled together on the Millennium Falcon. Finn was still reeling from the events that had taken place on Crait. Glancing down at Rose’s motionless figure, he swallowed hard. They had barely escaped; Chewie had gotten there just in time to smuggle them out.  
  


As he glanced around the ship, his eyes met Poe’s. He sat with an arm around Leia. She looked distressed. Finn didn’t know much about the force, but something had happened between their leader and her estranged brother. Poe gave Leia one more squeeze before walking over to meet Finn.

Embracing Finn, Poe finally exhaled, realizing the weight of the predicament that they were currently in. Breaking apart, the two men glanced around the ship, counting the members they currently had left.

“Leia has a contact in the Outer Rim planets that could possibly help us. Chewie has set the coordinates; we should arrive within a day.” Poe told him, Crossing his arms and looking around. “What do you think happened to Rey?”  
  


Finn didn’t know what to think about Rey, she had left to find Luke, and hadn’t returned. Now that Luke seemed to be gone, Finn had no idea why Rey hadn’t returned with Chewie. Maybe he should talk to the Wookie.

“Once we get to the base, we’ll ask Chewie about her.” Finn didn’t dare speak his worst fears, that somehow Rey had died or worse, fallen to the dark side of the force. _No that wouldn’t have happened._ There had to be a rational explanation as to what was going on.

“I’m sure she’s fine, probably just got caught up in whatever Luke was doing” Poe said, trying to calm his friend down.

Finn, signed, not knowing what to, he let his gaze wander, getting lost in the blue flashes of hyperspace outside the ship.

  
Suddenly, BB-8 rapidly rolled up to them, beeping frantically. Poe, crouched down to the droid’s level, trying to understand what the droid was going off about. Poe went white, standing up he couldn’t quite meet Finn’s eyes. “The First Order is getting ready to make an announcement.”

There was already a crowd congregating around a holo in the middle of the main area of the ship. A First Order transmission waiting to be played.

Hux’s voice boomed off the ship's walls.

“Citizens of the galaxy, I report to you with great sorrow, the death of our Supreme Leader. This is a difficult situation, but rest assured the First Order remains united and strong.” The remaining members of the resistance were stunned. What had happened to Snoke, who could’ve killed him?”

Finn watched the transmission, a sinking feeling gathered in his stomach. _Rey couldn’t have had anything to do with this, she had been with Luke._ He listened intently as Hux continued.

“Snoke was savagely struck down by his own pupil, Kylo Ren.” There were several gasps that could be heard around the Falcon. “We also have reason to believe he engaged in the treacherous act with another” Finn’s heart sank. _Don’t say it. Please don’t say it._ “A woman, a false Jedi accompanied Ren in the assassination of the Supreme Leader. A few whispers of disbelief could be heard around the crowd on the ship. _This couldn’t be true, maybe Rey had been kidnapped._

“As next in command, I regretfully assume the role of Supreme Leader of the First Order. I promise you that we will do everything to capture these two radical individuals and bring them to justice.” The screen broke, revealing two pictures, one of Kylo and one of Rey, along for the bounty on them. Wanted Alive.

“With that, I end this address with a promise. These acts will not go unpunished. The First Order is strong, and we will continue working toward a peaceful galaxy. We will destroy anyone who threatens that progress and protect our citizens. Thank you for your time and long live the First Order.”

The transmission ended and the room was flanked in darkness. Words of disbelief were spoken from all over the room. Finn glanced at Poe, an angry expression ghosted his face, his mouth ajar. Leia gripped her cane as if she might pass out. There was a reasonable explanation for this. There had to be.

_Oh Rey, What have you gotten yourself into_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I love the scene where Ben reaches out to Rey for the first time. I don’t know if anyone caught onto it (He certainly didn’t) but he could only reach her when he tapped into the light side of the force. Additionally, Rey used the pain from her cut to draw power from the dark side of the force! We love Parallels!!! They are both so dramatic and I love it.
> 
> Side Note: Ben’s personal anthem as decided by me is The Archer by Taylor Swift and there will be no disagreement with that. 
> 
> The Resistance storyline is the same as it is at the end of TLJ, just without Ben and Rey being there. Luke still goes out to distract the First Order and dies just without the confrontation with Ben (That may or may not be coming later!) 
> 
> New Character alert**  
> The junk boss’s name is Orozco. He is obviously modeled after Unkar Plutt. The old woman is named Celeste and I sort of wanted her to have hints of Maz but also incorporate a bit of Chirrut Imwe (because he’s a criminally underrated character)
> 
> See you next update!


	4. The Monster Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben deal with the aftermath of Luke's death. Ben goes through some stuff. The resistance deals with the information that has been thrust upon them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, Glad to be back and bringing a new chapter!!! This might be my favorite one that I've written so far, probably because it focuses a lot on Kylo/Ben. I hope you are all still interested and are liking the story! Thanks for reading!

Finn was still in a trance as he was dragged into the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. His mind still racing from the recent information that had been thrust upon him. _Hux is lying, the First Order is evil, They Lie._

“Finn”

He heard his name being spoken, but it sounded miles away. After a few seconds, it came again. This time much stronger. “Finn!” His eyes snapped up to meet Poe’s, whose hand was clamped around Finn’s wrist, his eyes stern.

Finally becoming aware of his surroundings, Finn glanced around the impossibly small room. _Had it always been this small?_ The air tasted thick, choking his senses. Looking around, he met the eyes of Poe, Leia, and Chewie. Even though the room was full, it still felt empty. _Rey should be here._

“We need to discuss what just happened.” Poe spoke as he paced back and forth as much as he could in the small room. “With Hux assuming complete control of the First Order, we need to prepare for further action. We can’t assume he will back off simply because Snoke has been killed.”  
  


“Poe” Leia spoke to the young leader.

“We need to find safe planets to recruit from, focus on rebuilding our forces”

“Poe” Leia started again, a little more forceful. The man’s speech increased in speed. Finn could sense the panic between Poe’s words.

“Our reconnaissance specialists need to monitor the construction of new ships the First Order may be —”  
  
“POE!” Leia interrupted, finally getting the man’s attention. “That can wait until we get to our new base. Stop avoiding what you really want to say.”

Poe closed his eyes and sighed, resting his hands on the flight controls. “Rey” he simply said. The name hung there for a few moments, like everyone was scared to continue with the conversation.

Finn looked at the blue beacon on Leia’s wrist, the matching one sat on the console a few feet away. How easy this could be if Rey had just kept hers…. “There must be an explanation for this, Rey wouldn’t just bail on us.” His words were shaky, Finn didn’t even know if he believed them. _They had to be true._

Leia sat there, giving a curious glance at Chewie, the Wookie remaining uncharacteristically silent.

Poe let out a shaky exhale, his head drooping down further. “I believe him” he whispered so quietly that Finn wasn’t sure that he actually heard him speak.

“What” Finn said. He felt like he had just been slapped. His mouth hung open in disbelief.

Poe turned around; something painful was in his eyes.

“Look, I obviously don’t know Rey as much as you guys do” he spoke, gesturing to the other three in the room. “But… but until she comes back, or contacts us, or…. Something…. we can’t put our trust in her.”

“Poe, how can you even say that?” Finn said, still not willing to believe that Poe was actually saying this. “She’s in danger, Rey is out there, and Ren is probably hunting her right now! He wants her power!”

“Finn! You don’t think I know what that man is capable of!? The way he can just take your mind and twist. Who says he didn’t get to Rey already?” Finn threw a cautious glance at Leia. He knew the relationship with Leia and her son was complicated, to say the least. Poe was on the verge of tears, the trauma of his torture coming to the forefront of his mind. “You have only known her for a few weeks, there might be a lot we don’t actually know about her and I can’t risk the survival of the Resistance on the hope she will come back.”

The man moved toward the door. Stopping just before the exit, he gripped the door frame with his hand. “Please….try to understand that.” With that, Poe exited the room with haste, leaving the other three in the cockpit.

Turning to Leia, Finn looked at her face. Her face was clouded with a million emotions. “General, you can’t believe that Rey has gone to the dark side” Finn questioned her.

“I don’t know Finn….” Leia paused and closed her eyes. “The pull of the dark side can be a very powerful motivator.”

Finn blinked a few times. _Why was everyone so convinced by Hux?_

“My father fell to the dark side trying to save my mother from death. There are many reasons someone could find comfort in the dark side of the force, especially if the light side fails to give them the answers they are looking for.” Leia’s eyes glazed over, seeming to be reliving a painful thought.  
  
Finn contemplated Leia’s words. Thinking back on how Rey had been so adamant to get back to Jakku, to find her parents.

“I’m not saying that I have lost faith in Rey, or that I believe she has fallen to the dark side. I believe her to be strong, just as you do. All I’m saying is that we have to prepare ourselves if what Hux says is true. I didn’t think that my son could fall, but here we are.” Leia finished. Her face pained as she thought about Ben.

Chewie let out a low moan as if he was injured.

Finn froze. How could he have forgotten he was talking to Kylo Ren’s mother? _What a trip._ He flashed back to the forest on Starkiller, remembering the pure rage the man had in his eyes. They still somehow reflected the older woman sitting across from him. Darting his gaze between Leia and the floor. Finn didn’t know what to think. Standing up, he moved toward the doorway, pausing.

“Rey is good. She will come back to us”. With this, he fled to the room to go check on Rose. Leia nodded at him as he retreated.

Silence hung in the air. Leia reached through the force, she still felt light, but also dark. They were so close to each other. Rey was with her son. The reasoning behind this, she didn’t know, but it forced an emotion to claw its way up her throat. She felt a glimmer of hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, her son was not lost.

She then turned to look at her oldest friend. The Wookie seemed to be hiding something. She could feel it. Swiping her hand between the two of them, she narrowed her eyes at Chewie.

“So, you want to tell me what’s going on?”

—

Kylo could hear his blood pumping in his ears. It was deafening. _Thump._ Taking a step backward, he stumbled. He could barely feel his feet touching the metal floor. _Thump_. The pounding wouldn’t stop, it only grew louder. _Thump!_

Looking up, the artificial lights of the ship rang, disorienting him further. _Thump._ It was overwhelming, the pressure under the lights, the pounding in his head, the empty feeling in his chest. _He had to get out of here._

Kylo fled the ship, _Thump,_ stumbling into the forest. He couldn’t see where he was going, he didn’t care. _Thump._ He couldn’t breathe. _He needed to breathe._

Putting one unstable foot in front of the other, he found himself alone in the darkness. Circling around, he only saw trees. Which way had he come? He didn’t know. His breathing intensified, but he could barely hear himself. The ringing. The pounding. It wouldn’t stop. Running into branch after branch, he stung. His head hurt, his hands hurt, his legs hurt. Everything hurt.

Collapsing to the ground, his fingers clawed at the collar on his tunic. _He needed it off_

Every time he blinked he saw Luke’s face. And then Han’s and then back to Luke. Shuddering, he needed to get a grip. Standing up, he whipped his head around in a circle. He saw him again. _Luke._ The man didn’t say anything, just stood there. Staring at him. Taunting him.

Letting out an exasperated yell. Kylo summoned his lightsaber, igniting the cracking red shaft. He swung it wildly in all directions. He only saw Luke. Every time he would cut his sword through him, he would turn around only to see him appear again.

“Ben” a voice whispered at him. He flew around, trying to find the source of it. “Ben” it came again, this time stronger. _He needed it to stop!_ Letting out a feral scream, he collapsed to the ground once more, placing his hands over his ears. “You failed!” A new voice came, taunting him.

“You gave away everything”

“Nobody wants you; nobody can save you. You are nothing.”

  
The voices kept coming, screaming into his ears

Invisible smoke clouded his lungs. He scratched at his neck; it did no good. His throat was raw, the dry air scrapped against it, leaving painful streaks, not relenting on its pressure. He screamed again, hoping to ward off the voices.

“Ben, come home” The thundering sounds around him drowned out his own cries. _He needed this to stop. It had to end_.

He felt the sting of rain pelting his skin. Opening his eyes, he stood up and found himself in a completely different setting. Lightning cracked behind him. Whipping around, he saw Snoke. The evil sneer frozen on his face. His eyes laced with disapproval. Snoke raised his arm.

An unseen force took hold of Ben. He could no longer feel the ground solid beneath him. His toes dragging across the soil as Snoke grew closer until he was only inches away. Kylo looked into his eyes and could see his own reflection. Choking from Snoke’s grip on him, Kylo tasted blood. The metallic taste screwing its way down his throat. 

“You’re weak. Spineless. Useless. You FAILED!” Snoke shouted at him before tossing him through the air. He landed on his stomach harshly, his body sinking into the wet dirt. Looking up he saw mangled bodies lying on the ground. A loud exhale left his body.

His eyes met the dead motionless face of his mother. Flipping over, Ben scurried back, the dirt digging itself into his fingernails. His mother’s eyes bore into him, not allowing him to look away from the scene. A few meters away, his father’s eyes punctured through his soul, a hole in his stomach exactly where Kylo had stabbed him. Gasping for air that still wouldn’t come, his fingers clenched the ground underneath him. The pain soon came in his own stomach, as if he had impaled himself. He cried out. _It was too much_. The weight of the world flattening him on the ground. Next to his father lied his uncle, dead on the ground. _Luke._ And next to him, a sight he had feared the most. _Rey._

Shooting up, Kylo stumbled over to the bodies littered on the ground. Gripping Rey’s face, he pulled her closer to him, trying to will her eyes open. Blood dripped from her mouth, scraps and scratches marred her face. Her body felt cold, too cold. _She was gone._

“Are you happy now?” A new voice yelled at him, mirroring the words Rey had thrown at him.

Spinning his head around he met his own eyes. 

His own figure stood a few meters in front of him, a condescending glare encompassed his face. Kylo stared at this figure, it was him, but different. Somehow Darker. The circles under his eyes were purple, bruising his sickly white skin, his teeth, black at the roots. His eyes, sharp yellow, never wavering from a glare. His fingernails were cracked, the skin underneath them purple.

He growled, an inhuman noise coming from the figure’s throat. “This is what you wanted!” The new Kylo threw at him. “Unbeatable power! To be the strongest being in the galaxy!”

Kylo looked at the figure looming around him before looking back down at the woman in his arms. Gasping, his hands revealed to be covered in blood. Trembling, Kylo couldn’t look away from her corpse. The blood from his hands falling on her body, staining her skin.

“You need to let her go!” His lookalike shouted at him, the voice coming from him was raspy, undeniably, evil. Rey disappeared from his grip, leaving him alone with himself.

He needed to get out of this. He couldn’t stand this pain anymore. _He knew what he had to do_.

Pushing up weakly, Kylo got to his feet. Staring at evil Kylo, the sneer still present on his pale face.

“Become who you were meant to” Evil Kylo taunted him. The rain was still crashing down around them, hitting his skin in painful shards.

Kylo took one final shallow breath before taking off toward the figure. Crashing into him, he could see his yellow eyes so close. Kylo tackled the figure. And then everything when black for a moment.

Kylo’s eyes flickered open. He felt like he was drowning but could finally breathe. He saw a light above him. He reached for it, he needed it.

“Ben” A soft voice hummed to him. Unlike the others, he felt safe. Like he was home.

Breaking the surface, Kylo emerged from underneath the water. Dragging his tattered body from the river, he flopped onto his back. He could finally take a deep breath of air. Looking up, his gaze caught the light of the moon, reflecting from the sky. Giving a shaky exhale, he closed his eyes, soaking in the silence and the peaceful air around him.

—

Rey had seen Kylo take off into the woods. He had looked disheveled and disoriented, and Rey had a split-second thought that maybe she should go after him. _What’s the point, he deserves to sulk in this pain_.

At first, Rey felt empty. Like something was missing in the force. _Luke was missing_. But after a few minutes, it was replaced with a sense of peace and purpose. _Luke would be okay_. She felt it in her bones.

She gave another glance in the direction Kylo had stormed off in before deciding to head back into the ship to look at the repairs. This situation with the ship would be a lot easier if Kylo and she could actually have a civilized conversation. Frustrated, she picked at the wires, remembering what Kylo had said about the wirework earlier. Groaning, she realized that she needed him. If she had any chance of getting off this speck of dust planet, they had to work together.

As she began to work again, she was in the middle of splicing a wire when Rey felt an immense pressure building on her chest. It was almost painful. Her mind drifted to Luke, but this didn’t feel like him. _No, this was something else._

Puzzled, Rey tried to continue on with her work, trying to ignore the stinging in her chest. This deemed difficult as it seemed the pain was only building. At one point, she finally stopped and crawled onto one of the bunks. Groaning in pain, she racked her brain. _What is going on?_

Then, it hit her. This was Kylo, he was in pain. Luke's death had impacted him in a way that surprised Rey. She thought he would have been elated, not suffering.

Rey didn’t know what to do. She at first though _good, let him experience some pain for once_ but her feelings betrayed her. She couldn’t let him suffer. _As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t._

Reaching inside herself, she tried to channel the force. Maybe she could calm him down or distract him. Focusing on his hand gripping hers on Ach-To, she set her mind on him. After a few moments, she felt the warmth of his mind. Opening her eyes, she was confused as to why he hadn’t appeared to her. _Wasn’t this how this stupid force bond worked?_  
  
Closing her eyes once more, she tried again. “Ben” she whispered softly. But nothing, she couldn’t see him, she couldn’t talk to him. Giving a huff, Rey flopped down on her bunk, giving in to failure.

But then. She realized something. The pain had subsided. She could breathe again. _He would be okay._ Relaxing onto her side, Rey turned out the light, closed her eyes, and tried to find sleep.

—

About 30 minutes later, Rey was awoken to the sound of the ship opening. In the darkness, she saw Kylo’s silhouette framed by the soft white glow of the moonlight. She stayed still, hiding the fact that she was awake.

As he got closer to her, she realized that he was wet. His hair clinging to the sides of his face. Streaks of mud were caked onto his face. _Where did he go?_

He wandered over to the other bunk and rummaged around some of the things he had accumulated there. Rey stared at his back. His presence felt different. Calmer. She could tell that he had been through quite an ordeal. He looked exhausted.

Swiftly, He reached behind his back and pulled his tunic over his head and revealed a simple black undershirt. Rey could feel her cheeks heating up as she watched him. Scolding herself for those thoughts, she closed her eyes.

She could feel his eyes on her. Running themselves up and down her form. She felt something coming from inside of him. _Relief._ It was pleasant feeling something that wasn’t negative coming from him.

Suddenly, without warning, Rey felt a hand fall onto her back. His hand. It was a sensation she could never be prepared for, but each time it had happened it made her feel electric. _It_ _must be a side effect of the force bond._ She could feel every twitch of his muscles, each time blood pumped through his fingers, everything. He kept his hand on her shoulder blade for a few more seconds before letting out a heavy sigh of relief. Retracting his hand Kylo stepped back over to his own side of the room and Rey would be lying if she didn’t miss the weight of his hand on her. 

Kylo let out a soft wince of pain as he laid down on the bed across from her. She could feel him looking at her. She involuntarily went to move toward him, to comfort him, but she stopped her own thoughts. _She couldn’t do that_. _He didn’t want her to do that._

Letting out a soft exhale, Rey rolled over and banished the thoughts of him out of her mind, letting sleep find her.

—

  
The next morning, Rey woke up to an empty bed across from her. Slowly, she rose and walked outside. Determined to find him. The morning air was brisk, she pulled her outer layer close around her as she stepped outside.

She found him easily, standing outside with his hands clasped behind his back. He was still wearing just the black undershirt from the night before, but thankfully he was now dry and had cleaned some of the mud out of his hair.

Hearing her approaching, he turned to look at her. His face kept a neutral expression. He looked like he hadn’t slept much the last night. Rey tilted her head at him. Something had changed between them. They could both sense it.

“I think we should talk” She started. He nodded his head, eyes never leaving hers. “We need each other if we want to have any chance to get off this planet." Nodding in agreement, Kylo turned his body fully around to face her. A certain gleam was in his eyes. 

“Working together?” Kylo questioned. The ends of his lips pulled upward. She liked this lighter version of Kylo, it almost reminded her a little of Han. Not quite a smile, but Rey could work with it. 

—

Hux paced around in front of a large table. Six pairs of eyes, hidden behind their respective masks, followed his movements. Listening intently to his every word.

“Your master has failed you. It’s time for a new assignment.” Hux commanded them.

The darkly clad figures all stared back at Hux, each one as menacing as the last. “Your new goal will be to locate Kylo and the girl. The fate of the First Order relies on the swift capture of them.” 

Grunts and Hums accompanied the slamming of weapons on the table. The Knights were ready.

“Find them”

The Knights stood up and stomped out of the room, their menacing atmosphere lingered in the air.

Hux’s face broke into a wide smile as he stared into the vastness of space. _His galaxy._ He would have Kylo and the girl soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, that was a trip. Lots of ups and downs in that chapter, but we finally made progress with Ben and Rey (yay). But make no mistake, they aren't quite out of the woods yet.
> 
> I have always liked the idea of a character facing their demons and Ben/Kylo is a character that has been through so much. I smiled, I flinched and even shed a tear when writing this chapter, so I hope all of those emotions came through. I know that the Kylo vs Kylo thing might've gotten a bit confusing especially with them both talking and thinking, but I hope that the scene landed for you guys and was clear.
> 
> This also marks the first appearance of the Knights of Ren. These were characters that had always intrigued me, especially their relationship with Ben, so I am excited to explore it in the future. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! See you next update!


	5. Invasion of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben actually talk to each other! Rose is HERE! We meet some new characters with shifty motives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry, this chapter took longer than usual! After the last few chapters being kind of intense, I wanted to take a step back with this next one! Lots of conversations to be had but not everything is said...

“What do you think about rerouting the fuses from the stabilizer?”

Kylo scoffed. “And have our ability to control the plane reduced to a minimum? Absolutely not.”

Rey rolled her eyes. He was being difficult. “Oh, don’t be stingy” she replied, teasing him. He huffed at her, ignoring her attempts to prod him.

They had been trying to come up with ideas to fix the fried navigation and communication systems for hours now. “Come on, we need to make cuts somewhere. We will still be able to fly the ship. Besides, our main goal should be fixing the radio, that could be the best way of getting out of here.” Rey continued, giving him a real answer.

Kylo let out a huff of annoyance as he moved toward the navigation systems. “We won’t need that much power. I think we’ll be able to salvage most of the navigation wiring.” He rebutted.

Rey walked over toward him, leaning against the wall. She watched him work with some of the wires. He started to separate out the viable units and cutting out the unusable ones. She was impressed.

“How do you even know how to do this? I mean, I can’t imagine Snoke would’ve given you much time off to play around with the First Order engineers.”

Kylo paused what he was doing, seeming to get stuck in place. Rey regretted bringing up Snoke. He obviously was still struggling with his former master’s influence.

Shaking himself out of it, he looked back at the wires. “No… I didn’t learn it from being in the First Order, just a few things here and there when I would have to make adjustments to my fighter” He replied shortly.

She paused. She didn’t even know he had a ship or could fly one. Rey could tell that the subject was heavy for him as he let out a weighty exhale. There was obviously something he wasn’t giving her.

Silence stretched between them so, she elected herself to watching him work through the wires. His nimble fingers weaving through them, his face twisted in concentration.

And then it hit her. The look on his face, the way he could so easily work through the wires. _How could she have been so blind?_

It was so distinctly Han. Her mouth fell open a bit, as she recognized a few other similarities between Han and his son. The same dark hair, the affinity for ships, the overwhelming personality. It was so blatant. _How could she not see it until now?_

“What’s wrong?” Kylo asked her. She looked down to find that he had stopped his work and was looking intently at her.

“Nothing” she replied after a small pause, shaking her head slightly.

She uncrossed her arms, squatting next to him to look at the wires more closely. He huffed at her response and went back to looking at the wires.

“I—I think we may need to ration some wires from another part of the ship” Kylo said, pulling more dead ones out and tossing them on the floor between them. “If you want to be able to do more than aimlessly fly through space.”

“Here let me look at it” Rey grabbed at his hand, moving it out of the way so that she could see farther into the compartment. The physical contact made her breath catch in her throat. Time seemed to stand still as she looked at his large hand in her grip, the electricity between them returned. _Stars, were his hands always this big?_ If Kylo had felt anything, he wasn’t showing it on his face. _Get a grip_. _Stars, this whole force bond thing was really messing with her head._

Removing her hand from his, she reached inside the small opening in the wall, rummaging through the wires. Sighing, she retracted her hand and nodded at him, confirming what he had said earlier.

Rey thought back to his words about getting new wires. She racked her trying to think of a solution. _Come on, you spent your whole life doing this on Jakku, surely you can fix this one ship_.

Lighting up, she turned toward the man squatting on the ground next to her. “We could go into town tomorrow and look for some there!” She said brightly. There had to be a shipyard somewhere.

He froze and looked at her with an exasperated expression. “Absolutely not! We have to stay hidden, there is no telling if Hux has sent word around for our capture!” He snapped back at her.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, you haven’t seen this place. It’s the most backwater town you will ever find! And I know, I’m from one of those shit places!” His eyes flickered up to her face, trying to read her memories. “I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they hadn’t gotten word yet about the Empire being destroyed!” She stood up, leaning over him. Even with him seated on the floor beneath her, his presence felt bigger than hers.

Pushing his hands against the cool metal floor, Kylo stood up and crossed his arms in front of Rey. “It’s too risky. We can figure out another way to fix it.”

Pulling back, he walked back toward the other side of the ship. But Rey wouldn’t let him get out of this that easy. “It’s the fastest way to solve the problem! It will be a quick trip, 20 minutes in town, we can ask Celeste about parts and be on our way!” She spoke, walking over to him.

His shoulders fell and he let out a heavy exhale. “Ahh yes, your ‘friend” he said, ignoring the rest of her reply. He wouldn’t look at her.  
  


Silence hung in the air for a few moments. He still wasn’t facing her.  
  
“I’ll go alone if you don’t want to come, but either way I’m going.” Rey whispered, giving him the ultimatum.

He huffed, finally relenting and turning around to face her. His eyes flickered on her figure, looking up and down. “We are both capable of defending ourselves. You will have your lightsaber—” Rey paused, looking over to where the two halves of Luke’s saber sat on the console. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. “We will be fine, get the parts, and get out.”

Rubbing a hand over his face, Kylo finally gave in. “Fine”

“Thank you” Rey replied mockingly. She couldn’t believe it. They were capable of resolving a disagreement without shouting and lightsabers. The pair stared at each other a few seconds more before Rey felt her stomach stir. She stepped back, breaking the tension. “I’m going to get a fire started to make some food.” Kylo watched her walk out of the ship. Squeezing his eyes shut he shook his head at her departure. 

—

As soon as Rose’s eyes opened, she wanted to close them. There was a harsh blinding light above her. She rubbed her eyes, groaning at the soreness that followed the movement of her arms.

“Rruoseh” She heard. Whoever was trying to talk to her sounded like they were underwater.

Refocusing her sight, she was met with the face of Finn, who thankfully was blocking the light.

“Rose” he repeated. “How are you feeling?”

“Like Hell you dummy” She replied. Despite her bite, she smiled up at Finn. “But glad to be back.”

Refusing Finn’s help, Rose sat up, swinging her legs over so that they touched the floor. Looking around, they were on a new ship. She spotted Poe and a few other Resistance members. Her eyes returned to Finn. His face was a contorted mess. Some parts relief, but other parts were darker. Troubled.

“What’s happened, Finn?” She asked almost fearful of the answer.

“This is all that’s left” He replied grimly. Rose looked around the ship for a second time. There were only about 20 people left. She felt sadness welling up in her, threatening to remind her of Paige’s death.

  
She could tell that Finn was still thinking about something else. Placing her hand over his, she gave his hand a squeeze. “Tell me what else is wrong, there is something else”

Finn broke his gaze away from Rose to look back around the ship, his eyes never quite finding a place to land. He still wasn’t speaking.

“Finn” Rose tried again. “You can tell me.”  
  


The man sitting next to her broke down. Tears falling from his eyes. His whole body shaking with each struggled breath.

“Rey’s missing…..” Finn said, fighting to get the last words out.

—

They were sitting around a small fire. Kylo had dragged a box from the ship outside and Rey was perched on a stump. Their food was all gone, but they still sat there, watching the flames bounce around.

Rey thought that maybe it would be awkward to say nothing and just sit there, but she was surprised. They sat there in a comfortable silence, no need for words.

The air was still, only the fire cracking and sounds from the forest could be heard.

Rey’s eyes flickered up to watch the fire reflect on Kylo’s face. It danced across his features, its performance ghosting on his face, never quite deciding on one spot to stay in. Rey found herself enjoying this moment. There wasn’t a time in her life that she could remember being this calm. There was always something or someone waiting to jump her or steal her things on Jakku. Not here, not with him.

After what could’ve been five minutes or 5 hours, the fire began to die down. Rey rose from her seat with the intent to go find something to put on their fire. “I’m going to go look for more wood” She told Kylo.

His eyes flickered up to her face. The warmth from the fire was gone, but the heat on her face remained as he looked at her. “Behind that tree over there.” He said, throwing his hand in the direction of a part of the forest. “There is something over there.”

Rey looked at him in surprise. Confusion wrapped itself on her face.

“Trust me” He spoke after noticing her skepticism. He tilted his head at her. Almost as if to dare her to disprove him.

Walking over to the direction he pointed out, Rey made her way around a large, mossy tree. Running her hands across the rough bark, her eyes fell to the ground on the other side. A sizable log was rotting away on the ground. She huffed in annoyance at his tricks.

Dragging it back over to Kylo, Rey placed it on the fire, deliberately ignoring the smirk that had appeared on his face.

Rey sat back down and crossed her arms over her chest, watching at the new log was engulfed in flames. She tried to ignore her annoyance. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t kick the smug look out of her head.

“How did you do that” She spoke at the man sitting across from her. His face shot up, to look at her. “How did you know that was over there?” She reiterated.

Kylo gave a small chuckle. “The force isn’t just about lifting rocks you know. There are different ways to harness its energy and bend it to your will.” His eyes darkened. The flames still ghosted his face. Sometimes the shadow was fully red, sometimes not at all, but now was a part of each.

Rey thought back to her time with Luke on the island. _It is not something that belongs to you_. She gave Kylo a nod as if to say _go on._

“It’s called mapping” He spoke curtly. She bobbed her head at his words, as if she understood the concept anymore clearly.

“You feel the force signatures in the world around you. Everything has one, you can use it to see things out of your line of sight.” He went on at her obvious confusion. “In combat, you can use it to locate your enemies” He spoke quietly after a brief pause.

The words hung in the air as Rey contemplated his thoughts. She thought of Luke and his training on the island. _Breathe. Reach out._

Silence fell once more between the pair. Finally, ever so softly, Rey spoke again, her eyes wide in amazement. “Teach me” A small plead in her voice.

“I—Ah” Kylo stuttered, obviously shocked at her ask. He had offered her that same sentiment twice before, and both times she had refused. Now she was asking….and it just sounded so simple…like the most natural thing in the galaxy.

“Yeah—um…. Okay” Kylo hesitated, now unsure how to proceed. Rey was looking at him expectantly, her hands placed over her knees. She was leaning forward, listening intently.

“The force is within everything, and everything puts out a unique signature.” Kylo began explaining, trying to block out memories of his own training in this particular skill. He involuntarily reached toward his right side, gripping the pain that had long since disappeared.

“Focus on that force within yourself.”

Rey tried, but didn’t really get what he was talking about. Kylo felt the frustration building in her. “Close your eyes. Try again.” He encouraged.

Rey still didn’t see what he was talking about. “This isn’t working” She deadpanned, opening her eyes.

Kylo paused again racking his brain for another solution. He had a hunch about something, but he wasn’t sure she would like it.

Standing up he walked over to where she was sitting, squatting down next to her. “Do you trust me?” He asked the same question he had minutes earlier. Only this time with a thousand times more weight. He held his breath, waiting for her to reject him.

She looked down at him, a masked look in her eye. _Sadness? Hope? No, it was something else?_ Pausing, her mouth opened slightly, a soundless gasp escaped her mouth. Working with him was one thing, but trust? She thought she could trust him once. Could she do that again?

Looking at him, sitting there on his knees next to her, her vision of them flashed behind her eyes. Standing together, an equal balance, his arms wrapped around her. It was a perfect scene. All the things that they could be together if she trusted him.

She slowly nodded her head, barely squeaking out a response. “Yes”

He nodded his head back at her, relieved. His eyes encouraging her that this was the right decision. That they would be okay.

Reaching toward her, he grasped her hand. Lifting it from where it sat on her thigh, he intertwined their fingers. He felt the familiar spark that came with every touch they shared. A feeling he could never get used to. Tension rose between, Kylo savored the warmth that came with her skin pressing against his.

Breaking his eyes from hers, she cleared his throat. “Okay” he began, trying to focus on whatever it was they were doing right now. “Focus on feeling your force signature”

After giving his face one more look, Rey turned her face toward the fire and closed her eyes once again.

_There!_ She could feel the energy flowing around her, almost singing to her. “I can feel it” She told him, the excitement seeping into her words.

“Okay, good” he nodded. “Now take that energy and force it outwards. Find me”. Kylo ran his eyes over her face, seeing her eye moving behind her eyelids in concentration.

After a few more seconds and a few more looks of confusion. He knew she could feel him. _It's breathtaking, almost intoxicating._ Feeling how she feels through the force. He shifted uncomfortably, trying not to think about how intimate this felt. To be connected to someone on both a physical and spiritual level.

“I see you.” She spoke to him. He gave her hand a squeeze. “Good, what else can you see?”

“Just you” She replied.

Opening her eyes, Rey found herself face to face with Kylo. Their faces only inches apart, hands still clasped. His thumb running over the back of her hand. They looked into each other’s eyes for what felt like an infinite amount of time.

Kylo knew he needed to stop his thoughts, he dropped her hand and stood back up, returning to his original seat. “That was good. A few more days of practicing and I think you will have it learned; you’ll get better each time you try.”

Rey kept her hand draped on her lap where it had fallen, her hand remaining open. The moment was over. She looked up at him and bite her lip. “I’ve never felt anything like that before” She confided to him.

_I haven’t either._ Kylo thought to himself. He hummed in response to her. Trying unsuccessfully to hide from her eyes.

“What else can you show me?” She questioned him eagerly. Her foot bouncing up and down on the dirt below.

Hesitating, Kylo looked back up to her. “That’s enough for tonight” he said before getting up and walking back into the ship. He could feel Rey’s questioning eyes on him, but he forced himself to keep going.

She trusted him. Did he trust himself?

—

Kiara walked alongside Valtar toward their stealth ship after their council with Hux. _So-called Supreme Leader_

_“_ He’s kind of is already going mad with power, isn’t he” Kiara spoke to her partner.

Laughing Valtar, ducked his head back, checking for spies. “That fool has no place in a place of power. Snoke only kept him around for his influence.”

Turning the corner, Kiara spotted their craft. “A fool in power can be easily manipulated, Valtar.” Kiara quipped. “As easily as he fell into power, he can be taken out.”

Even under his mask, Kiara could tell that a small smirk was on the other knight’s face. Grinning at the possibilities. _An entire galaxy’s worth_

“We need to take out Kylo” the woman continued. “He and the woman are the only two in the galaxy that are threats.”

“You think that they stayed together? Even after they fought?” Valtar asked. _Stars, he could be clueless sometimes._

“Of course, they are together!” Kiara exclaimed. How could they not be after what Hux had shown them on the tapes? Kylo had bloody fallen in love with the desert rat. “It was simply a lovers’ quarrel. There was no way he just let her go after killing Snoke."

“Send the others off-world to find the resistance, see if they have made contact with the girl. We will handle tracking Kylo and the girl directly.” Kiara ordered her counterpart.

“Where will we start?” Valtar questioned.

Kiara set a smug smile under her helmet. _She had a few places in mind_

—

Later that night Rey laid in her bed staring at the ceiling. She could sense that Kylo was also still awake. Rubbing her fingers, she thought back to the power that she felt when they had held hands. It exhilarated her. _But also scared her._

Turning her face just a small bit to the side, she could see Kylo’s large figure lying on the bed across from her. His arms were crossed, his eyes staring up at the metal panels above. She focused on his breathing and how even it was. So different from what he was like as an individual. _Or so she thought._

Thinking again about the new skill she had learned, she smiled. Glad that he had taught her it. It made her feel strong and useful. _How long had he been able to do this? What else could he teach her? Was it Snoke who taught him this power?_

She should just go to sleep. She should just go to sleep.

“What was it like?” She said quietly, continuing to stare at the ceiling.

She felt him tilt his head in her direction. “To be trained by Snoke”

The man across from her sighed. Closing his eyes in a way that looked painful. He was silent for almost a minute more. Rey started to regret bringing the subject up.

“It was—” He started, trying to find the words. “It was unlike anything you can imagine”

Turning onto her side, she watched him through the darkness. The only light coming through the windows and bouncing off his pale skin.

“There were moments” he paused. Closing his eyes and swallowing. “Where, I felt as though I could do anything. Defeat anyone. Conquer worlds all on my own.”

Rey furrowed her eyebrows in concentration, dazed by his words.

He sighed “But I also felt weak. Like I was constantly failing. As if he was just one day going to drop me off on some distant planet and leave me there. All alone. I felt like I couldn’t breathe without failing him, everything I did wasn’t enough.”

Rey didn’t even realize she was crying until she felt a tear run onto the hand placed under her head. She hummed at his response. Her heart hurt for him. All of his invisible scars seemed to glow in the moonlight. She could see why he was so guarded and temperamental at times.

“Thank you” She responded quietly. She didn’t know if he even could hear her. “For saving me from him”

Finally, he broke his stare with the ceiling to look at her. He exhaled. He didn’t have to say anything. He was just as grateful as she was. “Goodnight, Rey” he spoke before

Rey turned over so that she was facing the wall. She ran her hand over the fingers on the hand that he had held. _Goodnight Ben._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot Woot Rose is here! It is criminal the lack of storyline Rose got in ep 9, so good thing this isn't episode 9!
> 
> I'm also taking some creative liberties with the force abilities being presented in this fic. I spent a good amount of time researching force abilities so I tried to think of ones that wouldn't be too *out there* (But come on its the force)
> 
> Rey thinks Ben's actual name!!! Can you say developments!
> 
> New Character Alert**  
> We actually get to meet some of the Knights ~ and yes I know they all have names and whatever in the actual universe but they were barely given any screentime so I'm gonna take some creative liberties on this one ~ Also I just really wanted a female knight because I think she would be an absolute badass. Her name is Kiara and she is going to be the main Knight we follow, alongside her partner Valtar. These two will kind of act as new leaders for the knights just because I was lazy and didn't want to develop characters for all 6 of them. 
> 
> I hope you are still enjoying it! Thanks for following along!


	6. Tender Touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara does some spooky stuff. Rose is Rose. Ben and Rey take a field trip in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Glad to be back with a new chapter! I love love love the ending of this one and I hope that you do too! Thanks for reading!

Their blades clashed as they skirted across the burning surface of the planet. This had been the fourth place Snoke had sent them in the last week. Constantly keeping them on their feet.

The others watched as Kiara and Kylo’s sabers collided. Truth be told, Kiara admired Kylo’s saber. The crude design and the instability of his blade made everything he did seem more menacing, more powerful. It almost reflected his temperamental persona.

His next move caught Kiara’s blade at its hilt. Twisting his saber and pulling up, her saber was thrust from her hand, disarming her. Shoving his blade at her face, Kiara stumbled backward, falling to the ground. The warm earth almost burning her skin.

The other knight kept his blade pointed at her for a few more seconds before slashing at her. Flinching, she turned away from the attack. A slicing heat shot through her upper arm, a small scream escaped her. She could already feel the traces of a scar beginning to form. Forcing herself to turn back to her attacker, she met the cold eyes of Kylo. They never wore their helmets when training, only as a scare tactic when on missions.

“Never give up. Never give your opponent a higher stance than you.” He said before turning away.

Hissing, Kiara let out an exasperated breath. She got up, stomping over to where Valtar had been standing. “You did well, longer than anyone else” the man spoke.

“It’s never good enough. How does he beat every one of us with only a few months of training? He treats us like we are inferior to him.” She spoke. “I need to beat him.”

Snoke had suddenly thrust the new figure into their training a few months ago and every minute infuriated Kiara. She was the best before he came. She was first in line to become leader. That was before his arrival.

“Maybe next time” Valtar said.

Kiara gave a huff. Shifting her weight, she began to stomp away. “I’m going to work on my meditations” Glancing back where Kylo was standing, surveying the planet, she scoffed at the man. _She would beat him._

—

The scorching wind bled through Kiara’s skin as she looked over the fiery surface of Mustafar, it reminded her of the last time she was here. She reached her hand up to the outside of her upper arm. Her finger tracing the scar that she had gotten the last time she was here. Pressing into the mark, she felt all her anger and pain come back to her.

The planet had slowly begun to heal over time, but the surface was still unbearably hot, just as she remembered. As she looked across the vast surface, she could see an obsidian dot that marred the red landscape. That was their destination.

“Valtar!” She called to her companion. “That is why we are here” she spoke, pointing toward the dark tower.

“Why are we wasting our time, I never wanted to come back to this horrible place?” Valtar complained. “Kylo and the girl are obviously not here! I cannot feel their force signatures”. Kiara rolled her eyes. Sometimes her companion was a bit dim sided. A brilliant warrior, sometimes even besting her, but he never excelled in the spiritual side of the force. That was something Kylo and Kiara had in common.

“Just because they aren’t here doesn’t mean they can’t be found” She rebutted, making her way across the dark landscape toward the vantablack building. Valtar followed behind her.

“What are we doing here then.” Valtar questioned, struggling to keep up with his female partner who walked with an unbeatable pace toward the structure.

“This was once the home of Darth Vader and as we now know, he was also Kylo’s grandfather. It is also sort of a force nexus. We can pull on its connection to the force, drawing more power.” She explained. “I think, if we channel our power, we can use it to locate Kylo and the girl.” Kiara finished.

Valtar’s mouth hung open, slightly ajar. “How did you figure all this out?” He questioned his friend.

Kiara gave herself a grim smile. Leaving his question to hang in the air as they made their way closer to the castle. “Kylo isn’t the only one who excelled at the spiritual side of the force”

—

In the early morning, when the air was still muggy and cool, Rey and Kylo made their way toward town. Neither of them mentioned the conversation they had the night before. Rey could tell that it had taken a lot for Kylo to talk about that. His pain still lingered, even after his abuser had been cut down. Almost as if Snoke was still there.

Instead, they continued their conversation about Force powers.

“Psychometry, mapping, listening? Luke…” Kylo paused for a few seconds, his breath hitching at his uncle’s name. “didn’t mention any of these?”

Rey jumped up on a fallen log. Holding her arms out to balance as she walked atop it. “No, I was only really with him for a few days.” Kylo unconsciously put his arm out behind Rey. As if there was any way she would fall. “He was also pretty adamant about not teaching me when I got there.” She said, letting out a small laugh.

A pause fell between the two, as Rey jumped off the log, walking next to Kylo again. Rey heard his breath hitch as if he was about to say something. She turned her dace to look at him.

“Do you regret it? Leaving Jakku?” He asked after a few moments. Rey glanced sideways to look at him, before turning her face and staring off into the space ahead of them. “You kind of got tangled up in something you never asked for.” 

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at him again, before shaking her head. “No” she confessed. “My life wasn’t moving on Jakku, I would still be stuck, waiting for someone to come back who didn’t even love me. At least here I can live free and decide where I go. When I was there, I was always doing something for someone else. Whether that be waiting for my parents or scavenging junk for Unkar Plutt.”

Kylo nodded his head, understanding that anything was better than being a slave. He would know.

“I met my friends, I met the resistance, I found a purpose, a way to move forward.” She continued. _I met you_

Kylo eyed her with curiosity as she spoke. He was mesmerized by the way she talked. She could talk about anything and he would still listen. “Sometimes I felt that way, growing up. I went from doing what my parents wanted, to Luke, and then to Snoke. I guess in some way I’m still a slave to the force….. but at least I don’t have anyone yelling in my ear anymore” he joked.

Rey smiled and let out a sharp laugh. It was a pleasant sound, one Kylo wouldn’t mind hearing more often. It almost drew a smile onto his lips.

“Except me right?” She said playfully, bumping her shoulder with his.

“Always you Rey.” He responded. Ducking his head down to hide the small smile that did make its way on to his face.

Silence fell between them once again. They walked comfortably together, slowly drifting closer without knowing it. Rey continued to let the smile ghost her lips, content with her travel companion.

After a few more minutes of walking, Rey stopped in her tracks. Her head whipped wildly around. “Did you hear that?”

Kylo stopped a few feet in front of her, turning around at the sound of her voice, not with a hint of worry. “Hear what?” He asked, wondering how he had somehow missed something. His hand fell to the lightsaber concealed on his belt.

The pair both looked around, surveying their surroundings. They both found nothing. “Sorry, I just felt as though I had heard something.” Rey finally spoke, closing the distance between her and Kylo. Something had definitely felt off, but Rey couldn’t find it anymore. Shrugging, she chalked it up to her imagination and began walking in the direction of town again. 

Giving the trees behind them one more glance, Kylo turned back to walk with Rey. He couldn’t sense any threats, so he let down his guard, his hand falling from its place on his saber.

They continued walking a few more minutes before Rey finally saw the break in the trees, signaling that their walk would soon be over.

—

Entering the large doors, Kiara glanced around. The castle was beautiful. The influence of the dark side of the force reflected off each of the obsidian walls. Vader sure had a flair for the theatrical, something she could tell had been passed down to Kylo. His dramatic temperament was a testament to that.

Hardly waiting for Valtar, She made her way deeper into the structure. She felt a pull drawing her in. The darkness was calling her, it wanted her. And she wanted it.

Embracing the fever, Kiara made her way into a large room. Huge windows framed the view of the volcanic ruins on the planet, a throne jetting out from the middle. _This was it._

Pausing in front of the throne, she bent onto one knee, closing her eyes. _She was ready, her power wouldn’t fail her now. Kylo wasn’t here to take it away._

The feeling of the force flowing through her was stronger here than she had ever felt it. Each place her body connected with the floor it felt as though the heat from the planet was pushing up into her, fueling her hatred.

She focused on Kylo and the girl, trying to find them. Kiara remembered how Kylo had excelled at this skill so much quicker than her. _Now it would be his downfall._

Pushing further, feeling pain in her hands as she plunged deeper into the darkness. Pushing her way through, Kiara felt a blimp in the force. It shocked her. The feeling of the disturbance. It was very much on the light side. Scoffing, she continued her search, ignoring the deepening pain in her hands.

Gasping, she saw something emerging from the light. Green. She saw trees. The picture invaded her mind, her eyes racing behind their lids. And then she heard it. A soft laugh. She couldn’t remember the last time she heard someone so carefree.

Kiara’s eyebrows scrunched. _What was happening?_ Forcing herself to prod further at the scene, she finally saw what she was looking for. _The girl._ She was the one laughing. _Kylo was making her laugh, how sweet._ That was when the vision was ripped from her. The energy expenditure becoming too much to continue the connection.

Yelling in pain, Kiara stumbled to the ground, exhausted. Heaving over, her hands bracing herself on the ground. Looking at her fingers. She saw a deep purple color beginning to creep its way up under her nails.  
  


Grinning, she knew she had found what she came to find. Kylo was with the girl. On a planet full of green.

Kiara just needed to find a way to bring out the darkness in her, and maybe the girl could take care of their Kylo problem for her.

—

As they arrived at the outskirts of the marketplace, Rey noticed that the line for rations was even longer than it was the other day. Ducking her head, tears threatened to make their way out of her eyes. Kylo noticed this and placed a hand on the small of her back. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly.

Shaking her head, she refused to look up. Quickening their pace, she led Kylo toward Celeste’s shop. “How do you know she’s even here?” Kylo asked, his nerves getting the best of him. He didn’t like being in the open like this given their current situation.

Reading him, Rey wiped at her eyes and followed his eyes as they darted around looking from person to person walking past them. “She will be.” Rey spoke steering them toward Celeste’s shop.

Pausing outside the door, Kylo looked at Rey as she stood in the doorway looking back at him. “What’s wrong?” She now asked him.

“I don’t like this. I mean a mysterious old woman who just happens to know about the force. Sounds dangerous to me.” He said, glancing at the trim around the building.

“We will be okay, she’s nice. She helped me before.” Rey said gesturing up to the healing cut on her cheek. “Come on” She said with a wave of her hand, entering the store.

Giving one last exhale, Kylo glanced around the street once more before entering the shop after Rey.

“Celeste?” Rey yelled. Besides the merchandise for sale, the room was empty. Looking back at Kylo, Rey gave a small chuckle. The ceiling was short. He took up most of the small room just by his size alone.

“Rey?” came a voice from an unknown area of the shop. The curtain flourished and an older woman made her way into the room. Kylo was startled by her piercing white eyes.

“Celeste!” Rey exclaimed rushing up to the woman and giving her a short embrace.

“My dear, it is good to see you again. It was getting too quiet in our town without you” Celeste joked, giving Rey a bump on the shoulder. Rey gave Kylo a shrug, gesturing once again to her cheek. He rolled his eyes at her.

“And I see that you’ve brought Him!” The woman continued. Rey’s Cheeks reddened slightly. “I honestly didn’t know if I had been imagining him the first time!”

Walking toward Kylo, Celeste brought her hand up between them, her white eyes falling somewhere on his chest as she was a good foot and a half shorter than him.

Kylo hesitated before noticing the look Rey was giving him, along with the jet of her head at the older woman. He leaned down and grasped Celeste’s hand shaking it slightly. The woman had quite a grip for her age.

After her introduction with Kylo, Celeste turned between them. “What can I do for a couple of kids like yourselves?” She asked casually.

“What planet are we on? Kylo deadpanned out. Rey and Celeste turned to face him, startled by his quick words.  
  


“We are on Odessen, it is out past the Outer Rim.” The woman replied carefully. Kylo had never heard of this planet and was puzzled why Snoke’s craft had brought them here. From the look on Rey’s face, she had obviously never heard of it either. “We have little connection to any government, the First Order has never come here, and we would like to keep it that way.” Celeste said strictly. She glared at Kylo, her sharp eyes darkened slightly.

Sensing the tension between the two, Rey spoke up. “We actually are looking for a few replacement parts for our ship” Rey stated, getting right to the point. She could tell that Kylo was getting antsy and she didn’t want to test his patience. “Copper wires and some other things to make repairs”

Celeste hummed, keeping her tone neutral. “Well, I’m afraid you two are outta luck. The next shipment isn’t due in for a few more days. The nearest landing bay is two or so days away from here by speeder so supplies take a while to get in.”

“Great, so it looks like getting a new ship is out of the question also” Kylo grumbled. Rey shot a glare at him, his negative demeanor wasn’t helping their situation.

“Afraid so my dear! Guess you will just have to stick around for a few more days.” Rey blinked. They didn’t even have plans to fix more than just the radio. _How long would they actually be stuck here?_

"Here, take some things." Celeste said, rushing around the room collecting various things

Handing a small bag to Rey, she smiled at the younger woman. “Thank you Celeste” Rey nodded at her.  
  


“What do you know about the surrounding areas?” Kylo asked, sounding on edge. “Any other towns or settlements?” His eyes kept darting around the room as if something was going to jump out of the walls.

"My, my. You sure like getting down to business, don't you?" Celeste deadpanned at him. 

Kylo rolled his eyes. Ignoring her comment.

“There are always those who choose to live on their own.” Celeste said, with a pointed look. “Such a sad thing if you ask me. To live in isolation from others….” She trailed off, her white eyes now looking straight at Kylo. “It is important to recognize what is around us before it is gone. Regret is the most damaging thing to a person. I sense you carry yours wherever you step.” She spoke directly to Kylo. “Don’t make the same mistake twice”

Kylo scoffed, his voice rising in volume. “You don’t know anything about me or the life I’ve had. So let's not pretend to be friends." Rey knocked him in the leg with her foot and gave him a small glare. 

Celeste hummed in response before looking back at Rey. “There are abandon settlements from the time of the old wars that might be worth a trip. Just a few miles east of here. You might need something to do as you wait around for the parts.” She spoke. 

Rey’s face lit up, an old scavenger’s excitement returning. “Thanks, we might have to check them out!” Kylo frowned at this. Obviously not thrilled at the idea of this.  
  


“Well, I hope you figure out everything wrong with your ship.” Celeste’s eyes scorned into Kylo, once again reminding him that there was something off about this woman. Her double meaning words didn’t sit well with him. _Who was she to judge someone she didn’t know?_

“Well, we best be getting back before it’s too late” Rey spoke carefully. “Thanks again for everything, we owe you”

“Oh, I don’t mind my dear, it is payment enough to have someone nice around.” The old woman stated, giving Rey a smile. “You two make it home safe”

Kylo watched the interaction, trying to read Celeste. “See you in a few days” Rey spoke, embracing the older woman once again before retreating toward the door, pulling Kylo with her by the sleeve.

Celeste gave them one more wave before she walked into her back room and the pair was out the door.  
  


Back in the busy street, Rey tugged Kylo along. “See I told you, she’s very nice”

Kylo huffed. “Nice? I thought that she was going to freeze me with her eyes.” He stated bluntly.

“You could've been less Rude! She was just trying to help” Rey exclaimed before slapping him lightly on the arm.

"She insulted me!" Kylo shot back. 

"Well if someone came into my shop demanding I answer their questions, I would be a little annoyed too" Rey spoke calmly. The traffic in the town had died down since their visit with Celeste. That seemed to put Kylo at ease, at least a little.

“I just don’t think she likes me very much” Kylo responded.

“What? Someone who doesn’t like you?” Rey mocked him as they reached the outskirts of town. A small smile making its way on her lips.

Kylo pursed his lips and let out a tense breath. Looking around the town, he saw a few people eyeing them curiously. “Let’s just get out of here before someone recognizes us.” He whispered to her before guiding her away from the town, back toward their ship.

—

Once they had arrived at Telos, the Resistance was immediately whisked away to medical and to go get some much-needed rest. Their host was an old friend of Leia’s, someone who had fought with her in the old war against the Empire.

Finn, Poe, and Rose made their way to their assigned room. It was simple, had three cots and a washroom. Better than being cramped onto the falcon.

“We are meeting with Leia tomorrow to discuss plans to recruit and rebuild.” Poe said, flopping down on the bed closest to the door. Bending his legs up toward his head, he began to tug his boots off.

Finn went to sit on the bed closest to the window. Looking out of it, into the darkness that accompanied the night, his mind went to Rey. He winced as he sat down, still sore from being rammed on Crait. “We must have at least a little time. The First Order lost their largest Flagship, it will take them some time to regroup.” He spoke.

“Come on, with their resources, I bet they will barely notice the loss.” Rose responded.

“Hux may be a shell of a man, but he’s not stupid. He knows how to run a military.” Poe spoke. As much as he made fun of Hugs, he had to admit that the general knew what he was doing when it came to his troops. “At least with Kylo Ren and Snoke gone, we don’t have to worry about the force being used as a tactic. At least from the First Order” Poe added, giving Finn a warning look. Waiting to see the other man’s response.

Finn scoffed, clearly realizing what Poe was getting at. “You don’t actually think that Rey is an actual threat to us.”

“I’m just saying, we can never be too cautious. For the protection of the Resistance, we still have to assume the worst” Poe said back. Both Rose and Finn rolled their eyes at his response. Rose had heard a bit about Rey from Finn, maybe seen her once or twice when she was on the base but had never met her directly. Everything she had learned about her pointed at the young woman being nothing but an ally to the Resistance.

“Rey IS Resistance, Poe.” Finn shot back, still wondering why Poe was being so stubborn on this.

“I don’t think that your friend, Rey would pose any threat to us. If she is with Kylo Ren, I don’t think that they would be planning any attack on us.” Rose combatted. Shrugging her shoulders. “Wouldn’t they go after the First Order?”

“Who knows?” Poe asked. “With that guy, who knows what is going on in her head right now.”

“Oh, come on, you have to have some trust in her judgment. She’s a friend.” Rose stated. Even though she didn’t know Rey, she felt this weird protective nature for her, especially with Poe thinking the worst in her.

This made both Finn and Poe turn to look at her as if she was crazy. “You can’t actually tell me that you trust Rey with that Psycho!” Finn exclaimed, looking as if she had shot him.

“No! I’m not saying that I trust him, I just think that if he had convinced Rey to go to the dark side then they would be in power right now. We also haven’t heard of any disturbances outside the First Order that would point to them causing trouble. If Rey was motivated to go to the dark side, where are they?” Rose questioned back. Finn looked shocked. He didn’t want to think of Rey going willingly with that monster.

“And look if they are together I would be willing to bet Rey would be the one having the effect on him, rather than him on her.” Rose spoke. Both Poe and Finn cringed at the image that popped into their heads.

Finn’s mouth fell ajar. “Rose, you don’t know Rey, She hates him. She fought him in the forest on Starkiller.”

Rose’s raised her hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying, don’t be quick to judge people based on their past actions. ” She said, obviously no only talking about Kylo. Finn’s mind flashed to how he had first met Rose, with her assuming her was jumping ship. “I have learned that it doesn’t always reflect the person they actually are.” She said with a soft smile, her gaze meeting Finn’s. “If Rey did go with him, she must have had a reason.”

Poe rolled his eyes, already annoyed with this conversation. “Let’s just get some sleep, we can talk about this tomorrow.” He said, breaking the tension in the room. “It’s, late and we have a lot to figure out during the meetings in the morning.”

Finn and Rose retreated to their respective beds and laid down. Finn stared out the window into the dark sky above, drifting off to sleep wondering if Rey was looking at the same stars.

—

Kylo felt the wind rushing past his ears. Opening his eyes, he found that it was dark outside, dirt was pressing into his face. Lifting his head, he looked around. He no longer saw the shuttle or any remnants of Rey. Glancing around more, Kylo found that he was no longer in the forest, he had woken up in a completely different place.

Pressing his hands into the cool dirt, he slowly stood up taking it his surroundings. There were no trees, only the dirt beneath his feet and large rock formation around him. The air was cold, it was dark, the only light coming from flashes of blue lightning overhead. The booms from the electricity were almost unbearable. _Where was he?_

Stepping forward, he began cautiously looking around for any sign of familiarity. Finding nothing, he began to worry. _What had happened to him? Where was Rey?_

Suddenly he heard the sound of a lightsaber igniting cut though the lightning strikes.

Whipping his body around, he was met with a red blade. Two actually, connected by a single hilt. Moving his gaze upward he met a pair of eyes that in any other circumstance, Kylo could get lost in. But here, they were bright yellow, reminding him of the vision he had of himself a few nights ago.

“R—Rey?” Kylo stuttered slowly. “What is going on?.”

The figure gave him a harsh smile, it didn’t remind him of the soft smile she had thrown at him earlier in the forest. This smile was not one of happiness. This was something darker. Dangerous.

“Kylo” the figure whispered. Her voice almost sent him into a trance. Slithering around him, trying to pull him in. “This is what you wanted” Rey hissed at him. 

Walking forward, her black cape gusted behind her, pushing her demanding presence larger. Kylo involuntarily took a step back from her. Her sharp eyes forced him to hold her gaze.

“You did this.” She hissed, never blinking. “You showed me what I could become.” Rey continued to step toward him. The lightsaber’s double blades were unstable, crackling as they came into contact with the air around them. He froze, unable to move his feet.

Rey came within a few inches of him. Her amber eyes looking up at him. “I have become what I’m meant to be. Thanks to you.” She said, reaching to drag her nails across his cheek, her skin like ice.

“I—” Kylo started. Looking at her, he could feel the darkness pulsating off her body. “I— I didn’t want this.” He let out. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at her. _This isn’t what he meant; this wasn’t how it was supposed to go._ Gone were her bright eyes and warm presence. All he could feel was an overwhelming numbing feeling coming through the bond. Her eyes almost dead, her skin unnaturally pale.

Someone was screaming. _Was it him?_

“You’ve gotten weak Ben” She spoke to him. _Ben._

“No” He spoke. “I don’t want this” Ben repeated.

“Then you have failed me” The creature in front of him said. Her face stony, looking like it was about to fall in on itself.

“Rey, please” He tried again, lifting a hand up to grab her face. He had to get through to her. “Please”

The woman before him stepped back, just out of his reach. An evil grin appeared on her face. “Rey come back—” Ben started before he was abruptly cut off.

Gasping in pain, he looked down to see her red-light saber protruding through his abdomen.

—

Ben shot up in bed, his blanket falling to gather around his waist. His head was pounding. He shook as if he was cold but was sweating all over. Ben’s hands fell to his stomach, toward where she had stabbed him. Nothing was there, no blood, no hole. Just him. Sighing, he ran a hand over his face, realizing that it had all been a dream. A nightmare.

_What was that?_

It had been awful. Was that really what he had wanted for Rey? Did he really want her to experience what he had? _No._

Glancing out the window, he was met with the night sky. The dream had felt so real. The ice from her hands still lingered on his skin. He still could see flashes of those yellow eyes when he closed his.

Trying to slow his breathing, he closed his eyes again. He needed to get his breath under control.

_1….2….3....1….2....3_

It took a moment before Ben realized that it was not _his_ breathing that was rapid. Turning his head toward the other side of the room, they landed on Rey.

She was breathing uncontrollably. Short shallow breaths came again and again. She was shaking, her hands gripping the sheets beneath her. Small whimpers came every few seconds.

Ben quickly got up and hurried to her side. Leaning over Rey, he gripped one of her arms, trying to steady her. She was burning up; he could feel her fear and pain pouring through the bond. He wanted to take it away. Tears fell past her closed lids, streaming down her cheeks.

“Rey” he spoke quietly, trying to stir her out of the nightmare. She didn’t wake. He tried again sending a desperate _Rey!_ Through the bond.

She let out a loud gasp, her eye’s shooting open. Her hand gripped onto one of his arms. He brought his other hand to her cheek. Her warm tears gathering on his palm. Her sobs continued. Whatever she had seen had clearly frightened her.

“Ben” she breathed out. Her scared eyes finally focused on him. He nodded at her, thankful to see her soft eyes.

“It’s okay, you’re here with me. You’re safe.” He reassured her.

Exhaling harshly, Rey threw her arms around his neck, pulling herself up to him. She clawed at his shirt, gripping him tight as if at any moment he would disappear. His arms came to rest around her waist, pulling her even closer.

Her violent sobs shook both of them. Ben could feel her tears staining his neck. He let out a short exhale. Relieved.

“I….” Rey started, her sobs interrupting. “I saw myself….” She gripped his shirt tighter, pressing her face into his neck.

“I saw myself, killing you.” Rey finally choked out.

Ben finally pulled away to look her in the eyes. He nodded at her confession, tears gathering in his eyes now. _She had the same nightmare_.

“I’m okay, he reassured her. She didn’t need to know right now that he had seen the same thing. She just needed to know that they were both fine.

Rey brought her hand up to rest on his face, her thumb running down his scar. Ben examined her face. Her sobs had stopped but tears still flowed down her cheeks. Even with her eyes puffy and tears flowing down her cheeks she still looked beautiful, he thought. Her thumb brushed over his lower lip, pulling slightly.

Rey’s eyes traced her own movement before raising her eyes to look at his. “I could never kill you” She whispered softly. “Ben” she whispered again.

“I know” Ben spoke back, nodding his head. _Ben_. She had called him Ben. It had been so long since she had said it. His name. Just hearing it made his mouth quirk up at the edges.

She gave him another relieved sigh before pulling him back into her. They both fell down onto her bed, her head tucked under his chin, their feet tangled together, her hands gripping his shirt.

The force hummed around them. Their bodies filled with a soft hum rather than an electrical spark. Everything was peaceful and calm. They would be alright. This was how it was supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. "I KNOW" Such a great line. Ohhh snap Rey said, Ben! I love the duality of light and dark especially when we are talking about the same character. Dark Rey being cold while the real Rey is burning up gives me the chills. Almost as if Dark Rey is stealing something from our Rey, Throwing the balance off. Obviously not how she is supposed to be. Ben is finally reconciling with the fact that he like the real version of Rey and his made-up version of what he wants her to be would've broken him. And yay! we finally got a happy(ish) moment!
> 
> Kiara continues to be a powerful af woman who has faith in herself to solve the problem. Will she find them? She definitely seems to be getting closer!
> 
> The Resistance is on the planet Telos and we will learn more about Leia's "Old friend" in the next chapter. I know that Rose is very loyal to the Resistance, but she also is very good at seeing the good in people and especially good at given second chances. She did with Finn so why wouldn't she with Ben?
> 
> Both the planets Telos and Oddessen are real planets in the Star Wars Universe and Oddessen is supposed to have a special connection to the force. Kind of like Exegol or Ahch-To. I recently found a map of the entire Star Wars galaxy and have not stopped staring at it since. 
> 
> Hope you are still enjoying the Story! More action to come next chapter!


	7. The Darkness Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben do some exploring! Finn gets woke. Kiara would be very easily addicted to drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! New chapter coming at you! This one is a bit of a doozy and a LOT happens! It is the longest chapter so far, but I hope you still find it entertaining! Thanks for reading!

“Hello Citizens of the Galaxy. I come before you today with an urgent reminder.”

The Resistance watched as the screen split, showing Hux as well as a snippet of what looked to be archived security cam footage. The room was bright red. Finn watched as Rey was escorted by Kylo Ren into the room, her handcuffs falling off her wrists. _That monster gave her over to Snoke._

A million questions ran through his mind. _How was she captured? How does Snoke even know who Rey is? Where is she now?_ Finn winced as he saw Rey being dragged around the screen by the unseen force coming out of Snoke’s fingertips.

Finn glanced around the room. Everyone in the Resistance, had their eyes glued to the screen. Some faces donned confusion while others appeared angrier. The room was silent except for the thunderous boom of Hux’s speech.

“It is unknown when the Jedi woman came into contact with Kylo Ren, but it is clear that they came with an intent to murder the Supreme Leader.”  
  


Everyone watched as Rey force grabbed Kylo Ren’s lightsaber, igniting it in a threat against Snoke. _He just lets her do that?_ Watching Rey with a red saber was something that Finn couldn’t handle. Her face so angry, her movements so violent. Something was different. She reminded him of Ren.

He watched as Rey was thrown backward, landing with a hard thump on the ground, Kylo’s saber skidding back towards him. A moment passed before Kylo stood up over Rey. _He was going to kill her._

Rey was crying, pleading him with her eyes to stop. And then he did. _He saved her._

The Resistance watched as Kylo struck down Snoke. Followed by the pair fighting side by side.

Finn gasped as Rey moved her saber across her body, stabbing a guard in Kylo’s blind spot. _She had saved him._ He had seen Kylo strike down a helpless man on Jakku, order stormtroopers to slaughter a whole village. And Rey was now defending him. He could feel his body heating up, anger welling up inside him. _How could she fight alongside a monster?_

The film was abruptly cut off, Hux’s face reappearing on the whole screen, looking directly into Finn’s heartbroken eyes. “As you can see, these two are enemies of the First Order and murdered our beloved Supreme Leader. We need to capture these violent, destructive individuals. Their existence threatens the peaceful balance, we have worked for so long to establish. We cannot let them destroy our beautiful, harmonious galaxy.”

The words flew through Finn’s mind. He stood there frozen, unable to look away from the screen. This wasn’t Rey. _It couldn’t be._

“We have expanded our search for these individuals and have placed restrictions on several hyper lanes coming in and out of the core worlds. Please. We beg you, our glorious citizens. If you have any knowledge on the whereabouts of these fugitives, we urge you to come forward. We cannot rest until they have been captured. Thank you.” 

The screen cut out, bathing the room in darkness. Hux’s words echoed in Finn’s mind. _Destructive. Violent._ Was that really who Rey was? No. This all had to be _his_ influence. That had to be the explanation. He was controlling her.

Locking eyes with Poe, Finn made up his mind that they had to find Rey. As long as she was with Kylo Ren. She was in danger.

—

The early sun was streaming in through the windows of the small craft, bathing the insides in a soft golden glow. It was early, most of the forest still quiet, the room still dim enough to keep them asleep.

Ben slowly opened his eyes. He had for once slept well. No further nightmares to wake him up in the middle of the night. No paranoia to keep him up so late. Just peace. He dreamt of an island. The waves crashing on the shore, the wind rustling through his hair. The sunset giving the air an almost ethereal glow. And beside him a girl with beautiful brown hair and hazel eyes. Wrapped around each other, they watched the sunset. No worry pressing on their mind. Nobody hunting them. Just time to sit and watch the sun dip below the horizon. Time together with time to spare.

His gaze fell on the same brown hair from his dream. It was only inches from his face. He could feel rouge stands of it brushing against his cheek. He closed his eyes once more. Breathing in deeply he took in the scent and warmth of her. It was something he never wanted to leave.

They were in the same position they had fallen asleep after their nightmare last night. Both sleeping on their sides facing each other. Rey tucked into Ben’s chest; her face pressed into his neck. Their legs tangled together and their hands griping each other tightly. Each time Rey breathed; Ben could feel the ghost of her lips against the curve of his neck. It made him shudder, but also filled him with a warm feeling. One he only associated with Rey.

Memories of his dream from last night came flooding back. Rey’s yellow eyes, her pale, bruised skin. _Was that really what he had wanted? For her to fall completely to the dark?_ Ben had long accepted that he wanted Rey to stay both in the light and the dark, but this dream just confirmed it further.

It obviously terrified her to tears last night that she was even capable of becoming that. Ben glanced down her face. So peaceful and content, nestled against him. Closing his eyes, he shuddered at the vision of her in the dark. He realized that this is what he wanted. Rey, just how she is, balanced between the light and the dark. Not only would he do it for her, but he needed her like this. She kept him balanced.

Tightening his grip on her, he pulled her impossibly closer to him. He couldn’t even believe that he could do this right now. Have her in his arms. Now that she was here, he never wanted to let go. _Did she feel the same? Or was this all because she was scared last night?_

The thought troubled Ben. Could she forgive him for everything he has done? All the pain he has caused not only her but the galaxy? Sighing into her hair, Ben closed his eyes, content to figure it out later. For now, he would stay exactly where he was, wrapped around the most important thing in his life. Ben wouldn’t mind waking up pressed against her every morning.

A few minutes later, he could feel his bed companion waking up. Her breathing became deeper and he could feel her eyelashes flutter open against his skin. For a moment she froze, probably trying to figure out what was going on.

Ben internally winced. _Did she regret pulling him into her bed last night?_

Another moment passed before Ben felt her muscles tighten once more around him, pressing further into him. She gave a content sigh. Ben let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Good morning” She mumbled against his neck. Now it was Ben’s turn to freeze. The feeling of her lips moving against his skin shot bolts of electricity through his body. He needed to get this under control.

As much as it pained him to do, he pulled back slightly so he could look into her eyes, effectively detaching her soft lips from his neck. A cold sensation pressed down on where her lips had been.

Distracting himself, Ben focused on Rey’s face. Her eyes were still a little puffy, and her cheeks tearstained. Another painful reminder of the events from last night. “How are you doing this morning?” He said softly to her.

Rey’s fingers found their way into the front of his shirt, twisting and pulling. Her eyes fell to watch the action, obviously she didn’t want to think about it. “I—I’m still shaken up” she confessed. “But I’m feeling a bit better this morning.”

Ben nodded at her, watching as she tugged and twisted at his shirt. “Thank you” Rey spoke abruptly. “For staying”

Ben nodded again. Replaying his own dream in his head. Her features so different from the ones in the nightmare. Her skin so soft, compared to how it looked as she stabbed him last night. Reminding himself once again that he didn’t want her like that anymore.

“Rey” He spoke. Her eyes raising to meet his. Her hands stopped playing with the material of his shirt. “I’m sorry” He confessed. “For trying to turn you completely dark.”

She gave a confused look at first, willing him to go on. “Last night…. The reason that I was awake, was because I had the same nightmare. I saw what you saw,”

Rey winced, pained at the thought of what she was last night. “I’m so sorry, last night helped me realize that whatever version of you that I had made up… it isn’t something I want. At least not anymore.” Ben confessed to her.

His fingers tightened around her waist, scared that she would pull away from him. That she still saw him as the monster chasing her in the woods. She pulled her eyebrows toward the middle of her face, as she contemplated his words.

A small smile then broke through her pensive look. “I'm glad.” She whispered, pulling him back toward her, Wrapping an arm around his neck as she did last night.

After a moment Rey spoke again. “What time is it?” She whispered against him

He shook his head. “Early, I’m not sure” He replied.

“Good, then we have a few more hours to sleep” She exclaimed softly. The smile lingered on her face. She settled back against him before closing her eyes. “I want to go to those old ruins that Celeste told us about yesterday.” She said.

Ben gave her a soft groan. The feeling vibrated against her skin. It was a pleasant feeling Rey mused.

Giving him a small laugh, she closed her eyes. “Go back to sleep you grump” she said, pressing a hand against his face, fumbling around to close his eyes. He brought his hand up to grasp hers, letting them fall onto his chest. He could feel his heart pounding against the back of his hand as it clasped hers. His eyes fell on her lips, so close to his. He could lean a bit forward and capture them with his own. Oh, how he wanted to. But did she? _He was a bad guy. She deserves better._ He would just enjoy these few moments he had with her.

After a few silent moments, Rey’s breathing evened out and she breathed out a few soft snores. Ben smirked at her sleeping form.

He, however, wasn’t tired. On the contrary, Ben was wide away and completely content watching Rey sleep in his arms.

—

Kiara was going to kill somebody. Her head throbbed as she ignored whatever Valtar was going on about. This was the fourth green planet that they had come to in the past week and none had concealed what she wanted.

They had been led on by countless tips that someone had seen the Jedi girl wandering around their town. Or that they had seen the former supreme leader stalking around. Why was it so hard to find two of the most recognizable people in the galaxy? Their faces were plastered everywhere, all the way out to the outer rim planets.

The two beings couldn’t have gone too far. If they were planning something then they had to have stayed within the outer rim. Kiara’s mind drifted to the wild space of the galaxy. Many unknown worlds. There were legends of hidden Sith worlds with unbelievable connections to the force. Would they really go that far if they were already powerful? Kiara wouldn’t put it past Kylo. He always has a lust for more power.

She remembered how obsessed he was with his grandfather. Constantly looking for Snoke’s approval, trying to become a new Vader. Closing her eyes, Kiara gritted her teeth, emitting a low sounding hissing noise. Her head continued to pound.

Kiara needed to find them. She needed to fulfill her duty to the dark side of the force. Kylo was the only thing standing between her and all she wanted.

“Balo has reported back from his scouting of the Resistance.” Valtar stated. His eyes glued to the console in their ship. 

Kiara’s head snapped up at this. It would be the first piece of reliable information they would’ve gotten in days.

“He says that the resistance is stationed on Telos, a planet in the outer rim. They are under protection from the leader on that planet.” Valtar tells her. “Hux isn’t planning anything yet with their numbers being so low. They haven’t intercepted any messages that would infer that Kylo or the girl had made contact with them.”

Kiara nodded her head. She didn’t think that Kylo would be stupid enough to run straight for the enemy. He was still on the dark side after all. She thought back to her vision of the girl. Nothing, in particular, stood out about her. She was as plain as could be. What did Kylo really see in her? From her view of her, she was nothing but desert trash. Gifted in the force, yes, But Kiara could see her for what she truly was. Nothing.

Smiling, Kiara let her mind daydream a bit. She couldn’t wait to see Kylo’s face when she drove her lightsaber through the girl’s heart.

Examining her hands, the purple around her fingers had dulled but the cracking in her nails remained. Closing her eyes, she remembered how powerful she had felt on Mustafar. The force amplifying her life force. It had been such a high, Kiara never wanted to let it go.

“We will be descending soon” Valtar told her. _Great the fifth failed planet_

She already could feel that this wasn’t it. She needed to find a way to narrow the search. Find another detail that could clue them into the whereabouts of her prey. _She would find them._

—

“Are we really going to walk all this way just to see an abandoned building?”

“Oh, come on! What else do we have to do today? The parts for the ship don’t come in until tomorrow!”

The air was thick with moisture as Rey dragged Ben through the woods. She had been so enraptured in the idea of going to the old settlement that Celeste had mentioned at their last meeting.

“I don’t know, fixing other parts of the ship, so we can eventually leave?” Ben threw back at her, mumbling.

Rey turned around, walking backward through the trees so that she could look at him while she responded. “And where would we go?” She asked. Her tune was just as mocking.

Ben sighed. A response didn’t form on his lips. As jokingly as she had said it, it was also a heavy topic. _What would they do once they got the craft fixed?_ Ben certainly wasn’t ready to just right back to the resistance, and the First Order would probably shoot him on site. Hux no doubt had blamed him for the death of Snoke.

Rey smiled at him before turning back around to look where she was walking.

 _We could just disappear._ The words died before they could make it into the air. Ben honestly wanted nothing more than to disappear with Rey to a simple life. One where they weren’t on opposite sides of a war. One where they weren’t constantly having to look behind them and worry for the other’s life. He could now see why Rey had rejected his offer in the throne room. She didn’t need the galaxy. What did she want? He knew that she couldn’t just forget about her friends. FN-2187, his mother…..

Ben pulled himself from his thoughts, just in time to stop himself from running into Rey. She had stopped and he gripped her arms to steady himself. Her skin warm under his hands. She was looking in front of them, her eyes blow wide.

“Wow” she gasped. Ahead of them, Ben could see through the trees a structure built into the side of a cliff. “It beautiful”

The structure was large, spanning almost the entire side of the cliff. There were mossy green vines overgrown across the openings, signaling that it had been long abandoned. Ben could feel Rey’s pulse accelerate under his fingers.

“Come on!” She said excitedly, grabbing one of his hands with her own to pull him along. Her old scavenger ways getting the best of her as she rushed forward to get inside. Ben rolled his eyes at her excitement, a small smile coming to his face.

As they made their way to what Rey had assumed was an entrance, she looked up and could see various cut-outs high above them poking out from the wall. Surveillance towers, she figured.

After a few minutes of searching, they eventually found a door and after a few tugs against the rusted metal, the barrier gave way. Darkness clouded their vision as they looked through the entrance.

“Ben.” Rey said, nudging him in the side. “Use your saber”

Looking down at her, he gave her a look before figuring out what she meant. Unclicking his lightsaber from his belt, he ignited it, dousing the entire room with the red light. Command tables and various military switchboards were placed around the room.

Rey cautiously moved forward, running her hand across the cool metal. A small sheen was present given the humid climate, but everything looked intact.

Moving his eyes across the wall, Ben spied a power switch. Gripping the handle, he flipped the breaker and the lights immediately illuminated the space. Grinning at Rey, Ben deactivated his lightsaber, clicking it back onto his belt.

The room was cold and had an industrial design, the walls dark grey, and most of the controls the same monotone. Ben felt a dark aroma floating through the air. He knew what this was.

“This is Empire” he spoke quickly. “From the old war. I can’t believe they had a base way out here.”

“Maybe that’s why they abandoned it, there was no use for it.” Rey said back giving him a shrug.

Looking around Rey glanced around some of the tables, finding old battle plans and maps. She even found old tie fighter and assault cruiser designs. She gave a small laugh “These ships are junk! Even Unkar Plutt wouldn’t scavenge these!”

Ben walked over to where she was standing, looking down at the old designs. “Better than what we have.” He exclaimed.

“Oh shush, once we get that ship up and running I’m sure it’s better than anything that they had here.”

Moving around the table, Rey bent down to shuffle through some of the old drawers. “You know its rude to rummage through someone’s stuff” Ben scolded her playfully.

Rey threw a glance back up at him, rolling her eyes. “Who is here that’s going to stop me?” She threw back with a cock of her eyebrow. _A challenge._

A smirk ran across Ben’s face before letting his eyes fall back on the old designs.

Rey continued to open and close drawers until she got to the last one. Giving the handle a tug, the compartment slid open. Inside lay an old imperial blaster. It was barely bigger than the one Han had offered her on Takodana.

Rey’s fingers ghosted the gun as she thought back to that day. Her eyes slide up and looked at Ben as he was deep in thought looking over the old designs. She had hated him then. She had thought the Jedi to be gods. They could do no wrong. Now looking at the man in front of her, she really didn’t know. So much had changed. Not only with her and the force but also between her and Ben.

No longer did she think of him as a creature in a mask. Hell, she had just spent last night wrapped up in his arms. A small blush crept up Rey’s face as she thought of their sleeping arrangements from last night. How could she have pulled him into bed with her? _She had literally slept with the enemy_. But he wasn’t that anymore. _What was he? Her friend? No. He was so much more._ Rey couldn’t put her finger on it, but every time she was with him, it felt right. Even when she was strapped to the chair in the interrogation room, she knew he wouldn’t kill her. Once he had taken off his mask, there wasn’t a moment she had really been scared of him. Intimidated, yes. But afraid? No.

Shaking her head, Rey’s eyes fell back to the blaster. Wrapping her fingers around it, she pulled it out of the drawer. Turning it in her hands, she inspected it. Wondering if it would still fire.

“What are you doing with that?” Ben asked her. He was now staring between her and the blaster.

“Well, my lightsaber is broken, and you don’t seem like you are going to give up yours anytime soon, so I need a weapon” Rey replied simply before tucking the blaster into her belt.

Ben scoffed. “A blaster is hardly a viable weapon for force users”

“Well do you see any other lightsabers laying around? Because I don’t” Rey spoke. Maybe that’s what they could do next, figure out how to fix her lightsaber.

“You need your own.” Ben said flatly, almost reading her mind. “You need to make your own lightsaber. Using Luke’s old one won't suit you even if we mend it.”

“I recall it being highly useful against you.” Rey spoke back to him sweetly. A fake smile pressed at her lips. She couldn’t help herself. Poking fun at him was just too fun given his daunting persona.

Ben just scoffed and looked back at the ship plans, making a mental note that they would have to find her supplies to craft her own lightsaber. Rey smirked at him before walking around the room. A small staircase was in the corner of the room, leading upward.

Rey placed her foot on the first step, testing it out. Her heart began to pound harder. The air seemed to freeze. Something was there. Something was calling her. As if she was in a trance, Rey climbed up the steps, leaving Ben in the room below.

At the top, she was met with a long hallway with many doors on either side. Each one could hold something different. But she knew where she was going. It was pulling her there.

  
After passing countless doors, Rey finally paused at one. It was slightly larger than the others and somehow grander. She could feel the energy on the other side of it as if someone was there. It was dark and felt seductive, pulling her in, making her fall deeper into her trance.

Opening the door, she found a large room with foggy windows that could’ve looked out over the planet if they weren’t so overgrown. In the center of the room protruded a large throne, much like Snoke’s. This one felt darker, more menacing. Like someone somehow more awful would sit there. _A sith_. _This was the empire after all._

Her feet glided over to the throne, her body weightless. She wasn’t in control. Rey stretched out a hand to touch the throne.

Suddenly an arm wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her back. She felt warmth and light flow through her, replacing the darkness that was tempting her. Shaking her head, she brushed off the remaining haze.

Looking down she saw Ben’s arm curled around her waist. Her back pressed against his chest. The warmth from the bond flowed into her, making her feel in control again. “What are you doing? You just disappeared on me,” Ben’s gruff voice spoke, laced with concern.

“I—I don’t know. I just felt something in this room.” Rey spoke, her breath shaky, her eyes not breaking from the throne in front of them.

“I was calling your name and you wouldn’t respond. It was like you couldn’t hear me” Ben said, he was a little breathless also.

Rey didn’t remember him calling her name, or even really how she got here. All she felt now was the cold emanating off the walls around her. Instinctively, she tried to push further into Ben, trying to feel his warmth.

“There is a hanger up on the top floor.” Ben spoke, trying to regain some normalcy. “We should go look and see if there are any ships.”

Rey shook her head even before he stopped speaking. She wanted to leave. This room gave her the creeps. She felt like she could hear the screams of countless individuals who were slaughtered her. An evil, sinister shadow manifested around the entire room. “We should leave.” Rey spoke quickly, her hand finding his that was still clasped around her waist.

“What?” Ben questioned her confused. She had just been so excited to explore this place, but now all he could feel through the bond was fear and unease.

“I just think we should leave…. I don’t like it here” Rey responded instantly. “Let’s just get back to the ship.”

Ben nodded before unwinding his arm from around her. Despite this, she kept her hand on his, gripping so tight, he thought his fingers might fall off. “Okay” he assured her, before leading her outside.

Keeping her close, Ben guided Rey through the forest toward their ship. Glancing back at the structure, Ben still could feel how tense Rey was. Something had spooked her and Ben couldn’t take whatever it was away. He obviously had heard stories about the past Sith that had worked with the Empire, but he hadn’t seen anything from them until now.

The Sith dealt in absolutes, and looking down at Rey, Ben knew he couldn’t do that anymore. Not with her, and not for himself. He needed to find a balance. Running his eyes over Rey’s frightened face, he was sure. _She was his balance_

—

Leia didn’t know what to think. A million different emotions were clouding her judgment. She was supposed to be the leader of the Resistance.

The footage released by the First Order was indisputable. They had defeated Snoke’s guards….. together. This along with the information Chewie had spilled muddled Leia’s thoughts even more.

Her heart ached. She had thought that her son was gone. That he was incapable of coming back from the dark. Now, Leia wasn’t so sure. A small glimmer of hope had clawed its way back into her heart. And she didn’t know if she could handle it being ripped away from her. Not again.

Calling Lando had been a lucky chance. They hadn’t been in contact really since the last time Han had left, but she still trusted him, and she could use a bit of his personality right now. He had somehow gambled his way into becoming an elite figure in this far off-planet. It honestly reminded her a bit of cloud city. An anomaly, it was off the map and not under control of the First Order.

She had been given a room of her own and she sat in the sitting area stewing over old thoughts of her son. Suddenly a loud knock came at the door and seconds later, it swung open. In strutted Poe with Finn and Rose trailing behind. Leia didn’t know much about the young mechanic, but she proved valiant in the battle of Crait.

“We need to talk about Rey” Finn started; his voice shaky. He was worried. Worried that the perfect image of his friend was cracking. That she really had run off with a monster.

“We have talked about it!” Poe stated. “We need to focus on the best course of action for the Resistance”

“Rey needs our help!” Finn shouted. “She is in danger. We don’t know what Kylo Ren is capable of right now!”

Leia let the two men bicker, choosing to lock eyes with Rose who was standing silently off to the side. Leia threw her a look, rolling her eyes at the two men. Rose gave a silent smirk, amused at the general’s sense of humor.

“General, please tell me you aren’t giving up on Rey! I know you still believe in her.” Finn exclaimed exasperated.

“Boys, please. Have a seat. There is much we have to discuss.”

Poe and Finn sat down in the chairs across from Leia. Rose elects to lean against the wall next to the sitting area. “There is much that you don’t know”

Poe shot her a warning look. “You saw the tape! They fought together; we can’t trust Rey right now!”

Leia held up a hand to silence her commander. “There is much that you don’t know, even much that I haven’t quite figured out yet” Leia spoke slowly. She knew that both the men were passionate, and she knew that they were a powder keg ready to go off. “The force is a mysterious thing—” she started.

“With all due respect General, don’t give us that.” Poe spoke. “We need to worry about rebuilding the Resistance—

“She went to him…. Didn’t she.” Rose interrupted Poe.

Leia’s eyes slid over to Finn waiting to see his reaction. “Yes…. She did”  
  


“What?!” Finn yelled. “That can’t be true! She must’ve been captured! You saw the restraints” He was rambling, in denial about the situation in front of him.

“Chewie confirmed that she used the transport pod on the Falcon to go to him…. He dropped her himself.” Leia supplied.

Finn bent over to rub at his temples. Poe looked shocked. Rose sat in the corner, a pensive look in her eyes.

“You think it’s true? You think this...this is all true?” Finn asks quietly, finally speaking. “That they are working together?

Leia sat back against her chair. “I do” she said simply.

The man stood up. “I—” he stared, stumbling around the room. His feet unable to keep his steady. Poe rose to his feet also, walking over to steady his friend. “There has to be an explanation…. He got into her head….. something”

“Finn, Rey is still our ally, I have no doubt about that.” Leia spoke. “She has just had an incredible amount of knowledge thrust upon her. She is just starting to learn who she is in the force.”

“And you think that _He_ can help her with that?” Finn stated, unable to hide the disgust coming from his words.

Leia nodded in confirmation. “The best this that we can do is wait for her to reach out. So, we will have the radio open… for whenever she wants to contact us.”

The older woman stood up and walked over to where Finn stood. Tears were threatening to fall from behind his eyes. “I know that this is hard, and I know how much she means to you.” Leia spoke to him. “But she needs to figure out herself before she can help us save the galaxy, just as you needed to,”

Finn’s eyes rose to meet the General’s. She was talking about his defection from the First Order. His breathing had finally begun to calm down. “I can’t just ignore the fact that she could be with _him_ and be okay with it _”_ Finn stated.

“I’m not asking you too” Leia replied. She still didn’t know what had become of her son and understood Finn’s concerns. “All I am asking is for you to trust in Rey. Can you do that?” She asked Finn.

After a moment, the man nodded his head, giving into the current situation. The General gave him a pat on the shoulder before exiting the room, Poe trailing behind her.

Finn stood frozen in the middle of the room. This kind of conversation was never supposed to happen. Rose made her way off the wall and walked over to him. Finn looked into her eyes before dropping his head onto her shoulder, weeping. Rose wrapped her arms around her friend and took in his sobs.

Finn’s mind couldn’t stop seeing Rey. But now all he could picture was her standing there, with a lightsaber bleeding crimson. Her hand wrapped around Kylo Ren’s. Her hazel eyes, dead, staring right back at him.

—

The fire was dying down. They had been sitting in silence since they had eaten dinner. Rey sat frozen on the stump, staring into the hot flames. Ben sat a few feet away, his mind running all over the place in concern.

He could feel the strain in her emotions. Ben could tell that she was still overwhelmed by whatever had ensnared her earlier. She had been so elated earlier in the day, but ever since she had been in that throne room….. something was off within her.

“I’m scared.” Rey said abruptly. “The darkness. I’m scared of it.” Her eyes locked with his, tears forming at the back of her eyes.

“I’m scared that if I fall to it, I’ll lose myself in the process. That I’ll hurt the ones I care about the most” She confessed to him. Her hands were shaking. She let her eyes break from his and her head to hang down, staring at the dirt between her feet.

Ben looked at her, she looked so small. Her figure dwarfed by the trees around them. He could feel her distress. Their bond hadn’t dulled since this morning and he could feel everything inside of her. Ben wanted to take it away. He wanted to see the light inside of her again.

Standing up, he walked over and joined her on the stump she sat on. Their knees brushed, he wrapped an arm around her, settling it on her waist. His other hand came to rest on her knee closest to him. Pulling slightly, he angled her body toward his. “Rey” he whispers to her.

Her head stayed tucked under her, but Ben could see the tears falling down her cheeks.

“That’s why I said no in the throne room” Rey spoke unsteadily. “I was scared that if I went with you, if I succumbed to the darkness, that I would eventually destroy you.” She confessed, her breathing intensifying as her body trembled.

“Rey….” He stared again, his hand coming up to rest on her cheek. Pulling her face up to look at him. Her tears stained her beautiful cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy but captivating still. “You’re strong. That won’t happen, I know it won’t” He assured her. She had just laid her soul out for him, confessed that her biggest fear was killing him.

“We will find a balance. I won’t let you be lost. I promise.” He spoke to her.

She nodded at him, a small gasp escaping her lips. He had never lied to her before. She could trust him now. Her breathing began to calm down, her focus was drawn to his fingers on her waist, drawing small circles into her side.

  
He dipped closer to her and brushed his lips against her temple. Assuring her that she was safe with him. That everything would be alright. “We should get some sleep” Ben mumbled against her skin before pulling back. “We have an important day tomorrow.”

Her eyes lowered on his face to his lips. So close. She could imagine herself leaning forward. But she stopped herself. She couldn’t do that. Finding his eyes again, she nodded. Rey felt a little better, knowing that she could trust him and that he trusted her.

Standing them up, he led her back toward the ship. Once they were inside, he laid her down on her bed, sliding the blanket over her, giving her hand one more squeeze.

Leaning back up, he went to turn around but paused. His body frozen between going back to his bed and staying at hers.

_Stay!_ Rey wanted to shout at him. But her voice died in her throat, not knowing if that’s what he really wanted from her. Slowly, he resumed his motion, wandering back to his bed.

Rey gave a breathless sigh, her bed cold without him. Her fingers brushed over the spot where he had laid this morning. She had a brief thought of going over to his bunk but brushed it away.

Rolling over, she looked at the ceiling wondering what he was thinking. What she didn’t realize was that the man across from her wanted the exact same thing she did.

They had been too wrapped up in each other that evening, their emotions clouding their senses. The pair fell asleep separate that night, completely unaware of the figure that had been lurking in the trees watching them all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo Finn is losing his Shit. He is unable to break away from that perfect image he has of Rey and this is going to be a point of tension for these two down the line in the story! Rose continues to be one of the smartest and most understanding people in the room. Leia is just hoping she is getting her hopes up for nothing!
> 
> Kiara is OBSESSED with finding Ben and Rey. She is becoming addicted to the dark side of the force and we will see repercussions with this down the road. I also threw in the name of another knight. His name is Balo and he will be around but nowhere near as important as Kiara and Valtar.
> 
> This chapter was a way to bring Ben and Rey closer together, even if not a lot super exciting happened! I promise their adventure wasn't for nothing! The action will start to ramp up soon!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you are still enjoying this!


	8. Old Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go to town, Celeste reveals some interesting knowledge. An old face comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all! So glad to be back with not one but TWO chapters! They were originally going to be one chapter but I felt that the tones were too different to keep together. I think once you read the next chapter you will understand why I made it its own! 
> 
> This chapter is pretty much all Rey and Ben. Who doesn't love that? 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

The sun shined bright as Ben and Rey made their way across the hills toward town. They were both in seemingly carefree moods as they walked next to each other. Ben was actually cracking a smile at some points, so Rey counted that as a win in her book. She kept stealing glances at him as they talked. The sun bounced off his black clothes giving him a bit of a heavenly glow.

“You really use to do that?” Ben asked her with an incredulous look on his face. His words broke Rey out of her trance. _What had they been talking about? Stealing on Jakku?_

Shaking her head, Rey cleared her head of him, refocusing on their conversation. “Oh, yeah after dark I would go and explore the ships Plutt had stolen or traded for. It was kind of how I learned how to fly. Of course, I had never left the planet before…….” Her words died in her mouth. _Until Finn came along. Until you came into my life._

Ben spoke for her. “Before I sent people to kill you?” he said, hints of regret seeping into his voice.

Rey noticed this and paused. She really should be thanking him for that. If it weren’t for him, she might still be stuck on Jakku. She smiled back at him, bumping her shoulder with his. “Yep, back in the good old days” She said hoping to lighten the mood, tell him that he shouldn’t regret the events that brought them together.

Ben gave her a bit of an exhaled laugh. His eyes crinkled as he looked forward, dipping his head. “If that’s what you want to call it” he chuckled.

They continued to walk, trading stories about their childhoods. Ben told her about how he first discovered he could manipulate the force and Rey told him about her imaginary friend she created to keep her company. He laughed at her for that.

She smiled back at him, happy to see this side of him. Rey noted that her favorite thing was when his eye shined when he looked at her, so focused on what she was saying. “Now that I think about it, he kind of looked like you!” She joked with him.

He gave her another small laugh, shaking his head at her antics. “Of course he did.”

As the pair arrived in town, Ben noticed that Rey had grown particularly quiet. Especially as they passed a feral looking creature running the rations table. He could feel the waves of anxiety and sadness wafting through the bond.

“What’s wrong?” Ben whispered, leaning closer to Rey.

Rey nodded her head at the table and all the people lined up before it. Ben’s face scrunched up. He didn’t get why she cared so much about people she didn’t know. Looking down, he saw her tearful gaze looking back at them. And then it hit him.

It was her. They were her. She knew what it was like to have to wait in that line, to not know where her next meal was coming from.

Ben exhaled slowly before wrapping an arm around her, tugging her closer by the waist. She allowed him to do this and leaned into his body, a single tear falling down her face. “Just because they don’t have some mystical powers don’t mean they aren’t important.” She stated simply, staring forward toward Celeste’s shop.

Ben looked at the fading scratch on her cheek, realizing she got it the first time she came here. “Rey, what happened the first time you came here?” He questioned her slowly. She looked at him with a confused look.

“The scratch” he clarified, swiping his unoccupied hand across the wound on her cheek. Rey’s eyes dipped down

“It’s nothing, just a reminder of my old life” She spoke quietly, tears coming to her eyes again. “Don’t worry about it.” Ben could feel her memories flooding back to her through the bond. Old haunts and scars coming back to scare her.

He fumed inside, his blood boiling as he eyed the scumbag behind the table. If they weren’t trying to stay incognito he would’ve gone over there and cut him in half with his lightsaber already. _How many more places in the Galaxy were like this?_

After another minute of walking, Rey’s eyes had dried and her feelings through the bond were growing more neutral as they made their way closer to Celeste’s shop.

Rey began up the first step when Ben grabbed her hand and spun her back around to face him. “Why don’t you go and see Celeste while I stay out here. She hates me anyways.”

Rey gave him a confused look. “She doesn’t hate you” she said, glancing down at their clasped hands.

“You know I can tell when you are lying to me Rey” Ben said jokingly. “I’ll meet you back here in a few minutes, I promise. ”

Rey’s lips perked up at his attempt at humor. “Alright, I guess ….” Ben was happy to see a smile come back to her face.

“Good, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Ben stated, swiping his thumb across the back of her hand once more before releasing it. Rey gave him another smile as she turned around and walked into Celeste’s shop. He watched her get safely inside before turning around and making his way back through town toward a certain ugly creature.

—

“Celeste?” Rey called as she made her way into the old woman’s shop. The room was empty as usual, making Rey start to question how Celeste made a living with a perpetually empty shop.

“Back here my dear!” She heard from the back room. Making her way back, Rey pushed aside the curtain that separated the two rooms. Celeste’s bright white eyes stared at her from where she sat in her chair. “I’m glad to see you!” the old woman exclaimed.

Rey smiled, feeling the comforting aura that spilled out of Celeste. She made her way over to the opposite chair and sat down.

“It’s good to see you too Celeste.” Rey replied, placing her hands over her lap.

“No Kylo Ren this time?” The old woman questioned her. Celeste narrowed her eyes spinning her head around the room as if Ben was going to jump out and scare her.

“It’s Ben.” Rey spoke automatically. “His name is Ben” She repeats. Rey’s pulse quickened at the mention of Ben’s other name, one that she never wanted to hear again. It wasn’t who he was. She thought back to Ben and his insistence that she go in alone. _What was he doing?_ Reaching out through the bond, Rey didn’t feel any alarming indications that he was getting into trouble, so she refocused her energy at the woman in front of her.

Celeste hummed, giving Rey a knowing smile. “I can feel that…..” Celeste states. “There has been a shift between you too.”

Rey sighed. She really didn’t know what to call it. They were friends of course….. but Rey also repeatedly thought of the pressure of his lips against her temple last night. Or how perfectly her hand slid into his. How the force had connected them. Her eyes snapped back up to Celeste’s blank eyes. She shook her head, bringing herself out of her tempting thoughts.

“He’s changing. We both are.” Rey states simply. Celeste shook her head slightly as if she could tell Rey wasn’t telling her everything. Rey shifted in her chair, uncomfortable talking about her and Ben with another person. _She hadn’t even figured their relationship out with him, how was she supposed to explain it to another person?_

“Did the wires come in?” Rey asked quickly. Eager to change the subject.

Celeste's smile grew at the younger woman’s deflection. Slowly, she nodded. “Yes, they did, a whole case from the shipyard in Azure Station.” Celeste stood up from her chair, walking over to a small table where a small pack sat. “Gathered some other stuff for you too.”

Rey stood up, walking over to where the other woman stood. “Thank you so much, Celeste. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing dear, it’s my pleasure, you know that.” Celeste spoke. Rey smiled, placing her hand on the supplies.

“Well, we really appreciate it.” Rey spoke.

Celeste’s white eyes crinkled a bit, forcing a shiver down Rey’s back. Before she could react, the old woman slammed her hand on top of Rey’s.

“When were you going to tell me that you two were on the run?” Rey’s eyes shot up to Celeste’s. “For killing the Supreme Leader no less.” Celeste continued. The woman’s grip tightened on Rey’s hand; her strength impressive for an older woman.

“That sounds like quite a story.” Celeste finished.

“How did you know about that?” Rey questioned, her voice low and shaky.

“Word travels slowly around here, but not that slow. The First Order sent out a bounty on the two of you.” Celeste told her. Rey sucked in her breath, feeling like she should run outside and grab Ben to leave.

“Please….. Celeste, we are just trying to stay off the First Order’s radar, just like this town.” Rey pleaded, suddenly unsure of the woman who had done nothing but help them. Celeste seemed to notice Rey’s fear, her hand letting go of Rey’s, her expression softening.

“Don’t worry my dear. I won’t say anything, I was just warning you to keep an extra eye out. This planet may be remote, but bounty hunters can still make their way out here for a big enough catch. And from the looks of you two, they would be set up for life.”

Rey blew air out in relief. “Thank you. For keeping us hidden.” She told Celeste. “I promise one day we will repay you.”

Celeste moved closer, placing her hand tenderly against the side of Rey’s arm. “It’s not a big deal Rey…..Now get going, it’s best you and Ben be leaving soon.”

Rey nodded at the woman, picking up the supplies to sling them across her back. “Thank you” Rey stated once again, before stepping away and making her way back outside the shop.

Ben stood leaning against the front of the building, right where he said he would be. Rey smiled at the sight of him, before remembering Celeste’s words inside.

“We need to go.” She spoke quickly before lowering her voice. “There is a bounty out for our capture”

Ben’s eyes darkened as he looked at her. “Let’s go” he said grabbing her hand. She let him, relaxing a bit at the warmth. They were getting much more casual with their physicality and Rey’s mind took her back to her conversation with Celeste and the woman’s knowing smile. Rey did her best to push the heat back down from her cheeks as they walked past other storefronts.

Making their way back through town, Rey ducked her head closer to Ben as they passed the rations table. Orozco sat behind the counter, looking suspiciously calm, not at all what he had projected when Rey first met him. The line was conspicuously empty as well.

Rey’s eyebrows furrowed. She squeezed Ben’s hand to get him to look at her. “Um…. Ben?” She started. Ben let a small smirk gloss over his face as she spoke. Rey definitely noticed this. “What exactly did you do while I was with Celeste?”

Ben’s leaned a bit closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Mind tricks aren’t just for Jedi sweetheart.” He spoke smugly.

Rey’s mouth broke into a large smile. Ben’s heart fluttered at the sight. Making her smile was something that was quickly becoming one of his favorite things.

“Thank you” She said simply, ducking her head to smile at the ground as they made their way back out toward the forest.

—

Leia’s head hurt. The pressure of rebuilding the entire Resistance getting to her. After a long day of meetings, all she wanted to do was retire to her room and not see another face until the morning.

Despite her burning headache, the day had surprisingly gone well. The meetings with trade planets were looking up and their recruitment numbers were increasing thanks to Rose Tico’s plan. The next stage was looking at getting members of the First Order to defect, something that Leia was hoping Finn would help with.

The man was obviously the best person for the job given his time with their enemy, but his head was still concerned with Rey. He sat idly by the radio any chance he got. The moment he got done with his duties, the man returned to his spot next to the communications device. Waiting for the call from Rey saying that she had escaped the clutches of Kylo Ren and was returning to them.

_Kylo Ren_

A name that haunted her both day and night. She had held out hope for so long, thinking him gone forever at one point. She didn’t know if she believed Luke when he said that nobody was truly gone. Until—

Until moments after they escaped Crait and a tiny flicker of hope shot through the force. She could always feel him. Her son. She had felt the conflict during his training and did nothing to stop temper it, figuring that it was just a part of mastering the force. _Oh, how wrong she had been._

She hoped she wasn’t believing in a false god. The small glimmer of light that said her son was still there. Leia should hate him. He killed Han. But her lover had never lost hope in their son, not even at the end. _Their son._ Leia could remember how terrified she was when she became pregnant. But when she held him in her arms for the first time and heard Han laughing as tears fell down his face, she never knew she could love something so much. So unconditionally.

Her beautiful son. He had been such a ray of light as a child. Always smiling up at her and chasing R2-D2 around, imitating the droid’s annoyed beeps. His black hair never quite long enough to cover his ears, his beautiful laugh that now taunted Leia in her nightmares.

She smiled at the memory, but tears betrayed her and fell down her cheeks. Losing him was her biggest regret.

Leia just hoped that there would be a time that she could tell him that.

—

Rey was nervous about the bounty put out on them, she really was, but the prospect of fixing the radio and contacting her friends made her giddy. Ben’s hand in hers was also contributing to this feeling.

Walking back inside the ship, Rey finally dropped Ben’s hand to drop the bag on the ground in front of the radio. Wiping her hands on the front of her pants, she dropped to her knees and began extracting clean wires from the bag Celeste gave them.

Ben walked over to her bed. He sat down, leaning his arms on his knees as he watched her work. He loved the way her eyes lit up as she tore apart the fried radio, the way she bit her lip when she was in a deep concentration. A warmth passed through his chest, simply content to watch her do her work.

Rey began stripping some of the salvageable wires before voicing her excitement. “I can’t believe we finally are going to fix this piece of junk. We will be able to contact the Resistance in no time!” Rey exclaimed with a smile on her face.

Ben’s stomach dropped along with the smile that had ghosted his lips. His clasped hands began to tighten around each other, his nails digging into the skin on the back of his hands.

Rey sensed the sudden shift in the air. She dropped the wires she was working with and turned to look at Ben. His face was white, his eyes dark as they glared at her.

“Ben?” she asked him, her words seeming to fall on deaf ears.

“The Resistance?” He spoke darkly. His face was unreadable, reminding Rey of his dark persona. Something she didn’t want to think about.

“Well yeah?” Rey answered him. “Who else are we going to call? Your best friend Hux?” She spoke blankly, instantly regretting bringing up Hux as soon as the words left her mouth,

“I’m not going back to the Resistance.” Ben’s eyes bounced around the floor. Unable to look at Rey.

“What did you think was the point of fixing this damn radio?” Rey looked at him baffled that this was even a conversation they were having. She had assumed with him helping to fix it that he knew they were going to be rescued by the Resistance.

Ben looked at her with dark eyes. Rey! They will kill me onsite.” He exclaimed at her. How was she not getting that this was not an option?

Rey stood back up, crossing her arms. She turned her body to face him. “Your mother—”

“My mother abandoned me! She shipped me off to go train with Luke because she couldn’t handle me! She doesn’t want to see me!” Ben shouted at her, standing up and pointing an accusatory finger at her. “Besides, the Resistance isn’t exactly going to let Kylo Ren walk around free.”

“Ben!” He hasn’t referred to himself as Kylo Ren in a long time. She didn’t understand where this anger is coming from. Softening her voice, she tries again. “Ben… please, this is our best chance of getting off this planet”

“Why are you so transfixed on getting back to them?” Why can’t you see that they are part of the problem! It isn’t just the First Order perpetuating the war.” He yelled at her, his anger only intensifying. He finished his rant with a gesture outside before turning away. Tears began to roll down Rey’s cheeks.

Ben almost regretted yelling at her, but all he could see in his mind was her running away from him. Back to FN-2187 or his mother.

“Ben…. Please, let’s just talk about this” Rey tried once again. “Please” she whispered.

“No Rey. You figure out the Radio. Please.” He threw back at her before turning toward the exit ramp.

Rey reached out and grabbed his arm, forcefully turning him to look at her. His eyes marred into hers. There was so much pain. So much that she didn’t understand but wanted to. “Ben” she whispered once again.

Giving her one last glance, he exhaled slowly. He wanted to apologize for yelling at her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and brush her tears away. He wanted to want to go back to the Resistance with her. But it wasn’t that simple.

All he could see was his mother giving him to Luke. Han’s face as Kylo thrust his saber through him. Rey’s look of betrayal when he called her nothing. He had made his bed and he had to lay in it. The Resistance wouldn’t accept him. They just wanted to take her away from him.

Ben pulled his arm away from Rey’s grip before storming down the ramp. He couldn’t be here right now. Just looking at her was too hard because he knew that he would do anything for her. He would give in and Ben couldn’t do that. He couldn’t go back to his mother. There was too much lost between them.

Rey huffed, watching him leave. Tears still falling down her cheeks. She wasn’t mad at him; she knew he was hurting. _Why couldn’t he see that he was worthy of forgiveness?_

Without looking back, Kylo made his way into the woods. His mind briefly remembered how the last time he stormed off into the woods went. He hoped that it wouldn’t go that deep again.

Brushing through various trees, Ben could feel his blood simmering out from a boil. Exhaling slowly, he though back to Rey and the tears streaming down her face. He had done that. Ben, not Kylo Ren. A sharp stab went through his heart, Regret seeping into his mind. _Had he just lost her anyway?_

Ben knew he needed to apologize to Rey, but he just wasn’t ready yet. He needed to take care of the overwhelming thoughts that were screaming at him right now.

“Hey Kid” A voice came to Ben. It wasn’t soft like Rey. No, this was something else.

Turning around, Ben was met with the unforgettable eyes of his uncle. The last time he had seen those eyes, Luke was holding his lightsaber over Ben. He had tried to kill him.

_Oh no. This was so much worse than last time._

—

The air was tight as it hung between the two force users. It was almost suffocating. Luke looked more ragged. Much different than the last time Ben had actually seen him. The years in isolation had obviously taken a toll on the older man. Luke’s figure was fairly transparent. A blue aura pulsed around him giving him a ghostly ethereal force glow.

“My, how you’ve grown Ben” his voice came. A little disjointed, like he was unsure of how to proceed. “When you left you were nothing but a boy…. But now.”

Ben gritted his teeth, grinding them together. A dangerous “Don’t” flitted through the spaces in Ben’s teeth. “I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation. What are you hoping to accomplish? Are you here to forgive me? To save my soul?”  
  
Luke gave a defeated looking exhale. His eyes dropped to look at the ground between Ben’s feet. The force ghost, despite not actually being able to touch anything in the surrounding landscape could feel the anger roaring off his nephew. Coming in forceful waves, crashing into him as reminders of how he had let the younger man down. “No, Ben, I never thought your soul needed saving. A master who fails their student deserves to endure their feelings of betrayal. I’m sorry about that”

_Fucking Hell. Why did Luke always have to be so kirffing spiritual_?

Ben’s hand went to his waist, grabbing at his lightsaber, ready to slice the violent crimson blade though Luke’s apparition.  
  


He found nothing.

Ben groaned at the fact that he had left it back at the ship, too furious to grab it before he stormed off. “You tried to kill me, and you think simply saying sorry will cut it?” Ben shot at his uncle. He had gotten a little better at controlling his emotions the more time he had spent with Rey, but his blood was still boiling.

Luke huffed. “Ben I want to be here. I want to help you, I think that after all I have done to you, it’s the least I can do.”

Ben scoffed. “Well say what you want and then leave, just because you are here doesn’t mean that you can save me”

Luke paced toward the younger man, Ben automatically strengthening his stance.

“Ben, I have seen your conflict. The nights you’ve laid awake as the guilt of your father eats away at you.” Luke started. “Don’t let those thoughts become you again.”

“Stop.” Ben halted him. His voice bitter with rage. He clenched his teeth so hard that his eyes began to well up. From the pain, he told himself. “Get out of my head” He spit out at his uncle.

Luke nodded, understanding that bringing up Han probably wasn’t the best thing he could do right now.

There was a pregnant pause between the two. The only things that could be heard were the slow humming sound that indicated Luke’s presence and the heavy breaths Ben was taking.

“You have been so strong, so brave to fight off the dark forces that looked to invade you, never quite letting them extinguish the light.” Luke began again. “As much as you might’ve wanted to.”

Ben scoffed at his uncle, his eyes starring daggers into the old man’s ghostly shadow.

“But this is bigger than just you now. You have to understand that there is an entire galaxy that is being probed by the darkness”

“And why should I take advice from the man who tried to kill me? Why should I help the galaxy that threw me away?” Ben spit out. The veins in the side of his neck bulging out just as his anger was. His fingers curled into fists, pressing his nails so hard into his palms that crescents cut their way into his skin.

“I’ve made terrible mistakes; I’ve been the source of so much pain for you. And again, I’m sorry for that. But, I have had time to recognize that the world I was trying to build was deeply flawed.”

“Well, I’m glad you finally figured that out.” Ben sarcastically bit out. “Only took a murder attempt on your own nephew” He tore out the last bit.

“Don’t do it for me. I’m not asking you too. Learn from my mistakes.” Luke stated. “Do it for yourself, so that you can find the life you deserve. A life for both of you.” the man finished giving Ben a nod with his head, back toward the ship.

Ben closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to calm himself. “Please leave her out of this.”

Luke gave a small chuckle, breaking the tension ever so slightly. “When I was on that island, I thought of many different scenarios to balance the will of the force, but she was not in any of them…. Funny how the force works like that.”

“It’s not what you think” Ben spoke at Luke, trying to keep his voice neutral. He didn’t want to give in to his uncle, let Luke see his vulnerabilities. _And was Rey ever one._

“Yeah, Han spit that terrible lie to me once or twice too” Luke responded a little too quickly, trying to bite his words back.

Thankfully, Ben didn’t seem to register the mention of his father once again. At the indication of Rey, Ben softened a bit. The raw feelings of sadness and longing came through her end of the bond. _He had done that._

Sighing, Ben released the tension in his body as her feelings became his own. _How was it possible to miss her, when he was furious with her just a few minutes ago?_

Ben couldn’t find it in him to fight anymore. He looked at his uncle and still felt the gaping hole in his chest. But the flame that coaxed his attempts to hunt the man down had died out. Rey had taught him to forgive. She had forgiven him, an unforgivable monster.

He gazed at Luke and saw his uncle, not his master. He saw his mother and father smiling down at their son. The warm feelings overwhelmed him, and he wasn’t sure that he was quite ready for them yet. Luke had inadvertently taken away so much of his life, forced him straight into the arms of Snoke. But given his murder attempt, he also pushed him, _far more gently_ into the arms of Rey.

“Ben, please.” Luke tentatively spoke. Noticing the shift in the other man’s temperament. “I know that it will take a lot more than this to get back on good terms with you, but we—I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. If you want us here or not, we will always be with you.”

Ben huffed. _Where had that been all his life._ Suddenly, the voices in his head stopped. A light streamed through guiding him where he was supposed to go. Maybe this wasn’t lost.

Standing up, Ben gave Luke a glance over. His eyes not filled with pain or happiness, something else was there, trying to come out. His relationship with Luke probably couldn’t be salvaged, he couldn’t come back for him. But there was someone who still could. His uncle gave him one more knowing look before fading, leaving Ben alone in the woods again.

He paused for a second, taking in what had just happened. It had been something he had longed for his whole life. To not be alone. _So why were those feelings still there?_

His head snapping back in the direction of the ship. They weren’t his feelings running through him. He sighed once more, punching himself. Trekking back the way he came; Ben knew what he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Luke what's up? Luke was a character I knew I needed to include in this story just because of his significance in Ben's life. I like the idea of Ben kind of recognizing that even though he was still mad at Luke, he didn't have the energy to fight with him because it's in the past and he very much wants to move forward with a certain someone! And I think it is important to show him moving on from that. Don't worry we haven't quite seen the last of him!
> 
> Small cameo with Leia, I really love her as a character and I promise she will get more screentime later in this fic. Her story is always something that was so heartbreaking to me because she literally has lost everyone. Luke, Han, and Ben. It was so sad to me that all three of them (Han/Luke/Leia) died to give Ben another chance to live, only for him to die anyway! Well, good thing for fics!
> 
> No Kiara/the knights, but don't worry shit is really about to hit the fan! Not next chapter.... but soon 
> 
> Also great news, I finally outlined the entire structure of this story so strap in! It's nowhere close to being complete!
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you like these two chapters!


	9. Meet Me in the Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so excruciating to see you low
> 
> Just want to lift you up and not let you go
> 
> This ultraviolet morning light 
> 
> Tells me this love is worth the fight 

Ben practically ran back through the forest, dodging trees and vines. The feelings coming from his bond mate were too much for him to handle. She felt lost and abandoned. Just as she had when her parents had left. It almost killed him knowing that she felt like that. The force bond was buzzing in his ears coaxing him back to her. Back to his Rey.

Rushing back, Ben stumbled back into their crash site. He burst through the thick brush finding the girl he was looking for with her back turned to him. Her shoulders were hunched like she was too tired to keep them up.

“Rey!” Ben exclaimed, his voice laced with concern and breathlessness.

She whipped around at his sudden entrance revealing her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Ben continued forward, stopping a few feet away from her. The silence stretched between them.

Gazing into her eyes, Ben momentarily forgot what he was going to say to her. Her soft skin and brown eyes capturing his attention. The hurt in those eyes broke him out of his trance and his feelings of regret flowed back to him. The words began streaming out of his mouth, with no intention of stopping.

“I’m sorry, I—” he broke, his voice low. Closing his eyes, he dipped his head down in an attempt to hide his eyes. _Why did she have to stare at him like that?_

“Everyone has always left me…… and I just wouldn’t be able to stand it if you did too.” He confessed, raising his eyes to meet hers once more. They were brimmed with tears at his confession. “I don’t know where I would go or what I would do if you left and the mention of you going back to the Resistance just made me feel as though this was temporary. Like us being together was something that you were tolerating until you got the chance to go back to them.” He spoke, gesturing between the two of them.

Rey was stunned at his confession. She hadn’t realized that he might think that she was looking to leave him. The simple thought of them separating at this point scared her. She didn’t think that she would be able to bear it either, he had become such a fixture in her life. She could talk to him about things she couldn’t talk to anyone else about. He was the only one who truly understood everything about her. _Stars they were literally connected through the force._

“Ben…” Rey began before cutting herself off. She didn’t really know what to say to him, he had already said what had needed to be said. She felt the exact same way. _She didn’t know where she would go, or what she would do without him._ Rey could tell that there was so much pain in his eyes. Everyone in his life had left him, even her at one point. She winced; she knew exactly how he felt. His pain was the same as hers.

Her heart made up her mind and she took a step closer to him. His eyes followed the action, Ben’s face still expressing his insecurities. Placing a hand to his cheek, she traced his scar. It was something she had grown to love about him. Her mark on him, something that always intertwined him with her.

The forced hummed at their skin made contact, her hand brushing delicately at his cheek. Slowly she looked at him with a concerned look on her face. Like he would disappear from under her grasp. His eyes bore into her, unsure of how she was going to continue.

Taking a quick breath in, she swiped her tongue across her bottom lip. And after a second pause, she stood up on her toes and tentatively pressed her lips to his. Rey had no idea what she was doing but she didn’t care. He was something that she had wanted since that night in her hut back on the island.

His lips were soft against his. He still stood there frozen, but she didn’t care. This was the best thing she had ever felt. It felt so right. He felt so right.

After a moment, Rey went to pull back, but Ben’s mind finally caught up with what was going on. He quickly grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back to him, crashing his lips back against hers with a new intensity.

He gave a soft moan into her mouth as his lips worked against hers. His fingers gripped at her waist, pulling her impossibly closer to him. Her hands left his face and work their way up into his hair gently pulling. She poured every feeling she had of him into the kiss, trying to tell him that he would always be enough for her. That this wasn’t temporary.

Breaking away for a second, The pair smiled against each other’s lips. Rey’s mind was dizzy, thankful for his grip keeping her upright. Ben ducked his head back toward her, recapturing her mouth with his. 

The force hummed deeper, swirling around them. It gave them all the confirmation that this was always how it was supposed to be. Neither of them had ever felt anything like this before. They knew this was it for both of them. There could never be another kiss quite like this one.

They stayed connected for a few seconds longer, savoring the feeling of each other’s lips. Rey was the first one to pull back. Her eyes still closed; she rested her forehead on his. Both of them panting slightly, the kiss leaving them pleasingly breathless.

“I need you.” Rey stated, her fingers still raking through his dark curls. “I need you” she repeated like it was the simplest and most obvious thing in the world.

Ben drew back, aiming his eyes to look at her. His mouth split into a blinding smile. Rey smiled back, reveling in the fact that this smile was only for her. It was exactly what he needed to hear.

He leaned in brushing his nose with hers before kissing her once more. She was intoxicating. Her lips, her scent, the way her body pressed so perfectly against his. This was dangerous, but it was something he never wanted to stop doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh! Our two favorites finally kiss! If you haven't caught on, this chapter is reflective of the song Afterglow. Go give it a listen!
> 
> I chose to make this its own chapter because I wanted to isolate these happy feelings. The last chapter had been so much about Ben and Luke, I just wanted to focus on Ben and Rey. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you next time!


	10. Impending Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip-smacking and a Dark Baptism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So sorry I haven't posted in a hot minute! I am on vacation at my cabin so have been busy! I hope you find this chapter interesting and entertaining! Thanks for reading

Ben leaned on the wall next to her, as Rey sat fixing the radio. After a few minutes of being wrapped up in each other, the newly minted couple agreed to fix the radio. To do what with it? The compromise was still undetermined. Ben still didn’t want to go back to the Resistance, and Rey didn’t want to go anywhere without Ben, so they were at a standstill.

Biting her still swollen bottom lip, Rey mused that maybe she could still contact the Resistance, just not drag Ben back to it. That way she could still help her friends as well as stay with the man that had captured her heart. Red involuntarily flamed her cheeks slightly as her teeth bit at her lip. Thinking back to how it had been tugged between Ben’s. Shuddering slightly, Rey shook herself to go back to the project in front of her.

Ben’s eyes followed Rey’s hands as they worked the wires. Her fingers working so nimbly with the strands. He much preferred how they had been _so nimbly_ working through his hair minutes ago. But alas, they needed to plan their next move.

A comfortable silence strung between then. Content with the pleasant feeling that emoted through the bond. The bond had somehow changed. They still felt drawn to each other and the hum that emanated between them, but there was no conflict. No struggle between dark and light. Only _Balance._

Twisting the new wires in place, a fuzzy static emerged from the radio. The sudden noise startled the pair, Rey falling back from the balls of her feet. Her back pushed into Ben’s legs before he squatted down to her level, wrapping his hands around her upper arms, stabilizing her. Leaning forward again, Rey punched in the private code Leia had given her that plugged in directly to the restricted Resistance line.

“Hello? Can anyone hear me? It’s Rey, I need to talk to the Resistance leaders. We’re alive.”

Both the two force users held their breath. Neither quite knowing what they wanted to come out of the speaker. But both knowing whatever did would change how they would move forward. Ben swallowed hard, his nerves getting the best of him. Rey placed a hand on his to reassure him that whatever happened— _it happened together._

“Hello?” Rey tried again. Her voice breaking slightly. “Please.”

But nothing came. After waiting for what felt like an hour the buzzing static remained. Huffing, Rey stood up, Ben’s hands falling from her body.

“What the Hell!” She cried. Her voice rising to a hardened yell “I did everything right! It should be doing something!” Rey exclaimed in anger.

After so long, not being able to fix their situation had gotten to her. “It’s not my fault! Ugh, this fucking planet!” She had been so hopeful, but now, She was done with this stupid radio being a pain in her ass.

Rey couldn’t keep the flames at bay. They began taking up her entire vision, smoke filling her brain. The darkness came, overtaking her. Balling up her hand, she threw a punch at the wall next to the radio. Her knuckle splitting at the contact. A wave of energy passed into her. Egging her on, giving her the strength to continue. Another ripple of black washed over her. Raising her arm back, she went to land a blow to the radio itself.

It never came. A strong arm wrapped around her waist lifting her into the air and spinning her away from the wall. Still engulfed in the darkness, she kicked, an animal sounding screech coming from deep in her throat.

“Hey. Hey!” Ben spoke gruffly. Still pulling her away from the wall. He tightened his grip on her, pulling her body flush against his. Heat radiated off her body, her anguish forcing its way through the bond. “Calm down” Ben said forcefully.  
  


Finally, after a few more seconds of fighting, Rey fell limp against him. Her body unable to support herself, she hung her head back against his chest in defeat. The only solace coming from the contact with his body.

The air was thick, sweat began to pool on Rey’s forehead. Ben turned her around, placing his arms back around her waist, he lifted her up and walked them outside. The space outside instantly loosened the suffocating air from closing in around Rey’s throat. The darkness swirled around her, blinding her vision.

“I’ve got you” Ben whispered against her cheek. Once they made it outside, Ben set Rey’s feet on the ground but kept his arms around her, keeping her locked against him. Rey was thankful for his ability to keep her upright, not trusting her balance at the moment.

“I think we both need to work on keeping our emotions in check” Ben told her, realizing it was another thing they had in common. The bond kept their emotions so open to one another, but this also left them vulnerable to attacks of the mind from other force users. His mind flashed an image of his former alliance. The faceless helmets staring him down. _They needed to work on this._

“Come on” Ben spoke. “Let’s go for a walk. Take a break.” Pulling her into the trees. She needed a distraction. The darkness that had come so forcefully so quickly worried him. He couldn’t let her become what he had.

Rey nodded against him, still not able to form words. She could feel the dark waves slowing down. The deafening feeling leaking out of her. The fog lifted from her eyes and she was able to keep herself steady. Ben kept his arm wrapped around her as the couple made their way into the forest.

After a few minutes of walking, Ben broke the silence. Looking to the side, he looked at Rey’s face, trying to get her to meet his eyes. “We can try again with the radio. The signal might be blocked. Who knows what Hux has deployed over the galaxy.”

_Or they are dead._ His head screamed at him. Exhaling sharply, he didn’t let that thought flow across the bond. But something inside told him they were still around. Like a rock in your boot, the Resistance was always persistent. Ben could also feel the tug of a blinding pure aura that had haunted him for many years. One he wasn’t ready to open. Not yet.

Rey hummed in response, to busy caught up in her own thoughts to monitor Ben’s. At least she was making some sort of response. Her breathing had finally calmed down, and Ben felt her hand grip at the one on her waist. Her calloused fingers intertwining with his.

“I’m sorry.” Rey stuttered. Her eyes looking at the ground where their feet fell. “I don’t know what came over me.” Her hand gripped harder at his, needing more contact.

Ben sighed, giving her waist a small squeeze. “Rey you don’t have to apologize. Me of all people know what it is like to lose control. The dark side can be uncontrollable at times,”

Rey shuddered. _The dark side._ Is that what she had felt. The power that surged through her. _The power she craved as she swung her fist._ It had blinded her senseless.

“Rey, you're okay.” Ben said, leaning down closer to Rey. She could feel his breath ghost her cheeks. “You’re in control; you didn’t fall to the dark.”  
  


Rey kept her eyes on the dirt ahead of them. She could hear his words, but not focus her body to look at him.

“You’re the strongest person I know Rey. Hell, stronger than I was.” Ben spoke to her. His eyes fell to the ground like he was almost nervous about what he was saying. Rey involuntarily gripped his hand harder, unknowingly trying to offer him comfort. Ben couldn’t quite tell why that action pushed him on, but she needed to hear this. _He needed to say this._

“When I’m with you…” Ben’s voice broke. The weight of his emotions pressing down on him.

“You make me forget about all the terrible things I’ve done. Like I somehow can come back from that point. That those actions don’t define my future.”

Rey broke her gaze from the ground to finally look up at his face. She searched their bond and felt the wave of emotions he was experiencing.

“You give me hope.” He finally finished, raising his eyes to meet hers.

_Hope_

It was a funny word. Having one simple definition but somehow meaning so many different things to so many different people. Rey thinks back to her time on the island with Luke. She had thought the older man had been their last hope. That was until reality set in and that hope was replaced. Replaced by a certain dark-haired, brooding face, who reached his hand across the galaxy, show how finding her own. A face that showed the shadows of his past that still haunted his features. _Then he is our last hope._ She had spoken those words with so much conviction to Luke. Rey looked into those brooding eyes and now realized that those words still stood true, despite the bumps in the road. 

She slowly rid her head of all the waves of anger that had torn through her. Knowing that when she was with him, her— _Their—_ path was clear. Rey nodded her head at him, a small grin finding its way onto her lips.

“Okay.” He returned, leaning down further to brush a kiss to the crown of her head. Rey closed her eyes and took a long, drawn-out breath _She was okay. He wouldn’t let her go down that path._

Exhaling slowly, Rey looked back at their unknown course ahead. Her mind was finally free of the pressure that had been bearing over her. The pain in her chest now a dull ache. _They would try the radio again later._

—  
  


The red sun was sinking below the horizon, sending a glassy glow across the landscape of Telos. Rose stood at the windowsill watching the bleeding giant sink beneath the rocky hills before her. The air was quiet. Almost everyone had retired to their bunks for the night. Only Leia and Poe were still in meetings, trying to persuade potential allies. Their numbers had been growing but they still were only a small group of rebels. Nothing compared to the magnitude of the First Order.

_Somehow_. Rose thought. Hope will always prevail. Love with save them. Save the galaxy.

Her fingers coiled their way around the bronze medallion that hung against her chest. Her mind scurrying around trying to work the problem. There was always a problem. Her train of thought was broken by the interruption of small beeps, scraps, and the occasional bang of a hand against the radio.

Finn sat at a small table against the adjacent wall. An oversized radio took up most of the wooden surface. The brows on the man’s face sat scrunched in concentration as his hands twiddled with the knobs on the device in front of him.

The short woman moved away from the view outside the window to move over toward the occupied man. Leaning her hands on the side of the table, she watched Finn’s hand movements as he scanned through channel lines. They sat there for a few minutes listening to the continual static hoping for any break in the radio waves.

Rose tried to understand what Finn was going through. Rey had been his best friend. And now she had just vanished. It was like she had died, Finn’s perfect image of the woman cracking. Rose found it unfair of Finn to place that notion on Rey. Nobody could be perfect. The absent women didn’t deserve that amount of pressure thrust upon her.

Rose didn’t know what to think of the conspiracy that she was hiding out with Kylo Ren. Everything she had heard about him had been terrible. The scar on Finn’s back could attest to that. But despite all that, Rose knew there was something more than what was said. The general’s eyes glazing over every time the topic of Kylo Ren came into their conversation, Poe’s shifting uneasily on his feet. Something else was going on. Something she didn’t know about.

But Rose was a hopeful person, she liked to believe there was always still good in people. Even, she thought, in the dark lord. Her sister had taught her that. So, she stuck with Finn, determined to help him find his friend. Or be there to help him cope if the worst outcome comes to light.

The man beside her groaned as he flipped through the open channels for the tenth time.  
  


“She will com us, Finn” Rose assured him, reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder. “When she’s ready.”

Finn didn’t take his eyes off the radio. “I know Rose.” He responded, breaking his stretch of silence. He brought his hand up to cover her smaller one, squeezing slightly.

Another five minutes went by of them scanning the static before an idea popped into her head.

“Try the private line. Use Leia’s code.”

Finn shook his head slightly. “What are you talking about?”

Rose tilted her head at him. _Oh yeah, he’s really only been here conscious for a few days._

Leaning over Finn, Rose typed in the private code into the radio. Finn’s eyes watching her insightfully.

A moment passed before the radio spit out a sound indicating that there was a past communication attempt that had gone unanswered. A few more seconds passed before the static broke.

_“Hello? Can anyone hear me? It’s Rey, I need to talk to the Resistance leaders. We’re alive.”_

Rose gasped.

—

After walking along through the lush green woods for a few minutes. Rey finally broke their silence.

“Where are you taking me?” She asked Ben who was leading her through the rough. His hand fell warm against her waist. It gave her the strength to stay upright, following his steps. Her skin prickled around his grasp, sending a pleasant shudder though Rey’s stomach.

“It’s a surprise sweetheart” Ben responded with that annoying smirk on his face. Rey loved that smirk. “It’s just around the bend”

Rey quickened their pace, needing to know where they were heading.

Breaking out of the woods, Rey came face to face with the most breathtaking view. The entire horizon was encompassed with the most beautiful blue water. The sun bounced off the surface breaking into a million sparkles dancing across the veneer of water. Her feet took her forward, breaking her contact with Ben’s hands.

It took her breath away. She had never seen anything so beautiful. Her jaw dropped open slightly, allowing a breathy exhale to exit her mouth.

Ben leaned down; his mouth grazed against the outside of her ear. “Do you like it?”

Rey let out a breathy laugh. _How could you not?_

She turned away from the beautiful view to look into his beautiful eyes. Just as expansive and deep as the lake in front of them. They were the kind of eyes that she would let herself get lost in.

Abruptly, a soft drop of water pelted her skin. Looking up she saw grey clouds breaking across the sky, the sun still streaming through them creating glassy rainbows in the air.

Rey’s lips grew into a full blown smile as the sheets of water came down around them. It soaked through their clothes, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to care. It was the most heavenly sensation that she had ever experienced. Standing there with Ben in the rain, Rey let out a hearty laugh. Her shoulders shaking.

Ben’s hair stuck to his head. The rain running into his boots. Normally he would be annoyed or cynical. But to stand there watching Rey laugh with delight, the rain and wind blowing around her, enhancing her angelic features; it consumed Ben. Her laugh was infectious and overtook him as well.

Rey’s eyes crinkled as she continued laughing, her gaze glancing all around them.

After a few moments, the two froze, staring into each other’s eyes. They stopped laughing. Ben reached out and took her shoulders, hesitated for an instant, then kissed her lips as the water rained down around them. Rey still knew nothing about kissing but Ben didn’t seem to care, his lips moving passionately against hers.

They broke away and looked at each other, wondering how they had been given the chance to be together with the galaxy stuck in chaos. He lifted a strand of her hair gently, brushing the water to the ground. His heart beat wildly, finally coming to life after all the years in darkness. Of all the fleeting loves he had known in his unpredictable family; nothing had ever felt like this.

“Ben” Rey breathed, steam rising off her lips, filling the space between them. Something filled her core. A new warmth, a feeling Rey had never experienced before but wanted to with him

Tilting her head, she kissed him again, the fire within her growing larger. Bolder.

Tugging Ben to her by the shirt, the pair stumbled back into the woods toward their ship. Never breaking away from each other for more than a glance to see where they were going. They dragged each other through the trees, eagerly pressing their bodies together. The fire burning bright, the force hummed, pushing them along.

And for the first time in her life, Rey’s heart truly felt full.

—

Ben grasped Rey by the hips, hauling her body upward toward him. She felt her feet leave the ground and wrapped her legs around his waist. His body was warm against her skin, heat crackling into the air.

His mind was practically yelling across the bond to her. His passion flowing its way into her mind, forcing her to press her lips to his with increased intensity. A soft moan came from somewhere deep in Ben’s throat, effecting Rey in a way she didn’t know was possible.

Rey briefly took in the walls of their ship. The green of the forest falling away, replaced by the grey walls of the craft. The world fled away, leaving just Ben and Rey wrapped around each other.

The outside problems went away. They weren’t being hunted, the war wasn’t raging on across the galaxy, they were just two people pressed together, completely intertwined within each other. _Happy._

Rey could feel Ben leaning down and registered the feeling of the scratchy blankets against her back. His teeth pulled at her bottom lip, biting down creating a pleasant pain Rey didn’t know existed. An unknown sound came from her body. Her lips softened, her hands gliding down his shoulders to explore his back. She could feel his muscles straining under his shirt. Still wet from the rain, his shirt clung to his body.

Ben’s hands, now relieved from holding Rey up, now found their way to the hem of her shirt pushing up slightly. His fingers brushed over the sliver of exposed skin, goosebumps trailing behind them.

Pulling him down, Rey pressed her body into his, needing more and more contact. Her senses were overwhelmed. Her brain foggy, her ears only could hear the sound of his breath hitching. The more she took in of him, the deeper she fell. Gripping at his shirt, Rey didn’t know if there was anything that could make her happier than this.

“ _REY?”_

One of his hands moved down her thigh, hooking in further around his waist. His fingers splayed across the entire outside of her leg.

“ _REY? Can you hear me?”_

Ben’s stubble glided roughly against her skin and he lowered his lips to nip at her neck. Her fingers fisted at his hair….

“ _REY!”_

Finally breaking out of the trance, Rey shot up, Ben rolling off of her. He fell next to her, letting out a huff of confusion. Whipping her head around she searched for the sound. _She swore she could hear…_

_“Rey! It’s Finn, please answer”_

Rey exhaled slightly in disbelief.

—

Kiara walked swiftly through the halls of the dark temple. She had left Valtar behind on the ship, the force pulling her toward the center of the planet.

Snoke had always whispered about the old worlds. Planets where ancient force users would train and connect with the force. Neither light nor dark, they had experienced unbelievable power, unmatchable by a normal being. Drosmand rumored to be the most powerful of them all.

Kiara could feel the waves of the force radiating off the walls of the structure. It flowed off her surroundings penetrating her skin, leaving a sting aching across her body.

Forcing her feet forward, she pressed deeper into the thick air. Her path was only visible by the ghostly white glow pouring through the hazy windows sunken into the walls.

Turning a corner, Kiara came across a deep black pool. It pulled her in, she waded into the cool water. Closing her eyes, her legs fell out from beneath her, water pushing its way all over her body.

Electricity bounced though the water, stinging her. The pain ached, but a new, exhilarating energy piercing through her skin. Fighting the pressure, Kiara focused her mind, searching for her greatest desire.

Rushing through the fabric of the galaxy, Kiara felt her mind winding across vast amounts of space. Her body disconnected, lost to her. She couldn’t feel her limbs, but it didn’t scare her. A new power found its way into her. Gritting her teeth, she reached out for the pain.

The darkness beneath her lids exploded into a lush, expansive jungle of green. Spinning around, Kiara found herself exactly where she wanted to be.

Gazing through the trees, she saw Kylo and the Jedi girl. And _oh,_ did they seem to be rather close.

She heard a foreign sound. It shocked her; unnatural it was something that should never be produced. _Kylo was laughing_

His deep voice breaking away revealing a strange noise coming from somewhere in his throat. _He was laughing at her._

Looking at the Jedi girl, she had a bright smile on her face, gazing back at Kylo. It was sickening.

Leaning forward, Kylo captured the girl’s lips with his own. Kiara could flop over and die right there. _If ruling the galaxy wasn’t so tempting, she might’ve considered it._

She hadn’t even considered that Kylo had been genuinely enraptured by the girl. Lust, yes. But Love? Kylo wasn’t capable. Kiara had seen him tear apart countless enemies and now here he was melting at this stupid girl’s feet.

A shake interrupted her sight. The portrait shook, black orbs clouding the picture. _No. She was so close._

Fighting the outside pull of the force, Kiara’s mind burned, she could feel her brain igniting in her skull. She gripped at the picture, trying to pull herself back. She needed to find where they were.

But a thick rope pulled on her leg, barbs sinking into her, ensnaring her further, dragging her further and further away from her vision.

Taking a deep breath, Kiara broke through the water’s surface, finding herself back on the shore of the underground lake on Drosmand.

Rapping her fists against the ground, the knight let out an anguished scream. Trying to expel all of her frustrations into the sand below.

Suddenly, her entire body convulsed, an unknown current flowed through her bones, pushing its way into her mind. The only thing she saw was white.

And as quickly as it had come, the new force left, leaving Kiara gasping and dripping on the ground. Her purple fingers gripped at the dirt, squishing the black substance under her broken fingernails.

Not caring about where this new force had come from, or who had sent it, Kiara raised her face to look in front of her, a ghastly grin rose on her lips. Her eyes now a haunting orange-yellow.

_That’s where they are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm? Yeah, shits about to hit the fan.
> 
> Ohhhh I love a good rain kiss and Ben and Rey deserve all the rain kisses in the world. They don't really know what they are going to do next, but I'm sure events in the next few chapters will force them to figure it out! Ben is so soft for Rey and I love it.
> 
> Rose continues to stay one of the smartest and most insightful individuals in this story! I can't wait for her and Rey to finally have a proper introduction! Since the storylines are converging, we will start seeing a lot more of Leia, Poe, Finn, and Rose!
> 
> The force obviously doesn’t want Kiara to find Rey and Ben because she is abusing the dark side of the force. This is why she gets kicked out of her force vision but someone (Who may or may not have been lurking in the woods earlier) Reaches out at gives her the information she needs.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and see you next time!


	11. Leave the Daydreams at the Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn faces some hard truths. Kaydel and Rose have a laugh. Rey meets an unknown adversary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Happy belated 4th of July! Have you registered to vote yet??
> 
> This is the chapter where stuff really gets moving. Hold onto your hats!

_“Finn?”_

The man in question sucked in a hard breath, still shocked to hear Rey’s voice. He had half wondered if he had imagined her in the first place. That he had been crazy or seen a ghost. Now to have her voice crackling to him over a shitty radio, in a dusty old room, made Finn shiver. He had barely registered Rose’s hand squeezing his shoulder before leaving and shutting the door behind her.

“Rey?” He spoke quietly into the com system. Before, he had been so quick and ready to contact her. But now? He was at a loss of words. Hearing her response, in her normal Rey-sounding voice gave Finn false confidence. That she was simply on the run from Kylo Ren, hiding out on some faraway planet waiting for the Resistance to come to save her. But Hux’s words whispered from the back of Finn’s head.

_“It’s great to hear your voice”_ the speakers voiced. She sounded breathless; her words broken up with pants in between.

Finn still sat silent, unable to voice the words he had been screaming over and over the past few days.

_“Finn? Are you still there?”_ Rey asked quickly, panic rising into her voice, worried that the connection had broken.

“I’m here.” Finn confirmed. “Just a little stunned to hear your voice. A lot has been happening.” He couldn’t get the image of her and Kylo Ren fighting together out of his head. Couldn’t stop feeling the sharp slice of the red lightsaber against his spine.

_“I can imagine.”_ Rey’s voice trailed off. She too struggling to find the right words to say. _“But you are all safe?”_

Safe was a relative term. Safe from who? The First Order? For now. Kylo Ren? Always a threat. And Rey?

Finn made the choice to force his thoughts of concern away. “Yes, we are all safe. Those who survived that is….” He spoke, thinking back to the small group of people that had managed to escape Crait.

Rey exhaled slowly over the com, taking in his words.

“Rey where are you? Are you safe?” Finn questioned her, the words heavy as he finally found them “We will come to get you, wherever you are. The Resistance needs you to come back”

_“Finn—”_ Rey started before cutting herself off. _“I will come back, I….. I just can’t right now. It’s not safe. If I come back now, it will put all of you at risk. We both know there is a bounty out for me right now.”_

Finn silently grunted, leaning down to press his head into the table in frustration. Hux’s words still biting at his brain.

“Oh, come on Rey! Screw the bounty, you and I both know you could get here without being seen. Give yourself some credit.” Finn said, his voice rising. The thoughts that had been eating away at him since the release of Hux’s tape. He had pushed them down since now, but her image was breaking, his faith wavering. The thought that Rey was somehow working with that monster—

_“Finn! It’s too dangerous! You know that the First Order has spies everywhere!”_

“This is about him.” Finn interrupted her. “You left with him.” It wasn’t a question. He was just waiting for confirmation.

Silence emitted from the other half of the line. It quickly became apparent that she wasn’t denying his accusation.

Finn scoffed, his hands still trembling. “Who’s the traitor now?” He spoke simply, throwing out the old nickname that had tied him to the First Order. His voice was quiet now. Defeated.

_“Finn please! Ben is not what you think!”_ Rey exclaimed, her words pouring out of her. _“He is changing, there is still light in him!”_ Her breaths were quick, panicked

_Ben_. He exhaled _._ Finn had defended her, fought for her. But he quickly realized that Poe had been right. Hell, Hux had been right.

“Tell that to the scar up my back or the screams Poe lets out in the middle of the night. Rey, that….thing is a monster. You haven’t seen the half what he is capable of. Slaughtering villages was only a blip on his record. Rey, he kidnapped you!

_“Finn! He has been tormented his whole life! Controlled and abused just like you_ —”

“Do not compare me to him!” Finn shouted into the microphone. The piece of metal straining under his iron grip. His fingers slipping off the device from the sweat that was accumulating from the heated exchange. “Kylo Ren had a choice! He took mine from me!” He spit into the microphone.

“And when you are done trying to play savior and placing your belief in a false god and a silly religion, let me know.” Finn continued, his voice hard and unbreakable. “But for now. You are a flight risk to the survival of the Resistance.”

 _“Finn”_ Rey breathed. She sounded on the verge of tears, if they were not yet falling down her face.

A small twinge stung in Finn’s heart. _Rey was good. Rey was his friend._ He wanted to take it all back, say that he would pick her up from whatever backwater planet she is on. Her warm embrace on Starkiller base flooded back to him. The relief they had both felt to be reunited. The feeling as though everything would be okay even in their darkest of moments. But all of that was washed away and he was met with the faceless gaze of a dark mask. One he had seen kill many innocent people.

“Good-bye Rey.” Finn whispered softly. His voice hiding his small hope that she was just kidding. That she wasn’t with the dark side killer, she was simply stranded on a faraway world.

_“Finn, please—”_

Finn flipped off the radio, cutting her voice off. His chest ached; tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. _Oh, Rey. What have you gotten yourself into?_

—

Ben walked outside, the tall grass brushing gently against his boot-covered ankles. After getting over the initial shock of the radio, he had left Rey inside to speak with FN-2187 _— No.— Finn. Is that what she had called him?_

He knew that Rey had to talk to the former stormtrooper alone. Him being present would only complicate the situation. He chuckled quietly. _As if their situation wasn’t already complicated._

The only thing that was simple was her. Just Rey. He knew that he would follow her anywhere. Even back to the Resistance if that’s what she really wanted. Silently, he thanked her for understanding his wishes to stay away. _But still._ Even if it killed him….

Smoothing his hands over his shirt, Ben tried to remove the wrinkles that had presented themselves. The thought of how they had gotten there danced through his mind. Rey’s lips on his, her hands all over him. His whole body shuddered as if her hands were still on him. Ben could feel a slight blush come to his cheeks. Their emotions had been all over the place. He didn’t quite understand what had come over himself, or her for that matter. It was dangerous, their emotions and thoughts being blow wide open. Stars, they had to figure out a way to keep that in check.

Ben thought back to the first time they had met. Her face was desperate in the forest. Desperate to get away from him. A forest much like the one they were in now. Ghosting his fingers over his swollen lips, Ben chuckled once again. _My how things have changed._ It felt like another life.

A sense of fear flashed through Ben. Looking around, he thought about everything going on outside of their bubble right now. The galaxy was in Chaos. The First Order and the Resistance still at war, many dying every day. A bounty on Rey and him…. Ben knew he had to protect her, and they needed to start somewhere. Maybe he did know where they should go next.

A wave of emotion broke his train of thought. Relief, sadness, ignorance flowed through Rey’s end of the bond. Furrowing his eyebrows, Ben tried to reach out and look for what Rey and the stormtrooper were talking about. But nothing, Rey’s mind was clamp shut, all of her energy focused on the conversation she was having, it was overwhelming her emotionally. All he could feel was her overactive emotions.

Ben had to force his foot not to take a step back into the shuttle and investigate further. She would tell him later. As much as Ben didn’t like it, Rey needed this time without him right now.

Another minute passed before Rey’s mind opened slowly to him. He caught words flowing through her mind. _Traitor, false god, monster._ His heart rate quickened, the words screaming at him through her mind over and over. Louder and Louder.

_Traitor, false god, monster. Traitor, false god, monster. TRAITOR, FALSE GOD, MONSTER._

The air seemed to thicken up, the mugginess of the atmosphere almost choking him. He dipped his head down, trying to calm his breathing. _That isn’t who you are anymore. Don’t feed the temptation. Breath!_

Quick steps broke through his panic and the feelings of worry and self-loathing immediately disappeared as he saw Rey walking down the ramp, her eyes still a little red. They contrasted her still swollen lips. Ben met her halfway, one of his hands coming to rest on her waist, the other on her cheek.

“Rey?” questioned softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, really.” She spoke, her breathing shaky. “Reality is just starting to sink in.”  
  


Her words struck him, and his fingers tensed up.  
  
“I don’t think I quite knew the extent of how bad our situation was here.” She breathed out. That was the understatement of the eon. Their moments of happiness blinded them to the truth of their situation. They were being hunted. To be killed and strung up.

Ben tightened his grip on her. Her words hitting his ears sorely. “Everything will be alright. We will be alright” He assured her. Her arms wrapped around his waist as she sought comfort in his embrace. Ben automatically wrapped his arms around her, as if he could shield her from all the stones being thrown at them. _They would find a way._

A few moments passed before she spoke again, her words muffled by his shirt. “Well, I don’t think the Resistance wants me back” Rey spoke with a cynical laugh.

Ben responded with a grim smile. “I’m sorry, I can take the blame for that.”

Rey tensed in his arms before pulling away and looking straight into his eyes. “No.” She spoke matter of factly. “If they can’t see that you have changed then it is their fault.”

He huffed. “I haven’t exactly given them a reason to trust me.” Ben spoke, inadvertently defending those he sought for so long to destroy. His mother’s eyes flashed behind his own and he shivered. “I’ve done a lot of terrible things”

“Just because someone has made mistakes, doesn’t mean they are unforgivable.” She trembled, holding him closer. Rey knows what he did. She knows who he was. It was her choice to reconcile with those things, he still had to carry the pain of those actions.

“As long as you still have faith in me, I’m okay.” Ben replied, his words holding a promise to never let go. A promise deeper than either of them realized at that moment.

“For now.” Rey smiled.

_Forever._ Ben thought but didn’t put it into words. As long as he had her, Ben didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought of him. He knew that her opinion was the only one that mattered.

The pair stood there wrapped up in each other for a few more thoughtless moments before Ben remembered his plans from earlier.

“I’ve been thinking… with us being hunted and on the run…. What would you think about our next stop being a planet with Kyber?”

Rey froze and looked up at him, vaguely understanding his words but still giving him a pointed brow, encouraging him to continue.

“Since there was a regrettable incident with your…other lightsaber” Ben paused a moment as he thought of his uncle and grandfather’s broken saber. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, opened them, and continued. “I think that it would be best for you to build your own. To move forward.”

_To let the old things, die._ Just not in the way either of them initially thought.

“I’ve been tinkering with the landing gear and I think that we could fix it within the next few days.” Ben rambled.

Rey’s heart fluttered. The thought of finally leaving excited her. It also made her heart ache. The time they had spent here, although tense at first, had been happy. Time had seemed to freeze, for a brief while, they were nobodies, just two people traveling together to a lost planet. Although simple, everything they had here meant so much to Rey, and now that they were leaving, everything was going to change. Leaving meant exposing their relationships to the harsh judgment of the galaxy. Ripping it open and leaving it raw for everyone to see.

Ben seemed to pick up on her indecisive heart. Closing the distance between them, he reached a hand out to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing over the soft skin there. “Hey” he spoke tenderly. “Everything will be fine; we will still be together. You and me.” 

Rey nodded her head, leaning into his touch, finding comfort and warmth through the bond. _Whatever happened. They would be together._ “Okay, let’s do it” Rey spoke, excited at the prospect of getting her own saber.

—

Deciding to give Finn space to talk with Rey (Despite listening to their conversation through the door), Rose made her way to the makeshift reconnaissance station. She, after all, did still have duties. Because the Resistance didn’t have a ton of ships lying around to maintain, Rose had been reassigned to surveillance operations for the time being. This consisted of listening to tapped First Order wires to intercept information. Usually Rose sat there for hours listening to hundreds of cargo transmissions and occasionally writing down landing codes, but otherwise, it was a pretty low maintenance, boring assignment. It could be worse. She could have to sit in on recruiting meetings all day like Poe.

Walking up next to Kaydel, Rose sat down in her usual seat. Static emitted from the speakers, the sound, annoying to most, was now numb to Rose’s ears.

“How is he doing?” Kaydel asked. She had her feet up on the table and was munching on rations.

Rose exhaled. “Well, he heard from Rey.” Kaydel’s eyes widened and she set her feet back on the floor, leaning forward into Rose’s words.

“What!” Kaydel practically screamed. Her assignment clearly less interesting than Resistance gossip.  
  
Rose nodded. “Yeah, but from what I heard on the other side of the door; it wasn’t what he thought was going to happen. I think what Hux said about her being with Kylo Ren was true.”

The other woman gripped the chair, her fingers turning white against the fabric she was sitting in. “No way! So, she has gone to the dark side?”

Rose shook her head, biting her lower lip in thought. “Nah, I don’t think so, from what I could make out, Rey and Kylo Ren sort of teamed up. She had even called him another name.”  
  
Kaydel gave her a knowing look. “Ben?” Rose slowly nodded while throwing a look of confusion toward Kaydel, who shrugged. “Yeah, when you work as an aid to General Organa, you learn some stuff.” 

Rose gave the other a woman a hard look, gesturing with her hand as if to say, ‘Go on’.

“Well don’t tell anyone because I’m sure not a lot of people know but the now Kylo Ren once went by Ben Solo. As in Leia and Han’s son.”  
  
Rose gasped, her mouth falling ajar. _That’s why the general didn’t freak out when she learned that Rey possibly was with him._

“She has hope”  
  
“Mmhmm” Kaydel confirmed, popping another crumb of ration into her mouth. A smug grin finding its way onto her face. Rose gave her another puzzled look.

“What?” Rose asked.

“Oh nothing, I was just wondering when you were going to tell Leia that Rey was getting it on with her son.”

“Kay!” Rose exclaimed shocked. “It’s not like that! At least it didn’t sound like that was the case. Just that he was somehow changing or not as evil as everyone has made him out to be.”  
  
“Okay…” Kaydel replied in a sing-song voice. “But you’ve heard what Leia has said about the dark side being a powerful motivator” She spoke with salacious undertones, her eyebrows waggling.

“Kay!” Rose repeated, hitting the other girl’s arm. Laughs came from both the woman, Rose slightly embarrassed with what Kaydel was insinuating, but happy to be having such a carefree conversation. It had been a depressing few weeks.

Suddenly, the radio crackled in front of them and their laughs silenced. “Back to work as usual” Kaydel spoke, grabbing her note pad off the table in front of them.

_‘Kiara Ren to Supreme Leader Hux. Status: Urgent’_ The computer spit out in an automated voice.

Rose gasped, leaning forward to listen carefully. It wasn’t every day that they listened in to a com between a Knight of Ren and the Supreme Leader.

After a brief pause, the message began playing.

_“Supreme Leader. I am calling to inform you that Valtar and I have located Kylo Ren and the Jedi Woman. They have been hiding out on Odessen, a planet in the wild space. It has been unregulated since the time of the Empire. Valtar and I will engage as soon as we make planetfall. We will have them by the end of tomorrow.”_

_‘Message Ended’_ The automated voice stated.

Kaydel and Rose sat in the darkness, both of their eyes blown wide and mouths hanging open. Slowly they turned to make eye contact with each other.

“I’ll tell Leia!” Kaydel spoke quickly, shooting up from her seat.

“I’ll try to warn Rey and Kylo!” Rose shouted as the other woman made her way out of the reconnaissance bay and sprinted back toward where Finn had the radio and direct line to Rey and Kylo.

—

Rey made her way towards Celeste’s shop. The dust from the ground scuffing her boots as she walked. Ben had stayed back to work on fixing the landing gear, him being the best option since he knew so much about First Order ships. He also spit out something about ‘Celeste still not liking him’. Rey had simply laughed at him, kissing him goodbye as she made her way through the woods toward town.

Today, the usually lively town was uncharacteristically quiet. Not even Orozco was in his usual spot behind his stand. Rey briefly wondered how long Ben's mind trick would last on the vile Junk trader. _Hopefully forever._

An uneasiness was being held in the air, Rey couldn’t put her finger on it, but something was different. The atmosphere somehow tenser. Rey brushed it off. She wouldn’t be here long. It was just one stop.

She was here to get some extra gear from Celeste. This was bittersweet for her. It was probably the last time she would see the old woman, and Rey had grown quite fond of her.

Climbing up the steps of Celeste’s shop, Rey paused. She could hear Finn’s voice in her head. _Traitor._ Rey understood why he was upset, all of his interactions with Ben had been negative ones. Finn blamed all of the pain he had suffered from being in the First Order on Ben, failing to realize that Ben was taken to. Brainwashed into drinking Snoke’s lies. But she couldn’t worry about that now. Rey would find a way to make him see, but right now, she had more pressing issues.

Pushing forward, Rey arrived at her destination.

“Celeste?” Rey spoke, assuming the older woman was in the backroom as always.

“Hello, Rey.” A voice came, startling Rey. Throwing her gaze in the direction of the sound, she found Celeste standing behind the counter. Rey had never seen her there before.

Flipping her eyes up and down the body of the small woman. Rey tried to read the room. Something was different. No longer was Celeste surrounded by calming, bright energy. It was replaced by something else. The air was heavy, pushing down all around Rey.

“Celeste?” Rey repeated again. She involuntarily took a step back toward the door. “Are you okay?”

“Of course, my dear.” The woman replied in a dark tone that penetrated Rey, leaving her unsettled. Something was very very wrong.

“What’s going on?” Rey thought back to when she first met Celeste. _You shouldn’t go around advertising your force powers._ Rey was starting to think that Ben’s distrust in the older woman hadn’t been misplaced at all.

“I really do like you Rey. But with all of the commotion, you and Kylo have been creating around here…”

Rey’s mind flashed back to Orozco’s empty stand and the uncharacteristically quiet town.

“As I told you, there are necessary evils in the world. A balance must be maintained. You can’t save everyone, Rey. As much as you like to believe you can.” Celeste spoke in her now eerie voice.

Tears sprang to the back of her eyes. _You look for your parents everywhere._ She had trusted Celeste with her and Ben’s life. And now they might be paying for it.

“How can you say that! People in this town are starving. They are dying! And you think that we are the problem?” Rey spit back at the woman.

“People starve and die every day around the galaxy. Why do you think helping one or two kids would make a difference? You are still a naive child, clinging to the first man who gave her attention.”

“Stop.” Rey spoke. The tears free-falling down her face. _‘I don’t think she likes me’_ Ben’s voice echoed in her mind.

“You think that for one minute when it comes down to it, that he will choose you over your power? He sees what I see. Force powers. That is it. There will always be men like him.” Celeste was stoking her insecurities. Rey could now tell that the older woman was much more in tune with the force than she initially let on. Not in the physical sense, but spiritually, mentally, Celeste had power. Rey now knew what had led the woman to go blind. Ben had explained it to her one night. Abuse of power leads to abuse of the body.

“You don’t know him as I do.” Rey told Celeste. Finally finding the strength she needed. She found it in him. In Ben and their bond.

“Don’t be foolish Rey. They are coming, probably almost here. If you leave now, you can go back to the Resistance. Just because you are strong with the force doesn’t mean you can fix the galaxy without help. Leave him behind.”

Taking another step back from her glassy white eyes, Rey gasped. She had to get to Ben. They had to leave. Turning to go, she felt a hand grab her wrist. Whipping around, Celeste was now right beside her. Her bony fingers clawed around Rey’s arm, her unnatural strength once again presenting itself.

“Rey. You are making a mistake. Trust me”

_Do you trust me?_ The memory of Ben came again.

Rey shook her head. Wrenching her arm away from the woman she had poured her trust into. “No.” She told Celeste sternly through gritted teeth. “Rot in Hell” Rey exclaimed before breaking away into the street.

Running, Rey focused on placing one foot in front of the other. She had to get back to Ben.

As she stumbled away from the once-beloved shop, Rey’s ears were ringing. The sound of twin ion engines burned overhead. Looking up, she was met with a ship that mirrored Ben’s Silencer, only bigger. Meant for more than one person. Her fingers wrapped themselves around the blaster strapped at her hip. Her only defense for what was to come.

The Knights were here. They had found them.

—

Ben had a pit in his stomach. Ever since Rey had left, his nerves had been getting the best of him. As much as he would’ve felt better to go along with her to town, they would get off this planet quicker if they divided the work. Ben knew their luck was running out, they needed to keep moving. It made him sad to leave their little safe haven behind but in order to move forward….. It had to be done.

He was currently elbow-deep in the guts of this stupid ship, more work to be done then he would’ve liked. Despite his screaming thoughts, the air was silent. The perfect environment for Ben’s thoughts to taunt him. The perfect environment to make him worry like crazy.

He trusted Rey. Hell, she was probably a better fighter than him. But with everything going on, the bounty, the entire galaxy hunting them, he was still worried.

Suddenly, a static screech tore through his silence, distracting him away from the concerns in his head. _What the fuck?_

Looking around, he saw the radio blazing red and beeping frantically. Practically jumping off the table for his attention.

A voice rang out into the air. _“Rey?? Please answer!”_ It was a female voice, so it couldn’t be Finn or that insufferable pilot Dameron. “My name is Rose, I’m with the Resistance!”

Scoffing, Ben walked over to the console. Pausing and closing his eyes, he debated responding. These were the people who have tried to kill him on numerous occasions. His own mother led them, and she sent him away.

But… the woman sounded frantic. It was obviously important.

_“Please Rey, you and Kylo are in danger!”_

Ben froze. Both at the sound of his old pseudonym and the word _danger._

Robotically, Ben reached for the comm, his fingers trembling. Slowly, he raised the device to his lips.

“What is the issue?” His deep voice emanated across the wire. Nervously, he waited for a response.

The woman on the other end gave a hard, long pause. _What was her name? Rose?_ Ben could hear her shaky breaths coming from the other end of the call.

“Rose please, tell me what is going on.” He spoke again, his voice pleading with the unknown woman on the other end of the com.

“Kylo Ren?” Rose spoke, barely above a whisper.

“Er… Um— Sure.” Ben replied. He didn’t really have time for formalities. “Please, tell me what is wrong. Rey will be back shortly.”

The woman paused again. With every second of silence that passed, Ben grew more and more on edge. _What is going on?_

“Rose please.” He repeated, trying to coax the woman out of silence.

“You are in danger.” Came across the line. “The—the First Order, they know where you are. The Knights of Ren are coming.

Ben almost dropped the microphone. His eyes blew wide, His mind raced to Rey. He needed to get to her. They needed to leave. Now.

_Oh fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, snap, we're spinning. Kiara is coming with all of her dangerous, badass self. I have always loved a twist and making Celeste the one who turns them in and the one who was lurking in the woods was always something I wanted to do. Because of course! Why would she help a couple of people who she had just met and would have no reason to trust! Especially if they are fugitives on the run!
> 
> I love the idea of grey characters and Celeste happens to be mine. She isn't doing this because she is pure evil, she just has her own motivations and that's okay. Not everyone is going to agree with our main characters. Rey has always thrown her trust into people so quickly. First with Finn, then with Luke, then Kylo, now with Celeste. Hopefully, this is the last time she will get burned.
> 
> One thing I also love to do it to take the same line and give it different meanings at different points in the story! "Oh Rey what have you gotten yourself into" means something different to Finn now that he knows the truth about where Rey has been. Finn is just a bit in shock right now, hopefully he will come around soon. 
> 
> The sequence with Kaydel and Rose was honestly some of the most fun I have had writing before! I didn't really see a spot for Kaydel in this story, but now she's definitely getting more time!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading!


	12. Burn the Town and Don't Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knights of Ren reunion! Rey is pretty badass. When will Finn get his head screwed on straight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo! Happy to be back with a new chapter! I sort of suck at writing action scenes so please please please bear with me through those parts! Otherwise, thanks for reading and I hope this gets your heart rate UP!

As soon as Kiara’s boots hit the ground, she could feel them. This was it. They were here. Something about this planet was special. She felt it in the air that swirled around her, whipping her hair. Her blood pulsed quicker through her veins, the winding purple lines intensifying underneath her skin.

She had chosen to forgo her mask. Kiara needed to look into Kylo Ren’s eyes as she killed his Jedi. She imagined him on his knees, a weak man, begging for her mercy.

Looking around, her eyes fell on a small town. Nothing particularly stood out about it. But still… it intrigued Kiara. Something was pulling her in, almost reaching for her. But it wasn’t what she was seeking. Kiara had felt it before, as she clawed at the black dirt on Drosmand. A smile grew on her lips, but the mysterious calling card would have to wait.

“You go that way. Eyes up, only incapacitate them. Hux needs them to be recognizable for the press.” She spoke as Valtar walked up to stand next to her. His mask also long-forgotten, without looking at her.

“But _don’t_ let them get away.” She spoke sternly to her companion. Valtar gave a gruff sound of approval before walking off in the other direction.

Kiara closed her eyes, tilting her head up, she felt the rush of wind blow past her. Looking in its direction, she saw an expansive tree line beyond a rolling hill. Placing her hand on her arm, she pressed her sharp nails into her skin. Hissing at the pain, but still pushing forward, Kiara closed her eyes and pictured the landscape.

She saw everything. The town. The forest. The river and lakes hidden within those trees. But something far more vibrant grabbed her attention. The cadence of two small feet hitting the ground in quick succession. Each time they hit the dirt; Kiara could feel the force pushing out of them. Panic vibrated though the ground as each foot hit the grass below.

Opening her eyes, her eyes trained on a small grey dot darting through the tall grass just outside of the field.

A predatory smile spread across her face as she stalked off toward the frightened girl running toward the woods.

—

The tall grass cut at Rey’s ankles as she hurried back toward the ship. Her eardrums were pounding, the only thing she could hear was the sound of blood rushing through her veins.

_She had to get back. They needed to leave._

Rey didn’t darn look back, frightened at what she might find. A haunting memory resurfaced, forcing her to cry out. The

Her past of stealing and scavenging came back. Running from others who dared tried to hurt her, steal what she had stolen. Rey could almost feel their dirty arms around her, pulling her toward the ground below. Their fingernails leaving divots and scars in her skin. She had always escaped then. _Was her time up now?_

Her lungs burned, the dry air scrapping across her windpipe. She forced her feet to keep moving forward.

_If they were found, they would be dead._

The field seemed to stretch out endlessly in front of her. Each step she took felt backwards. Rey focused on her feet, putting one step in front of the other. Water blurred her vision, the wind pulling the tears from her eyes.

Wiping the tears away from her face, Rey threw them back into the wind. Looking up, she gasped in relief, a black spot marred the expansive green tree line. Poking out like the most wonderous sore thumb.

Locking eyes with Ben, Rey noticed how wildly disheveled he looked. His hair whipped all over his head, sweat dripping down his brow, his lightsaber clasped hard in his grip.

Not breaking her speed, Rey finally was able to close the distance between them. She crashed into him, wrapping her arms around him strongly. His followed suit, just as desperately. His face fell into her shoulder, his breathing unstable.

“Stars, I thought I lost you.” Ben spoke breathlessly. “The bond—

Rey cut him off with a desperate kiss, pulling back, she nodded in response, gripping him tighter. Breathing in his scent, Rey tried to memorize it, trying to learn things she should know about him before they died.

“The Knights are here” Ben stated quickly, not caring that she was probably already aware of that fact.

“I know.” She responded automatically. “It was Celeste. She sold us out.” Rey told him, pulling out of his embrace.

“We need to leave. Now.” Ben spoke quickly. He didn’t say I told you so to the revelation about the older woman.

“I know” Rey repeated.

Ben nodded. Surveying her body, He spotted a bruise blemishing her arm. _“Are you hurt”_ ghosted on Ben’s lips, but he realized that if she had been injured terribly, he would’ve felt it.

“The ship isn’t ready.” Rey stated. Her words laced with panic.

“It doesn’t need to be. We just need to get to the old Empire base and hope there is a ship working enough to get us out of here.”

A cold shiver ran down Rey’s spine as she thought back to the last time they were there. Ben reached his hand out toward her, waiting for Rey to take it.

“They are probably junk! We don’t know if they will even fly!” She spoke, her arms flailing around flippantly.

  
“Well, it’s our best bet out of here unless you have another suggestion!” Ben spoke at her, urgently. He motioned with his hand again reminding her that they were being hunted. And all out of options.

After shaking her head in frustration and racking her brain of anything else, Rey relented. “Okay. Okay, let’s go” She said before taking his hand and turning toward the forest.

The pair took two steps before a haunting voice cut through the wind. Ben stopped in his tracks. His motion caused Rey to be pulled back before she could take another step forward.

“Are you really going to leave without saying hello? That’s no way to treat a friend Kylo.”

Ben closed his eyes and winced. He hadn’t heard this voice in a long time and each word she spoke cut into him like an old memory. Slowly, Ben turned around, his hand letting go of Rey’s.

Finally bringing his eyes up to face his past, Ben was startled by her appearance. Her helmet removed showcased the sinister shade of her now fiery eyes. They contrasted horrifically to the splotchy bone white color of her skin.

Otherwise, Kiara’s appearance was quite reminiscent of the past Ben had tried so hard to forget. Her black robes whipped in the wind. Her hood pulled up over her head. Lightsaber clipped to her belt.

“Come on Kylo, its rude not to introduce me.” Kiara spoke again. A false sense of decency coated her words. Her eyes focused on Rey. Kiara’s harsh gaze making Ben very uncomfortable. He could feel Rey shifting slightly behind him, squirming under the intensity of her yellow eyes.

“I don’t know what you are planning to do Kiara. You won’t win this fight.” Ben spoke cautiously, looking for any sudden movements from the knight. He always had a dislike for Kiara, her violent, unstable tendencies reminded Ben of a side of himself her didn’t like to revisit. All the parts he hated. All throughout training, she had always been trying to undermine him. His hand found his lightsaber and gripped at the cool metal.

“Now Kylo, we can resolve this without weapons. Just come with me. Hux is eager to see you,” Kiara coaxed in her fake voice, a little higher pitch than Ben had remembered. “As well as your little girlfriend.” She spoke, narrowing her eyes at the woman next to Ben.

“Ben we need to go” Rey whispered to him, leaning her head up, trying to hide her words from the woman standing across from them  
  


“Ben?” the darksider asked, tilting her head in amusement. She took a step toward the couple.

Rey wrapped her hand around Ben’s arm, giving it a small tug. The man took the opportunity to put himself between Rey and Kiara. An action that didn’t go unnoticed by the knight who was looking the couple up and down, pensively. She took another step forward.

“Ahh….Ben” Kiara mocked her, a dangerous grin breaking across her stone white face. “You really have gone soft, Kylo. For ratty desert trash no less.” She brought her hands together, starting to pick at the dirt underneath her cracked fingers.

That is when Ben and Rey noticed Kiara’s hands. Bruised in purple, her fingernails splitting and black. Rey exhaled slightly. _Abuse of the force, abuse of the body._ The sight terrified her; she didn’t like not knowing what her enemies were capable of.

Picking up on her prey’s obvious nervousness, Kiara continued. “I always knew you were weak. Snoke just couldn’t see through your stupid bloodline. Now look at you, Vader would be ashamed.”

Ben internally cursed. Kiara knew all of his insecurities. After all, they had been laid bare throughout their training together, and even now. His biggest weakness standing just behind him. Gritting his teeth, Ben tried to ignore the vicious words Kiara was taunting him with, focusing on Rey’s hand and his attachment to the light.

“Well, as I see you aren’t going to comply.” Kiara stated flatly, her hands falling to the saber strapped to her hip. Pulling it off her belt, the woman ignited it, the crimson color illuminating wildly. “Guess we get to do this the fun way.”

Ben exhaled sharply before unclipping his saber from his belt. Locking eyes with Rey he saw them filled with concern. She was unarmed, bringing a blaster to a lightsaber fight. There wasn’t much help she could offer. Offering a small nod, she released his arm, placing her hand down on the weapon at her hip. He stepped forward, closer to the sharp red blade.

Rey had never seen a saber quite like Kiara’s. Burning red, shorter than Ben’s, and sharpened to a point on top. But given the thought, she hadn’t seen any sabers outside of Luke’s and Ben’s, her shock was somewhat irrelevant. She watched as Ben ignited his saber, the red hue startling her. The color didn’t seem to suit him anymore.

Gazing at his fiery blade, Kiara gave a sinister grin. Spinning her blade flippantly, Rey shivered, an unsettling feeling creeping into her bones. Her hands itched to be useful, to summon the broken saber and force it to ignite.

But nothing. It remained lifeless in the ship, where it had been since they arrived.

After a few steps, Ben stood only a few feet across from Kiara, both their red sabers crackling against the air. His face remained passive. Rey knew he was reluctant to fight. She could feel the conflict building within him, the fear that giving in to the violence would unearth his previous persona.

After a brief pause, Kiara abruptly swung her saber, cutting through the air, her swing aimed at Ben’s upper torso.

Ben easily brought his saber up to deflect her but was struck by the sheer strength behind the strike. It was almost unnatural for someone with Kiara’s stature. But this was the dark side. Ben knew all too well how much it could fuel someone in anger. And _oh_ , was Kiara angry

Surging forward, she thrust her blade at him again. Ben blocked once more, but Kiara quickly spun and lowered her strike toward his legs. He stepped backward, bringing his saber down to the ground, cutting off her path before she could slice off his legs.

Bringing his saber up, still interlocked with hers, he pushed back, separating them once more. Kiara was quick, but Ben’s size and strength still could keep her movements at bay.

Ben aimed his saber at Kiara, trying to anticipate her next advance. Panting, he looked at his opponent down the shaft of his weapon. He didn’t know how long this could go on. His lack of training obviously taking a toll on his form. One slip up and he left Rey defenseless against Kiara.

Rey could feel the exhaustion coming through the bond as she watched the two force users fight. Kiara advanced again, slashing at Ben’s stomach. Rey’s mind was running wild, trying to think of ways they could get out of this.

“Rey!” She heard. Looking up she found Ben and Kiara’s sabers locked again, Ben twisting his cross guard to trap the other saber against his. “Go, get to the ship!” Ben was shouting at her.

He wanted her to leave him. To escape. She exhaled sharply. _we will do it together. You and me._ No, she couldn’t leave him here. What would she have if she did? Ben was her lifeline, and to abandon him here meant losing herself as well. Rey could feel the fire building in him, trying to breakthrough. She couldn’t let it be unleashed.

Without thinking, Rey pulled the blaster from her hip and desperately fired a shot. The laser flew through the air toward Kiara.

The knight narrowly escaped Ben’s saber as she whipped her weapon down to block the blast. Her eyes shot up, looking at Rey in surprise. She had obviously underestimated Rey’s capabilities with the blaster. Ben looked equally shocked and proud as he glanced over. Something in his eyes gleamed at her. Something so unmistakably _Han._

Kiara grunted in annoyance, frantically trying to regain her offensive position. Ben took her momentary distraction to hit a blow to the hilt of her saber. The crimson blade retracted, leaving Kiara defenseless.

Ben, finally able to breathe, took a moment to think. There was no way Kiara was here alone. Surely the other knights were here as well. And that’s when he felt another familiar presence.

Valtar was coming. Ben’s breath faltered. They needed to leave. He could keep Kiara at bay, her skill residing more in the psychological realm of the force. But Valtar…. was particularly gifted in combat. They shouldn’t wait around to see him.

Seeing Ben’s thoughts as if they were her own, and without a pause, Rey threw her hand up and let out an anguished scream. Channeling her own force ability through the air toward Kiara. The energy was dark. Made out of fear and pain.

The knight was lifted off her feet and thrown back through the air, finally hitting the ground about 20 feet away. Rey’s mouth opened in fright. Staring at her shaking hand still outstretched in front of her. _What… was that?_

Ben gazed back at her. Awestruck. Not taking another moment, he extinguished his saber and grabbed her outstretched hand, bringing it to his cheek. Her eyes slowly moved over to meet his. She still had a shocked look on her face but pulsed her fingers at the contact.

  
“Let’s go” Ben spoke quickly, keeping her hand in his grasp, they hurried into the forest toward their hopeful escape.

—

“I can’t believe you listened in on my conversation and went to Leia! That’s a violation of privacy. A violation of trust!”  
  
Rose rolled her eyes at the man in front of her. “Leia already knew you nerf herder! It’s not like it was a big secret you were trying to contact Rey!” She shouted at Finn.

Word had traveled fast around the Resistance base that Rey had made contact. It wasn’t that impressive; their numbers still were less than a hundred. It had spread even faster that the knights of Ren had found them. Well with Kaydel and Rose running down the halls trying to locate Leia, they didn’t do a great job keeping the information under wraps.

“You had no right to do that! She is a traitor and deserter of the Resistance. Sending that call out, put our entire reconnaissance program at risk!” Finn yelled back. Once he had heard about Rose contacting kirffing _Kylo Ren,_ warning them about the attack, he had blown a gasket.

“Oh, come on!” Rose said annoyed. She crossed her arms, trying to make every inch of her short stature look intimidating against Finn. “You haven’t given a shit about the reconnaissance program until you made contact with Rey. Only after you learned that she was hiding out with _him_ and started going belligerent did you start to give a damn.”

Finn scoffed at the accusation. “You have no idea what you are talking about. It wasn’t your place to make that call.”

Across the room, Leia sat in her chair, observing the argument unfolding before her. The pair was getting quite emotional, reminding her a great deal of Han and herself when they were younger.

“If I didn’t, Rey would be dead.” Rose spoke calmly, her voice now reduced to its normal volume. “Your friend would be dead. Are you really that angry with her to the point where you would wish her that?”

Finn’s head ducked down. Obviously he hadn’t thought about the outcome of the scenario where Rose didn’t make that call.

“You are blinded by hatred. Rey is still a part of the Resistance.” Rose spoke.

Leia was shocked by her words, the ability of this woman to defend the actions of someone she had never actually met. _Great leadership qualities._

“Listen you two. Although I agree with Finn, I also concur with your actions. Rose sending that message was reckless, there isn’t a way around it. But….” Leia finally spoke. “We never leave our own behind. I still have hope in Rey. And if she still has faith in Kylo Ren, then I trust her.”

“Thank you General, I’m sorry about the impulsiveness of my actions.” Rose spoke.

“Oh, my dear, take back that apology. Rebellions are built on impulsiveness and convictions that you are right. Trust your actions.” The older woman told the younger one. A smile grew on her face, her eyes shining.

Finn stood by the conversation, face passive.

“Finn, please go meet with Commander Dameron. He should need your help in researching the defection protocol.” Leia dismissed the ex-stormtrooper. “And from now on, the conversations between Rey and the Resistance will be headed from the reconnaissance station.”  
  
Finn huffed in annoyance, throwing one more glance at Rose as he stormed out of the room in search of Poe.

Once Finn had fully exited the room, Leia turned to Rose. “Now you. Rose, please give me all the information you have on the whereabouts of Rey and Ben.” The woman requested, her arms crossed expectantly.

—

Stumbling through the woods, Rey’s eyes glazed over every tree and plant, trying to remember how to get back to their site. Luckily, Ben took the lead and guided her by the hand.

As they kept moving, they passed an odd-looking red plant. Rey’s mind took her back a few weeks earlier when they had first landed here. They had woken up and immediately started arguing. Seeing that beautiful red plant again reminded her that she would probably never be back here. And glancing up at Ben, she realized they would never have this same time again.

After a few minutes the pair made it back to the crashed ship they had come in. Ben let go of Rey’s hand, leaving her standing there, still stunned at the events that had previously taken place.

Inside, Ben rummaged around, throwing their blankets and remaining rations into Rey’s backpack. Standing up, clutching the bag in hand, Ben spun around, trying to take in the surroundings of their small hideaway for the last time. His eyes landing on the communications device they had worked so hard trying to fix. Ben sighed. It was the only connection Rey had to her friends. Even if they didn’t want her right now.

Internally battling with himself, Ben relented as he thought of Rey’s smile, he was so desperate to see it again. Gripping the device, he tore it from the wall, tucking it under his arm as he exited the ship one last time.

Throwing the pack at Rey, he dragged her in the opposite direction of the way they came. Past the place, they had first kissed. Where they had sat as Ben taught Rey about the force. Where they learned to trust one another again. Leaving behind the place where they had not only become lovers, but also best friends. 

Looking back at Rey, Ben felt an ache in his heart. He loved what they had become here. And hated that they were being forced to leave because of actions in his past.

The sky was getting dark as the clouds crowed the sky. Although Rey loved the rain, the imposing shadows only heightened her hyperventilation. The air grew thick as moisture gathered in the air, squeezing on her airway.

After what felt like a never-ending number of steps, tripping on vines, roots, and their own feet. Ben and Rey reached the clearing that held the old empire base. And hopefully, their means of escape.

Moving on autopilot, they pushed through the overgrown plants to the entrance and pulled themselves inside. The weight of the room crashed down on Rey as she flashbacked to the last time they were here. The overwhelming, dark force pulsing all around them, even in her.

Ben, sensing Rey’s lack of urgency, grabbed her hand and tugged her into the elevator. Slapping the top floor button, the old machinery shakily began to rise toward the hanger. Ben was silently praying that there would be a ship and he hadn’t backed them into a corner. Kiara wouldn’t stay down for long, and the other knights couldn’t be far behind.

The black doors swooshed open revealing a large hanger, a few obviously broken ships scattered around. An old tie fighter with a wing broken off, a few shuttles with crashed out windows.

Ben cursed at the sight of the mangle ships, losing hope of their escape.

“Ben” Rey said wearily against him. “Look over there.” She spoke, throwing her hand in the opposite direction he was looking.

In the shadows, laid a captured rebel transporter ship. U-class in shape, the old ship looked pretty bashed up. It definitely had seen its fair share of battles. Ben wondered what had become of its original owners. If it was a rebel ship, then he can imagine the crew wasn’t given much mercy.

“Come on” Ben spoke. Exhaustion was starting to set in. After not using his saber for a while, Ben’s muscles ached. Rey’s mind was weak from her brain working in overtime. Not to mention the run through the forest, they were fading fast.

Limping over to the craft, Ben released Rey and handed her the radio. His arms strained as he pulled open the cargo door of the ship. Stepping up, he briefly glanced around, not seeing any extensive damage. Rey handed him what little supplies they had left before hauling herself onto the floor of the old transport ship.

They rushed to the cockpit of the ship, Ben gingerly sliding into the pilot's seat. Rey gave him a sideways glance as she sank down into the co-pilot’s chair but didn’t argue with him. She wasn’t in the right headspace at the moment.

Flipping switches, Ben went through the pre-flight checklist. Rey surveyed everything he was doing, trying to recall anything he had missed. Ben did it flawlessly. _Damn._ Rey thought a warm feeling of pride flowed into her tired body. A smile threatened to ghost her mouth as he pressed his lips together in concentration. _Not the time, Rey!_ Must be the exhaustion getting to her.

“Dammit!” Ben exclaimed, breaking Rey out of her stare. Ben’s fist pounded on the dash in frustration. “This piece of junk won’t start.”

Rey racked her brain, turning around her eyes fell on the control box. She could do this. She had been in the stomach of a hundred ships. _She had to do this._

Slipping out of her chair she walked to the opposite side of the room, opening the panel that stuck out on the wall. Her hands shook as they examined the wiring.

They both could feel the knights. They could feel each step they made. The planet’s connection with the force let them know. Danger was coming.

Ben watched as Rey’s hands trembled, making their way through the wires. He could feel her fear through the bond. Scared of the knights. Scared they would be separated and killed. Scared of what she was and wasn’t capable of.

Standing up, Ben walked over to where his lover stood against the wall. She was covered in sweat and dirt. Her whole body was shaking. But she still looked beautiful. The most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Ben placed his hand firmly on her shoulder, the action steadying her.

“You can do this Rey.” He whispered gently. Her gaze broke away from the panel to look up at him, the reassurance giving her the push she needed. Giving him a nod, she placed her hand on top of his for a moment. All they could feel was the other, the power and emotion that flowed through them. The fear in the air dissipated. _They were together. They would get out of this. Together._

The scared look on her features was replaced with one of pure determination. Turning back to the wires, Rey’s shakes calmed, and she worked swiftly.

After an excruciatingly long minute, her hands retreated from the electrical work. “Okay. Try it.”

Ben ran back over to the controls and flipped the ignition switch. They both held their breath. This was their last shot. If this didn’t work they were dead. _Nothing._

He flipped the switch again and again. Hoping, pleading that it would work. _It has to work. She has to be safe._ Ben thought that he could faint.

And then, a small noise emerged. So quiet that Rey thought it was her imagination. But then it came again. After a few clicks, the engines rumbled to life underneath them.  
  


“Yes!” Ben cheered gruffly, slamming back down into the seat ready to complete the launch sequence. Rey slid to the ground, letting out a relieved breath.

Turning the ship around, Ben initiated the flight sequence easing the craft toward the edge of the hanger. One more hurdle. Either flight or a straight drop. It all came down to this. He hesitated, knowing that he could kill them himself if this didn’t work.

Rey crawled over to him, sensing his panic. Placing her hand on his over the thruster, she regifted his confidence. “You got this.” Rey spoke quietly, her words full of trust. And ever so gently, he pushed the lever forward out of the hanger.

For a moment, the ship tilted down and Ben was filled with instant regret. But Rey squeezed his hand again, pushing forward again

.

The U-wing slammed forward, shooting off the planet with surprising speed for something that had been grounded for the past few decades. They flew over the town, glancing down, Ben spotted Kiara’s black Tie-Fighter nestled in the hills. Blowing out an exhale, he rested his head on the seatback, Rey came and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, gripping onto his shirt for dear life. _They had made it. For now._

He leaned sideways to place his head against Rey’s, finally able to take a normal breath.

“Who the fuck was that?” Rey breathed out.

—

_“What do you mean you lost them?”_

Kiara rolled her eyes at the com in her hand. “They have nowhere to go, we will find them soon. They left on an old U-wing class transporter.”

_“How incompetent are you? They had no idea you were coming!”_ The woman gripped the device harder with her white hands. _Fuck this man._

“We will have them soon. I assume you of that Supreme leader.” The knight responded calmly, resisting the urge to bite Hux’s head off with her words. To refrain from any further conversation with Hux, Kiara powered down the com.

“Damn, he is annoying.” Kiara started; her voice bitter as she walked alongside Valtar. She was still fuming; her blood hadn’t stopped pumping since she came to. “Who is he to question my power when all he does all day is sit his ass in a chair and order fools around.”

Valtar grunted in response. Ever the man of few words.

Following her stint against Kylo and the Jedi, Kiara awoke a few minutes later to Valtar’s big hands shaking her awake. They had followed them into the woods only to see them escape in a falling-apart old UT-15 transporter ship. They had come across Snoke’s old escape ship crash-landed in the woods. Most of their things had been left, given their hasty escape, but nothing was particularly valuable. All generic supplies.

Now, Kiara and Valtar were walking through the woods back toward the town. Kiara was determined to find the power calling to her, Hoping to salvage the trip. It led her to them once, why not twice?

After a few unruly minutes of walking through a bug-infested forest and a short walk down a grassy plain, the two knights found themselves in a run-down, impoverished town. Small children ran around barefoot, looking a little too bony under their oversized clothes. A rations table was set up with a ghastly creature behind it. A woman was talking to him, as the townspeople lined up in droves in front of the table. Kiara could care less about this shit hole; the force had called them here.

Stopping in their tracks, Kiara gazed at the woman. She was struck by the familiarity of her stark white eyes. As if to sense the Knights, the woman paused her conversation with the old fish creature and abruptly whipped her head around to stare at Kiara and Valtar.

Breaking her pause, the old woman walked straight up to the pair, her white eyes becoming more intimidating the closer she got. Kiara could hear Valtar suck in a harsh breath.

The woman stopped less than 3 feet away from the black-clad force users. A familiar hum of the force bouncing off the three bodies. 

“I see they slipped through your fingers. You still have a lot to learn about those two.” The woman spoke, gesturing toward the sky. “I’m Celeste.”

—

After a few dozen minutes of conversation, Rose had conveyed all the information she knew about the force-using pair on the run. Rey called him Ben. They had crash-landed on an outer rim planet. Kylo _Ben_ was changing for the better. _Maybe._ They were working together. _Possibly hooking up?_ Rose left that particular thought of Kaydel’s out of her run down.

Leia sat passively across from the younger woman drinking in all of the details Rose spit out, nothing was ever useless or too vague for the general.

Once their talk had completed, Leia stood, giving Rose a grateful smile. “I don’t blame you for calling them.”  
  


“What?” Rose exclaimed, surprised. “I thought you said what I did was reckless.”

“Don’t tell Dameron…” Leia spoke, looking around to make sure nobody had snuck into the room. “But a little bit of recklessness is good. Too much is bad obviously, in the case of Poe… but I actually wanted to thank you” the older woman smiled at Rose.

“Why—” Rose started, shocked at the general’s words. “Why would you thank me?”

The older woman gave a short chuckle. The skin around her eyes crinkling. “Come on now. I know you are smarter than that. My son is a terribly kept secret.”

Rose’s eyes widened as she heard Leia’s confession. She had been half inclined to chalk the fact Kaydel had told her about Leia and Han’s child up to Resistance gossip.

“Oh, and Rose” Leia spoke quickly as she had started to exit. “Next time they contact you, let me know.”

Rose nodded, still glued to her chair.

“I’d like to have a word with my son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, WE ARE OFF THE PLANET! A whole galaxy is out there.... Where will Ben and Rey go? I love the idea of these two having unconditional faith in each other. Neither is better, they both have their strengths and weaknesses and lean on each other in their times of weakness. Gosh, these two have my heart. I love protective Kylo. More of that will come. 
> 
> Finn is annoying as HELL. But his entire view of Rey has been turned upside down. Suddenly she is working together with the person who just slit his spine open? Of course, he would feel betrayed. I love Rose's character because I would like to think that she sees the good in people. Yes, she hates the First Order, they destroyed her life, but she understands that Ben had experienced basically the same thing but in a force temptation way + has full confidence in Leia. Hopefully, Finn will calm down soon.
> 
> Kiara is fuming. With all the dark side energy flowing through her, she thought that she would just walk up to Ben and Rey and easily defeat them. She is so good at compartmentalizing that she just flips a switch and is focused on the next step once they escape. You thought she would go crazy, but heck no! Kiara didn't get to where she is by not keeping her composure. Otherwise, so excited for a Kiara-Celeste team up. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


	13. Take Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback city. New places for Rey and Ben! New face at the Resistance. Celeste and Kiara team up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo, sorry for making you wait for the chapter! But it is here now! Happy reading!

The air bit at their throats when they landed on Ilum. The Knights became thankful for the thick, black clothes they wore. Their masks hiding their faces from the bitter wind. The purpose serving more than the forceful intimidation toward the workers there. Snoke had sent them here to survey the construction of the First Order’s new superweapon. _Starkiller Base_ it had coined by the architect.

Kylo had scoffed initially at the weapon, finding it highly ridiculous. The First Order had more than enough troops to cast a shadow over the entire mid and outer rims. He didn’t see the purpose of the new station. But what Snoke wanted, he got. There was no arguing with his master’s decisions. Kylo had been on the receiving end of Snoke’s torture multiple times he dared voice his opinion.

_Not just a planet killer._ The Supreme Leader had insisted after a low-level officer had voiced his realization that it was a copy of the Empire. A living ghost. _It was a weapon to end wars._

The ancient dark sider had proclaimed that his newly appointed general, Armitage Hux was in charge of overseeing the construction within the planet. From what Kylo could tell, the man was a spineless power-hungry fool. _Oh well._ Makes it easier to manipulate him when needed. This new man was also the one who implemented the child-snatching stormtrooper program, something Kylo highly argued upon. But Snoke sided with the weak-minded general. And there were no disagreements with the Supreme Leader.

Kylo walked ahead of the six other Knights of Ren into the mine system. From what Kylo had heard, Ilum was chalked full of Kyber, perfect for powering the weapon. It was a shame that all the crystal was being destroyed, but with no other Jedi or Sith being trained, Kylo found no other use for it besides the weapon.

The overhead space minimized as the group ventured further below the planet’s surface. Despite the frigid temperature outside, Kylo could feel the air becoming hotter and hotter as they made their way toward the core.

They passed hordes of workers and droids, all of whom paused their work to nod their heads as the Knights breezed by. They looked tired. All of them. Their faces covered with a fine dust that came from the lasers vaporizing the excess Kyber. In order to make room for the power converter mechanisms, space would have to be cut out within the crystal caverns.

The other knights ventured off to check in on various spots in the mine, making sure that all of the construction was going according to the strict timeline. Kylo continued down the center mineshaft. The planet was buzzing all around him, almost as if to be crying out in pain. Hundreds of Kyber crystals being meaninglessly destroyed. Voided of purpose.

Placing his hand against the wall, he ran his finger times across the jagged cut edges. The force swirled all around him, calling him deeper and deeper into the cavern.

Then suddenly, he heard it. A strange hum, different than the other cries calling out from the injured planet. Whipping his head behind him, Kylo looked for anyone coming down the passage. _No one._

Retracting his hand, he moved swiftly down the mine closer and closer to sound. It wasn’t frightened. It felt his presence as he felt it.

Turning a corner, the entire room opened up. Kylo was in an expansive cavern, one not made by the miners. No, this was something else entirely. Covering the entire cave was a crust of glittering stones, all bouncing off the lights, casting the room in a bright blue hue. Energy radiated off the crystals, throughout the room, the true power in this place immeasurable. He almost had the urge to run toward the surface and call off the destruction. But for that, he would be dead.

Kylo could still feel it, the mysterious force. It was here. In this cave. His feet seemed to move on their own, stepping to the far end of the cavern. His hand rose, tingling at the crackling of energy in the air. And as if a ghost was guiding him, his palm found a smooth sparkling stone.

The white stone, although looked no different than any other crystal in the cave, shot electrical sparks into his body, touching each one of his bones, reaching through each of his veins.

It took his breath away, Kylo’s mouth falling open. The feeling was almost euphoric. The force singing to him. And for a brief moment, he felt it.

The call to the light.

_No._

Regaining control of himself, Kylo forced his hand to release the sparkling crystal with a vigorous grunt.

Massaging his palm, Kylo stood there confused. Simply touching the Kyber made him breathless. It felt familiar, reminding him of the first time he held his own Kyber crystal. Luke’s hand on his shoulder, when he built his blue saber. And Snoke’s grip on his mind, as he corrupted the same crystal to crack and bleed red.

It was the same. But also, different. His own crystal sitting in his saber still hummed at him, reminding him that it was his. But this other crystal….It called to him also, the same humming. Only more mysterious. More seductive. He could also feel sadness. Loneliness. His hand twitched as if needing to go back to the stone.

Relenting, he stretched his fingers toward the stone again, exhaling slightly as if the crystal gave him back air.

But… he already had a crystal, a lightsaber. One had already called to him many years ago.

_“Kylo!”_ He heard through the cave system. _“We need to leave!”._ Kiara’s voice boomed against the walls of the planet. Kylo scoffed at the insufferable woman. She almost was enough to make Kylo regret going to Snoke.

Turning toward the exit, he went to go back the way he came. The drills and lasers came back into tune, the noise of the force and the planet retreating.

He paused. His eyes darting between the exit and the crystal, still screaming at him. Kylo didn’t know why he did it, but he reached over and plucked the stone out of its cavity. He tucked it into his tunic pocket before turning back toward the exit.

Staring back at him, he met the shield of Kiara’s mask. “What are you doing?” She questioned him harshly. Her voice cold and accusatory.

Stalking up past the woman, Kylo purposely threw his shoulder against hers as he walked by. “Nothing. Come on, we are leaving.” Kylo spoke gruffly at the girl, having no time for her biting words.

—

“Ben, who was that?” Rey repeated. She was now sitting on the floor across from him, still seated in the pilot seat. Blue streaks ran past their faces as they jumped across different points in the galaxy. Hyperspeed concealing them from their enemies, basically the entire galaxy at this point.

Ben’s eyes dropped sharply, heaving a long exhale toward the floor. “Her name is Kiara. At least that’s the name Snoke gave her. She’s a Knight of Ren.”

Rey involuntarily shuddered. The mention of ‘Ren’ made her heart twist. Looking at the man in front of her, she could barely imagine him as who he once was. But the mask was still there. Buried but never forgotten.

“There are Uh—six others.” Ben continued. “Other than…. Me” He faltered in his speech, closing his eyes as he regained composure. An invisible shadow passed over his face, painting his features in darkness. “But she was the strongest out of the rest of them. Snoke brought us together as a force of darkness. A way to impose his will upon the galaxy without ever having to leave the command ship. An extension of himself. He was always in the back of our minds…. Even when we didn’t know it.”  
  


She sat there listening, her hands shook slightly against the cool metal floor. Rey wanted to crawl back over to him and wrap her arms around him, to never let go. But whether it was exhaustion or captivation, she stayed firmly planted against the wall. His words grabbing her full attention.

“What makes her so powerful?” Rey had so many questions, trying to determine how much of a threat Kiara actually was.

“Kiara has a gift. Although not particularly gifted in combat compared to the others, her power lies mainly in the spiritual side of the force. To an average mind, she can reach in and twist. Make you think or see things that aren’t there. Able to extract entire thoughts or memories.” Ben spoke clearly dazed by the words coming out of his mind.

Rey’s mind bounced back to the throne room, when Snoke had been able to penetrate her mind without hesitation. Her face twisted at the thought, remembering how he tore through her mind as if it was nothing.

Turning his head down, avoiding Rey’s eyes, Ben continued his thought. “In training—” He paused; a small shiver visibly noticeable to Rey. “Snoke taught by example. Reaching into our minds, encouraging us to do the same. Nothing was safe or could be hidden. He encouraged us to practice on each other…” Ben spoke, his words pausing as he relived the darkest parts of his life.

Rey watched as he remembered his past. She wanted to yell out at him to stop, that he didn’t have to tell her this. But…. selfishly, Rey wanted to know.

“What happened to her face?” Rey spoke quietly, wondering if she had always looked that frightening.

Ben paused, looking back up at Rey, studying the curves on her face. His eyes pinched down, thinking about her question.

“That…. That is a new development.” He replied rubbing his hands together in front of her. The action drawing her eyes down from his. “You remember what I told you about someone who takes too much from the force?”

Rey nodded slowly. Luke’s words about the force not belonging to them were making a lot more sense to her now.

“Well, she has obviously been using the force for acts of evil and destruction. And without a balance, there are consequences.” Ben spoke fluently. After having two masters who had extensive knowledge in the force, Ben decided that their ceaseless teachings might have had some benefit.

“Did she know that was going to happen? Or….” Rey breathed heavily. A blank look coated her eyes, remembering the dark energy that had embodied her in times of anger or desperation. She focused on her hands, looking for any sign of damage or discoloration.

He picked up on her uneasiness, nodding his head. “Rey.” He spoke slowly. “That won’t happen to you.”

Rey’s eyes shot up to his, a thin layer of tears threatening to build. “But what if it does?” She spoke, her voice laced with panic.

Ben immediately stood up from his seat and walked over toward her, falling to his knees, he found a place next to her on the wall. Reaching over, he unclasped her hands and wrapped one in his own. “It won’t” He told her.

“How do you know?” She whispered quietly, her eyes looking straight into his.

He paused, rubbing circles into the back of her hand. “Because I know you. You are so good.” He spoke back. “You keep me connected to the light; you don’t allow me to fall back to where I was in the dark. And if you were strong enough to save me from that path…. Then you can never be lost.”

Frowning softly, Rey gazed at him. Finding no indications that he was lying; her shoulders released their tension. She was at a loss for words. He had her heart, and not even the darkest parts of him could drive her away. Leaning toward him, she brushed a chaste kiss to his lips. Rey could feel that Ben was scared. Fearful of Kiara and the other Knights.

Leaning her head down onto his shoulder, their warm becoming one, Rey closed her eyes. “We will figure something out. She won’t get to us.” She spoke, still unwilling to say the Knight’s name, fearful of the yellow eyes that were hunting them across the galaxy.

—

Kiara and Valtar followed closely behind the old woman. Celeste, she had called herself. Now that she had looked into the woman’s eyes, Kiara was sure that they were the same ones that had called to her in the force lake on Drosmand.

Her blood still pumped strong through her veins, anger flowing all around her body. Forcing the feelings down, Kiara had to keep her emotions in check. Snoke’s voice echoed in her mind. He always praised their anger but was wary of it in excess. Anger can lead to impulsive, uncalculated decisions and Kiara couldn’t let that happen right now.

She knew that Kylo and the woman couldn’t hide for long, the entire galaxy was looking for them. Valtar had contacted the other Knights and given them instructions to listen for any sightings across the galaxy.

Celeste turned sharply heading into a rundown building. The entire town was like that, broken down as if a strong wind could blow it away. Looking briefly at Valtar, the two exchanged a glance before stepping up into the shack.

Glancing around, Kiara took in all of the seemingly unrelated junk that lined the shelves. Stepping further into the shop, they followed Celeste into the back room, finding her already seated in a chair.

The two knights glanced around, neither claiming the chair opposite the old woman.

“Who are you?” Kiara shot out, getting impatient. She should be tracking Kylo, not sitting here with an old woman. But… her eyes, her aura, pulled them in.

“I’m just an old woman, concerned about her home.” She replied calmly.

“How did you send me that message. Telling me they we here.” Kiara continued, her voice growing faster and faster.

“The force is a tricky thing. With the proper training, many things are possible.” Celeste answered. “Within reason of course.” She continued, nodding toward Kiara’s hands.

The knight still had no clue how the older woman could be picking up on these things, taking into account her eyes.

“The longer they stayed, the further they betrayed the balance in this town. I had to protect my people.”

Seeing her opportunity, Kiara stepped closer to the woman, staring into her white eyes. “We want the same thing. They are the common problem.”

Celeste turned to face the woman, trying to determine if she was speaking the truth. Kiara was thankful at that moment that she was skilled in keeping her emotions in control. 

Nodding slowly, the old woman went into a bit of a daze. She relived the moments she spent with the pair. “The girl has power. A dark power.”

Stepping closer. Kiara felt her back pressing into the chair she didn’t know she had sat into. The knight leaned forward, her pale face donned a dark grin and her eyebrows rose up in interest.

“She has kept it repressed for so long. It is just waiting for the moment to burst out. Her growing fear is a great conflict within her.”

_Perfect_. This was exactly what Kiara needed. The woman was on the edge. Once she can clearly see who Kylo is, She will be driven away losing everything she had built up. It was the perfect scenario for her to fall and for Kiara to rise.

Kiara had felt the darkness in her. The wave she pushed out at her was directly from the dark side. It was trying to break free. Kiara’s smile grew wider, her yellow eyes gleaming. Glancing up, she met Valtar’s passive face.

“There is something else. A problem with your plan” Celeste spoke up. Kiara’s face fell, realizing that the woman had been peering into her mind.

“Get out of my head.” Kiara spoke darkly, quietly under her breath.

Facing forward, staring off into the space in front of her, Celeste ignored Kiara’s annoyance. “Those two possess something. A rare occurrence in the force. It has latched itself onto them. It allows them powers unreachable by those who are only one. ”

Valtar’s breath hitched, the first time since they had arrived that he had shown any sort of reaction.

“They have a bond. As strong as life itself. They are connected through the force, body, and mind. You cannot tempt one without facing both. Together, they feed off the other’s power. They can do, unspeakable things...."

Kiara hummed in understanding. Understanding in what she needed to do. Her anger flashed through her bones, slowly coming up to the edge and she did nothing to stop it.

Celeste’s face whipped up toward the female knight in surprise. She had seen the epiphany in her mind. “That is not the will of the force! You cannot—”  
  
The sentence never came to an end. It stopped with the protrusion of Kiara’s saber in her abdomen.

“The force flows within me.” Kiara spoke calmly, her hand slightly twisting the saber crudely into the old woman. “I am the will of the force.” she finished sternly. Pulling sharply, the saber retracted from Celeste’s stomach, her dead body slumping over and falling against the back of the chair, her white eyes remaining open, bound to forever stare up at the ceiling.

Standing up, Kiara swiftly turned away from the woman who had just given her everything she needed. She tucked her saber back into her belt, the knight stepped forward, locking eyes with her companion.

Valtar stared back with a disapproving look. “You didn’t need to kill her Kiara.”

“No loose strings Valtar! Haven’t you learned anything from our training?” Kiara exclaimed toward her partner.

“She still could’ve been useful.” The man told her firmly, his eyes glancing back at the body slumped over. “She was still a person…”  
  
Kiara’s eyes darkened at him. Confused by his musings. She stepped forward until parallel with his shoulder, both facing in opposite directions. “Know your place Valtar. We have a duty to find them. Leave nothing to chance.”

Valtar’s eyes turned to the other knight’s fiery ones. Their gaze formed a battle, Kiara’s daring him to disagree with her again.

Resisting a few more seconds, Valtar’s eyes finally fell, closing shut. Relenting, he nodded at her.

“Good.” Kiara spoke mockingly. “Now, let’s get back to the ship. There is nothing for us here now.”

—

Rey’s mind finally had stopped racing from all the events that had been weighing down on her from the hours before. No longer did they have to be thinking as fast as the hyper-speed running across the window outside. All she could feel was her head on Ben’s shoulder and his soft breathing movements.

Closing her eyes briefly she pictured the forest on Odessen. They sat together; she could almost feel the grass underneath them. The sun shined through the treelined sky, the air calm around them.

A loud bang jutted her out of the daydream, her eyes snapping open. The green falling away, replaced by the grey sterile walls of the U-wing. Reality refocused into view. The ship shook in turbulence, an alarm on the dash indicating the approach of a hyper lane.

Ben shifted slightly, regrettably nudging Rey’s head off his shoulder. Standing up, he walked over to the controls, flipping off the annoying blare. His hands worked over the controls, switching off autopilot.

“What are you doing?” Rey questioned him, still from the floor. She tilted her head to try and look around his wide frame. Her hand also coming up to her face attempting to block out a straggled yawn.

“We have to skip over the hyper lanes controlled by the First Order. Hux probably has people monitoring them.” He spoke, his mind already back in survival mode.

Rey sighed. “Do we even know where we are going?”

Ben remained silent, his body tensing up.

“Ben.” Rey spoke again. “Where are we going.”

He turned around, the blue rays of hyper-speed still flashing behind his frame. “I have a place.” He finally replied. “It should be safe for now.”

Rey nodded slowly, her mouth breaking into a yawn again, her eyes drooping slightly. They had been awake and their minds racing for far too long at this point. Her actions not escaping Ben’s notice.

Walking over, he nudged her arms. “Come on, you need to sleep. We still have some time before we get there.”

‘I’m fine.” Rey spoke back, her eyes betraying her and falling slightly shut.

Ben gave her an amused smile before reaching his arms under her knees and lifting her up, his breath increasing at the action. Relenting, Rey hummed slightly, bringing her arms up to wrap around his neck, hugging him close.

Stepping toward the back of the ship, he leaned down, placing her on the makeshift crew bunk. Staying in her hold for a minute, Ben inhaled deeply, his head falling against her shoulder. He let himself stay in her arms.

Feeling Rey’s breath on his cheek, he turned his head to meet her eyes. Looking her up and down. He saw the drowsiness in her features.

Leaning forward, he kissed her softly, returning the gesture she had given him earlier. Rey dreamily smiled into the action, brushing her fingers against his scar. She could stay in this moment forever, forgetting momentarily how dire a situation they were in.

Her eyes betrayed her once more, struggling to stay open. Rey damned them as Ben pulled back, brushing his fingers through her hair as she finally let her eyes close, once more seeing the green trees on Odessen.

—

“Why can’t everyone see what is right in front of them? He’s a monster!” Finn exclaimed to his friend.

Poe had spent the past twenty minutes listening to his friend rant about Kylo Ren. Not to say that Poe didn’t agree with him, But Finn had been hyper-focused on the subject since Rey disappeared. The Resistance had more pressing issues to deal with. Like recruitment and the new Supreme Leader of the First Order

“And he’s winning! Rey is playing into exactly what he wants! Even Rose seems to think he’s some misunderstood person!” Finn continued on. “I still can’t believe she warned them.”

The pilot scoffed into the air at the notion, Poe was uneasy about the other man’s completely flipped opinion on his friend. “Rose is a proactive person, there’s no way you could expect her to stay quiet. Besides we haven’t heard anything from Rey right? Who knows what happened?” Poe was careful to keep the conversation on Rey, mentioning Kylo was like lighting a fuse under Finn.

The other man paused, seeming to hold his breath. His eyes stared out into a void, deep in thought as if seeing a new light. “Do you—?” His breath inhale hitched, his eyes darkening in realization.

“Do you think they made it out?” Finn spoke, finally realizing the weight of the situation. For all they knew. Rey could’ve been killed. “Do you think she’s dead?”

“No.” Poe responded softly, shaking his head. “There’s no way, We would’ve heard something from Hugs. Gloating has always been a hobby for him”

Finn swallowed hard. bobbing his head a few times, trying to shake the image of Rey’s dead body from his mind. _It would be his fault._

Poe seemed to pick up on his friend’s worry. He reached out and placed a gentle hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Hey, Buddy, everything is fine. Rey will make contact when she’s ready. I’m sure they are just looking for somewhere safe to lay low.”  
  


The former stormtrooper shook his head again at the mention of Rey’s unfortunate travel companion. “I just hate the idea of Rey being with that… that thing. And come on? He’s playing this card like he’s been enlightened in the force or something. Nobody can just do that.”

“Rey can take care of herself. I’m sure whatever he is trying to do isn’t working. Maybe Rey has a plan of her own.” Poe responded, shivering slightly at the mention of Kylo’s mind techniques. He could remember them so clearly.

“Does she? Rey seems to be perfectly fine calling him Ben. Like he’s a different person… like he hasn’t killed hundreds of people.” Finn exclaimed.

_Ben._ Poe’s mind flashed back to a scene many years ago. His small feet carrying him around a grassy field outside his parents’ house. Another pair of feet chasing him close behind. Shaking his head, the memory vanished. _That was another life._

Suddenly, BB-8 burst into the room beeping frantically, knocking Poe out of his fever dream.

“What is it, buddy?”

The droid’s beeping responded.

“New Recruits? Who is it?”

BB-8 whirled around, coaxing the two men to follow.  
  
“What is he saying?” Finn asked Poe, standing up to follow the droid.

Poe’s face broke into a small smile. “Maz is here.”

—

Rey was jostled awake by the ships drop out of hyperspeed. The jolt ceasing both the blue streaks outside as well as the pictures that had been floating through her mind. Opening her eyes, she was met with the cold grey walls of their escape ship.

Standing up, Rey noticed Ben sitting in the pilot seat. He was hunched over in the concentration, preparing to hit the atmosphere of the new planet. _God, he looks like Han._ His ability to look so natural at the controls was over encompassing.

She walked over to the controls, placing a hand on his shoulder. Breaking out of his focus, Ben looked up at her with a half-smile. His face told her a few different things. He looked worried, concerned. But also, had a gleam in his eye.

“You’re enjoying this.” Rey smiled knowingly, teasing him. She could feel him trying to mask his emotions through the bond, but the thrill of him being in the pilot seat was palpable in the air.

Ben didn’t respond, just sat back in his seat, relaxing into her touch. _Too much of his father’s heart indeed._

“So where are we?” She asked as they descended toward the surface of the planet.

Ben’s fingers drummed against the controls. _Was he… nervous?_

“It’s the planet of Eirene. Not in control of the First Order.” He spoke curtly.

“How do you know about this place?”

Ben didn’t answer, simply humming in response. Rey looked down at him in confusion. “I just….do.” He finally gave her, much Rey’s annoyance at his vague details.

The clouds broke outside, revealing a vast mountain range. Fog ghosting across the horizon, trying to block out the sun. The mountain tops were hidden by the planet’s celestial veil. It took Rey’s breath away. The planet was not the kind of place she thought would, but it mesmerized her.

She broke away from Ben to get closer to the window. Gazing outside, she noted various structures poking out of the cliffsides, forming the basis of a small town. She noticed the U-wing slowing down as they approached a particular landing pad.

The landing gear lowered slowly, grinding against the rock as Ben lowered the ship down. The engines shut off, leaving the two in silence, the only noise to be heard was the wind blowing by outside.

The ramp to the shuttle dropped and Rey made her way outside, eager to breathe fresh air. Ben slowly came down after, his demeanor had completely changed since they had dropped into the new atmosphere. Turning around, Rey gazed at him. He gave her a small nod to go ahead.

Coming to the door, Rey pushed it open, walking into a small room with basic furniture. Everything was coated in a thin layer of dust telling her that nobody had occupied this place for a long time. She wondered again how Ben knew of it.

Walking down the hall her hand grazed the wall, feeling all the cracks in the paint. Each one holding unknown memories from many years before. As she walked through the different rooms a familiar aura pulsed around her. Something both in the past and present. An old haunt flitted through the structure, begging to be noticed.

Rey found herself in a small bedroom, but something was wrong. All of the furniture had been destroyed. Wood and glass particles were fractured all across the floor violently. She could almost hear the room being torn apart, the past anger bouncing through her mind.

The sun coming through the windows splintered against the broken glass, creating a beautiful rainbow in an otherwise grisly scene. The room held a dark secret, one Rey was compelled to learn.

Her mouth opened slightly at the sight, her emotions flitting from confusion to fear. Rey’s feet moved backward, carrying herself out of the room, closing the door once her toes crossed into the hall. She looked at the door. The darkness held behind it still palpable in the air. The feeling so familiar. Reaching inside her, Rey found it within her also.

Closing her mouth, she walked back into the first room. She found Ben standing there awkwardly, his stature a little too tall for the short ceiling. Rey could feel his discomfort through the bond, as well as see it as he shifted uncertainly on his feet.

Watching him stand there, Rey came to a realization. The feeling she found in the other room was his. She could find it on the largest scar on his heart, the one that could never forget Han’s face.

Her eyes snapped up toward him. His gaze avoided her, staying on the floor. Rey knew her recognition was true, but she needed him to confirm it. Ben’s twitchiness and nerves were starting to make sense, they had followed him here from the ship. He wants to be nervous because of the First Order and Kiara, but he can’t hide from her.

“Ben, is this your house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben feels an electrical shock when he touched the kyber crystal, what else does he touch that gives him that feeling? Oh, I love a good flashback. 
> 
> I also love the duality of the Kiara/Valtar relationship compared to the Rey/Ben relationship. Kiara is so hellbent on finding Ben/Kylo that she is so adamant to get off the planet while Rey and Ben want nothing more than to go back to that rundown planet. A place so special to them is thrown away by Kiara. RIP Celeste a character who deserved an entire spinoff origin story but as Kiara said, she served her purpose! Am I sensing some building conflict between Kiara and Valtar? Maybe….
> 
> Finn..... Come on man, figure it out! But um what does Poe remember in his past? And hey oh! My favorite orange alien is here!
> 
> Ah, Rey and Ben. I love including moments where they both go soft and lose themselves in each other. I feel like they are for sure the type of couple that just gets so wrapped up in each other that the outside world falls away. If you were wondering why Ben didn’t develop the yellow eyes and such when he was Kylo Ren, I’d like to think that it was still because of Rey. Always having a piece of her in his mind without him even knowing it keeps him attached to the light, however small and hidden away it was.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading this! See you next chapter!


	14. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the wait for this chapter. I was with a couple of my friends this week and they insisted we watch Ep IX. After having to watch Ben die once more, my heart kind of broke again. Maybe it is silly for me to get sad over a fictional character but that’s just how it is. I was very unmotivated to write and briefly considered abandoning this piece. 
> 
> But..... I sat and reminded myself why I’m doing this in the first place. And that is to heal. I always have hoped that if anyone is feeling the same way I am that this story or any story can help them find some peace. Glad to be back :) I hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks are so so important! Old memories in the past and present.

The dirt and jagged pebbles ground together as Leia stepped off her ship. The skies overhead were as blue as the expansive lake in front of her. She smiled, closing her eyes to take in the fresh air and the cool breeze. Spending hours in a confined space with recycled air made had made Leia’s throat dry and her lips chapped. The new climate renewed her.

A little hand came up and grasped a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of Leia’s braid, the tiny fist tugging slightly. Leia’s gaze broke away from the beautiful view in front of her to look down at something that in her eyes, put that beautiful view to shame.

Ben’s little fist held tight to her curl, his dark eyes looking around wildly, trying to take in all the new colors and sounds. He wore a soft grey onesie; his hair had grown barely long enough to cover his ears. Han always joked about how large they were, but she always rebutted, saying how much she loved them on Ben. Leia smiled down at her son, his curiosity always capturing her full attention. Adjusting the baby on her hip, the woman made her way toward a familiar castle. 

Brushing through the large doors, the soft, calming noises outside were replaced with burly, rugged growls and arguments. Words that were a far cry from the peaceful air outside. Glancing around, Leia’s gaze saw a variety of different creatures, some large, some small, some clearly very intoxicated by the drinks at the bar. A band produced a fast tune on their instruments, creating an even livelier atmosphere in the cantina.

She gripped Ben’s chubby leg a little tighter against her. Leia knew that nobody would or could cause her trouble. She was, after a very capable woman, not to mention a highly regarded senator. But, first and foremost she was a mother, Leia was always cautious.

“Oi! Organa!” The words boomed across the large room, somehow making their way over all of the other conversations and musical notes being thrown about the room.

Turning her head slightly, Leia finally found who she was looking for. Standing at the base of the bar, holding in her hand a pitcher of what Leia could only guess was the foul-smelling liquid responsible for the unruly actions of all the other cantina patrons, was Maz.

The shorter woman, gingerly set the drinks down, making her way over toward Leia and Ben, the former still was staring wide-eyed at all of the commotion going on around his tiny body.

“Hi Maz” Leia spoke with a smile.

“My dear! It is great to see you! Come, come. Let’s get away from all of this noise.” Maz smiled, gesturing for Leia to follow her to a quieter part of the castle.

She followed the small humanoid toward a table, settling into a seat across from Maz. Leia shifted Ben to her lap, bouncing him slightly up and down. He had been pretty tolerable of all the noise, so she hoped to keep that up.

“So, where is Han? And more importantly my boyfriend?” Maz questioned Leia.

Leia smiled at the woman’s slight obsession with her husband’s furry companion. “Han and Chewie are with Lando.”

“Dada” Ben babbled mindlessly; a toothy grin appeared on his face at the mention of his father.

Leia laughed at her son’s interruption. “They are managing a shipping problem on Corellia. We are meeting him on Eirene for the weekend, he just acquired a house in the mountains.” She explained as Maz gazed contently at the young mother and her son, a smile ever present on her face.

“Ah, well I’m sure that will be fun, it is quite beautiful there.” Maz replied.

“Yes, I’m hoping so” Leia exclaimed. “We have both been so busy lately so it will be nice to getaway. I just thought since it was on the way; we would stop and say hello to an old friend.” She spoke with a smile directed toward Maz. The old woman felt for the young senator. Leading a galaxy and raising a child couldn’t be easy with Han being gone so much.

“Ah, well of course you and Han are always welcome here. Especially if you bring this little one!” Maz reached forward, poking gently at Ben’s cheek. A larger smile erupted from the baby, accompanied by a light giggle. Reddening slightly, he tucked his face shyly into Leia’s chest, his small arms wrapping around her neck.

Maz chuckled at the baby’s attachment to his mother. She will always have a soft spot for little Ben Solo. “And how is Luke?” she spoke, changing the subject. General curiosity took over. She had been wondering how the new Order was working out.

“Oh, you know him, the new Jedi he are training take up all his time. Rebuilding the ways of the force he puts it as.” Leia spoke, rolling her eyes slightly, her gaze darkened as her eyes fell on Ben.

Maz followed her gaze, noticing her slight mood change. She knew that before long, Leia’s son would have to join his uncle. To control the power that was surely swirling inside him. The older woman gave the younger one a small smile, trying to be supportive.

“Well, I’m sure you must be itching to get going and see Han.” Maz spoke up, trying to lighten the mood.

“Dada” Ben babbled again, completely oblivious to any unpleasant emotions his mother may have been experiencing moments ago.

Leia’s fear broke, and she smiled again at her son, standing up and tucking him back against her hip. His hand came to tangle in the neckline of her tunic, gripping tightly. “Yes, we are going to see Dada, Ben”

“Well, come back soon” Maz said. “Especially you” She spoke pointedly, reaching her hand up to squeeze one of Ben’s tiny feet. _Stars, she would do anything for that baby._ “And tell that Wookie, he better come visit me.”

“Will do Maz.” Leia chuckled, her feet carrying her toward the door. Her gaze no longer looking at the older humanoid, she was already transfixed on her son. Maz watched the pair make their way out of the castle, a smile never leaving her face.

—

“Ben” Rey stammered again. “Is this your house?” The young woman knew she was right, she didn’t need the force to tell her that. Ben’s awkwardness and familiar presence spoke enough to her guessing games.

“It was my parents.” He spoke quietly, his eyes trained on the floor, looking like they were trying to be anywhere but here. “We came here for vacations when I was young.”

Rey nodded; she could feel how uncomfortable he was here. His father’s presence almost taunting his son. Despite that, she could also feel a great amount of love and happiness that had been shared here.

“It should be safe, for now. Not many people knew we had a house here.” Ben finished, his voice distant and monotone.

She was almost afraid to ask, but Rey knew that loving Ben came with some dark memories, ones that she accepted unwaveringly. “and…um…. What happened in the other room?”

Ben’s eyes finally shot up, avoiding Rey they gazed down the hallway toward the room that was littered with glass, broken just like the memories. He paused for a second, taking a moment to transport him back a few years.

“When I first left Luke, I tried to erase all of what was left of my old life. The other Knights were sent off to defeat what tied them to the light as well. I came here.” He paused, his voice shook. Like at any moment he would burst into fits of sadness.  
  
Rey wanted to walk over to him. Hold him close, and never let go. Steal every sad thought or painful memory and tuck them away somewhere he could never find. But she was rooted to her spot across the room, his words making her feet too heavy to move.

“I was meant to destroy it…. And at first, I did. I wanted to” Ben threw his hand in the direction of whatever remained of the bedroom down the hall. “But despite my hatred….. all the time we spent here; it was never….Bad.” Ben finally looked up at Rey. She could almost see it. His memories. Han and Leia with no grey hairs and far fewer wrinkles, smiling and laughing as Ben played on the floor. Rey felt the scene bringing tears to her eyes.

“We were always happy. Wherever my parents had been, however long they had been separated, whatever fights they wanted to pick with each other…… It all disappeared when we walked through the door.” Ben had tears of his own building behind his eyes. Gasping, he let all of his emotions finally run wild on his face.

His sudden exhale of air was the breaking point for Rey. No longer did her curiosity matter, all she needed to do was be with him. Almost running, Rey wrapped her arms around Ben, who instantaneously reciprocated, his head falling onto her shoulder. A wetness formed there, but all Rey could do was brush her hand up and down his back and place short kisses into his hair.

Despite his break, the word continued to flow out of him, his memories coming to form in her own mind. “And when I destroyed their room… I broke. I couldn’t bring pain and darkness to this place.” Rey could feel her own tears escaping her eyes, as well as the rift in his heart, it pierced her own.

Ben sniffled, raising his head and stepping back from Rey, leaving his hand twined with hers.

“And yet, I still managed to find a way to hurt them in the end. I was the reason their marriage didn’t work; I was the reason they fought so much. For fuck sake I killed my father!” Ben yelled, tears streaming in full force down his cheeks.

“Ben…” Rey spoke gently. She closed the distance between them again, placing a hand on his cheek. “Your parents love you. Your mother—”  
  
“My mother thinks I’m a monster, Rey. She sent me away when the darkness got to be too much!” He interrupted her.

Rey’s heart hurt, but she was also growing angry. _Why did he have to be so damn stubborn?_ She had enough.

Placing both hands on his face, Rey spoke louder. “Ben Solo! Your father’s death was not your fault. That was Snoke, and you know that. He was in control and twisted your mind. Yes, your hand ignited the saber, but you were just the vessel for Snoke’s decision. He knew that if you did that he could get more control over you! I’m done playing this stupid game with you, Ben. You cannot spend the rest of your life hating yourself over this! That isn’t something either of your parents would have wanted!”

Ben sighed and his hands came to rest over where hers were placed on his face. They pulled down slightly, her fingers slipping away from his cheeks. Ben’s hands grasped them gently between them.

“Rey. I am not innocent in this. I have caused so much pain in the galaxy. And my mother will never forgive me for ruining her life.” Ben spoke quietly, the tears on his face had ceased and his gaze was once again blank.

She tried to tap on his side of the force bond, but nothing. It was almost a numbness. He was blocking her out, resigning his emotions to his own torment.

“Please. This isn’t something that can be fixed.” He spoke. Short of bringing his father back from the dead, Ben fully believed this to be true.

Rey internally scoffed at his stubbornness. Ben released her hands, stepping away from her and glancing down the hall. The air between them became awkward and sterile.

“I, Uh—I’m going to get cleaned up.” He gestured to his unruly appearance and spoke with no emotion. Ben stepped around her, careful not to make contact as he walked by. He disappeared around the corner, never glancing in the direction of his parent's old room.

Rey closed her eyes and swallowed hard. How could she make him see the good in himself? Taking a breath, she chose to let Ben go cool off by himself. She could only do so much until he helped himself.

As Rey looked at the room around her eyes landed on the old radio that Ben had yanked out of Snoke’s ship. The one they had worked so hard to fix only for Finn to reject her the moment they made contact. She wandered over to it, placing her hand on the device for a moment. Wires stuck out the back, falling aimlessly from where Ben had ripped it from the wall. It all looked intact, it just needed another power source.

Glancing around the room, her eyes fell on an old desk where an old comm and computer sat. Shifting on her feet, Rey picked up the radio and walked over toward the table.  
  


She sat down and began picking through the wires for the right ones to connect. Her mind flashed briefly back to a few weeks ago when she was doing this for the first time. Rey gave herself a sarcastic chuckle. Her past self would not believe the situation she was in right now. Or the relationship she was in.

Once she finished hooking up the wires, the dial flashed red, indicating that it was booting up. Thankful, Rey sat back in her seat. She winced, now that her work was done, she could now go back to overthinking about Ben. _Stars, she needed another distraction._

The feet scraped against the wooden floors as Rey shot out of the chair. Walking quickly, she disappeared down the hall again, anxious to explore more of the house. She could hear the water pelting down from behind the fresher door as she passed it. _Ben must be in the shower._ Her cheeks reddened at the mental image, but she quickly repressed the thought as she remembered her annoyance with him at the moment.

She stopped at the next door, careful to avoid the one that held the shattered glass and painful memories. Opening the door, and passing under the frame, Rey was relieved to see this room still intact.

Pressing forward, she entered another bedroom. It was small, the bed taking up most of the room. But that wasn’t what enticed Rey.

Her eyes fell on the chest of drawers on the far side of the room. She didn’t know what called her to it, but Rey smiled slightly at the prospect of what might be in it.

She knelt in front of the wooden dresser, pulling at the knobs that could release any secrets inside. Her gaze was met with a good quantity of clothes. Rey ran her fingers over the folds, stopping gingerly at a soft grey material. Pulling it out, her heart melted.

Between her fingers, Rey probably the smallest article of clothing she had ever seen. A smile broke out over her face as she rubbed her fingers together, mashing the fabric between them. The tiny onesie was a simple grey, but so effortlessly soft.

She let out a small gasp before pressing the fabric to her cheek, inhaling slightly. A small baby’s giggle echoed in Rey’s mind. A mop of dark hair and a toothy grin smiled back at her. The scent of the cloth was familiar, more youthful, but so distinctly Ben. After all these years it still carried him with it. Rey laughed as she tried to imagine the quite large man that was just a few rooms away ever fitting into such a small piece of clothing.

Despite her laughs, a small pang hit at Rey’s heart. The fabric was so soft, so delicate, reflective of the innocence the article was meant to dress. A baby was meant to be loved and protected from everything horrible in the galaxy. Rey was not. No, she was after all— _thrown away like garbage._

She fingered the onesie slowly once more before returning it to the place it had come. Rey slowly pushed the drawer back closed, trying to shut her feeling out as well. It didn’t work. The cold and disdain she held for her parents was still there. After a lifetime of waiting, Rey was finally able to recognize all the pain those people had put her through. All the time she had wasted waiting for someone who was never coming back. Her head fogged over as she tried to push them out of her mind.

Abruptly, something else begged for her attention. At first, she had thought it was Ben, but glancing over her shoulder, he was nowhere to be seen. The shower still hummed in the background. Looking around, she saw nothing. Nothing except a small glint of white light sitting atop the drawers. Rey laid her eyes on a small crystal, the top wrapped delicately in small strands of leather, forming the basis for the object to be worn around your neck.

Stepping closer, the stone emitted a sort of humming. _How could she have missed that before?_

Upon closer inspection, Rey confirmed that the crystal was indeed Kyber. Daring herself, Rey moved her hand forward, toward the crystal on the counter. As her hand got closer, the power emitting from the Kyber growing louder. Almost singing to her.

The stone even produced a pulsing thump that echoed in Rey’s ears. A tiny heartbeat. It felt almost sentient. Like it had a mind of its own and was calling out to Rey. She had never felt more connected to something besides Ben. Even when Luke’s saber called to her in the forest on Ilum, something still felt off.

But here, now with this crystal, Rey knew it to be hers.

Her fingers finally found the smooth surface of the stone. The feeling that flowed into her was cosmic. A feeling she only got when she touched Ben. Invisible sparks electrified off her fingertips, telling her to grasp the stone firmer.

They became one, the stone an extension of her soul. _Was she dreaming? How was this real? How did it get here?_

Inside the Kyber was the same conflict that could be found in her. Light and darkness swirled together. But unlike her, there was no tension. The two forces moved in harmony; circling around each other. Rey saw through the illusion. It was not two separate forces at all. Just one. Completely balanced.

Rey inhaled sharply; she envied a crystal. Its ability to avoid the conflict brewing inside was incredible. She stared at it for countless seconds, trying to ask it how it accomplished such a feat.

But suddenly, all the air seemed to rush back into the room, breaking Rey’s concentration with the stone. The object no longer completely captivating her, but still held its humming present in her mind.

The space filled with silence as Rey came to a realization. _The shower was off. Ben was coming back out._ Reluctantly, she gently placed the hunk of Kyber back on the table before slowly backing out of the room. _She would have to ask Ben about that later._

Looking down at her current state of dress, Rey began to think that Ben’s idea of a shower wasn’t the worst thought. The stains followed her here from Odessen. She was eager to wash off all the marks that reminded her of the confrontation with Kiara. Her mind drifted back to the image of the Knight’s sharp crimson blade.

_Maybe they wouldn’t have to go hunting for another crystal after all._

—

A particular orange humanoid made her way through the halls of the newly minted base on Telos, with a small group of other recruits walking behind her. Leia had sent her an urgent message when they had made planetfall. It was time, it was not enough for Maz to just be passive in the war. The Resistance needed allies.

Turning the corner on in the sterile white hallways a familiar presence could be felt. _Leia._

The old woman knew the Senator-turned-General held the attention of everyone on the base. Stories about her reached across the Stars. Everyone knew about Leia Organa. What many didn’t know was the whereabouts of her son. To outsiders, Ben Solo could be simply working behind the scenes at the Resistance. Or maybe he had been killed when Luke’s temple burned down. But Maz knew everything. That tiny mop of black hair now commanded the attention of the Galaxy in a far different way than his mother.

She knew that he had taken the moniker ‘Kylo Ren’. A face behind the mask. Leia had blamed herself for even sending him away. But nobody could’ve predicted what would happen. When he left, Han and Leia were devastated. And now? Maz didn’t know what to think. His disappearance was suspect. Last she had heard, Rey had gone off to find Luke and now, was missing as well.

There were whispers. Rumors flooded all around the galaxy that the pair was off creating an evil clan of force sensitives to take over the galaxy. Or that they had simply escaped the war, settled down on a distant world to disappear away from the war. Maz didn’t quite know what to believe but was doubtful that either was true.

“Maz!” She heard, called from the end of the control room she had just stepped into. Leia looked her same self. Greyer and weathered from heading the fight in two wars, but still radiant and regal as ever. _She would always be a Princess._

“Hello, my old friend.” Maz replied as she reached up to grasp the General’s hand.

“Thank you for coming.” Leia replied with a smile. “Come, come let’s get away from this commotion.” She spoke, guiding Maz down the hall toward her personal office.

Maz closed the door and sat down with Leia. The old woman reached over and gave the younger one’s hand a squeeze. “So, what has been happening.”

  
Leia sighed heavily, going into full General mode. “Well, recruiting numbers are up. With Hux now in power, the tightened restraints on the galaxy have driven more people to our side. Lando is helping us acquire a new command sh—”

Maz shook her head as if to silence Leia’s rambles. The woman was trying to distract from what was really on everyone’s minds. “Cut the crap Organa. Tell me what is really going on.”

The General sighed. Her eyes falling closed for a moment as she took a breath. The words about to be spoken as painful as anything. “He’s out there Maz. My son, he’s with Rey. We have had contact with them, but they are on the run right now. Hux has placed a bounty on them.”

Nodding slowly, the ancient being tried to understand the position Leia was in.

“They aren’t dead…. But I don’t know what state they are in or what they are planning. I just—” The words faltered as they came out of her mouth. Silence filled the air.

Leia took a moment and swallowed. Maz couldn’t remember ever seeing the other woman cry at any point in their friendship but right now, she wasn’t a general, or a senator or a princess. She was a mother longing for her son. “I just want him back.”

“I let him down all those years ago by sending him away and now, I just want him to come home.” Leia’s voice was quiet, almost broken. The long years without her family weighing down on her. It could be seen in each grey hair and wrinkle on her skin.

“Leia,” Maz spoke finally. “You have been running from this for too long. Stop blaming yourself for a past you cannot change. Don’t wait any longer.”

Leia’s head tipped down, deep in thought. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, squinting in a pained way, opposing the slight smile that formed on her lips. “He’s with Rey”

“I know” Maz returned her grin. “That girl is something else.”

“I know” Leia repeated back to her companion.

  
Their common thoughts remained unspoken in the air between them. They were both aware of the Resistance gossip.

Maz finally broke the stillness. “Leia, you have the means to tell him everything! Stop fighting yourself and just do it.”

Leia threw a gaze at the communication device in the corner of the room. Rose had given her the direct code for their radio. That meaning that they were able to take it with them when they fled.

Staring back at Maz, Leia shrugged slightly, her own insecurities and pain readable on her usually unreadable face. Maz saw so much of Ben in her features. Her mind flashed back to the first time she had seen him as a baby. His jet-black hair and wiggly limbs, uncoordinated with his tiny body. Maz wondered what he looked like now, all these years later. She hadn’t seen him since he was a moody child.

She wasn’t a Jedi or a Sith, but she knew the force. And Maz could feel it in her bones that the little boy she had met all those years ago was still out there, just waiting to come home.

—

Ben could hear the soft stream of water coming from the fresher. Rey had gone in there after he had finished. Ben supposed he should apologize to her for his outburst earlier. But he could not help the weight pressing down on his from being back here. Every smile, laugh, and happy memory from long ago was now tainted. His own actions smearing blood over all of it.

Walking back into the main room, Ben huffed and sat down in a chair. Glancing next to him, Ben saw that Rey had hooked up the radio. He briefly wondered if she had talked to the resistance again, but he mused that it probably wasn’t plausible. Maybe he could radio that Rose girl and thank her for warning him about Kiara. But he didn’t want to risk the chance that FN-2187 would pick up the call. _Finn. His name is Finn._

Ben sat there, mindlessly listening to the sound of water pelting down in the room down the hall. He thought about Rey’s words from earlier about Snoke and his manipulation. He was thankful for the silence that his old master’s death provided his mind, but it did make way for some of Ben’s own unpleasant thoughts to nag at him.

Suddenly, a crackling static bit through the air signaling contact. He held his breath, praying that it Rose.

“Ben?” an all too familiar voice came through the speaker. One that Ben could never forget. “Rey?” The voice came again, it shook, just like his hands.

Ben sat there stunned and his body bound to the chair. The air sucked thin in the room as the words faded in the air. His hand reached forward with a mind of its own. Nothing he could do to stop it. And secretly, Ben didn’t want it to, he really didn’t.

His fingers trembled along with his heart. They gently pressed down on the comm button. And after so many years. He let the dam break, releasing every regret and bent up emotion from inside of him.

“Hi, Mom”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh! Baby Ben! 
> 
> Hi all, thanks again for staying patient with me. Stay safe and keep loving the things you love. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I will see you next time :)


	15. Han was Han About It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suprise Suprise, a flashback! Leia and Ben finally chat......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellloooo! Glad to be back! This was probably one of the hardest chapters for me to write just because it is so dialogue-heavy. Buttttttt it is also one of my favorite chapters. It is a bit angsty, but every story needs a little bit of that. Hope you enjoy it!

The clouds were overcast on Chandrila, the wind bitter and cold, leaving an uneasy desolation over the landscape and those who lived there. Leia stood on the grounds outside their home. For the past few weeks they had resided here. She had taken Ben out of the city, away from all the politics and white noise. Leia didn’t tell him why until a few days ago. She had suspected he had known her true motives as he was wondrously intelligent for his age.

She looked across the hills, down toward the seas that rocked turbulently. The harsh and unforgiving waves reflective of the struggle Leia sensed within her son. He sat alone on the cliff overlooking the dark water. His head tucked on his knees; black hair whipping violently in the ocean wind. His face blurred was by the distance, but all too clear in her mind.

_Ben. Her son. Her only son._

She had never known this type of love. One she tried to devote her entire being to it. The type of love she could never succeed in. She wanted to make every choice for him, But the truth is, Leia was stuck. _Duty above all._ That was the burden placed upon her by the universe. If she wasn’t there, what would become of everything they had fought so hard for?

Leia glanced down back at her son. The fight was still not over, he is what she was still fighting for. A world where he wouldn’t have to experience the woes and bloodshed that Han and she had. And maybe one day, when the fight was done, she could find and succeed in loving them. They could be together once more, truly, and unconditionally as a family.

Leia loved Han. She would always love Han. But this was different. They always had been on different paths; lines destined to cross but never to stay intertwined. Ben needed guidance and to be taught, something Leia couldn’t do. The power inside him was something she couldn’t control. Senator Organa’s strengths lay elsewhere. She didn’t want him to leave. But she feared the path Ben could take if he stayed.

A roar of a familiar ship’s engines ripped through the air, deafening even the crashing waves below. The Millennium Falcon docked a few minutes later. Ben kept his eyes trained on the waves ahead not even lifting his head at his father’s arrival.

Han stepped off the ship, descending down the ramp toward her. He wore the same damn jacket he had always worn. Stars, the only time he didn’t was when they got married. Chewie trailed slightly behind him, splitting off to survey the Falcon for its ever-present list of repairs.

The trademark smirk was missing from her lover’s usually bright face. His features reflective of the son who sulked by the ocean. As he grew closer, Han locked eyes with Leia, reaching his hand up to her cheek and brushing a kiss on the other.

The air was tense between them. They both don’t know what to say. _That’s a first._ They were never that good at communication. That was evident from even the earliest years of their relationship.

“Hi’” Was all he could muster up as they stood in silence. The two turned away from each other, now staring down at the small boy who sat staring out at the clouds hiding the sun.

“How is he?” Han spoke.

_How do you think he is?_ Was something that Leia really wanted to throw back at him. This is the first time she and Ben had seen him in two weeks.

“He’s hurting.” She spoke instead. “He thinks that everything he has ever known is about to change.”

“Everything he knows is about to change, Leia!” Han spoke gruffly. Leia knew quite well Han’s opinion on this matter. It was one of the many reasons he has been absent lately. For him, no words were better than fighting ones. But when Leia lies alone at night, she disagrees with him. As Ben goes about his days without his father, she wishes greatly that he was there and that they had more time, even if it was to scream at each other. “He feels like we are abandoning him!”  
  
It hadn’t been like this in the beginning. After the end of the war, everything had been okay. They were perfectly in love; the galaxy was at peace. But then the daydream broke leaving behind a shattered galaxy in need of leadership. Han could never be a senator’s husband, but he had been so happy when she told him about her pregnancy. Terrified as hell, but excited, nonetheless. But as Ben grew and showed a stronger and stronger connection to the force, Han was forced to the outside, never truly being able to understand his son like Leia. That’s when the smuggling trips started back up and as time went on, they grew longer and less far between. That is when she realized the cracks were not only in the galaxy.

“Well maybe if you took a break from your stupid smuggling trips he wouldn’t be feeling like that!” She snapped back; The silent truce was off.

“What do you want from me! To sit home and wait for you to come back?” Han turned so that they were facing each other. His hands opening up in front of him in expression. “I didn’t ask you to give up your life, so don’t ask me to give up mine!”

“I’m not asking you to give up your life, Han! But our son needs us, now more than ever!” Leia exclaimed back. Her arms came to rest on her hips.

Han scoffed in rebuttal. “If you actually believed that you wouldn’t be sending him away.”

“I’m not sending him into exile, he will still be with Luke, we can still see him.” Leia shouted at him. Despite their argument being about their son, the boy in question had been long forgotten. Both parents failing to realize that Ben, had turned his head toward their shouting match. He couldn’t hear every word, but some were enough to make small tears make their way from the boy’s eyes.

“He isn’t a problem to fix, Leia!” Their words were growing more and more bitter, their words a chance for all their frustrations with each other to finally come tumbling out.

“Then why haven’t you been here! You leave for weeks on end going who knows where, doing who knows what!”

“I’m not Luke! I don’t have this otherworldly connection to him!”

“I’m not asking you to be! I’m just asking you to be his father!” Leia’s words ripped through Han, silencing his shouts. They both had grown breathless from throwing stones at each other. Han stayed silent, so Leia spoke again, her voice low, her words fearful.

“I feel it, Han. I feel Vader inside him.” She spoke, her hands trembling at her sides. Her voice had dropped low, her eyes moved around them, looking to make sure Ben was still at his place on the cliff.

“Well maybe if we just told him then it wouldn’t be such a problem!” Han whispered but still with the same amount of force.

  
“He is ten years old! He shouldn’t have to bear the weight of that! You know how awful knowing that was for me.” Remembering the simple fact made Leia shudder. For months she had been in denial when Luke told her. She didn’t want to put her son through that on top of everything else.

“Exactly Leia! He is ten years old! He shouldn’t have to bear the weight of anything. He should have a choice in whether or not he goes away with Luke!” Han’s voice rose slightly, along with throwing his supine hand in the direction of their son.

  
“I can’t protect him, Han! The darkness in him….it is very intense. Without proper training, we could lose him! I lost everything to the Dark Side. Every parent I ever have known was taken away from me. My own father killed my mother. ” Leia flinched when she spoke of her birth mother. Her fate was something she feared could be repeated.

  
“He doesn’t want this Leia. Don’t make him abandon all he knows in life.”

“If he stays, we could lose him.” Leia repeated, standing firm on her decision.

“By sending him away, we already have.”

—

The air was silent for a long time after Ben’s initial response. For the second time in her life, Leia didn’t know what to say. After all this time of wanting to talk or scream at each other, neither knew where to start.

Ben had spent his whole life trying to put what he was thinking into words and all he could say was ‘Hi Mom’? He shook his head slightly trying to make sure this wasn’t another force-induced hallucination.

_“I don’t really know what to say.”_ Leia spoke through the com. Ben almost laughed, he didn’t really either.

_“I guess I just needed to know that you were okay. Rose told me about the intercepted transmission. That’s how she knew about it.”_

Ben paused for a moment, wrestling with himself with if he should respond. She was here. _He needed answers._

“Yeah— we’re fine. Just a little exhausted.” He kept his answer short. Ben figured his mother knew he was with Rey, but he still wasn’t comfortable sharing those details with her, even if she was his mother.

_“Good. When we didn’t hear from you….”_

The line went silent again as Leia trailed off. An awkward pause ensued, both parties again not really knowing what to say. There was a lot both of them wanted to say but couldn’t find the starting point.

After a few long seconds, Ben finally threw caution to the wind. His hands shook, holding the comm. His heart ripped from his chest exposing all the raw wounds, his darkest moments bared for her to see. “Mom?” he spoke quietly, he paused, giving himself one more moment to think about what he was about to do. “I’m sorry about Dad.”

Ben hadn’t noticed the warm tears that had leaked from his eyes. When he closed them, all he could see was his father’s face as his lightsaber stabbed him in the stomach. He could feel Han’s tender hand on his cheek, brushing one last time.

Only breathing could be heard from the other side of the line as well as a lone sniffle. He held his breath, hoping he didn’t just widen the gap between them.

Finally, his mother spoke. “ _Your Father only wanted you to come home. He never once lost that hope.”_

“I wanted to. I— wanted to come home. But I wasn’t strong enough. All I could feel were Snoke’s finger’s pulling me back.” Now that he had started, Ben couldn’t stop talking. He let the tears fall as he spoke. His words quiet and desperate. Desperate to make her understand.   
  


“Do you think I’m a monster?” His eyes dropped to his lap, trying to hide from his mother, despite the fact she couldn’t see him.

Leia exhaled slightly. _“No Ben, I think I’m the monster for sending you away.”_ She spoke after a moment.

Rage flooded Ben’s body. He was transported back to that day. The winds, the ocean spray, the blank look in his mother’s eyes when he refused to hug her goodbye. He had hated her in that moment. Hated them both.

Taking a breath, Ben tried to calm himself. He could almost feel Rey’s invisible hand on his shoulder, telling him that it would be okay.

But she wasn’t there, the shower could still be heard from the other room. It was him, his invisible hand. He wanted this. He needed this.

“When you sent me away…. I was angry, really really angry. I was mad for a long time after that, maybe I still am.” He confessed. Ben’s leg shook, tapping the floor underneath it. His anger still trying to come out. His mind reached out to Rey, even only feeling the sense that she was still there helped his body still.

Leia sighed. _“When you left…. I regretted it immediately; The second the ship door closed. I should have told you everything about the force and our family, I—I just was so scared and I let that fear make my decision.”_

Ben wanted to scream at her, blame her for every torment he had ever endured at the hands of Snoke or the voices screaming in his head. He couldn’t absolute her for that right now, maybe never. But he needed to try to forgive. Rey had taught him that. She gave him another chance.

“The night I left Luke. When the temple was burning…. All I could think about was how you never would let me come back. How much you must’ve hated me.” He spoke quietly, releasing his insecurities to his mother.

_“I never hated you, Ben.”_ His mother whispered.

_I wanted to hate you,_ Ben thought. His tears returned as he lowered his head and pressed the comm against his forehead. _Why did this have to be so painful?_

Ben sniffled. Speaking words that needed to be said, he lowered the comm back to his lips. “I wanted to shoot.” He croaked out. “When we launched the attack on the Raddus. I knew you were on the bridge and I had my hand on the trigger. I thought that if I killed you that I would be free of the pain. All the noise in my head.” He shuddered, as he thought back to the memory. “But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself be the reason….” His words trailed off, but he had already said all he needed to.

Leia stayed silent on the other side. She knew that her son had been hurt, that she was the reason he was exposed to years of torment at the hands of Snoke. 

“I wanted to be a pilot” Ben broke. His voice cracked as he spoke, the weight of the conversation overwhelming him. “All I wanted was to be a pilot.” He pleaded. He was back to chasing his father around, sitting on Chewie’s lap as he watched his father fly the falcon.

_“I know”_ His mother responded weakly. The radio static emitting from the comm provided them with a needed buffer. He could hear now that his mother was crying also. She wasn’t explicitly sobbing, but Ben could hear in the way her breath shook, and her words broke, that the tears on his face weren’t alone. 

A few moments went by, filled with the exchanged shaky breaths of mother and son.

_“I was selfish….” Leia spoke. “I blamed your father for a lot of our problems, and I failed to realize how much I was breaking our family. I was the senator. I cared too much about my stupid politics after the war and neglected the best parts of my life_ ” His mother confessed, her words making Ben realize that neither of them was completely innocent or at fault. A ship cannot fly with many broken parts. Only one or two, maybe.

_“Do you think I’m a monster?”_ Leia questioned, repeating Ben’s words from earlier.

Ben gave a breathy exhale. Almost something that resembled a laugh. His tears ceased their flow, his heart rate dropping slightly. The air suddenly felt less tense.

“Takes one to know one.” He responded _._

Leia gave a small chuckle at her son’s response. _Her son._ He really was his father’s son.

_“I know that we will never reach that place again. The one before everything went to shit. But—”_ Leia paused. The tone dropped to serious again. _“Ben I want you to know that you will always be my son. You will always have a place with me, even if you don’t want it.”_

Ben nodded slowly even though his mother couldn’t see it. A smile threatened to ghost his lips, along with returning tears in his eyes.

“Thanks, Mom” were the only words he could say, once again not being able to form all the words he wished he could say.

There was still so much left between them. It might take years to get through it all, maybe they didn’t have enough time left in their lives to. But for now, this was enough. To hear each other’s voices again after all these years. To hear him say, _Mom._ Leia knew if this was all she got; her life wouldn’t have been a total mistake.

The line emitted static again, neither mother nor son wanted to end the comm.   
  


After a few minutes of silence, Leia found the courage to speak the question burning on the entire Resistance’s mind.

_“And how is Rey?”_ She spoke cautiously a dangerous grin growing on her lips.

Ben scoffed audibly but finally let a smile come to his face. One that could even be felt by his mother on the other side of the line. “She’s okay… I think I might owe her an apology… I kind of snapped at her earlier.”  
  
Leia hummed on the other end, deciding not to push the subject much further. _“Well, it is getting late here….”_ Her voice dropped, knowing she had to go, but not wanting to.

Ben held his breath, waiting to hear what she said next.

_“I’m sorry Ben.”_ Her voice cracked as she spoke. _I’m so sorry for being the cause of so much pain.”_

He swallowed painfully at her admission. Neither of them could ever say those words enough.

“I know Mom.”

_“Stay safe Ben. I love you.”_ His mother spoke lastly. A pause ensued between them.

Ben didn’t say anything, his throat not complying. After another minute the line clicked, confirming that the call was over. He sat there stunned, trying to take in everything that had just been said. Feelings of regret and relief battled within him, both trying to dominate his mind.

For the third time that day, Ben started crying again. He didn’t know what caused it. Maybe it was the weight of their situation, maybe it was his mother, maybe it was the memory of his father. Maybe it was because he wanted to fucking cry. Ben didn’t really care. He let the tears run down his cheeks with no resistance, finally succumbing to every emotion he had repressed the last decade of his life. Since the day he left.

Not everything was fixed or right, but Ben didn’t care. At this moment he let himself feel the positive effects of simply talking with his mother. His past was still dark, their relationship still barely existent, but it no longer taunted him with self-inflicting attacks. It was a step, in what Ben felt was the right direction.

He let the silence embody him. And for the first time, there were no other voices, no self-deprecating thoughts, nobody with their vile hooks pulling on his mind. Ben felt truly free. Only his bond with Rey remained, still beautifully ever-present in his mind. _His connection to the light._ He exhaled and the tension in his shoulders released. The pressure in his chest that had been there for so long was finally gone. His tears dried, but their path could still be traced, just like the scar Rey had blessed him with.

A creak in a floorboard behind him broke Ben out of his empty mind. Turning his head, his eyes met beautiful hazel ones. He didn’t know how long she had been standing there, or how much she had heard. Ben didn’t care. Because Rey already knew the darkest parts of him, and she still hadn’t left. She stood there wearing a shirt and a pair of shorts he had never seen before. Ben chose to ignore the fact that they were probably his mother’s. She still looked exhausted. And yet was still the most beautiful thing he had laid eyes on.

“Ben?” She breathed out weakly. The floor underneath him let out its own whine as he stood up. Their stare never breaking. He didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, but he knew right now, he wanted her.

His feet moved automatically as he closed the distance between them. To the only person who understood him completely and fully. Ben bent down and kissed Rey desperately. She responded immediately her lips working in perfect sync against his. There was something different about this kiss. For all the times they had done this before, Ben somehow felt different. His muscles were looser. His mind, less crowded, he devoted his entire self to pressing his mouth to hers.

Their kiss found its way from passionate to heated as their hands explored unknown parts of each other. Both of their hearts soaring in their chests.

One of Rey’s hand found its way into his hair, tugging him closer. Her other hand fell on his chest, fingers gripping tightly at the material of his shirt. She was fully intoxicated with him. Ben wound his arms around her waist, holding her as he would never let go. Her shirt slips up slightly, due to his hold. His fingers graciously accepted the sliver of bare skin presented to them. 

Breathlessly Ben pulled away, gasping for air. He pressed his forehead to Rey’s breathing heavily. “I’m sorry” he spoke hurriedly as he pressed his lips to hers once more before breaking away again. “For earlier.” Another kiss. “I was being an idiot.”

“mmhmm” Rey hummed into his mouth, hand still working in his hair. She had never been mad at him and wasn’t too worried about earlier given what she had just overheard. Rey was more concerned about what Ben’s mouth was doing now. She needed more.

He broke away again, failing to notice Rey’s annoyance at his constant interruptions to their assault on each other’s lips. “I have just spent….” Rey pressed forward, cutting off his words. But Ben relented again. “so long thinking everyone hated me that I couldn’t get out of that mindset…” He surged forward to capture her lips again.   
  


Rey paused and pulled back slightly. “Ben,” She spoke breathlessly. “ I am so, so proud of you for talking to your mother and we will discuss it later… but right now you just need to stop talking” She ended her words by pressing a short, but intense kiss to his already swollen lips.

She leaned her forehead against his once more, a smile so glaringly obvious on both their faces. “Okay?” she questioned amused by the blush that had crept on his cheeks. They both took a moment to laugh. Rey’s laugh was something that Ben loved hearing; he could live so perfectly happy in this moment if it meant that sound never ending.

Instead of answering his lover, Ben pressed forward and kissed her breathlessly, both of them still chuckling into the action. Rey took this as confirmation and slipped her arms around his neck, gripping slightly at his hair that had grown in the time they had spent together. His arms were basically supporting her at this point, without them, Rey could only guess she would end up on the floor.

She tested her feet, gently pushing him backward, their teeth clashed at the movement and they book chuckled into their kiss. They were still horribly inexperienced at this, but it didn’t matter. Their bond tingled around them; both of their senses overwhelmed by the other person. Rey shivered as Ben traced his fingers up her arms and around her shoulder blades, brushing one hand on her cheek while the other replaced itself on her waist.

The floorboards creaked underneath them. Rey stood up on her tippy toes to press their lips together more forcefully. Ben detached his mouth from hers, finding his way down to brush delicately on the soft skin of her neck. Rey sighed breathily, bringing her hands up to rake her fingers through his black hair. He moaned against her skin in response.

Pulling away, Ben looked into Rey’s eyes. There was nothing but warmth and adoration underneath the pure lust in her features.

“Stars, you are going to kill me” Ben spoke tenderly, a dopey smile hanging from his lips.

“I mean we are enemies right?” She joked in return. The words falling playfully off her lips.

Ben chuckled lightly to himself before leaning down to recapture her mouth. The couple almost tripped on their feet as they made their way backward down the hall.

_Maybe a few more happy memories could still be made here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Kissing! 
> 
> Ugh, please don't hate me for Han/Leia... I truly love those two, but the force awakens wrote them as separated... so this one isn't on me. Also, I needed some reasoning behind Leia's motives for sending him away and I explained that through her fight with Han. 
> 
> Also if anybody though Ben and Rey kissing at the end was wildly out of place in this chapter, so what. I wanted them to make out! Also, I love that the chapter begins with a fighting couple and ends with one that is happily smacking lips. I didn't want this chapter to be completely depressing! 
> 
> Anyway, ya'll rock for reading this! See you next time!


	16. I Can Never Give You Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Journeys had separate but together. Can't we just be happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! We are back! I just got back from vacation and have been a little (lot) distracted listening to Taylor Swift's new album on repeat. If you haven't heard it, drop everything and go listen to it NOW! Invisible String is such a reylo bop.
> 
> Anyway! hope you enjoy this chapter, any guesses on Rey's lightsaber color? because yup that's going to be a thing! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy it!!

The room was encompassed in the soft early morning glow. Small speckles of light bounced around the room through the small rounded windows, limbs tangled together in the old sheets. Drowsiness hung off Ben’s eyes as they slowly cracked open taking in his surroundings.

His eyes soon fell down to where Rey’s head laid on his chest. Her brown hair was falling out of its bindings, loose strands tickling the skin on his arms. Raising his hand, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes before letting his palm run across Rey’s back, fingers slipping under the straps of her shirt and tracing her shoulder blades.

They had stumbled back to the guest room the night before where they enjoyed each other, basking in the new light that surrounded their minds. Ben smiled as he remembered how they got here. Their bond seemed to agree with him, and underlying hum vibrated comfortably through their embrace.

Rey seemed to pick up on his consciousness and stirred, her movements reflected on his body underneath hers. Looking up, her eyes met his. A soft smile came onto her face, her lips barely quirked upward but there was no question how she was feeling.

“Good morning” Ben whispered softly, mirroring her smile back at her. His hand found the divot in her arm where a new scar was stitching itself together. Two lines reaching out for each other marred her light skin. A mark from their fight with the praetorian guards. Everything had been so different then. 

“Hi” she mumbled back delicately, sleep still hanging on her words. Using her toes to edge herself up, Rey gently pressed her lips to his. Memories resurfaced from the night before when they did this time after time.

After a few seconds, they pulled away, Rey resuming her spot leaning forward against his chest. She listened to his heartbeat, loving how it seemed to match hers. Closing her eyes, she smiled into his shirt, trying to take in everything about this moment. A perfect moment.

She could feel Ben through the bond. He seemed the same as he always was, but somehow not. Less oppressed, like at least one of the million weights had been released from his shoulders. Inhaling she tried to memorize his scent, opening her eyes she tried to memorize every freckle dotting his face. His mind hummed against hers, the force at peace and whole. Their moment of peace snapped as her mind, remembered what she had found yesterday.

“Ben?” Rey poked tentatively, unsure of how this conversation was going to go. She didn’t want to trigger any painful memories given the unknown origins of the crystal still lying in the other room.

“Hmm?” He hummed back at her. His eyes stayed closed, not recognizing the shift in her tone through his sleepy mind.

“The kyber crystal in the other room? Where did it come from?” She questioned, looking through her lashes trying to read his reaction.

  
Rey could feel him freeze underneath her, each muscle holding still for a brief second. His eyes fell open, his gaze falling to meet hers.

“Um…” Ben opened and closed his mouth without words, trying to find them. “It was a while ago. On Ilum actually….”

“Ilum?” Rey asked. She had spent most of her life on Jakku. She knew some since her escape, but her knowledge of the galaxy was still somewhat limited.

“Starkiller….” He stammered out. “That’s what it was called before…”

“Oh.” Rey spoke quietly. _Before the planet had been turned into a weapon of mass destruction._

Ben shifted awkwardly; Rey ran her hand down his chest in an attempt to calm his nerves as he continued. “I found it in a cave when the planet was under construction. Snoke— uh, he sent us there.”

Rey didn’t have to ask him who the ‘us' was.

“It called to me like it was mine.” Ben continued his story, relaxing a bit under her touch. Rey kept her stare on him. “So, I took it with me, must’ve left it here when I came to….” _Ah, the other room._ The broken glass and painful shards of broken furniture still fresh in Rey’s memory.

She thought back to how it felt to have the stone in her hand. How right it felt there. Like Ben’s hand in hers. “I—I think it’s mine.” Rey spoke hastily. She looked forward with a glazed look in her eyes, staring into space, no quite focusing on anything but the soft glow of the crystal in the other room.

Ben nodded slowly, eyeing her carefully. She was nervous. _For no reason._ As he listened to her talk, everything was starting to make sense. The way the crystal came to him, the light he found inside it despite his growing darkness. It had called to him as she did.

A dopey smile played on his lips at this realization. “I told you the force wanted us together”

Rey’s eyes snapped up to his. Her face was hard and stern. “It’s not just the force.” She spoke automatically, slapping his shoulder lightly.

He gave her a soft chuckle in response, shaking his head slightly. The small smile playing on his lips almost making Rey forget where she was going with this.

“I’m serious Ben!” she spoke through his breathy laughs. Tapping gently, she drew their eyes together, staring into his dark orbs.

A soft smile replaced the hardened look on her face. She moved her hands from his chest, setting one on the bed beneath them. Her voice dropped low; she spoke softly. “Take this away. The force, the cosmic powers, the war.” Rey lifted her body up, swinging her leg over Ben so that he was trapped beneath her, their chests grazing. He sat frozen, unable to move as he processed her actions. She leaned down close, their faces only inches away. “I would still want you.” Ben’s hands came to rest on her waist, keeping her steady. His eyes glued to hers. “It will always be you.”

“We would run away, live on a faraway planet…. Just no deserts.” Ben chuckled at her daydream, running his palm up the soft skin on her side. “Hell, I would even become a stupid farmer.” Rey laughed breathily, her fingers found their way into his dark waves, pulling gently through the morning tangles in his hair. “And we would be happy every day.” Ben pulled her closer, their lips ghosting each other’s lightly as she spoke. “I would be happy with you. Just you.”

She ended her monologue with the capture of his lips, trying to pour every loving emotion into him. He responded happily, moving his lips graciously against hers.

Ben wanted to scream yes. To pick her up right then and whisk her away, find the farthest planet on the edge of the universe with not another soul. To forget everything and leave everyone behind. It was all he had wanted Rey to say since she had touched his hand that night through the force.

But…. Despite his wishes, all Ben could see in his mind was the fire in Kiara’s eyes as she stomped closer. Or Hux’s glare from the corner of a room. His mother’s voice from the other night telling him that she was sorry. As much as Ben wanted to spend the rest of his days growing stupid fields and the rest of his nights tangled in the sheets with Rey….

They were still being hunted. Too much unfinished business, too many loose threads strewn out across the galaxy. Luke’s words from the forest came back into his mind. “It’s beautiful Rey.” He spoke, the image so clear in his mind, so close he could almost trick himself into believing it was true.

_Do it for yourself,_ _so that you can find the life you deserve. A life for both of you._

He cursed his uncle for being an insufferable pain in his ass. But a pain in the ass that was right. Ben leaned forward and captured Rey’s lips in a brief kiss, buying time to talk himself out of what he was about to say.

“And as much as I want to say yes; believe me, I’m probably going to punch myself later for not saying yes—” He closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling in defeat. “We would never be safe.” Ben honestly didn’t care about himself, but he wouldn’t let Rey live out the rest of her days being chased around the galaxy. She deserved a peaceful life, one that they weren’t living in right now. She had been right all those weeks ago. They couldn’t turn their back on this war yet.

Rey nodded in response, a gleam of sadness in her eye. “I know” she smiled wistfully. “Just a dream.” They both knew it was unrealistic to go to that castle in the sky, leaving everyone who needed them behind. Ben reached a hand up, pushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear, sighing gently. He didn’t want her to feel like this.

They were silent for a few seconds, not really knowing what to say. Rey leaned her head back down onto Ben’s chest where he placed a sobering kiss to her forehead. After a while, he finally broke the silence.

“So, the crystal…” He offered, trying to distract Rey back to something she had been excited about.

“Mmmhhm” she hummed on his chest, still absentmindedly looking across the room, her fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

“I think you might be right. Take it and find out. You said it yourself, you need a lightsaber.” Ben tried again, trying to get a positive response out of her.

At the mention of a new saber. Rey perked up, lifting her head off Ben’s chest to look back up at him once more. “So—um” Rey paused, her eyebrows scrunching together in thought. “What exactly do I do with it?” her eyes dropped as if she had a reason to be embarrassed.

Ben shrugged causally, brushing away her insecurities. “Meditate on it. That’s what I did when I first built mine.” His fingers trailed up and down her back, sending slight shocks in their wake.

The word ‘first’ stood out to her, remembering that he had made a lightsaber with Luke. Her mind wandered to his current lightsaber. _And what did you do when you made it red?_ She knew it hadn’t always been crimson, but did she really want to know what he did to make it that color? Rey pushed the thought from her mind.

She nodded slightly, trying to swallow her sudden nerves. “Yeah okay, I can do that.”

—

Rose sat at a table, the communications radio in front of her. Kaydel had left for snacks a few minutes ago leaving Rose alone with her own thoughts. They had been sitting here for hours with not even a whisper on the radio. The silence and lack of company allowed Rose to easily slip into her own head. Her mind wandered endlessly from topic to topic. She thought back to her last conversation— no argument— with Finn. She shook her head at the man, wondering if he would ever get away from his bruised ego.

At one point Rose thought that she and Finn would be together. They had kissed on Crait (even though Rose could barely remember it). But since then….. she didn’t know. He had been so obsessed with finding Rey….. and his grudge with Kylo Ren— er, Ben had become all-encompassing. They could barely have a conversation without him becoming red in the face and explaining to her for the hundredth time how terrible of a person the man in black is.

Rose wanted to believe him. It was an easy answer after all. But something stopped her. Maybe it was her being stubborn or her memories of Paige’s compassion but damn it, Rose just couldn’t just fall in line.

Judging from the time she had, however briefly, spoken with the man in question over the comm, Rose wasn’t so quick to jump to that dark assumption. She had come across a lot of narcissistic and vile people in her time with the Resistance, and his tone on the call had been anything but. The only aggressive words were when he asked— _no pleaded_ — to know about the incoming danger. No traces of the all commanding, destructive, red lightsaber-wielding dark apprentice she had heard so many rumors about.

So Rose wasn’t so sure. They hadn’t made contact with her since he had fled with Rey. Only one other conversation was had. Rose had assumed was between Rey and Leia, given the estrangements between the general and her son. Maybe she could try to check in on them again.

Poe wouldn’t like it. Finn sure as hell wouldn’t like it. But Rose’s mind betrayed them. The nagging that was pulling her strings pushed away any other anxieties. _Leia had put her in charge of reconnaissance._ Maybe one call wouldn’t hurt.

Rose reached her hand forward, her fingers ready to punch in their direct code. She would just check in with them briefly, make sure they are okay and go. _What was the harm in that?_

“I’ve returned with enough snacks to make it through this never-ending shift!” Kaydel burst into the room. Arms toting various different rations, the woman sank down into her empty chair. 

Rose’s hand shot back at her partner’s sudden appearance. The action didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde lieutenant.

“Did we intercept a call?” She questioned, eyeing the space where Rose’s hand had just been. The shorter woman froze, not knowing what she should say or not. It wasn’t exactly a popular opinion she held about Snoke’s former apprentice.

“No, nothing like that.” She spoke quickly, avoiding Kaydel’s burning stare. “Just picking up a lot of static.”

“Okay…” Kaydel responded, obviously reacting to Rose’s abnormal tone. After another long moment of looking like she was going to call Rose’s bluff, the other woman dropped her gaze and placed her feet up on the tabletop.

The air became breathable again as Rose finally exhaled, finally able to shift in her seat.

Just as sudden as she had been serious a moment ago, Kaydel whipped around again, looking straight at Rose. “You will never believe the rumor I heard in the kitchen!” The woman spoke, her voice back to its normal bubbly personality. Rose relaxed slightly, leaning in slightly to hear the latest gossip, briefly able to get her mind off Finn’s nags at the back of her mind. _He’s a monster._

—

The small living room wasn’t exactly the place Rey had imagined herself bonding with her kyber crystal. It was definitely a far cry from Ahch-To’s breathtaking ocean views and cosmic level force connection, but Ben had assured her it would work all the same. _It’s not about your connection with the force, it is about you and the crystal._

She sat cross-legged in the center of the room. As she closed her eyes everything seemed to disappear. The only things she felt were Ben standing on the edge of the room, and the crystal lying on the ground in front of her.

_Reach into the stone, find yourself within it._ Rey scrunched her eyebrows. She honestly had no clue what Ben was talking about. His instructions had been pretty vague, deeming that this experience was different for everyone. The crystal hummed, almost taunting her as she tried to figure out what hell was supposed to be happening.

“This isn’t working.” She deadpanned, opening her eyes and glaring at the crystal in front of her.

Ben chuckled from the corner. “Give it more than a minute, sweetheart.” He spoke mockingly. “Just focus”

Rey rolled her eyes. That was easy for him to say when all he was doing was looming in the doorway. “And how am I supposed to do that with you standing there just staring at me?” she snapped back.  
  


Ben laughed again, raising his hands in resignation. “Okay, I’ll leave” He spoke with a smile on his face, clearly amused by her frustration. He turned and walked back down the hallway toward the back of the house. Rey stared after him for a moment. His step lighter, hands swinging at his sides. A small smile present on his face. His temperament released some of the tension in her shoulders. She could do this.

Turning back toward the stone, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes once more. _Reach out._ Scrunching her eyebrows together, Rey explored her mind, trying to find her connection with the stone. Memories flooded past her. Faces behind the glass as she moved further, digging to find herself on a cosmic level.

It wasn’t pretty. Rey pushed past all the trauma in her childhood. Throwing it all to the side, she had to recognize all the pain and tragedy that had been locked away in her mind. Her parents leaving without a glance back at her. The abuse she suffered as a child by the unforgiving sands of Jakku. Sleepless nights and unheard cries from the belly of her small shelter. She had been so alone.

The scene shifted, now a black mask taunted her, refusing to be taken off, not letting her see the gentle face she loved underneath. And after a moment. There she was, back in the mirror cave staring back at herself. Yellow eyes and dark purple bruises graced her face. An ugly sneer stabbed at Rey from her double. She gasped as she stared at her nightmare. And Rey was fucking terrified.

“Rey” a voice came. Sweet and glowing. “Everything will be okay.”

She glanced around, trying to find the source. Nothing. Her twin smiled darkly at her from her place behind the glass. “You need to let him go Rey. That’s the only way this will end.”

Rey shook her head, as the ghastly figure laughed mercilessly. Her mind tried to distract her. _Find the voice._ But it wasn’t there. Ben wasn’t here to save her. But somehow, she knew he didn’t need to be to give her strength. Closing her eyes, Rey blocked out the scene before her. Reaching up, she placed her hand on the barrier between the pair of them. The cackling stopped, yellow eyes and destructive features vanished. The glass shattered, taking the malevolent figure with it. And Rey was alone.

Rey’s senses dulled, she could no longer feel the floor underneath her, no longer heard the sharp wind rattling the cracked window in the corner. No Ben in the other room. Her dark twin gone, falling away, replaced by nothing. She couldn’t even recognize her body. All that remained was her mind. Opening her eyes, she found herself in an expansive space, a desolate landscape glossed in a dark purple aura, empty in the distance.

The sand beneath her bare feet reminded her of Jakku. But this wasn’t that. The draining and overwhelming feeling of isolation and sadness didn’t follow. The air was calm and content. _Safe._ Like raindrops on her skin or waking up in Ben’s arms, the force swam around her.

And when she finally was fully aware of her surroundings. Rey was able to make out a small pressure in her hand. Looking down, she opened her palm to find the white Kyber crystal pulsing fiercely in her hand. The rhythm matched the tempo of the blood flowing through her veins. Clutching it ardently, the sharp edges dug into the skin on her palm.

Opening her grip once more, Rey stared down at the stone. No longer white, the crystal emitted a soft yellow glow. The hue shifted as she turned the stone in her hand. Sometimes a bright yellow, other times reflecting a deeper orange color. Wrapping her fingers around it once more, she brought it up close to her chest, her grasp never wavering.

Rey knew it wasn’t hers. _It was her._

—

Ben had left behind Rey in the main room, resigning to the bedroom they had taken up residence in last night. _Last night._ Their actions seemed to have muddled Ben’s mind from the other incident.

Sitting down, Ben let the weight of their conversation last night wash over him. The anger was still there. His knuckles cracked as he balled up his fist, remembering waking up with his uncle standing over him, swinging his green lightsaber. Ben exhaled, trying to understand. His mother sent him to that point. He breathed in deeply again, calming slightly.

  
Ben reached out to Rey, just to feel her presence calmed him down. But she wasn’t there. It was like that part of him was numb. His heart dropped to his stomach as he stood up quickly rushing back to the front room of the house.

There, sitting exactly where he left her, was Rey. She sat, still meditating with a content look on her face, not making any movement to tell him she felt his presence in the room. He let out the breath he held, his heartrate dropping immensely. She was fine, good even. Ben didn’t know how long her process would take. His was just a few hours, but other students took upward of 2 days.

Stealing another glance back at Rey, he smiled slightly at the sight of her. Stars, she had so wonderfully ruined him. He thought back to his mother, maybe he should thank her. Her actions long ago resulted in yes, mistakes, hardships, and bloodshed, But it also something unthinkable. It sent him right into Rey.

Ben paused in his step, faltering for a moment. He looked back at the room where Rey sat. She was still absent from his head; Ben didn’t like the feeling. He felt empty. Like a piece of his mind was missing. _She is safe, she is fine. They are fine._

Turning again, he found himself stopped at a door. _A particular door_ that he had avoided since they had arrived.

He reached his hand up, placing his full palm on the old wood. Ben could feel the energy swirling around behind it. A dark cloud loomed inside that had stayed since he last left, leaving it in his wake. Sighing, he pushed open the door to reveal the wave of carnage it held behind it.

The violent happenings flooded back to him, wrapping him once again in his black armor, the horrible mask finding its way back onto his face. The mask had been there to protect him, but true to its word, it held back all of his insecurities, hidden emotions, and secrets. The facade always a second away from cracking.

The glass was still shattered, the furniture still destroyed. Burn marks adorned the walls from where his lightsaber had ripped through the wallpaper.

Ben felt the wooden floor press into his knees, realizing that he had collapsed at the sight before him. Tiny pieces of glass could be felt, pressing into the fabric of his pants. His breath quickened, deepened.

Everything came back. He saw his parents bringing him here for the first time. Ben taking his first steps on this floor before clumsily stumbling into the arms of his father. Everything. And it ended in destruction, all the memories made to be wasted by Kylo Ren.

Gasping, Ben abruptly stood up. Broken glass falling from where they had stuck into his pants clinking harshly against the wood floor. He moved automatically out of the room, down the hall toward the closet. He returned after a few seconds and started his work.

Working quickly, Ben swept up all the broken memories and old screams that haunted him there. He picked up the larger pieces of furniture, attempting to place them back together. Not everything clicked into place, but it wasn’t meant to. Ben worked for what could’ve been a few minutes or a few hours, he didn’t know. It didn’t matter. He didn’t use the force to mend these wounds, he had to do this with the same hands that made them.

When he cleared all the rubble, the room still looked broken, furniture still split, walls still singed, but no longer full of anger. Stepping around to the far side of the room, Ben set the broom against the wall and tugged the closet door open. He was met with a scent that was so distinctly his mother's. Some of her old clothes still were hung on hooks. She had always held an extensive wardrobe. Something she didn’t share with his father who wore the same two shirts on opposite days.

His hand ghosted over the fabric, they still felt the same as when she would hug him, or she held him in her arms. Even though they hadn’t been worn in years, there were no marks or wrinkles on them. Still frozen in time, as if she had just sent them out to be pressed.

A small smile unconsciously came to his face as he remembered how regal and put together his mother had always looked. Her wardrobe always something she could keep in control.

A white dot caught Ben’s eye as he raised his gaze to the shelf above. He reached up and grabbed the small tuft of fabric. A ‘tauntaun’ his mother had told him once after his father brought the toy back for him after one of his smuggling trips. His father had laughed as he gave Ben the present, recalling an old memory of an encounter he had with one of the creatures.

He brushed his fingers across the soft fabric, Ben frowned slightly before setting it down on the mattress behind him. Now it could look out over the room instead of being cooped up in the closet. He stared at the old toy, wondering if it realizes he was the same person who destroyed this room.

But before he could fall too deep into that hole, a voice interrupted his train of thought. Rey’s voice. “Ben?” She called from down the hall. Her voice sounded drowsy like she had just woken up.

He immediately rushed out of the room and back toward where Rey had been meditating. Ben found her, looking pretty exhausted but with a large beautiful smile on her face. She raised her hand up, revealing the Kyber crystal, now donning a dark gold hue. Golden just like her.

She let out an exasperated laugh as if she couldn’t believe what had just happened. It had obviously worked. Ben could feel the strong connection she had with the stone. It pulsed in turn with her. Rey’s mind once again brushed against his, feeling elated and full. His mind welcoming her presence back graciously.

She smiled widely at him, her feet moving closer. Ben wrapped his arms around her tightly. Bizarrely, he had missed her. Rey responded immediately, winding her arms around his neck, letting out a triumphant sigh of relief. Ben dropped his head into Rey’s shoulder, exhaling breathily, he was proud of her.

Their cheers of excitement drowned out everything else in the room. And the pair failed to notice the new figure that had appeared behind them. Their elation also masked the sudden blast that was heard from the other side of the room. Ben felt Rey lurch closer to him, gasping in reaction to the sound, placing much of her weight onto his body. But after a few seconds, Ben realized she wasn’t getting up, that he was holding her up. The only sound in the room was the clatter of Rey's crystal hitting the floor from where it dropped from her hand. _What?_

That’s when he felt it. The burning sensation that spread across the back of his right hand. Looking down, he saw a blaster mark in Rey’s back, tearing through her shirt and splitting her skin just under her shoulder blade. Her eyes were closed, and her body unresponsive. The damaged skin was charred and singed, blood crusted underneath the wound. 

Ben’s gaze snapped up, his eyes locking with two unknown men standing in the doorway. Their faces masked by matching steel masks. One holding a hot blaster, primed to fire again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Sorry. 
> 
> But...... I'm not! Mind the tags, everyone, things will be okay, we just might have to go through some stuff to get there. Anyway, who are these losers who decided to interrupt our beautiful moment? I'm sure Ben will have some choice words for them.
> 
> Y'all, controversial opinion but I actually like Rey having a yellow/orange lightsaber. In this fic, it will be more orangy, just cause I want her to have a little bit of red in it hehe.
> 
> We will get to see some other characters next chapter, the section with Rose was a bit of a set up for the next chapter which will hopefully be coming soon! See you then!


	17. Bleeding Out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is mad. Rey isn't doing so hot. Rose is awesome. Finn is difficult. Leia is conflicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, Happy August! New chapter!! We are kind of building back up, so a lot of tension in this chapter. One note. Please don't hate Finn's characterization, I know he is annoying but he is going to face the music soon! 
> 
> Thanks for reading as always! xo

“Is the ship ready?”

“Yes”

“We need to leave immediately after we get them. We can’t afford them any escape opportunities.”

“Are you sure it is even them?”

“It’s them. The ship matches the alert sent out by the First Order. Besides, who the hell flies around in a piece of shit that’s almost 40 years old but can afford to live here?”

“I guess.”

“Eos calm down. Everything will be fine. Think about the credits. We can go anywhere we want. We do this job and we’ll be set for life!”

Eos tapped his foot anxiously. Rigel was right. If they completed this job they _would_ be set for life. They could get out of the debt that had stacked upon them throughout the years. It was a risky hit, but they had surprise on their side. 

Rigel passed Eos his blaster from its hook on the wall. “Remember, the bounty is only good if their captured alive. Shoot to incapacitate, not kill.”

Eos nodded as his fingers gripped tightly to the cool metal. He had seen the transmission from the First Order, the entire galaxy had seen it. Eos didn’t want to know what the Supreme Leader had in store for the two fugitives. They had been the top bounty for weeks, under the premonition that they were highly dangerous. Planning galactic domination or some shit like that. From their scouting mission the night before, Eos didn’t see much in the way of ‘evil planning’ but who knows, Rigel didn’t seem to care.

Money was the only way out of this shithole life.

“We take em’ out, load them on the ship, hand em’ over and we will be on our way.” Rigel spoke in his gruff voice. “I reckon we could bargain for a few thousand more credits given how precious they seem to the Supreme Leader. What’ya say?” The man said with his malicious smile. He sat, dragging a rag over his old beat-up blaster.

Eos gulped, looking out the grimy window of their ship. The sun was setting, casting the mountain tops in an eerie glow. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

—

Time seemed to accelerate. Everything had happened so fast. The pain on his hand. The blood dripping on his hand. _Rey’s blood,_ _dripping on his hand._ His eyes locked with the two figures still standing in the doorway, the lights from above reflecting back to Ben from their helmets.

Rey seemed impossibly light in his arms. He stole a brief glance down at her. Still not moving, but he caught the slight movement of her chest shallowly moving up a down. Each time getting shorter and shorter. With each breath, his hands trembled harder.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of red, and almost at the same time, he threw up the arm that wasn’t holding Rey up.

Suspended in the air was the second blaster bolt. Aimed right for him.

The two men flinched back in reaction to the beam of light immobilized in front of them. They quickly realized their mistake. This was not just another simple bounty. Without another second of hesitation, Ben sent the blaster bolt straight back where it came from. The figure who shot it receiving it back on the face of his helmet. The body dropped to the ground with a thud.

The other masked figure took another step backward. Their hands remained at their sides, one twitched in the direction of the blaster strapped to their hip.

The only thing that could be heard in the room was Rey’s continued shallow breathing and the audible gulp that came from underneath the grey steel. But Ben could only hear the hot blood pulsing through his veins.

A staring contest took place, Ben’s gaze never broke from the helmet frozen in the doorway. Slowly, he lowered Rey down to the ground, setting her as gentle as he could down on the floor. Her blood now staining the wood a new color.

At last, the masked man spoke, his voice distorted but recognizably panicked. “Please, just let me—”  
  
The man’s words were cut off by the sudden constriction of his airway, seemingly coinciding with the flexion of Ben’s outstretched fingers. Without warning, his body became suspended in air, the toes of his boots barely retaining contact with the floor below.

The man shot forward; his neck grasped fully by Ben’s hand. His skin stretched inward at the pressure applied under Ben’s grip, red and abused. An unnatural noise made its way from the back of the assailant’s throat, air attempting to squeeze into his burning lungs.

The man stuttered air barely able to squeeze through Ben’s hands constricting his throat. “The First Order!” The man is able to choke out. “It was a standard-issue! Please try to understand! We just needed the money”

_He didn’t understand._ Ben’s other hand came up and roughly ripped the steel away from the intruder’s face, silencing his pleads. The offending metal was discarded, harshly banging on the floor. Ben was met with the face of a man not many years older than himself. Light brown hair matched the wide brown eyes. The man looked like a caged animal, trapped and feral, looking for any way of escape. Bringing his flailing hands up, the man clawed at Ben’s hands around his neck. Unfortunately, his attempts at squirming from his holdings were futile. His strength was unmatched to Kylo Ren.

Ben only saw red. They had come here with the intention to capture or kill them. _They shot Rey!_ The mask he had destroyed on the wall of that First Order elevator weeks ago threatened to close around his face again. Ben could almost see the room distorted by the lenses in place over his eyes. He pressed his knuckles deeper into the man’s airway, his fingers turning white. He couldn’t hear the straggled chokes or see the blood coming from where his nails had impaled the papery skin of the assailant. Ben only could see Rey’s collapsed body and hear her shallow breathing. The air was scarce for the man crippling under Kylo’s hands, a few more seconds and—

“Ben”

His murderous gaze ripped away from the man. Forced to look at the woman he loved crumpled on the ground a few feet away. Her eyes were cracked open, but she looked delirious, unable to focus on anything but the light overhead. Slowly they closed again. Blood had dripped from the ripped skin on her back, coloring her white shirt a haunting crimson.

All the air seemed to get sucked out of the room. A ragged croak pulled Ben’s eyes back to the man turning white under his grip. The face before his looking so much more human than it did the second before. Ben let his eyes soften and flicker to the woman gasping for breath on the floor and back again. Did he have a family? Did he have a Rey?

With a jagged exhale, Ben’s fingers slowly retracted from the man’s neck, the force unwrapping from where it held the body suspended in the air. Small bloody sickles indented his skin from where Ben’s nails had been. The man dropped forcefully to the floor, hitting the wood with a harsh _thump._ As soon as he caught a single breath, the man skidded backward on his hands putting a sizable distance between himself and Ben.

Ben’s face dropped; his eyes fell closed as he shakily took a breath, trying to compose himself. He flexed and extended his fists, now empty without flesh between them.

The former intruder took the moment of pause to stand up and run out of the house; leaving behind his helmet but escaping with his life. The same couldn’t be said for his partner who still laid motionless; growing cold beside the doorway. _Bounty hunters._

Neither held Ben’s attention now as he opened his eyes to Rey’s body still laying on the ground. He rushed over, throwing himself on the ground beside her. His blood-stained hand— _Who’s blood was it? Rey’s? The man’s? His own?_ — didn’t matter. His blood-stained hand reached out palming her wrist, feeling a faint pulse. His mind told him he would’ve already felt if Rey had died, but his mind wasn’t exactly working properly right now.

Rey needed help and quick. The shot had hit her just under her left shoulder blade. Maybe it was just a flesh wound, but Rey wasn’t waking up. Something was very wrong. And Ben wasn’t about to let a stupid blaster shot take the one good thing in his life away. _What would he be if she was gone?_

He brought his hand up, cupping her cheek, smearing _someone’s_ blood on her pale skin. Ben grimaced, his fingers trembling as he tried to get Rey to open her eyes again. _Nothing._ Just more shallow breaths.

_Fuck._ This was Ben’s fault, if he had been more attentive, less distracted in his self-wallowing, he would’ve been able to sense the two bounty hunters coming. _Kylo Ren wouldn’t have let this happen,_ his mind taunted him.

Ben’s eyes shot up, looking around. For someone, anyone to help him. Begging for anybody at all to appear and help him. _Help Rey._ He felt utterly useless sitting there on the floor, Rey motionless between his arms. Tears he didn’t even know he was crying fell on her chest, failing to wash away the blood. It was for nothing. Everything was for nothing if she didn’t make it.

A blinking light lulled Ben out of his haze. His eyes, red with irritation blinked harshly, trying to make out what was flickering at him across the room.

_The radio._ It still sat on the table where he had left it from the other night; fully unaware of the chaos that had erupted around it. It blinked every few seconds, goading him. Ben swallowed harshly before looking back down at Rey’s ghostly face. He exhaled in resignation, closing his eyes. He didn’t like it. Ben would be walking himself to his own surrender.

But this was Rey. And for her, he would walk that line gladly if it meant he got to see her bright eyes again. Even if it was through bars.

Running his eyes over Rey once more. Ben pulled her close, tucking her head under his chest, embracing her closely. After a few moments, he leaned down, pressing a longing kiss to her forehead. Gently, Ben set her back down on the ground.

Crawling, Ben left bloodstains and tears in his wake as he made his way toward the comm. He looked once more back at the woman behind him, reminding him of what he was fighting for. After a slight hesitation, Ben pressed the call button, waiting painstakingly for the connecting click.

—

It was late. The lights were dimmed to avoid harsh eye aches. Rose’s yawns came one after the other. She sat collapsed against the back of the chair, wrapped in the silence of the room. Looking at the clock, she determined that another 30 minutes would be enough, and then she would resign her position to another so she could catch up on sleep. Kaydel had left about an hour ago mumbling something about not being able to keep her eyes open after all the snacks were gone.

Rose leaned forward, writing up the final notes of the day. Any updates? Marginal. Small base landing codes and cargo transmissions weren’t the signals Rose was looking for. She scrawled the last words down on her chart. Turning her wrist, Rose caught the time. It was late, but the General would still be awake, waiting for any updates. Leia had a meeting with Poe and Maz, discussing a possible new world ally. Rose could stop by after that.

Dropping her pencil, Rose resigned back into the chair. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes and sighed in exhaustion. Doing a lot of nothing sure made her tired. Rose listened to the slow tick of the vents overhead, a lullaby slowly pulling her to sleep.

As she was falling deeper, something jolted at her mind. Almost as if someone was talking from behind the door to her. The words muffled and distorted. _Ugh_. _Whoever it was needed to shut the hell up._

The muffled voice came again, breaking halfway in between. But it sounded vaguely familiar. _It’s probably Kaydel or Finn._

_“Please someone…we need help”_

All of Rose’s muscles froze. Her eyes snapped open, briefly seeing the ceiling. The room was still dark, and she was still alone. Maybe she had imagined it. With the seriously laughable amount of sleep she had gotten in the past few days, it wasn’t totally unbelievable.

_“Anyone! Please. She’s…. She’s hurt.”_ The voice can again, more panicked and urgent than before. Rose knew that voice. She knew that plead. She knew _exactly_ who was talking. It was the voice Finn warned her about. The one that Poe was so hesitant about. The voice that the entire galaxy at one point feared. _Kylo Ren._

Rose shot forward, fully awake now. Reaching forward, she clawed for the comm the voice on the other side making her match his panic.

“Yes? I’m here, what’s wrong?” She spoke hurriedly into the comm, praying that the signal was strong enough to get to wherever they were.

_“She needs help. There’s… blood.”_ His voice broke as he basically screamed into the comm. Static rumbled through the speaker as if he had dropped the comm or something. Rose winced at the sound. He must’ve gotten ahold of the receiver because she was able to pick out a few words as they strung incoherently out of his end of the radio. _‘shot, ‘attacker’ ‘not moving’_ were a few that stuck out to Rose.

The string of unintelligible words made Rose’s hands tremble as she tried to piece together what had happened.

“Kylo..” Rose tried to intercept some of the words he was spitting out. His breathing had quickened, breaking up his words even more.

_“she just…..not moving….please….please…please”_

“Kylo!” She tried again, this time more forcefully. Rose feared that the man would pass out due to hyperventilation if he didn’t calm down a little. Still nothing, her call didn’t register with him.

_“It’s my fault…. The men…—”_

“Ben! Stop talking!” Rose practically yelled into the comm. “Just breathe!” The opposite line finally silenced, only hurried, uneven breaths could be heard.

“Thank you. This is Rose, we spoke the other day, you can trust me.” She could hear a hesitant swallow on the other end, she could practically see the tears on his face, as he debated her response in his head. With no words of disagreement, Rose took it as a cue for her to continue.

“Okay. Now, Ben, please tell me again what happened.”

Ben took a few more breaths, static shaking the speaker. And after a moment, he finally spoke a clear sentence. “Two men. They shot her. They shot Rey.” Rose’s heart dropped. _They had been found._ She hadn’t even met Rey face to face, but Rose felt a sort of protectiveness over the young force user. Maybe it was because Finn wasn’t able to do it right now, or maybe she just was too optimistic for her own good. She didn’t know, but at this moment the why really didn’t matter.

_“She’s hurt. Bad Rose. You know I wouldn’t be calling if I had another choice. Please.”_

Rose almost gasped, _Kylo Ren_ had just said her name. Her thoughts floated back to all the rumors she had heard about the dark lord. Could this just be another one of his tricks? Could this all just be a ploy to infiltrate the Resistance? Was Rey in cahoots with his plan? Everything she had heard about him, her entire life had been negative. That he was an evil shell of what used to be a man. Unredeemable. His name stood for everything Rose was fighting against.

_“Rose, please.”_ His voice came again. It wasn’t what she had imagined Kylo Ren to sound like.

Because, of course, this wasn’t Kylo Ren. This was Leia’s son. This was Ben Solo. His voice betrayed any ulterior motive he might’ve had. But Rose realized he didn’t have one. This was a man simply pleading for someone to help him save the person he cared about. A man who was pleading for someone to save the woman he loved. There was no plan, nothing.

Rose’s hand trembled over the locater. Her mind was at war with itself. One press of a button and he would know exactly where the Resistance was. She could hear Finn’s words over and over in her mind, along with her own. _Don’t do it!_ Rose had seen the holos. The mask. The red lightsaber. She had heard reports of the attacks. Everything until these last few weeks pointed to him as one thing. A monster. 

But as she heard his voice, his shaking breath over the receiver, Rose wasn’t so sure. Had he changed? Was he like the stories and pictures at all? Maybe he actually stood for exactly what Rose stood for.

_Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love._

Leaning forward, Rose made her decision, damning the Resistance to a fate she hoped wasn’t an end. Her finger retracted from the navigator button. It was done, their location sent.

_“Thank you Rose.”_ Ben spoke, confirming the decision she had just made. No betrayal or malice could be heard in any of his words. It was still just as panicked and shaky as before.

“See you soon Ben.” She responded quietly, hoping she hadn’t just led the Resistance right into a trap.

—

Ben released the comm, the metal banging softly against the wooden table. He stood up immediately, going over to check on Rey again. _No change._

He cursed under his breath, fumbling around to lace his hand through hers, ignoring the blood that covered both of them. Ben squeezed gently, just wishing she would squeeze his hand back. _Nothing._

As quickly as Ben could, he rushed around the small house collecting the small amount of the personal items they had. A change of clothes, a few rations, Ben’s lightsaber.

Carefully, he gathered Rey into his arms, her blood staining his sleeve as he cradled her. He winced slightly as he took her in his arms. _When did his back start hurting?_ His eyes fell to the woman below. She looked so small. So helpless. Her spot in his mind numb, but not empty. She was still there, hanging on.

Ben swiftly walked toward the door, carrying his entire world. They needed to leave now. The dead of night was slipping away slowly and without the cover of darkness, the ship could be spotted leaving atmosphere. The quicker Rey got help the better.

  
As he stepped foot over foot, one step seemed to trip him up, not letting him leave. Turning back around Ben looked around the small living room, now disheveled with a bloodstain in the middle of the floor and a body by the door. But something caught his eye.

An orange dot pulled his focus away from their departure. _Rey’s crystal._ It still lay on the floor where she had dropped it. Rushing over, Ben managed to scoop it up. He winced as Rey made the tiniest squeak of pain when he bent down. He stood back up, ignoring his own soreness as he was careful not to shift her terribly. _Now they could leave._

He hurried toward where the ship was docked. Climbing inside, he placed Rey on the crew cot, the same one she had slept peacefully on a few nights before. _Why did violence seem to follow Ben wherever he went?_

Closing the ramp, Ben tossed himself in the pilot’s chair, flipping switches and going through the preflight checklist. He punched in the coordinates Rose had given him. His fingers trembled as he worked, constantly reminding him of the woman laying unresponsive behind him. _She couldn’t die. He wouldn’t let her._ If one of them was going to die, it wasn’t going to be her. And it sure as hell wasn’t going to be because of a stupid blaster bolt from a bounty hunter with shitty aim.

The ship rumbled to life underneath them. Ben prayed there wouldn’t be any stalling because his mechanic was not exactly available at the moment. He pressed the controls forward, holding his breath. Without much hesitation, the ship shot off the ground into the cloudy dark sky, toward the stars.

Ben swallowed harshly hoping he hadn’t just walked them right into a trap.

—

Leia’s eyes drooped as they talked. This meeting had gone on far too late. The call with Senator Astaroth had taken longer than expected but ultimately was worth it. The man had agreed to ally with the Resistance, providing enough assistance for them to acquire a new flagship. Leia had been hesitant to reach out to Astaroth at first given his past political decisions, but right now, the Resistance didn’t exactly have many options.

Poe and Maz had been helping her plan their next move and assisted her with the negotiations. Poe’s charisma and Maz’s connections were half the reason they were able to make the alliance with the Senator. Finn had joined recently, giving her an update on the infiltration plans, hoping to come up with a scheme they could use to break ranks within the First Order. The man had been particularly diligent in his work. Leia hoped it just wasn’t just a side effect of his recent comm with Rey.

Leia had been particularly hopeful after her call with Ben. He still was angry, but he wasn’t Kylo Ren, so that was a positive. Maz had assured her that these things take time, and he probably had changed in many ways, from the lanky boy Leia had sent off years ago. As a mother, Leia was trying to keep an open mind.

“If we increase recruitment numbers by 20% in the next few weeks we should have enough forces to sustain a cruiser. We could be flying by next month.” Poe’s voice broke through her thoughts. Snapping Leia back to the conversation at hand.

“Slow down their kiddo, we still need to train those recruits and actually acquire the physical craft” Maz rebutted.

Finn stayed silent, sitting next to Poe, not really having jurisdiction in this sector.

“Come on! We are sitting ducks here, how long do you expect the First Order to sit idly by?” Poe argued.

“After the….” Maz paused, throwing a warning glance at Leia. “Recent leadership change… we should still have some time while they reorganize their forces.”

“Yes, but that’s not a guessing game we should be placing bets on!” Poe shot back. “General we need to—”

The Commander was cut off by the abrupt slamming door. It swung open to reveal Rose Tico; her cheeks red and out of breath.

“General I need to talk to you.” The young woman spoke quickly. “Preferably in private.” She said, throwing a pointed glance at the chair where Finn sat.

“If it is important to the survival of the Resistance I think we should hear it don’t you think?” Poe shot out, his impulsiveness and curiosity getting the best of him.

Rose exhaled quickly; this didn’t go unnoticed by Leia.

“What’s wrong Rose?” Finn questioned sharply, an offended look coming to his face.

“Is it reconnaissance?” Poe asked additionally.

“Will you let the poor girl speak!” Maz shouted at the two men. Her complaints fell on deaf ears as the men continued to talk, voicing their reasons for hearing what Rose had to tell Leia. The General, now engrossed in calming the two men down.

Rose couldn’t take it; this was too important for them to be arguing about. Besides, everyone would find out soon enough.

“They are coming here!” She shouted abruptly into the room. Finally, silence cascaded over the room. Her words pulling the group out of their argument.

“What?” Poe and Leia spoke at the same time.

“Rey and….” Rose paused, her eyes locking with Finn’s. “Rey and Ben. They are coming here. Something happened, I’m not exactly sure what but they need help.” She explained carefully.

Poe and Finn seemed to get a crossed look in their eyes. Like Rose had just told them she had gotten married to Hux. She looked away, choosing to focus on the General’s reaction. Leia exhaled slowly, a crease coming to her forehead. Despite her hesitation, Rose also saw a gleam of hope in her eyes.

“You gave Kylo Ren our location? Are you kidding me Rose!” Finn spoke harshly. Rose ignored his shouts. She knew he was hurting. He felt betrayed by both her and Rey. But this was life and death. _This was about Rey, not Ben._

“General with all due respect, you can’t just let the biggest threat to the Resistance waltz right in!” Poe spoke.

“Rey is injured!” Rose interjected. All the eyes in the room shot to the young woman’s face. Everyone went silent at the admission. Poe’s eyes fell, his shoulder slumping. Rose took that as his resignation. Leia turned toward the windows, gazing out toward the horizon shrouded by darkness. A puzzled look furrowing on her brows as she took in the information Rose had given them. She stayed silent as the others conversed around her.

“So, let Rey come!” Finn spoke cynically.” She knows how to fly a ship! Ren is dangerous! This could’ve been his plan! He could have injured Rey as a way to gain access to our base!”

“Finn you have no idea what you are talking about! That isn’t an option! He isn’t going to just leave her!” Rose argued with her friend.

“Yes! Because he has some creepy dark obsession with her! He’s too dangerous!” Finn scoffed, crossing his arms in defiance.

Leia immediately whipped around. Fierce tears had gathered in her eyes. She pointed a shaky yet accusatory finger at the Finn. “That is my son! He needs help! And if you think for one second that I won’t let them come here, then you have no idea what we are fighting for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proximity Alert! Everyone is about to be together again! Not sure that is going to work out super well, but we will have to see! 
> 
> Yes, Finn is annoying but I promise promise promise that won't be for much longer. Leia's mama bear claws came out! Love protective Leia. She gets to see her baby boy soon :') 
> 
> Rose continues to be an awesome character. Lord knows the Resistance would fall apart without her and Leia (I'll even include Maz). But hey what's up with Kiara? Haven't seen her in a while.
> 
> Thanks for reading see ya'll soon!


	18. Warm Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey arrive. People have differing opinions on the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all! Glad to be back!

The air was cold in the medical wing. After being to so many different planets and climates, the star destroyed felt so impersonal. The spotless floor and monotone walls were far too sterile for Kiara. Valtar had insisted they come back, under the pretense of regrouping. Checking in with the other knights, checking in with their satellite forces. Listening for any word on where Kylo and the girl could’ve gone. But Kiara knew the truth. He needed a break from her. She knew that Valtar had a loose stomach. He had never been very strong-willed. _Fine._ Kiara would give him a day.

The needle twitched against the rough skin on her back, stitching together the small cuts that marred her skin. After the adrenaline receded, Kiara’s mind no longer blacked out the pain from where she had been thrown by the stupid Jedi girl. _A few scraps; a broken rib or two?_ No matter, the pain only made her stronger.

The knight racked her brain trying to think of any place the two could’ve disappeared to. They wouldn’t just go anywhere. The First Order had tendrils that snaked all over the galaxy, surely they couldn’t evade them.

A slight knock rang on the door across the room. Kiara brushed away the medical droid as the door was pushed open revealing a short brown-haired man wearing a standard First Order uniform. It was crisp and clean, with no sign of wrinkles or stains. He had a name; Kiara just didn’t know what it was. They all looked the same to her; spineless and irrelevant. Strings she could play with and manipulate.

“I was sent to inform you that there has been an update on the two fugitives.” The man held his arms straight at his sides, knuckles white, gripped with fear. Kiara smiled at the persona she put out. “They were sighted on Eirene by a couple of bounty hunters; one…. he didn’t make it out alive.”

_Perfect._ Maybe the girl killed him. Kiara could only hope.

“There was a slight indication that perhaps they fled back to the Resistance. But that is purely speculation.”

Kiara’s eyes shot up, staring at the wall in front of her. Thinking.

“We could send—” The man was cut off harshly by the knight raising her hand. Silencing the officer. She didn’t care what he had to say. Kiara had her own plans.

“Monitor the Resistance’s off-planet missions. That will be our focus.” She spoke the words gratingly, leaving no room for a suggestion. If they were going there, Kiara had no doubt Kylo would be exploited on their missions against the First Order. _All in due time._

The man nodded, his face was still impassive, but Kiara could tell that he was nervous. Unnerved by her appearance and stature, beads of sweat grew on his hairline. “Of course.”

With no more words, the officer left the room with haste. Kiara smirked at the rushed exit. Reaching over to the table, she pulled the outer shell of her black tunic on again. She stood up, barely noticing the tweak in her bones. It was time to find Valtar, this stupid rest stop was over.

—

It was almost midnight, the night air brittle because of the wind. It had rained for most of the day, making the sky cloudy and menacing. Uncertainty hung in the air. The hanger was scarce, Leia had suspended all duties for the night. The general cited that all personnel on the base needed a break. But everyone knew the real reason for the time off was.

Rose twisted her hands together nervously. The weather should’ve made her cold, but her fingers burned in anticipation. Anything that happened, good or bad, was because of her. Sure, Leia made the final decision, but Rose had sent the coordinates. Beside her stood Maz and Poe. Leia had another late-night meeting with Astaroth. The city he was located ran on the complete opposite time as Telos and with the alliance being so delicate, Leia didn’t want to put it in jeopardy. But Rose knew that reasoning was just a cover. The old woman was nervous. Understandably so, the woman hadn’t seen her son in person for more than a decade, and for the better part of that time he had been the enemy. Leia assured her that she would meet them in medical after the meeting let out and Rose wasn’t one to argue with the General.

Poe was there as a compromise. Despite being captured by Kylo Ren at one point, he had been surprisingly less emotionally driven about the whole situation than Finn. Rose prayed that would keep up. Besides, Finn wasn’t exactly on board with the two force users coming here, so he was an obvious no. The former stormtrooper had argued against his absence, but one stern look from Leia sent him retreating to his room. Poe had promised to be civil, but he had also brought a pair of handcuffs as a precaution. She knew Poe could be a bit impulsive so worry clouded her mind. Rose eyed the two metal loops, along with the blaster strapped to the man’s hip. _Quite the welcoming._

She looked forward again to the cloudy night outside, still no sign of a ship arriving. A small noise pulled her eyes away. They fell to the ground, seeing Poe’s foot tapping erratically. Rose looked to the man’s face, finding only hints of his charismatic, charming features that his face usually was full of. _What he….nervous?_

Rose let it go, looking to Maz who stood on the other side. Leia had sent her as a proxy, a voice of reason. The orange humanoid also had her own past with Ben Solo, probably the most amicable of anyone here.

“What was he like? As a kid? Before….” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could catch them. Both Maz and Poe looked toward her.

Maz got this look on her face, one that Rose couldn’t quite decipher…. Almost _bittersweet or nostalgic,_ like she was remembering a past life.

“He was… like any other kid.” The woman spoke slowly. “He laughed. Cried when he scraped his knee. Loved to run around, play with droids.” Maz was rambling now, a full smile coming over her face. “Had this obsession with his father and flying. The kid wanted to be a pilot just like Han.”

Poe scoffed but didn’t say any words. Maz threw him an annoyed look and a pointed finger. “Don’t make us regret having you here Dameron.”

“Oh, come on! The guy killed his own father!” Poe exclaimed.

Maz gave him another pointed look, basically telling him to settle down. Poe silently threw his hands up in resignation. Turning away to look out at the darkened sky again.

“So, what happened?” Rose questioned; her mind was so enraptured in the thought of Kylo Ren as a child. She had previously imagined him just as dark as he had become. It was hard to picture him as a smiling, carefree kid. And how did he go from that to killing his dad?

Maz started speaking again, “Leia and Han loved him, but I think don’t think they were quite ready to become parents. Both of them had lives they still wanted to live. Both of them were stubborn, not willing to compromise” The old woman sighed heavily before continuing. “I think Ben kind of got lost in the folds. And when he first started experiencing force episodes, I don’t think either of them were prepared to deal with it. Han least of all. That’s when Ben was sent to Luke.”  
  
“So how did he end up as Snoke’s little minion?” Poe asked, suddenly equally enthralled in the story as Rose. His voice was curious, but his nervous foot still tapped against the concrete hanger floor.

“I never heard the full story…..Leia said she sensed darkness in him from a young age, thought Snoke might’ve been tempting his mind before the force was even active within him. But… who knows.”

“Huh” Rose exhaled. Poe blinked harshly, trying to dissect the words Maz had spoken. 

The trio fell silent, all looking back out toward the sky.

“How far away did you say they were?” Poe said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“They will be here soon.” Rose spoke nervously, her finger drumming against her arm with the same oscillation as Poe’s foot.

As if on command, an alarm beeped from its place on Poe’s hip, signaling an incoming ship. Out of the dark clouds, two lights broke through, the rain distorting their brightness.

“They’re here.” Poe rose his hand and spoke into his comm, alerting the medical staff that was on standby.

Both Rose and Poe took a hard breath, both visibly nervous. Maz stood between them, silent and impassive. The ship passed into the hanger, the line of rain breaking, no longer able to pelt the craft. The U-wing had obviously seen better days. Rose had worked on many different models, but she had never seen one particularly this old.

With each second that passed by, the closer the ship got, the more and more tension thickened in the air. Rose’s hands shook, she clenched her fists to try to steady them. _Everything will be fine._

Poe huffed as the hunk of metal landed without much of a problem. He rolled his eyes. Rose winced at the old metal scarping slightly against the hanger floor. She held her breath, but it did nothing to deter her nerves. Poe visibly tensed as the engines shut off. Understandable. The last time he came face to face with Ben, a mask of evil stood between them. He never forgot the pain.

After the dust settled, the only sound that could be heard was the water dripping off the U-wing. Rose made a move forward but was stopped by Maz. The old woman held a hand up as if to say _give them a minute._

After another moment, the cargo door slid open. Behind it stood the one who’s name was whispered across the entire galaxy in fear. The people that saw their reflections in his mask before they were cut down. The person who caused Poe to wake up in the middle of the night screaming from pain that still lingered.

But none of those features were present now. He almost looked unrecognizable as he walked slowly off the ship. The mask gone. The cape gone. The aura of fear was not radiating around him. He looked human.

Ben’s black hair whipped because of the wind, his loose black clothes following suit. The clothing looked worse for wear, tears, and loose threads hanging from the seams. But the most noticeable feature was the blood. Rose wouldn’t have thought that red could show up well on a dark black fabric, but she was sorely mistaken. The stains were obvious even in the darkened hangar. His eyes stayed down, not focused on the receiving party. The man looked like hell, exhausted and tattered. He looked like defeat.

Rose’s mouth dropped at his appearance. Both due to his blood-washed clothes, but even more because of his presence. Despite his absolute spent and muted mood, his existence still took up the room. His ability to project his arrival to the base was very impressive. Her study of the force user became interrupted by a sudden gasp from Poe. Dropping her eyes, Rose noticed exactly what, _or who_ was in the man’s arms.

Cradled there, looking impossibly small and fragile was a woman who couldn’t be much older than Rose herself, if even that. _Rey._ Blood marred her otherwise attractive face. Her eyes closed and the only movement that she could see was the small, shallow movements of the girl’s chest. _Up, down. Up down._

Ben seemed to follow the tiny movement with his eyes. Tracking the only physical sign that Rey’s heart was still beating. Rose’s heart clenched at the sorrow in his dark eyes.

As if on cue, the medical team appeared through the hangar doors. Led by Dr.Kalonia, they rushed forward to meet the new arrivals. Ben seemed to become alarmed at their presence. His hands gripped tighter at the woman in his arms, he shook slightly. 

The medics eyed Ben nervously, keeping their distance, they waited for his reaction. It never changed. The man stood frozen in place; arms still keeping an iron grip on Rey. His lower lip trembled; Rose almost though he was about to cry.

Maz closed the small distance between them. Tentatively approaching, she paused a moment before placing a small hand on Rey’s limp arm. Ben automatically reflexed back causing the old woman to retract her outstretched limb. “Ben?” Maz spoke quietly, testing the waters. This was someone she hadn’t interacted with for more than ten years; she didn’t exactly know what to expect. “They need to take her.”  
  
His eyes snapped between the old woman and the medical staff, trying to determine if it was safe. _If he could trust them with Rey’s life._

“It will be okay.” Maz spoke again. The man before her had changed so much. He was older. He had gone through so much pain and anguish; done some pretty horrible things. But his eyes were the same little boy she met all those years ago.

Ben’s face dropped, his fingers rubbed into Rey’s skin, almost trying to calm himself more than anything. Opening his eyes, he looked at Rey’s face. So calm, so beautiful. And at that moment, Ben remembered why he came here, to the people he swore to hate. Who he loathed for being a thorn in his side for the better part of ten years. Because looking down at Rey he knew he would do anything to save her. Ben would’ve given everything he had; his life, his freedom. Anything. Because she was the best part of him, she who saved him from the darkness. _Because he loved her_.

As gently as his shaking arms would allow, he set Rey down on the medical stretcher. Letting his hand brush down her limp arm one last time before contact was lost. Now the only thing connecting her to him was the numb hole in his mind.

  
Maz gave the medics a curt nod, signaling that they could leave. Ben stepped forward to follow the team wherever they were taking Rey.

Before he could take more than two steps a man moved to block his path. _Poe Dameron._ Ben’s eyes shot up to meet the other man’s, glaring viciously at him. “I’m going with Rey.” He desperately gritted out; teeth clenched. Looking around he finally noticed a short dark-haired girl standing back and observing the interactions. Ben also noticed the handcuffs strapped to Dameron’s belt.

Rolling his eyes, he moved to step around Poe only to be blocked once more by his hand. It took all the restraint Ben had not to reach out and break the man’s wrist. Instead, his hand fell to his lightsaber out of reflex. Poe noticed his movements and locked eyes with him. A glint in his eye egged Ben on, daring him to do it; to make a mistake. Ben froze, not wanting to give Dameron the satisfaction.

Ben could feel his heart rate increasing as he no longer could see Rey. Not knowing where she was or what they were doing to her agitated him. His hands trembled and Maz took notice, stepping toward the two men cautiously.

“Look I get you are worried about her. That you care about her in some weird force obsession kind of way, but you are still a threat to the Resistance.” Ben scoffed at Poe’s innuendo about his and Rey’s relationship.

“Stop pretending you know anything you are talking about.” Ben gritted out. He clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms, trying to achieve some sort of tension release. It didn’t work. “You have no idea what you are talking about. Where are they taking her?” Ben tried his best to keep his voice level, but his heart betrayed him. Panic leaked into his words, his desperation on full display.

The man took a step closer and lowered his voice, a feeble attempt at intimidation. “They are going to help her. Something you obviously couldn’t do. And besides, and you are in no position to be making orders.” Poe’s eyes darkened; his hand placed on his blaster. “You might think you have Rey fooled, Rose….” Poe threw his arm in the direction of the woman still standing silently to the side. _Ah, Rose._ “Hell, you even have Leia on your side. But you’re wrong, I know exactly what you are. I can see right through that face of yours. You might’ve taken the mask off, but I know it’s still there....underneath.”

Ben closed his eyes, his hands itched for his saber. _He should’ve just killed him when he had the chance._

“Lay off Poe, they have been through enough.” Rose spoke suddenly. Her words cracked the tension in the air, stopping Ben from actually igniting his weapon. He noticed Rose’s eyes flickering between his face and the saber at his hip. Ben could feel how nervous she had become.

  
“And we haven’t gone through enough Rose? The galaxy hasn’t gone through enough at the hands of him?” Pos shot back, finally stepping away.

“Enough!” Maz exclaimed into the air. “Yes, everyone hates each other! Poe get yourself under control! Trying to get him angry will do nothing to benefit either of our situations.” Maz scolded the pilot.

“Where are they taking Rey?” Ben repeated directly to either Maz or Rose.

“They are taking her to the infirmary. I can take you there, we just want to ask you a few questions. Get the full story.” Rose explained calmly, she held her hands out in front of her as if she was attempting to steady him.

“So, I’m a prisoner?” Ben exasperated. He was slightly wondering if it was the wrong decision to come here.

“No, Ben. Of course not.” Maz spoke, her tone trying to match Rose’s. She stepped closer as Poe scoffed and muttered something unintelligible behind him. “We are just trying to do what’s best for everyone.”

Ben muttered words he never thought would come out of his mouth. “I want to talk to my mother.”

“Again, you’re not exactly in any position to be making orders.” Poe spoke angrily.

“You’re are going to have to give up your saber.” Maz spoke coolly, gesturing to the weapon that remained strapped to Ben’s hip.

Ben scoffed at the request. “Absolutely not.”

“You asked for our help buddy!” Poe exclaimed the intensity of anger in his words elevating with every breath. “You don’t get to walk in and have your demands met! This isn’t the First Order!

Ben spun around and raised a pointed finger to Poe. “For not being the First Order, you sure like to act like them!” He felt betrayed, impatient, and annoyed. _He was fucking sick of this man!_

“Poe take a walk!” Maz yelled at the Commander. He threw his hands up in irritation as he spun around and retreated out of the hangar. Ben could feel the anger and annoyance radiating off the man. A memory popped into his head, one from long ago. He scoffed.

“Ben…” Rose’s soft voice came again. “We will take you to see Rey. You just need to hand over your lightsaber. It is just a precaution. Please try to understand.”  
  
He huffed, his hand falling to his saber once again. “Fine. But it doesn’t leave my sight.” Ben resigned, unclicking his weapon from his hip. _Anything to get to Rey._

“Okay, that’s fair.” Rose responded.

Ben hesitated slightly but finally extended his saber toward the shorter woman. _Rey._

Rose reached out, wrapping her hand around the weapon, tugging it free from his grip before strapping it to her work belt. The harsh black cylinder looked wildly out of place, but if she was uncomfortable, it didn’t show.

“Okay, let’s go.” Maz spoke tentatively, leading the way deeper into the hanger. Deeper into enemy territory.

—

Finn walked through the dark corridors. It was late, he should have better things to be doing than wandering the halls in the middle of the night. _Like sleeping._ But this was important. What he was about to do was important. Finn knew _they_ had landed; Poe had told him they had arrived. _He had arrived._

The fact, that thing was just allowed to just waltz into the Resistance infuriated Finn. Rose had tried to explain to him that Kylo was a product of the First Order just like him. But Finn refused her words. It wasn’t the same. Finn was taken, forced into the Order. Kylo Ren chose that life. He had parents, a family who loved him and chose to throw it all away. It wasn’t the same.

He checked his watch. _Just after 1 AM_. Rey would’ve been out of treatment by now. _Rey._ Finn wanted to see her. To prove to himself that she hadn’t joined _him_ , that she had been tempted by the dark side—

Finn exhaled harshly. He saw the sharp glow of a red lightsaber behind his eyes. The embodiment of evil, of darkness. The man shuddered. Thinking about it more, he didn’t know what was worse; Rey willingly working with that monster or her falling to the dark side. The hurt, pain, and anguish he had seen in Kylo’s eyes that night in the forest. So violent. So destructive.

He made his way around the dull grey walls of the Resistance base, finally arriving at his destination. Finn stared at the door in front of him. _Infirmary—_ it read. Looking through the small circular porthole window, Finn saw what he came to find. _Who he came to find._

Pushing open the door, he walked into the room. Besides the one bed, the infirmary was empty. The Resistance hadn’t been on many risky missions in the last month, so it had been pretty dead here.

The brown-haired girl laid motionless on the bed before him. Her skin had been washed; no blood remained. Poe had mentioned that both new arrivals were covered in blood upon landing. No traces could be found on Rey. Her upper body was wrapped in bandages and an IV stuck out of her left arm.

Finn let out a slow breath. Rey still looked like Rey. No stark white skin, no black outfits, or red lightsaber was visible. She looked the same, but somehow different. Finn couldn’t quite put his finger on it. _Maybe she looked older?_

He didn’t know what happened in the weeks since they had been separated….but Finn wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Looking at her chart, he noticed that it had been almost an hour since her first does of bacta, and given the IV in her arm providing her fluids, Finn wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up fairly soon. He couldn’t see any considerable injuries besides the bandages wrapped tightly around her abdomen and chest as well as a small line scar on her cheek. _Had that always been there?_

He reached forward, grasping her hand. It was so cold, like it hadn’t moved in a few hours. Finn huffed. He wanted to go back to that night on Starkiller, take a different route through the forest. If they had, he would’ve never been injured, and he could’ve left with Rey. None of this Kylo nonsense would’ve happened, Rey would still be here. She would still be herself instead of whatever Kylo Ren had turned her into.

Staring at her face, he pretended that it was all those weeks ago. Everything had been so simple compared to what it was like now. Finn ducked his head down, closing his eyes as he tried to wrap his head around what was happening right now. Rose thought he was being irrational, that he was hating Kylo Ren as a proxy to hate the First Order. She was wrong, _He is First Order._

_But you were too… once._ Rose’s words prodded at his mind.

Before he could think too far into the subject matter. Something pulled him out of it. Opening his eyes, Finn was met with Rey’s face again. But this time, it was scrunched in pain, no longer motionless. An involuntary smile appeared on his face as she opened her eyes.

—

Looking forward, Rey’s vision was blurry, a blinding white light clouded in her mind. Her head pounded; her body ached. _What happened?_ The last thing she remembered was gripping her crystal, hugging Ben and then……a blast? Nothing after that. Like there was a hole in her memory. She scrunched her eyes together, trying to subside the pain that radiated between her temples.

Opening her eyes, the picture finally focused. She was staring up at a grey ceiling. Underneath her, Rey felt scratchy uncomfortable blankets; Nothing like the ones in the house on Eirene. Those had been soft, and warm; like she could sink down into them and never come out. These were itchy and rough. The fabric made Rey panic. _Where was she?_

Moving her head, she circled the room. Sterile grey walls, medical beds, not terribly run down, and…..Finn. _Finn?_

Rey scrunched her eyes again before opening them. Before her, still sat Finn. He had a soft smile on his face, one that lifted Rey’s heart and reminded her of why he was her best friend in the first place.

But then she remembered their conversation on the radio. She remembered his disdainful voice and disappointing tone. _Did he still feel that way?_ What could’ve changed his mind in the past few weeks?

“Rey?” he questioned her, trying to see if she register that she was awake. Instead of answering she looked around again. _Where were they?_ The face she searched for didn’t appear. _Where was Ben?_

Noticing her confusion, Finn answered one of her questions. “You’re in the infirmary.” He stated plainly. This is our new base. We are on Telos.”

Rey sat up further, for the first time noticing the IV sticking out of her arm. Looking around the room again, confusion still lingered on her features. She rubbed her side trying to piece together what happened, how she got here. _How long had she been out?_

“I know it’s a little jarring…. But your finally safe.” Finn stared at her, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

_Safe…..Safe?_ Was that what she was?

Her eyes snapped up, to look Finn straight in the face. His eyes were kind, normal, but hid something, nonetheless. Rey brought her hands up and rubbed at her face. “Finn, where is Ben?” she spoke exasperatedly.

Finn’s face dropped at the mention of Ben. He leaned back in his chair, ran a hand over his face in annoyance. “Rey? What happened? Did he… do something to you?” Finn’s words had multiple potentially offensive connotations, but he spoke them anyway.

Rey stared at him with an incredulous look on her face. “What?” She stuttered out, puzzled at his question.

Finally, she realized what he was asking.

Finn leaned closer to her, taking her hand between his own. “Did he do this to you? Did he hurt you?” Her friend whispered.

“What?” Rey pulled her hand away, the confusion on her face growing. “ Finn, no you don’t understand! Fuck! Where is Ben?” She asked again in frustration.

“Well then help me understand! Because the last time I was with you, you hated him! You sliced his fucking face open! And now you are suddenly best friends? Excuse me if I’m a little confused!” Finn stood up, suddenly. He paced to the middle of the room, throwing his arms wide in bewilderment. “You can’t just go from fighting him to working with him in such a short time unless something happened!

_Oh, if he only knew._

“He’s a monster, Rey! I have watched him kill so many people!” Finn continued.

“Finn stop!” Rey exclaimed at her friend. “You have no idea what he has gone through!”

Finn dropped his hands to his sides, giving her a defeated look. “No, I don’t, but I have seen terrible things…Have seen _him_ do terrible things.”

“We’ve all done terrible things Finn.”

“He had a choice, Rey.” Finn spit out between his teeth. “He took mine away from me.”

Rey balled her fists up in frustration. _He wasn’t listening to her._ He didn’t want to listen to her. “No Finn. The First Order did that. Stop blaming him for every terrible thing that has ever happened in the galaxy!”

Finn went to say something but was cut off by Rey. “I’m not going to pretend he hasn’t done bad things. But you have no idea of everything that has happened!” She felt like she was screaming to a chair. The look on Finn’s face told her all she needed to know. He already had his mind made up.

“Look, I don’t even know why we are arguing about this.” Rey stood shakily to her feet. Looking at the wire connected to her arm, she grabbed it by the root and ripped at the tube. The crude extraction stung and blood started dripping from the small hole, but Rey ignored it.

Finn still stood in the middle of the room. His mouth opened slightly at her actions. “Rey… what are you doing? You need that!” He rushed forward as if he was going to stop her but one pointed look from Rey and he stilled. Her eyes were dark.

Rey didn’t answer, she wrapped her arm around her side, trying to support her steps as she moved forward. Limping, Rey walked toward the door. Her mind no longer felt numb. It was clear. Rey could feel Ben’s presence returning to her mind. He was here. She felt his worry and concern. Nerves flooded between them. She needed him. He needed her.

“Rey, where are you going? You need to rest!” Finn’s voice fell on her deaf ears again. She let out a grunt of pain as she stumbled toward the door, falling against the handle. Her body was beyond sore.

Planting her feet, Rey tugged at the handle with the arm not holding her side. Finally, she was out of that horrible room. Spinning around, she looked out the windows in the hallway. It was pitch black outside. _What time was it?_

Rey could hear Finn stumbling after her. Quickly picking a direction, she made her way through the corridors. The familiar hum buzzed in her mind, leading her exactly where she needed to go.

—

It was late. Ben was tired. He let out an annoyed exhale and closed his eyes, leaning back in the chair Maz had deposited him in. He was in what Ben could only assume was a holding room. He tapped his fingers on the table in front of him wishing it would make time go faster so that he could go find Rey.

  
They had explained to him that for _his_ safety, they couldn’t let him go walking around the base. Ben was pretty sure they did it out of other’s safety more than his own. He got the sense that Poe would gladly let the other members have their way with him if given the chance.

Rose stood across the room from him, his saber still strapped on her belt. He wondered where his mother was, where Rey was. Her presence in his mind had gone from numb to slowly getting stronger and stronger. Whatever they were doing must’ve been working. A buzz broke his train of thought.

“Um, I got a message from medical” The woman in the corner spoke into the silence, fingers fumbling with her communication device. Ben’s eyes looked up to find hers. Rose’s face was tentative, like she was nervous and unsure how to talk to him. Ben guess he understood the woman’s hesitation given his reputation. She had every right to hate him for his past. He was thankful she didn’t.

“Rey is out of treatment and stable.” Ben nodded at her words as Rose continued. “When she was shot the blast broke a few bones in her rib cage and punctured a lung…. That’s why she wouldn’t wake up.”

“Okay….good.” Ben responded almost as a question. His features lightened slightly; Rose was surprised by this. She never really thought he could have an expression like that. It looked nice on him, made him look more human.

“Yeah… good” Rose repeated back to him, the ghost of a smile trying to perk on her mouth. Silence fell between the two, awkwardness filling the space between them.

After a few more minutes Ben spoke once again. “Where…uh— is my mother?”

“She’s in a meeting…” Rose answered automatically.

“At two in the morning?” Ben quipped back. He was nervous to see his mother in person again. Sure, they had spoken over the radio, but to actually have her in front of him….someone he fought against for 10 years. _Stars, he had so much to apologize for._ But evidently she did too.

Rose hesitated before speaking again. _Should she be telling him this?_ He had already walked right into their base; he hasn’t been violent even though Poe deserved a good slap for the words he had thrown at the former darksider.

“New allies….” Was all the woman said before trailing off. It seemed to suffice because Ben just shrugged and nodded his head.

He looked away but could feel Rose staring at him, analyzing his movements, _trying to guess his evil motives_ , Ben assumed. _Maybe he could try to be a decent person._

“Thank you.” Ben basically whispered into the air. Rose was still staring, but her pupils hardened as she focused more of her attention at the man in front of her rather than the thoughts in her head. “For helping us, I know you had no reason to trust me. And without you, Rey might not be here so….”

Rose smiled slightly at the man. “everyone deserves a second chance.” She could tell he was being sincere, especially when his voice broke as he mentioned Rey. “I’m sorry about Poe by the way, he shouldn’t have been so rude to you.”

“No…. I think I may have deserved that.” Ben spoke, small lines gathering on his face as he winced at a memory unseen to Rose. “I’ve been…uh…lost for, well awhile now.” Ben ran his hand through his hair. The bruising bags under his eyes becoming clearly evident under such harsh lighting. Rose wondered how long it had been since he slept.

“And Rey has helped with that?” Rose questioned him, her curiosity perking into her voice. Her mind wandered back to the conversation she had with Kaydel a few weeks ago.

Ben looked down at his clasped hands, twiddling his thumbs. He didn’t answer her question but the slight gleam in his eye and the sweet hint of a smile on his lips told Rose everything she needed to know.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang in the hallway, accompanied by a few straggled shouts. Both their eyes snapped to the door, alerted by the abrupt commotion outside. Rose dropped her hand to the stun gun at her hip, unaware of who was behind the door.

Bluntly, the door banged open. In, tumbled a weakly limping Rey followed shortly by a man Ben remembered as FN-2187. The defect stormtrooper who he fought in the forest. _Finn,_ Rey had called him.

“Rey?” Ben exclaimed, his eyes locking with hers. He couldn’t help the small smile that came to his lips at the sight of seeing her bright eyes again. But right now, she looked exhausted. She had bandages wrapped tightly around her chest and abdomen and her left arm was dripping blood. He stood up quickly moving around the table. He gently led her to the chair, sitting her down. Ben could feel Finn’s eyes on him but chose to ignore them. “What are you doing?”

“I needed to find you” Rey spoke, panting slightly. The walk over obviously took a lot out of her already depleted energy reserve. He placed a hand softly on her shoulder, careful not to apply much pressure. He was glad to see her, but she needed to get back to the infirmary.

Her neck twisted so that she could look at him. Her eyes widened at his appearance. His blood-stained clothes doing him no favors. “Ben, are you okay?” Rey exclaimed.

His fingers squeezed carefully on her shoulder. Ben leaned down and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Most of it isn’t my blood.” Rey nodded realizing that it was her own. The man fuming across the room didn’t share in her sentiment.

“Rose, why isn’t he restrained?” Finn asked forcefully, after finally registering the state of those in the room.

“Finn, stop!” Rey yelled from the chair. Her face was full of anger; her cheeks slightly tinged red.

“Rey, he is dangerous!” Finn yelled back.

She scoffed at his words. Both their voices were raw, they had obviously been arguing before they arrived.

Finn you aren’t authorized to be in here!” Rose shouted at him. “Leia’s orders were clear”

The man ignored Rose’s statement as his gaze dropped to the hand holding her stunner, or more specifically Ben’s lightsaber that sat next to it.

“Where did you get that?” He asked forcefully. “That shouldn’t even be in the same room as him!” Finn spoke as he pointed an accusatory finger across the table at Ben.

Their arguments shot back and forth in the air. Quips thrown so fast at each other Ben could barely hear what they were saying. This had been building for a while.

“What is going on here?!” Came from the doorway. Undenounced to anyone in the room, a figure had appeared in the door. The air fell silent as everyone ceased their arguments and looked toward the source of interruption. Ben froze.

For the first time in more than 15 years, He had finally come face to face with his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEN AND ROSE FRIENDSHIP!! I always thought that if those two got time onscreen together that they would be friends...
> 
> Ohhhh Leia is about to wear her mama bear claws again. Rey seriously needs to stop bleeding! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! The chapter is a bit of a hot mess but that's okay! Our characters are all a bit of a hot mess!
> 
> See you all next time!


	19. Warm Welcome: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many conversations to be had. Finn please listen during yours. A new plan is hatched on both sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, new chapter! The aftermath of this unfortunate situation is before us as well as the morning after. The biggest question is asked: When exactly does Leia Organa sleep? 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The harsh words and arguments halted at the arrival of General Organa. Her stare bore into Ben. He looked down, the intense stare of his mother making him feel like a child who was in trouble. She had just walked in on quite the scene after all. Maz stood silently behind her, surveying the room.

Finn and Rose still stood opposed to each other. Their bodies still angled and feet firm. Like they were ready for combat. Rose’s face told a different story. Her eye fell just like Ben, like she was ashamed or that she was trying to apologize. Finn stood, his eyes staring off into space, looking like he was trying to disappear.

Leia scanned the room, eyes bouncing between Ben and Finn. She was trying to figure out how the two people she wanted to keep apart ended up in the same room. Her features softened in concern as she looked at Ben and Rey. The woman looked as she was about to pass out. Her eyes drooped and the only sound that could be heard besides the nervous breathing was the drops of blood hitting the floor underneath Rey’s arm. Their state of appearance made Leia give up any hope of sorting this out tonight. After all, nothing good could ever happen this late at night. She had just gotten off a particular taxing call with Senator Astaroth; the last thing Leia wanted to be doing was dealing with _this_ situation.

“Rose, please escort Ben and Rey back to the infirmary. We can talk with them tomorrow after everyone has gotten some good sleep.” She spoke, leaving no room for discussion. Rose nodded wordlessly, before starting out the door, stopping in the hallway to wait for the two force users.

Ben glanced up at his mother, wondering what her next play was going to be. Surely she wasn’t just going to let him walk around the base freely. _She always had a play._ Not looking to argue about getting out of the terribly cramp room, Ben decided not to ask. As she said, they would have time to talk about it tomorrow. Slowly, he helped Rey stand up. Ben placed on hand under her arm to help her stand up and the other on her lower back. He was careful to avoid the blaster wound. The image of it still burned into his mind. He tried to ignore all the eyes on them as they moved toward the door. Finn in particular wasn’t giving him the best look. But Ben didn’t have the energy to care right now. _Maybe tomorrow._

Silently, he guided Rey back down the hall. They barely needed Rose, the trail of fresh blood still there to lead their way back to medical. But Ben felt at ease with Rose there. He actually kind of liked the woman. At least everyone here didn’t absolutely despise him. Ben didn’t blame people for those feelings, but it was nice to have someone who wasn’t shooting daggers out of their eyes toward him.

Once the two force users were out of the room, Leia turned her sights back to Finn.

“General I—” Finn started, but his words were halted by the older woman’s hand outstretched in front of her forcing his silence. The room remained wordless for a few seconds; the air growing tenser and tenser. Finally, Leia spoke.

“Finn, why are you here?” She spoke. Her words calm but holding a certain ice to them.

The words had obviously taken the man by surprise. He visibly rolled back on his feet while his mouth opened and closed, trying to find a response. “What….what do you mean?”  
  


“I mean, why are you here, at the Resistance?” Leia’s voice remained at the same level, a haunting tone, breaking through Finn and hitting him square in the chest.

“I uh….—" Finn started, only to be cut off by Leia once more. She knew he didn’t have a defense anyway. This was a lesson he had to learn, before it cost them their lives.

“Because if you spent half the effort organizing the Infiltration Operation that you do hating Ben…. Well…. Well, then we would be halfway to winning the war.” Leia shook her head slightly.

Finn’s eyes dropped, roaming the floor in concentration as he mulled over the General’s words.

“You have a brilliant mind Finn, with all the right ideas and experiences to create meaningful change. Stop wasting your time hating the wrong person.”  
  
Leia raised a hand, pointing an accusatory gesture at herself, her words picking up in speed.

“And I understand that my judgment might be a little skewed because he is my son, but I will not excuse your behavior anymore. I know that he has done terrible things. I know that he stood for the institution that took away your entire life, but Finn?”

The man’s eyes finally snapped up to meet Leia’s. Staring into them, he saw all the ghosts of her past. Failing her son, failing to keep the republic together. True horrors were hidden in those irises, ones Finn hoped to never learn about.

“You aren’t the only one. There are countless people whose lives have been ripped away by the First Order. Including Ben. And as of right now, he hasn’t given any indication that he is a threat to our operations.”

Finally, Finn found the courage to speak. His voice came out broken and quiet, the words trembling out of his mouth. “How can you be so sure?”

Leia huffed, a cynical smile coming to her face. Faith that she couldn’t change. A fight she could never leave. “I love my son. But you know damn well that I give my life to this cause. And if there is any reason to believe that he is here for the wrong reasons, I give you my word that he will be out. There will be no more second chances.”

Finn exhaled at the woman before him. Even though she was more than a foot shorter and worn by cruel years, she still commanded with an iron fist. Because it was the only thing she had ever know. The only thing that mattered was winning the war. If they didn’t, what would they have to live for?

The General balled her fist up, recoiling slightly in her tone. “But that is for me to worry about. Not you. Besides…” Leia gestured to the room’s disheveled appearance. “We need all the help we can get.”

“I’m sorry General.. I—” Finn paused, his eyes closing as he tried to push away the bitter feelings and horrid memories. The man looked up and met Leia’s gaze. “I will try to do better.” He darkened his gaze ever so slightly in recognition. “For the cause.”  
  


Leia exhaled slowly and nodded at Finn. “Good. Now go get some sleep. You have a big day ahead of you, working on the stormtrooper operation.” She spoke with a pointed look, eyeing him cautiously. Finn gave her a soft exhale, the tension in the room slowly diffusing.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.” Leia smiled curtly at the young man. His remorseful eyes told her everything she needed to know. As she exited out the door, Leia turned around and gave him one more glance. “Remember Finn, mistakes can be forgiven, not learning from them cannot. Without real change, we are fighting this war for nothing.”

—

The walk was silent, Ben had his arm around Rey, supporting her as they moved through the hall. Rose kept her eyes trained on the floor, tracing the path back by Rey’s drops of blood that the girl had left on her first trip through the halls. A cleaning droid beeped and buzzed behind them, indicating its frustration over the mess.

The young woman didn’t dare look back at the pair walking behind her, she was still fuming after her confrontation with Finn. The look in his eyes when Leia walked in…. she hoped this would be a turning point.

Her steps slowed as she reached the infirmary door, tugging the handle and holding it open for the two force users. They both looked quite exhausted from their arrival. Ben gave her an appreciative nod as he passed, walking Rey back to the hospital bed she had escaped earlier.

“Um, I’ll be back tomorrow to update you on whatever is happening…. We can get you guys rooms and move you out of here” Rose spoke gesturing to the infirmary around them. It wasn’t the most inviting locale. The pair shared a look between them, silently mulling over what she had said. _Could they actually communicate like that?_

Finally, Rey spoke. “That would be great, thank you—uh” The young force user looked at Rose with wide eyes, realizing they had never met before.

Rose took pity on the woman, offering her a smile. “It’s Rose.”

“Rose” Rey repeated, with a soft smile. “I’m Rey. But thank you for… well for everything. Especially given…” Her words trailed off; she didn’t have to say it. _Thanks for giving Ben a chance._

__

Rose nodded at the force user chuckling internally at her introduction. _Of course, I know who you are._ Her eyes then landed on the man standing beside Rey’s bed. “If you want, I can show you to a room for tonight?” Rose was pretty sure she knew what his answer would be, his eyes only glancing at her for a moment before falling back down to Rey.

His lips involuntarily quirked upwards, his eyes softening. “No, uh” He stuttered as he looked down at Rey and ran a hand through his hair as if he was nervous. “I think I’ll stay here.”

Rose nodded at him with a smile. It was weird, the calming atmosphere that radiated around the two force users. Something bounced between them, like a secret only they would ever know. Rose couldn’t figure them out.

“Well it’s late, I should get to sleep.” At just the mention of sleep, Rey yawned. Ben smirked down at her.

“We’ll see you in the morning. Thanks again, Rose.” Ben spoke with a small nod toward the woman.

“Yes… I’ll see you tomorrow.” Rose responded as she made her way to the door. Once in the hallway, she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. That was…. Not like she expected. They weren’t as she expected.

After a few seconds in her daze, Rose herself let out a yawn. Glancing at her watch she saw that it was almost 2:30. _Yep, it was definitely time for bed._ The light caught something below her watch. _The lightsaber. His lightsaber._ She hadn’t given it back to him. Ben must’ve forgotten about it with everything that had happened with Finn.

Rose had half a mind to turn around and just give it back to him. But everyone had agreed before Ben and Rey’s arrival that it would have to be confiscated. She turned it in her hand, examining the charred black handle, trying to imagine what the red blade would look like. _How many people had d…?_

Rose snapped her gaze up. It was late. Shaking her head, she strapped the weapon back on her hip and started back down the hall toward her room. _She would give it to Leia in the morning._

—

Once the door closed and Rose was out of the room, Ben turned his gaze back to Rey. His eyes ran rampant across her body, looking for every sign of injury. Blood was starting to crust over on her arm, but still flowing out of the wound. It stabbed at Ben, reminding him of the way she was bleeding when she was shot. He shivered as he remembered the dead weight of her in his arms.

He walked over to the nearby counter grabbing some gaze and a wrap before returning and sitting down next to where Rey was laying down on her bed. Ben gently grabbed her arm, dabbing at the wound.

Rey’s eyes traveled across his face, trying to decipher what was going on in his head. Ben’s brows were scrunched together, his eyes dark and haunting. His fingers had a firm yet gentle grasp on her arm, the pressure pleasantly reassuring.

“Ben?” She whispered, trying to coax his eyes up to hers. It didn’t work, they stayed trained on her wound. She let him continue cleaning, but Rey could feel his emotions swirling dark inside of him.

“Ben.” She tried again. “I’m fine.”

“No.” he snipped quickly. “You aren’t Rey. You almost…” His words trailed off, unwilling to say the last part of that sentence. _Died._

“But I didn’t. You didn’t let that happen.” She brought her other hand up to lean on his shoulder, running her fingers through his hair.

“But you could’ve. Because of me.” His fingers traced the wrapping on her arm, his eyes never wavering from the sight.

“I’m here, because of you, Ben” She tried again. Her hand dropped from his hair to his hand. She squeezed it gently, relishing in the way his pulse quickened under her touch, beating in tune with hers.

Ben’s eyes finally looked up to meet her. They softened and relaxed. “I’m sorry.” He was sorry that his past would forever chase them. That she was now condemned to this life with him.

Rey shook her head, as a small smile coming to her face. “I’m not.”

Those two words washed over Ben, taking away his nerves. She was here for the long run. Not just because of their force connection. She was here for him.

Her smile grew as she leaned up and brushed a soft kiss to his lips. The warmth on her lips reminding him that she was okay. Ben kissed her back, his fingers brushing over her hand, never letting go.

When they broke away, Rey smiled again at him. Her eyes holding so many promises for the future. Whenever they got out of this. The pair sat there simply staring at each other, the base and war disappearing around them so that it was just them.

A few minutes passed before a small cough broke the gaze between the two. They instantly put a little distance between them, Ben dropped Rey’s hand. Looking up, they were met with the face of Leia. Her face indiscernible, her eyes flashing between the pair.

Ben coughed slightly, trying to ease the awkwardness.

“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” she spoke with a quirk in her brow. Her pointed glace held a lot of questionability, trying to read was going on. They had just been sitting together. _Holding hands._

“No, um, you aren’t” Rey spoke up. Ben stood up, his hands twisting together under the gaze of his mother.

“I’m sorry about Finn. Things have been a bit hard for him recently….” Neither Ben nor Rey responded both knew exactly what she was trying to say with those words.

Leia took a few more steps into the room, her own movements matching the uncertainty of her son. “I know its late, but I just wanted to come check on you two. Make sure you’re alright.”  
  


Rey smiled at the general. “We’re fine, just exhausted.”

“You and me both.” Leia spoke with a soft laugh. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you arrived.”  
  


Rey yawned in response, producing another chuckle from the general. “We can talk tomorrow… I just wanted to….to see you” Leia’s eyes fell on Ben when she spoke. The words hiding all of the things she really wanted to say. _They would have time tomorrow._ “Well, goodnight, I’ll see you two in the morning.” Leia turned toward the door.

Ben took a step forward before freezing. His eyes found Rey’s momentarily. She nodded at him encouragingly, giving him the ability to move again. His steps quickened, meeting his mother’s pace before she could get out the door.

“Mom, I—” Ben’s voice faltered at the sight of his mother standing in front of him. After all these years. She looked different. Older. Her hair had grey strands in it, there were more wrinkles around her eyes. The wear from all the years weighed on Ben. _They had missed so much._

His mother gave him a solemn look. The young boy she sent off all those years ago now much taller and broader than she could’ve imagined. His eyes no longer as broken as they were that fateful day. No, they were whole, purposeful and good. There were no ghosts or demons being reflected back. Something had shifted in him. Something that Leia couldn’t quite figure out, but she was willing to bet it had something to do with the girl lying on the hospital behind them.

With the wave of her hand, She dismissed whatever Ben was going to say. “It doesn’t matter.”

Ben pursed his lips, his eyes threatening to give way to tears. After everything that had happened in the last three days, he was overwhelmed having his mother in front of him once more. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry” The word _dad_ was just on the cusp of his words. They both had mistakes, some much more permeant than others.

Leia painfully smiled up at him. She reached up, giving his arm a soft squeeze. Ben didn’t flinch or step away from the act of comfort. He stood still, embracing it. “I know.” She spoke simply, tears of her own gathering behind her eyes. There was so much more to say. There would always be more to say.

Giving his arm one more squeeze, Leia spoke once more. “I’m sorry too.” Ben nodded at her words, he understood. “We can talk more tomorrow when she is out. Now get some sleep. I’ll get you two new clothes in the morning.” Leia tells him, her head nodding toward his ruined shirt. Ben let out a scoffing laugh, looking down at his bloodstained shirt.

His mother looked at him once more before exiting the room. Ben watched as the door closed completely before turning back around toward Rey. Walking over to her bed he noticed her eyes were closed.

Ben panicked for a second, before realizing that she was only asleep. He smiled at her peaceful face, free of fear or worry. He reached over, brushing his fingers against her cheek, feeling the flush of blood under her skin. Ben sat down in the chair next to Rey’s bed. There were other beds in the room, but it didn’t feel right for him to be away from her. No, he would be here when she woke up. Ben placed a quick kiss on her forehead, laughing softly at the small snore that escaped her lips. Leaning back, he closed his own eyes and took her hand in his own. Ben exhaled softly, finally able to find a glimpse of relief.

—

The next morning came way too soon. Maz walked the halls as quickly as she could trying to avoid other resistance member’s legs. She had spent the entire night staring up at the ceiling. Ben and Rey’s arrival complicated many things. They had to keep peace within their ranks if they wanted any chance of defeating the First Order. Not everyone agreed with them coming here. The force scared them, not just the dark side, the entire unknown of the concept made people very uneasy. Having two of the most powerful force users here didn’t exactly help that notion.

It was early but that didn’t equate to a calm base. The night off had put a lot of assignments behind schedule and everyone was playing catch up. Maz was no exception. She had an early meeting with Leia. _Honestly, when did that woman sleep?_ Maz knew the general had her hands full not only commanding the Resistance but also mending the relationship with her son. One of those things being easier than the other but both very exhausting.

The meeting this morning was with Leia and Poe. The former still on Maz’s bad side due to his hot head the night before. She knew that having Ben here made things tense, but honestly, have more self-control. Maybe Maz would never understand, she had never suffered personally at the hands of Kylo Ren.  
  


Maz had attempted to stop by the infirmary to check on them, specifically Rey whose wounds had been the most extensive. They hadn’t been awake, as expected. At least Rey hadn’t been, Ben’s eyes may have fluttered, sensing her presence in the room but Maz wasn’t sure. It must be hard for him to get many moments of peace in a galaxy that was constantly hunting him. Hell, there were more than a few people here who would like to throw a few punches.

She turned down the hall, making her way to the meeting room. Poe and Leia had already arrived. Leia had a stern look on her face, opposite of Poe’s guilty one. She must’ve just chewed him out for his behavior last night. Maz wished she had been here sooner to see it.

“Good morning” She spoke to the two others in the room who mumbled their own greetings back.

“Something has happened I’m assuming?” Maz asked given the silence and Poe’s tapping foot.

“Recon has come up with some new information.” Poe started, moving away from the wall and seamlessly transitioning back into Commander mode. “We have knowledge that the First Order is starting a new training base on the moon of Ruusan. If they are successful, their numbers could explode.”

“Not to mention thousands of more children could be ripped away from their families for brainwashing.” Leia chimed in, her voice breaking a little. The concept was a little too close to home for her.

“We also have reasons to believe they may be developing weapons and other, um enhancements there.” Poe spoke, nerves breaking across his face.

Maz shuddered. This was a turning point. If they let this go on, the galaxy would lose the war and the First Order would reign.

“We need a team.” Poe started. “To go in and survey the premise, check out what is actually happening at the base. Meet with our contacts on the planet to assess the potential implications of them completing an operation of that size.”

“That’s impossible, we don’t have many people with the skills necessary to infiltrate the planet.” Maz pointed out. Leia exhaled harshly. It wasn’t false. The new recruits had no experience in direct conflict. Leia couldn’t exactly send them into this type of action so soon.

Everyone in the room froze, avoiding each other’s eyes. Leia’s looked dead and emotionless. The air seemed to filter out of the room, replaced with silence. Nobody wanted to say what was really on everyone’s minds.

Finally, Poe broke the silence. “That’s a terrible idea” He announced. “It’s just asking for a powder keg to go off.”

“It has to be them!” Maz spoke, the realization finally hit her. “Finn and Ben are the only two with the knowledge extensive enough for this type of mission!”

“They can barely be in the same room as each other without Finn blowing his head off! Understandably so!” Poe exclaimed. “Besides, Ren cannot be trusted to be on this mission. He isn’t even a part of the Resistance!”

“So, we send Rey with them.” Maz threw her hands out in front of her with a shrug. She knew the idea was risky but everyone in the room knew it was their best shot. “Leia?” Maz turned to the general who stared out the window with a blank stare on her face.

Exhaling slowly, she turned to face the others in the room. “No.”

“Leia! You know what could happen if we don’t act quickly on this!” Taking out this base could be the turning point we need to bring about the end of this war!” Maz spoke hurriedly.

Poe closed his eyes, running a hand over his face. Even he had to admit that they needed this to work. He sighed internally, trying to talk himself out of what he was about to say. “I’ll go with them.” He offered. Poe didn’t love the idea of being stuck on a mission with Kylo Ren either, but Maz was right, this was their best shot at getting a leg back in the war.

“No, I’m not sending you all into that risky of a mission! Rey hasn’t even recovered yet.” Leia exclaimed to the others in the room.

“We need to be practical about this! Rey is recovering well. If everything goes right they won’t even see action.” Maz countered. She had grown more and more animated with her hands flailing around as the discussion droned on.

“And if they do? I just got him back, Maz.” Leia whispered. Tears gathered on the brims of her eyes. Han was gone. Ben was all she had left.

“No offense General, but he isn’t exactly well-liked around here.” Poe spoke gruffly from the corner.

Leia frowned at Poe.

“You know he’s right Leia, the majority of people have a lot of hate for the First Order, and no matter where he stands now… Ben was a major face in the enemy. He needs every chance he can get to boost approval.”

Leia closes her eyes, rubbing a hand over he face in frustration.

“Because no matter what happens now….” Maz began again. “After the war is over, debts will have to be paid. There is no telling what will happen to Ben. A lot of people in the galaxy want to see him dead. Even if he becomes the savior of the Resistance he could still be tried for war crimes after all of this is done!” Maz spoke gesturing around the room. “You won’t be able to protect him if that happens, so he needs to start somewhere.”

Leia sat down in one of the chairs scattered around the room. The image of Ben on the stand invades her thoughts, making her shudder. She wouldn’t let that happen, but Maz was right. After the war was over and a new council established, she couldn’t protect Ben.

“Ben will be fine; he can handle himself in combat. He has proven that for the last fifteen years of his life!” Maz coaxed her, getting a heavy sigh out of the general.

“Fine.” Leia relented but still was revulsed by the idea. “We will have a meeting with them. Just, a meeting. We cannot make a decision on this yet.” Leia spoke. She didn’t like the idea. But this would help the cause and Ben’s case with the rest of the galaxy. “I’ll tell them, after breakfast. I’m going to see him and Rey once she is checked out of the infirmary.”

“Okay, that sounds fair.” Maz approved, nodding empathetically to the general. __  
  


“I still don’t think throwing Finn and Ben together is the best idea. Even if Rey and I are there.” Poe chimed in once more.

“Finn knows what will happen if he doesn’t mind his behavior.” Leia was sure of that, after the confrontation last night.

“And Ben will be fine as long as Rey is there.” Maz spoke with a smirk on her face.

Leia wanted to smile at the prospect of Maz’s words, but her stomach was sinking. Their plan weighing heavily on her heart. Glancing down at her watch, she noticed that her time with them was quickly approaching. Leia thought about what she was going to say to them but didn’t want to. Her conversation with Finn from the night before haunted her. _The only thing that mattered was winning the war._

Would everything be worth it in the end?

—

“We need this base to work.” Hux spoke from the place behind his desk. He had always been a military man. A throne room was much too ornate and flashy. Battle plans and a war won was prize enough.

“It will work. The influx of numbers will crush what little of the Resistance remains.” Kiara spoke with confidence. She had no doubt the Resistance would be well taken care of.

“What about Ren. You said that he was possibly working with them now.”

“Working with them isn’t the best word for it. Hiding would be my preferred term.” Kiara supplied the information with a smile on her face. _That coward really couldn’t think of anything else._ He was making it too easy for her. “He will be drawn out eventually, we just need the right bait.” The knight’s grin widened at her plan. Kylo had made a grave mistake, splaying out his vulnerabilities for the entire galaxy to see.

“Ren will never fall for a trap. Even you know he is much too smart for that. As much as I hate to admit it.” Hux leaned forward, crossing his hands together on the table in front of him. His face was stern like he was questioning Kiara’s competence.

The Knight let the particular disparaging look slid given the prospect of her plan. “Everyone has fears… weaknesses. Even Kylo. The girl just happens to be his.”

A venomous grin turned up on the Supreme Leader’s face, his eyes bright and ambitious. This would be the beginning of Kylo Ren’s defeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Finn listen? I hope he listened... I think he listened. Finally a breakthrough for him. An ultimatum if you will. Leia is done with his attitude and tells him to get his head out of his ass. 
> 
> Ah Rose, my lovely Rose. She definitely went and took a few practice swings with Ben's saber before bed. 
> 
> Ruusan is an actual planet in the SW universe and it contains something pretty special..... Will the plan work? Will Finn and Ben get along? Who knows!
> 
> Thanks again for reading, I had a particularly good time writing this chapter so I hope you all enjoyed it. See you next time!


	20. Born to Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People don't agree. Finding the middle ground is hard when the people we love are on the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! Sorry for the slight delay, the DNC has been going on this week so I've been very busy! Thanks for being patient!

Ben Solo was a light sleeper. It stemmed from years of training with Snoke. Having to stay on alert every hour of the day. This morning was no different, maybe even worse considering his surroundings. He could hear feet clambering and words shouting past the door since early that morning. The Resistance was back from their momentary break yesterday. Ben guessed the events from the night before would spread quickly through the base quickly. _So much for being discreet._

Rey still slept motionless on the bed beside him. Her hand had stayed clasped in his throughout the night. His eyes drifted over her features, always coming back to watch her chest move rhythmically up and down. Proof that she was there, nothing had taken her away. Ben winced as the sounds of war pushed past the door, running rampant through the room. Rey shifted slightly but didn’t seem to wake all the way up. Her arm looked better from the night before, the bandage had held. Ben hadn’t looked at her back yet, not that he particularly wanted a reminder of how they came to end up on the Resistance base in the first place.

He didn’t exactly know why he brought her here. It was better than the First Order, and perhaps Ben had wanted to see his mother. Ever since the radio call with her, something had pulled him back; telling him that he needed to see her. It made him uneasy, not knowing where those lures came from. Ben had chalked it up to the Force or sheer familiar will, but it still made him anxious. _Why now? Why after all these years?_

The hand in his flexed, breaking his thought. He looked down, seeing Rey’s scrunched face. He smiled at her actions. Trying to squeeze the drowsiness from her mind before opening her eyes, landing them directly on him. “Hi,” she whispered softly.

Ben gave her a small smile. “Hi,” he replied, swiping his thumb over the back of her hand.

She yawned, bringing her free hand to press at her temples. “What time is it?”

“I’m not sure.” He responded softly, reaching a hand up to check the bandage on her arm. His eyes looked over the bandages stretched across her chest and up over one of her shoulders. No bloodstains came through the fabric so Ben took that as a promising sign. “How are you feeling?”

Rey grumbled in response. “Sore” She spoke truthfully. Ben knew how she felt. His own body ached but he decided not to share that with Rey. Their force bond was a wondrous thing, but it also came with some unfortunate side effects.

“Ben, what do we do now?” Rey asked she shifted slightly, raising her body up into a sitting position. “I know that you don’t exactly want to be here. I don’t even know if I want to be here after last night.” She shuddered, thinking of her conversation with Finn. Her best friend.

Ben had a puzzled look on his face like he was contemplating her words, wrestling with her offer.

She spoke again. “We could leave. They can’t keep us here.” Rey knew that the Resistance needed help. That the galaxy needed help. She would be a coward for running. It was selfish, her words. But Rey couldn’t help herself, thinking of the life they could’ve had if they didn’t meet on opposite sides of a war.

Ben doubted that his mother would keep them from leaving, but… was leaving the best option? Now that he had seen his mother he wasn’t so sure. Her grey hair and aging face reminding Ben of all the years they had lost. All the time he had lost being controlled by Snoke. These past few weeks had made Ben realize all the mistakes he had made; How much pain he had put so many people through. The gashes he had ripped in the galaxy. But did that mean he was ready to help those he had spent the better part of a decade fighting against? Ben didn’t know.

He gazed at Rey, her face firm. All the words she said were true, she was fine with leaving, but did she really want to. Only weeks ago she had put all of her energy into getting back to them “All I want you to worry about is getting better. That’s all that matters.”

“But you—”

“I am fine,” Ben spoke, cutting her off. “We don’t have to worry about this right now, you just need to rest. Rey huffed in annoyance. ‘Resting’ wasn’t her strong suit. But she couldn’t ignore the ache in her bones, the tears in her skin. The bacta had helped, but the wounds were still healing. The flesh being pulled together and stitching itself closed wasn’t the easiest of processes.

  
The sound of the door opening filled the room. Turning their heads, Rey and Ben noticed Rose and Dr.Kalonia making their way into the infirmary. Ben dropped Rey’s hand and stood up, stepping back slightly but not out of sight. He kept his eyes trained on Rey, who gave him an assuring nod.

Rose offered the pair a small smile as they approached. The doctor on the other hand looked visibly tense. She gave a pointed look at Rey’s haphazardly wrapped arm. The IV that had been connected the night before now laid on the floor.

Rey sheepishly looked at Kalonia. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I kind of freaked out when I woke up.”

The doctor gave her a disapproving hum as she wrote notes on her chart. “We were able to correct your lung and ribs using the bacta treatment last night, but the superficial wounds still might take some time to heal.”

“My uh, lung?” Rey mumbled in surprise. She still didn’t have a clear picture of what had happened to her. All Rey remembered was being shot and then waking up here.

“Yes.” The doctor said in a monotone voice, her eyes bouncing wearily between Ben and Rey. “You had a punctured lung.” She spoke matter-of-factly.

“She’s here to discharge you, Rey.” Rose supplied the information quickly, noticing how alarmed the young force user had gotten.

Rey nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

The doctor scribbled something onto her chart before ripping off the piece of paper and handing it to Rey. “You need to come back for a follow-up appointment in a few days. Otherwise, all I can say is to take your pain medicine and avoid, uh— particularly strenuous activities that might cause pain.” The woman instructed.

Rey nodded at the woman, taking the paper and still clearly unaware of anything the doctor might have been implying.

Dr.Kalonia left the room as quickly as she came, leaving Rose with the two force users.  
  


“Sorry about that.” Rose apologized once the door had closed. Some people here are just a little apprehensive about your arrival.” It didn’t take long for Ben to recognize that she was just trying to be nice. It wasn’t Rey that was making anyone uncomfortable.

“It’s fine Rose.” He replied. “We understand.”

“Leia had another meeting this morning but wanted me to get you guys settled in some rooms. Rey, you already kind of had a room, we just put all of your things that Chewie had brought back after….” The woman’s words trailed off; her eyes shot to Ben.

_After the Supremacy._

Rey perked up at the mention of her belongings. She had thought them long gone after her failed mission to recruit Luke.

“I’ll give you two a minute to get ready, and then we can be on our way.” She spoke before walking back outside to wait in the hall.

Ben moved forward, to help Rey get out of the hospital bed. The sheets falling away to reveal her white binding and the shorts she had been wearing on Eirene. Rey shivered as the cool air surrounded her. She stared at Ben’s blood-stained clothes. Perhaps they could get some new ones, and maybe a shower.

Rey stood uneasy on her feet, no adrenaline to keep her up right now. Ben wrapped an arm around her waist, easily holding up her small frame. She tried not to wince as she stood up straight. The facial expression didn’t escape Ben who shifted more of her weight onto him, a concerned look coming to his face. She rolled her eyes at him, nudging him to follow Rose into the hall.

—

Rose left the two force users alone in what she referred to as ‘Rey’s room’ but thankfully didn’t press the issue of them not needing two rooms. Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to expose their relationship to that kind of scrutiny. Not to the world, not to the Resistance and especially not to his mother. Ben could live out the rest of his days without having _that_ conversation. He wasn’t even sure what they were _._ Rey was what? _His girlfriend?_ That seemed much to informal for the weight she held in his life.

Rose hadn’t lied, the small number of belongings Rey had, laid scattered around the room. He looked at her as she limped out of his grasp over toward her staff that was leaning against the wall, her eyes lighting up as she held in her hands again. Using what strength, she could muster, Rey lifted the weapon and gave him her best attack stance.

Ben gave her a small laugh, shaking his head at her antics. “Maybe we should focus on standing up straight first.”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him but ended it with a smile; then moving her staff so that it supported her stance. “I bet I could still kick your ass”

He laughed again, smiling back at her. “I have no doubt about that.” He reached up and ran a finger over his scar. Tracing the mark, she had given him. Ben had this light feeling in his chest. It had finally returned for the first time since Rey had been shot. Her force hummed as normal in his mind, no longer distorted by pain and worry. It made him feel happy. Standing there, staring at her, Ben was reminded of the heavyweight burning a hole in his pocket.

Dropping his eyes, he fished around in his pants. After a second, Ben pulled out her glowing yellow crystal. He twisted it in his hands, finally taking a moment to actually look at the stone. It was much different than what he initially had found all those years ago on Ilum. The deeper he looked the more beautiful it got. Layers of white, orange, and red hidden within the golden hue. The darkness reflecting off the light, and perfectly balancing within the color. Looking up at Rey, the same balance could be found in her eyes, her spot in his mind.

She gasped at the sight, a wide smile breaking across her face. Ben moved toward her, depositing the crystal in her palm. Rey closed her hand, wrapping the stone securely in her grip. A soft pulse could almost be heard emanating throughout the room, a perfect rhythm coming from the crystal; finally home.

Rey’s eyes looked at her crystal once more before flitting over to the staff held in her other hand. Her grip shifted as she drew her brows together in concentration, an action Ben was becoming wonderfully familiar with. She brought the two objects together, placing the stone against the metal shaft of her staff.

“I—” Rey stuttered, her gaze still wide eyes. Her face uncrunched as she came to a realization. “I have an idea.” Ben quirked his head to the side, trying to decipher what she was trying to tell him.

Before she could get the words out of her mouth, a knock came from the door. Maz shuffled through the door, armed with new clothes and a pointed look. “You two! Get dressed, we have a lot to talk about. The war waits for no one!” Her sudden appearance and brash words made Ben and Rey jump apart.

Maz thrust the clothes into Ben’s hands and as quickly as she came, the old woman was departing from the room. “I will be outside waiting, so hurry up!” Her rushed tone puzzled Rey. Something was going on. Something they didn’t know about.

When the door fully shut, Ben rolled his eyes as he passed Rey her clothes and set his down on a chair. “What do you think that was about?” Rey asked Ben, who still looked annoyed. She fingered the fabric carefully. The clothes were not exactly Rey’s typical style but were thankfully clean and blood-free.

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’m going to like it,” Ben responded gruffly; his gaze focused on his own clothes. His pants were still black, but the shirt was a lighter grey color. Rey’s eyes quirked up at the sight. She had never seen him in anything that wasn’t so dark.

“Ben.” Rey spoke carefully. “Are you okay with being here?”

He didn’t look up, still staring down at the fabric gathered in his hands. Ben shook his head painfully. “I don’t know.” he whispered truthfully. “But if we leave, Hux wins. Kiara wins. The First Order….. You don’t deserve that life.”

Rey swallowed slowly. She knew it was hard for him to be here. Every moment just reminded him of how many years he was away and that he had a hand in this war. A really big hand. It was clear to her that he had renounced his allegiance to the First Order, that he would stand wherever she stood. But asking him to fight for the Resistance? That was a tough one. Limping over, she placed a hand on his cheek. Ben leaned into her touch, trying to seek any once of comfort he could.

“I know it’s hard. Let’s just focus on getting through the morning okay? Take it one minute at a time.”

Ben nodded, his eyes finally opening his eyes to look at her. “And Ben? You deserve that life too.” She spoke with a smile. He tried to believe those words, but he wasn’t sure he ever could. But he smiled down at her, nonetheless. Leaning down, he kissed her softly. Her lips taking him far away like a peaceful sunrise overlooking a vast sea. She saw it too, the vision from when they first touched hands. They would always stand together.

A sudden knock interrupted their moment. “No time like the present!” Maz shouted from the hall, her voice strong but still distorted from the door separating them. Ben and Rey jumped apart, now it was her turn to roll her eyes.

—

After a few minutes as well as a few scolding words from Maz about ‘punctuality’, Ben and Rey were deposited at Leia’s door. Few members from the Resistance had duties around her secluded quarters, so they could be kept away from prying eyes.

On the other side of the door sat the General. Leia’s plan was to slowly incorporate their presence into the Resistance, giving other members the chance to warm up to the idea of them being here; especially Ben. That was of course if they decided to stay. Leia knew she couldn’t force them to stay, but she hoped they would. Their plan and the fate of the war could rest on them.

Breakfast was awkward, to say the least. After pleasantries were exchanged and they sat down, all the words that had both Ben and Leia had been itching to say were now silent. Rey glanced between the mother and son, Ben had his eyes down, moving food around on his plate but not eating it. Leia was uncharacteristically quiet, her face looked pained like she was in an argument with herself.

The only sound that Rey could hear was a small tapping. Looking down, she saw Ben’s fingers drumming against his seat. Automatically, Rey brought her hand down on top of Ben’s, trying to calm him. She could feel his pulse nervously pounding against her own palm; Ben met her eyes for a brief moment before exhaling. A slight ounce of relief.

When Rey brought her eyes back up, she was met with the gaze of Ben’s mother. Her stare held no malice, just curiosity as she watched the interaction between the two younger force users. Rey blushed sheepishly, looking back down at her food. A small smile quirked at Leia’s lips as she took in the scene in front of her.

“So, Rey, how are you feeling today?” She spoke simply, her words neutral.

“I’m fine, just a little sore.” Rey replied back.

Ben let out a gruff exhale protesting the downplaying on her injuries.

“The doctor said that I should be recovered in a few days.”

Leia hummed in response, reaching forward to take a sip of her water. Her hands shook, further signifying to Rey that there was something the General knew that her and Ben didn’t.

“There is something I need to talk to you two about.” Leia spoke after clearing her throat.

That got Ben’s attention, his eyes snapped up locking stares with his mom. His fingers that had been tapping froze under Rey’s grasp. His muscles tensed, as if he knew what was coming.

“The First Order. They are planning something. A new base for recruiting and training.” Leia started. Ben’s breath hitched at the mention of his former administration. “We want to put together a mission to survey the plan and we were hoping that you two would be a part of it.”

“A mission?” Ben questioned. “For the Resistance?” his words were stuttering and disjointed. Like he couldn’t quite comprehend what his mother was asking.

“Yes” she responded simply.

“You want to send us into occupied territory, The two people Hux wants dead the most?”

“Y—Yes, along with others.” Leia confirmed. She could feel the edge on Ben’s voice, bordering on the sense of betrayal.

“So, you want us to be pawns for you? Rey can barely walk, and you want to send her into a firefight!” Ben’s words were biting, and his eyes frantic as they darted between Leia and Rey.

Leia let out a huff of resignation, this is what she was afraid of. She didn’t want him to think they were just using them for their powers. But, despite his tone, Ben hadn’t outright denied her request to go on the mission. No, his anger was more directed at Leia’s intent to send Rey along as well.

“Ben, please,” Leia started again. “It is planned to just be a surveillance mission. We just need people there who are knowledgeable about the First Order. Look I don’t want this any more than you do. But this is important, if the First Order gets this base up and running, their numbers will increase beyond our control.”

“No.” Ben spoke poignantly. His eyes turned away from Leia, looking down at Rey. Her chest bandage peeking out of the neckline of her shirt. “Look, I want them gone just like you…. but this… this is just not an option right now.”

“Ben let’s just listen to—” Rey started.

“No!” Ben exclaimed. The appearance of Rey’s voice seemed to ignite a new strain of panic into his voice. His eyes were wide and piercing as they met Rey’s. He stood up, knocking the table as he did. “This isn’t happening.” Ben turned around and quickly exited the room, the door slamming behind him.

Rey winced at the sound, locking eyes with Leia. The general huffed as the room settled. “I didn’t think it was going to go that terribly.” She spoke.

Rey stayed silent, rapping her fingers softly against the wooden table.

“What do you think?” Leia asked her. “About the mission.”

She exhaled slightly, being back in the Resistance had been a weird experience for Rey. It had been like coming home but then realizing it wasn’t exactly what you remembered. “The plan is good.” She spoke. “Without it, the First Order will have the means necessary to control everything.”

“I know that I haven’t been the most attentive mother, and believe me I don’t like this idea either, but—”

“But it’s the best opportunity for the Resistance to get the upper hand.” Rey interrupted her. Leia smiled at the woman in front of her. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed her given everything that had happened.

“Yes,” Leia responded simply. “I don’t want you two to feel used or like I don’t care about either of you, I hope you know by now that I only want what’s best for both of you. Without everyone’s help, we won’t win and the chance at peace in the future could be lost.”

_A future you deserve. You deserve that future too._

Rey understood where the general was coming from. She was trying to ensure that future for the entire galaxy. “I’ll talk to him, see if I can get him to change his mind” Rey told the general, her alliance to the Resistance breaking through.

Leia nodded at the young woman with a smile. The determination in her eyes resembling her rebellious heart.  
  


“Ben can be stubborn, much like his father.” She spoke with a painful smile at Rey. “One of the many qualities they shared.”

The mention of Han shrouded the room in silence. The memory of his death felt like a different life. Rey had been such a different person then.

“I’ll try to talk to him too,” Leia spoke. There were many things to be said, further apologies to be had before they even thought about even working together again, much less plan a mission.

“Poe can brief you on the specifics of the plan, or I think Chewie would much like to see you, something about repairing the Falcon?” Leia smiled at the young woman.

Rey laughed at the mention of the old Wookie, she stood up, excited to see the giant fuzzball again. “And Rey?” Leia called after her. Turning around, she was met with the general’s calm face. “Thank you for bringing him back.”

Rey smiled at the thought of Ben, shaking her head slightly at Leia’s words. “He did that himself”

—

Ben walked through the halls of the Resistance, trying to calm down. Thankfully, there wasn’t anyone around to see him like this.

His mother’s dedication to politics was always the worst part of their relationship. She couldn’t just expect them to walk straight into the line of fire. Rey was just shot less than two days ago! The mention of her being back in danger didn’t just scare him, it terrified him. She highlighted the best parts of him. Hell, she was the best part of him. _He couldn’t lose her._

Ben stopped next to a window, pausing to look outside. It was raining slightly, but the grassy hills and expansive landscape was still visible. It looked nice, peaceful; completely unaware of the war that was constantly raging around it. His eyes found an exit. Ben needed some fresh air, that would clear his head.

His steps resumed, heavily falling against the concrete floors; moving closer and closer toward his natural escape. As eager as Ben was to get outside, his mind paused. _Was this all he was good at? Running away from his problems?_ The artificial air hummed around him, distorting his mind and thoughts. The grey walls almost imploding in on him.

_“What are the numbers?”_

A panicked voice pierced through the air, its words quiet and distorted by distance, but the message remained the same. Ben’s eyes snapped up from where they had been looking out the window. Down the hall, there was another door hanging ajar.

His feet carried him forward, pulling him toward whatever the voice had been talking about. Ben peaked around the corner of the door frame to look in on the scene.

“We have over 215 cases reported in just the last week!” It was Rose, she was talking with another woman, blonde, her hair tied up in two identical buns.

“Are you sure?” The woman spoke, her voice was equally rushed and frightful. “That can’t be right!”

“Kaydel, kids are being stolen from at least 4 different major planets, who knows how many from the outer rim! They are less than five years of age; it has to be the First Order. Recruiting for the Stormtrooper program!” Rose spouted to her friend. She was pacing around the room, throwing her hands around animatedly.

“We have to report to Poe, he will want to know. Finn also, to update the case numbers for the infiltration program.” The woman, Kaydel spoke.

“Those poor kids.” Rose started, her eyes glazed over and looked dead.

Ben froze. _New recruits?_ That couldn’t be right. Snoke had limited the new program after

FN-2187’s — _Finn’s—_ defection. There’s no way they were bringing in hundreds more. Right? _Right?_ He spun around, shooting to the other end of the hallway, his back pressing into the wall. The air seemed to collapse around him, never finding its way into his throat. Ben’s mind was ripped back open, the wounds from Snoke’s torture and possession. Twisting his hooks deeper and deeper. Although they were long gone, the marks still lingered there. Scarred so that his old master would never be forgotten.

Two-hundred and fifteen. 215. _215!_ Each one manipulated, their brain poked and prodded until they fit Hux’s mold. If they didn’t comply, they would probably be executed. Unlike Ben, they didn’t have the second chances he was afforded, however cruel and punishing it had been. Unlike Ben, they didn’t have a Rey to come pull them out.

No chance at all.

—

The sun peaked out from behind the clouds, the ground still wet from the short dousing it had gotten. That’s where Leia found him. Her son. Ben sat still on the cliff edge, deeply immersed in his silent moral reckoning.

She approached carefully, unsure of how to proceed. Rey was off with Chewie, looking over the Falcon. Her son had always been temperamental, never backing down from a fight. Just like both Han and her, another trait Leia didn’t always admire in herself.

“It’s fine, you can sit.” Ben spoke suddenly. He hadn’t even turned around, just continued to stare out at the landscape in front of him.

Leia walked up and sat down beside him. The wet grass would surely stain her dress, but sitting here with her son, Leia couldn’t find a reason to care. Ben’s words were calm, but his face was complicated. He looked like he was trying to work through something, find any way to make sense of whatever was on his mind.

“I’m sorry, I walked out of our meeting. It was wrong of me not to listen.”

Leia shook her head. “No, you had every right to be angry. I should’ve given you a little more time before I brought it up.”

Ben swallowed roughly. His mind had been cluttered for quite some time. First with Snoke, his defection, the Resistance, whatever was going on with Rey. He had said to Rey that he couldn’t turn his back on the galaxy, so why was it so hard for him to help them? Must be all those years of brainwashing.

“It’s a good plan. Get the upper hand before they even get the base up and running? Find its weakness and then strike. It could work.” Ben tried to speak like he was talking to a stranger, a low-level First Order officer that had presented him with a plan. _But this was so much harder._ His words came out choked and strained. His mother exhaled, placing her hand on his arm.

“It’s hard to send the people we care about into danger.” Leia started. Ben immediately thought of Rey, the dead look on her face when she had been hurt. “But in the long run, it might be the only way we can truly help them.” He thought of her bright smile, the vision they had shared so many weeks ago when they had first touched hands. A beautiful future. _For both of them._

“Sometimes it is a mistake…” She spoke, her eyes looking forward, avoiding Ben. “It was wrong to send you away so early. I’m sorry about that.”

Ben looked over at his mother. He could see the pain in her remembrance. All those nights he sat alone in his hut after training with Luke, he thought she hated him. That his mother had given up on him. Now he realized that it was as hard for her as it was for him. “We won’t plan the mission until Rey Is fully healed.” She spoke gently. “And if you agree, of course.”

215.

The number that had been playing over and over in his head. Rose’s words and warnings to Kaydel on repeat. It wasn’t just about Rey and him anymore. And maybe it had never been. From the kids taken from their families to be brainwashed into mechanical soldiers just like Ben, to those on Odessen who stood in line for food, enslaved to brutal masters who claimed to own them. Thousands of forgotten Bens’ and Reys’ strung out on planets all across the galaxy. Starving and dying for an Order that put them in that situation in the first place.

“I’ll do it,” Ben spoke quietly.

“Wait,” Leia responded quickly. “I want you to know all the facts before you say yes. Finn will be going to. Both your experience in the First Order is invaluable to the success of what we need to be looking for.”  
  


Ben hissed under his breath.

“Rey and Poe will be there also to assist you both. Make sure you both stay on mission.” His mother spoke pointedly.

Ben closed his eyes, trying to teleport himself back to either Odessen or Eirene. _215._ Opening his eyes, he looked forward across the landscape once more. Ben could feel his mother’s silent judgment taking place. Trying to figure out what he was thinking. She did it with everyone she talked to. He exhaled once more.

“So, when is this mission happening?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the stage is set, the mission will happen! Will it succeed? Who knows. Nothing ever is as easy as it seems when you first plan it. 
> 
> Rey has seemed to put some things together concerning her crystal, so that is very exciting! 
> 
> Ben having his moral reckoning was something I wanted him to work through and decide himself. Yes, Rey can be his guiding light, but he has to be the one who takes the steps himself. That is the only way he can begin to atone for his sins. 
> 
> Again thanks for reading! I know this wasn't the most exciting chapter but it is necessary to set up what is coming next! And let me tell you, its a lot! See you next time!


	21. Preparations and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Move past your regrets or they will always hold you back. Planning despite dark clouds. Happy sights with tired eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone (She says sheepishly after way too long of a break)! You thought I gave up on this piece, didn't you? Well, sorry to disappoint, I most certainly did not!
> 
> So so sorry this took so long to get out! School started back up again and I'm much busier now! Chapter updates might take a little longer as I don't really have time to sit down and binge write anymore. But I will try my best to update as much as I can!
> 
> Thank you all for being patient with me!

It was the middle of the day by the time Rey made it back to her and Ben’s room. It had been nice catching up with Chewie. Although his hug was a bit suffocating, the embrace was very much welcomed. Ben was still nowhere to be seen. She could still feel his presence somewhere on the base, so Rey wasn’t too worried. Maybe he just needed some time to decompress after everything that had happened. Rey sure did. 

Perhaps she should go look for him. It probably wasn’t good for him to be wandering around the base by himself. Rey went to turn around, reaching out to him through the force as she did. Her feet stopped, she exhaled. No anger or malice could be found within his mind. Their bond was at peace. Something must have happened. Closing her eyes, Rey reached out, first focusing just on Ben.

Like seeing color for the first time, he was there. She could see him clearly as if he was right in front of her. The wind whipped his hair, and he looked deep in thought. There was more. Rey hesitated slowly, unsure of herself. She exhaled slowly before attempting to push outward. The walls of her vision expanded, swallowing her more into its picture. Green flooded her vision and Rey gasped, thinking for a moment she was being shown Odessen. But as the color ripped into the black expansive of her mind, it was revealed that Leia was there too.

They were talking, but Rey couldn’t hear what they were saying. From the expression on both their faces, it was nothing like the meeting hours before. A soft dampness sat on Ben’s shoulders. It was raining lightly, water hit her skin gently. She smiled at the peaceful painting of mother and son. A soft whoosh pulled her senses back and Rey was once again staring at the grey wall in their room. The smile lingered on her face as she closed her eyes, Ben’s peaceful aura becoming her own. Rey remained in the feeling for a moment, finally glad that they were here.

A soft hum pulled her eyes open and to the desk in the corner of the room. The window in the room was dark, clouds blocking out the sun. Despite the shadows, a faint glow came from the corner, burning a light in the dark. Her aching side and tired body seemed to melt away. There was no pause in her step, the energy was pulling her in. The attraction was unbreakable, but Rey wasn’t scared. She finally felt peace and meaning.

Reaching out she grasped the crystal, keeping it firmly in her grip. The sharp corners of the stone bite into her skin but were not painful. The punctures contributing toward her calm breath, the light of the kyber reflected in Rey’s eyes and they flitted away and found her staff still leaning up against the wall. Her mind whisked her back to the countless times it had saved her life in the unforgiving deserts of Jakku. The bitter wind and biting sand were the least threatening foes that attacked Rey over the years. It had been with her through everything, and Rey couldn’t just leave it behind.

The wooden legs of the chair scraped against the floor as Rey sat down and placed the kyber crystal alongside her staff. With a grueling whine, the old metal spun out, detaching the top of the staff from its shaft. Rey held the piece in her hand. After studying the remnants of Luke’s broken lightsaber, Rey had an idea of what she needed to build for the inter-workings of her weapon.

She searched her mind, trying to remember what Ben had told her. But Rey’s mind found something else. A story; An old story. Earlier than Luke, Leia, and Han. Many years before. She wasn’t even sure it was real. A tale of a hideous monster, an apprentice with piercing orange eyes that were only second to his bright red face, marred by black lines. A crown of protruding horns completed the menacing look. A phantom nearly everyone feared. But his striking physical appearance and even more striking reputation was not what stood out to Rey. No, her mind was focused on the twin blades that he fought with.

Rey gasped, her shoulders slammed against the back of the chair, sweat beading on her forehead as she was pulled from the memory. Looking back at her staff, she turned it around, detaching the other end of the weapon before connecting to the other end. The handle now was longer than Ben’s by a few inches. The brown metal looking just as complete in this form than its past incarnation. Rey smiled, holding the shell of what would soon be hers. She would no longer follow in someone else’s footsteps.

No, it was time to make her own.

—

Ben walked through the walls, now out of the storm, which had only intensified outside. Heavy clouds loomed in the sky. Thunder and lightning sounded outside the window, obscuring the green hills that he had just been looking out across. The conversation he had with his mother pressed with the weight of the rain on soaking into his shirt. Ben thought about what they had talked about. Beyond the mission, they had spoken about many things. Leia’s split from the Republic, Ben’s training with Luke along with the events of the last few weeks. _Well, he might’ve left out a few things._

Ben had never been good at talking about his feelings but seeing his mother again must’ve triggered something in him. But after what seemed like a long time, Leia’s watch had buzzed, alerting to her duties inside. A solider being pulled back to war. She had assured Ben that they would talk soon as she ran off to her meetings. It had been the first time he had smiled watching his mother walk away from him.

Ben turned his way through the halls. He had already memorized his way back to Rey’s room. It didn’t quite feel right to call it theirs. It felt too permanent like he would spend the rest of his life there.

He thought about the mission. It was dangerous, going in completely blind to a planet none of them had ever been. Hux could be there. Hell, Kiara could be there. Ben huffed thinking about the knight. _What did she look like now?_ Was her skin peeling off her body? He didn’t put it past her. It was an addiction. The Dark Side. You feel so powerful that it is worth the destruction of your physical body. Until you become a shell of your old self. At one point, Ben felt as she did. He wanted the destruction, he deserved it. But Ben could never quite find peace in the dark side, there had always been a sliver of light.

His feet stopped at the door. Giving one pull, it swung open revealing the small room. There were no lights on, but the room wasn’t dark. A figure sat hunched at the desk in the corner, a bright glow surrounded her outline. It gave Rey an otherworldly appearance. She hadn’t reacted to his entrance; she had barely moved a muscle. Ben pushed their bond. Her entire mind and body were locked in concentration.

“Rey?” He questioned softly, stepping closer to her.

As if she hadn’t been frozen at all, her head snapped up and spun around to face him. Rey gave him a bright smile.

“Ben” She exclaimed softly, before standing up and moving over to meet him halfway. Rey wrapped her arms around him, giving him a hazy smile. She could feel how content he was, no longer brewing in turmoil as he had been a few hours ago.

He stared back down at her, a knowing smile peeking at his lips. Leaning down, Ben brushed a soft kiss against her lips. “I’m sorry” he whispered.

Rey shook her head. “It’s alright. I know that you are just worried.”

Ben brushed his hand up and down Rey’s arm, warming her slightly in the dark room. His eyes pulled away from Rey’s following the only source of light to the desk she had just been sitting at.

As if reading his mind, she turned around, following his gaze to the desk. Atop laid her disassembled staff and kyber crystal strewn out between various wires and metal parts. 

“It was my idea from earlier.” She spoke, her eyes darting between the different parts thrown meticulously on top of the desk. “I know it’s a little unrefined and I don’t know if it will work but,”

“It will work” Ben spoke automatically, staring miraculously at the woman in front of him. Rey smiled brightly at him, happy that he was confident in her design.

They were silent for a few seconds more. “So, the mission?” Rey spoke quietly.

Ben’s face became masked, not showing any clues of what he was thinking. No sounds could be heard within the room. “It isn’t happening until you are a hundred percent.” He spoke gruffly as his voice dropped again. His eyes lowered, looking at the bandage peeking out from the neckline of her shirt. Worry and blame invading his mind once more.

“I’m going to get them removed tonight.” Rey nodded at him, finally getting him to look at her.  
  


He nodded slightly, dipping his head and closing his eyes in thought. “My mother scheduled a meeting later today, so we can go over specifics….. with everyone else.”

Rey didn’t say anything, she knew he was thinking about Finn and how they were going to make this work. Maybe she could talk to him again. “It will be fine Ben. We’ve faced worse.”

His mind flashed back to the throne room, how tumultuous and violent the fight had been. Ben raised his hand up, swiping his thumb against her healing scar. He had been so terrified; Ben could remember every bit of air leaving his body when she had gotten sliced.

Rey grabbed his hand with her own, covering her scar now too. She looked deep in his eyes and reassured him again. “Everything will be okay.”

—

The four of them gathered for the first time, along with Leia and Maz. Ben and Rey next to one another, consciously putting some space between them. Poe sat alongside Leia and Maz with a passive look on his face. Finn sat silently in a corner chair; his face was also unreadable. The tension in the room was thick like the dark clouds outside. It had stopped raining, but the grey shadows still lurked on the horizon.

“You will leave in two days’ time,” Leia spoke. “The rain will still provide cover out of the atmosphere, and Rey will have gotten some time to heal.”

Ben stiffened at the mention of Rey’s injuries. “Chewie will pilot the ship along with Poe. He will stay on board in the atmosphere and wait for you to complete the surveillance. Finn and Rey will go to the facility itself, while Ben and Poe meet with our contact on the planet.”

“We are… splitting up?” Rey asked quietly, shifting her eyes quickly from Leia to Ben and then back. She could feel the nerves waning on her force mate.

“We have to stay on the planet for the shortest time possible to avoid being noticed,” Poe spoke up from his place next to Leia. “A group of four people suspiciously running around will draw some attention.”

“And we have to split up your force presence,” Maz added. “It is more likely for them to not notice anything if you two aren’t together.” She said, pointing her finger between the two force users. “That is if the knights will be on the planet.”

Rey’s breath hitched in her throat. It had been a while since she and Ben had been separated and Rey wasn’t sure she was ready for it. Her stomach sank a bit. If everything went according to plan, they would be fine. She tried to repeat that in her head but couldn’t stop her leg from bouncing up and down. The nerves were definitely getting to her.

All of a sudden she felt something brush against her knee. Quickly looking down Rey noticed that Ben’s knee was against her own. There was no skin contact, but the smallest beat of contact to reassure her. She let the smallest smile ghost her lips as warmth spread between them. Ben’s eyes remained on Leia, impassive to everyone except Rey.

On the other side of the room, Finn softly huffed from his place in the corner. His arms had already been crossed but they tightened slightly. He didn’t like the mention of Ben and Rey being _together_ in any capacity.

Everyone in the room chose to ignore the man’s break in silence; instead opting to continue on about the mission. They wouldn’t be taking the Falcon as it was one of the most recognizable ships in the galaxy, neither were they taking Ben and Rey’s old rebel ship. Maz had acquired an S class cargo ship that had hundreds of duplicates across many planets. Unmarked and incognito, they would take that.

“What about weapons?” Poe asked.  
  


“Blasters; Ben and Rey will take their lightsabers,” Leia spoke. “Only use them if absolutely necessary” She continued with a pointed glance at the two force users. “We don’t need to draw any excess attention. The goal is to get in and out without being seen.”  
  
Rey swallowed thickly. They hadn’t told Leia about the unfortunate incident with Luke’s saber. And Rey’s still sat unfinished in their room. Ben had told her that it was almost complete, she just needed a few more parts to stabilize the crystal. They would have to finish it before they left.

“What if they are bringing captured civilians into the base by the time we are there?” Ben questioned forcefully. It was his turn to cross his arms; eyes hardening as he questioned the mission. “They are taking kids. You heard the report.”

“As I said before,” Leia paused briefly. “You will have your weapons but if you are seen it could jeopardize the entire Resistance. This trip is for surveillance and intel collection. We will return when we have a force capable enough to win.” His mother spoke somberly.

“And when will that be?” Ben asked with more anger. “By the time that happens those kids could be scarred beyond saving!” he exclaimed.

Everyone in the room went silent and stared at Ben. His outbreak had been unexpected. Poe looked shocked like he couldn’t believe those words would ever come out of the man who identified (at least at one point) as Kylo Ren. Even Finn looked a little stunned.

Leia exhaled under her breath. The outbreak had been familiar. The words of anguish and the eyes filled with hurt. She finally understood why her son’s opinion had flipped so quickly concerning the mission. Sure, a little part of it was Rey, but it was more because those children; stolen and forced into training for a war they never asked to be a part of. Those children were him. Ben had been shipped off to train at such a young age, never given a choice in who or what he would become.

“From the knowledge, we have gathered, the base isn’t fully constructed yet, so no trainees will be there.” Maz spoke up from her place on the other side of Leia.

“And I’ll radio to our ally on the ground and ask if he has seen any new kids running around.” Poe chimed in before standing up.

Ben relaxed a bit, unclenching his jaw and relaxing back into his chair. He nodded at his mother ever so slightly as if telling her to go on. Rey glanced at his face, impassive even to her. She tried to connect with him through the force bond. To reassure him, tell him that he wasn’t beyond saving, that he had deserved a second chance. He was there but a certain black mask of sadness was there. One of regret and shame. Rey backed away. _Was that really how he thought of himself?_

Once the room had calmed down, Leia finally spoke again, this time, less in the voice of a general. “Then it’s settled. Chewie will begin prep on the ship. You leave in two days.”

—

Ben had stayed silent after the meeting. He had accompanied Rey to the medical office in order to get her final treatment and the bandages removed but remained shut down. Sitting in a chair across from her, he watched as Dr. Kalonia painstakingly removed the beige strips that not even two days ago had held Rey’s body together. Slowly, the bandages fell away revealing her pale skin, now donning a new scar from where the blaster bolt had hit her in the back. Ben unconsciously rubbed his fingers over the patch of his own hand where the blast had hit him. The skin had scabbed over, nothing compared to what Rey’s marks looked like.

He dropped his eyes from her body to stare down at the floor. Rey kept her gaze on him, barely registering when the doctor had finished. Ben had seemed to be trapped inside his own mind since they had left the planning session. He was locked in a place Rey couldn’t get to. And that terrified her.

Dr. Kalonia said something about monitoring her pain before leaving the room, but Rey couldn’t get herself to focus on the words. She reached forward, feeling the ever so slight ache that still lingered in her muscles. Rey took Ben’s hand from where it fell limb between his knees, his head still down.

Automatically, when Rey wrapped her fingers around his hand, Ben’s muscles responded, wrapping identically around hers. His eyes finally lifted to meet hers. She could see the worry in them. The mission, his mother, the Resistance, the First Order, _Her._ The struggle between what Ben wanted and what he needed to do was so palpable on his face. For a second, Rey wished they had snuck away all those weeks ago. Maybe they would have gotten more time before being exposed to the entire galaxy.

After a moment, Ben released her hand and stood up from where he sat in the chair. Reaching over, he plucked Rey’s shirt from where it laid on the exam table. Standing behind her, Ben raised the piece of clothing above her head. She allowed him to help her dress, once again hiding the hideous blaster scar from his eyes. Ben paused, placing his hand over where the mark was on her back. He rubbed the fabric for a moment.

Signing quietly, he removed his hand from where it had been placed on her shirt before moving forward to grab the rest of Rey’s things from the table. Extra bandages and pain killers that the doctor had given her just in case any adverse effects occurred throughout the night.

The pair was silent as they made their way through the halls toward their assigned room. Passing the windows, Rey noted that the sky was dark. It had been a long day, both of them tired from everything that had happened not only in the past day but honestly the past month.

A small noise caused Ben to look behind them, Rey’s eyes following closely behind. But nobody was there, their gaze rose up, looking at the lights flickering overhead, slightly buzzing. Both of them too tired to decide beyond some old wiring. Ben reached out through the force trying to sense if anything else was there.

Nothing. Just them and slight paranoia. _Must be from weeks on the run._

When they finally got to the door to their room, Rey paused, pulling Ben to look at her.

“Ben” She coaxed. Rey reached forward grabbing his hand with her own. “I’m fine. Stop blaming yourself for what happened. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Rey, I—"

“No,” Rey interrupted him. “It happened, and I’m healed. You need to get over this.”

“You got shot” He deadpanned.

She huffed, annoyed before lifting his hand and placing it over where her heart was, steadily beating in her chest. “Yes, I did. But I’m here.” She spoke. “I’m here and I trust you and you trust me. We just need to get past this mission.”

“And what about after? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly wanted by many people around here or really anywhere.”

“I want you here.” Rey said simply. She tilted her head slightly, trying to grind her words into him.

Despite the seriousness that had been plastered on his face, Ben’s mouth quirked up into the tiniest of smiles.

Standing up on her toes, Rey placed a gentle kiss on Ben’s lips, more reassurance that she would always be with him. If not right next to him, then in his mind.

After a moment they pulled away but kept their faces close together so that she could feel his breath on her cheek. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.” Ben nodded, giving Rey a sweet smile; the one he would only ever give her. Ben reached behind her, pushing the door open and leading the way inside.

Once the door had closed behind them, Rey took the drugs from him, placing them on the desk where her lightsaber still sat half constructed.

“Rey..” Ben started as he spied her work on the table, seemingly remembering it from earlier. His feet began walking toward the golden glow on the desk.

“Leave it.” Rey told him. “We can figure it out tomorrow. For now, bed.” She spoke with tired eyes. Holding back a yawn, Ben nodded back at her.

They both took no time collapsing on the bed. It took less than two minutes for them both to fall into a much-needed sleep.

—

Leia walked her memorized route back toward her office. It was late, she had just finished talking over fight details with Poe for the impending mission. The old woman was so wrapped up in her thoughts, Leia barely registered walking past Dr.Kalonia.

_What was she doing this late at night?_

After a moment, Leia got her answer as she heard the door to the medical room snap shut. Looking ahead she spied the looming dark figure of her son, holding a bottle of painkillers and looking as equally distressed as he did earlier. Next to him walked Rey, her own face passive. Both looked overly tired. She watched as Ben waited for Rey to match his pace before moving forward. It was a simple gesture. But also seemed out of place for someone who had spent a good part of his life bathed in darkness.

Leia didn’t know what came over her, but without thinking, she cast force shadow, masking her force signature. It had been a long time since she had performed such a feat, but it still came automatically. The general had chosen a far more practical field than _Jedi_ but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a few tricks of her own.

Keeping a safe distance between herself and the two younger force users, Leia let curiosity guide her steps. It was her duty after all, as a mother to look after her son. Despite covering her own force signature, she could feel theirs miraculously well. It was different than the others she had encountered in the past. Hell, even Ben’s signature felt different than it had years ago. Something had changed, a small bite of electricity in the air, Leia couldn’t quite recognize.

The peeping woman stayed behind the corner as the pair stopped in front of Rey’s door. Without warning, Rey reached out and grabbed Ben’s hand, pressing it flat against her chest. He didn’t pull away like Leia thought he would. Her son had never been one for physical comfort. They spoke words she could not hear from her hiding place. Leia felt like she was intruding on something, and perhaps she was.

When she first heard the rumors about them escaping the Supremacy together, Leia had always thought of their relationship as purely antagonistic. Working together because they had to. After what she had heard about Starkiller, how could Leia assume anything else?

But the pair in front of her was almost unrecognizable. Their touches gentle and intentional, like they had done it a million times before. Nothing like the violent, abrasive sparring match Finn had showcased with the scar on his back.

Before Leia could even blink, Rey leaned up and kissed Ben. And he let her. It was barely a second long, but it was full of passion and meaning. Something she hadn’t seen for many years. Maybe ever.

And after splitting apart, Ben smiled a smile Leia had never seen before. One so bright it almost looked abnormal on his face. He looked _happy_.

_They had definitely done that before._

Her feet stepped backward; knowing that she was intruding. Silently, Leia left the pair behind. Walking back through the halls, she let her force veil fall. Shocked by what she had seen, The general walked with haste, nervous that someone would know what she had just witnessed. But nothing could hide the smile growing on her face, knowing that her son had found a light at the end of a long, narrow, very dark tunnel. 

Leia just hoped that she wasn't sending them into doom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Ben, you need to let go of your regrets. Nothing good can ever come from beating yourself up! I always pegged Ben as having this regressive self-loathing trait simply because he spent so many years under the abuse of Snoke always telling Ben he was never good enough. Rey is helping him through it with much reassurance, but it will always be there.
> 
> So! The mission is upon us! Will Rey finish her lightsaber? Will it all go according to plan? Well, I'll let you in on a little sneak peek— the name of the next chapter is — Impending Doom Part 2! So do with that as you wish!
> 
> Ahh Leia, finally getting to watch her son grow up. I always loved the secret relationship/reveal trope so wanted to sneak it in here. Ben and Rey weren't exactly hiding their relationship, but it was never explicitly said; meaning rumors were just allowed to run rampant!
> 
> Ahhhhh! So happy to be back and give you another chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, the action will start to pick up soon, I promise! Thanks for being patient again and I'll see you next time!


	22. Impending Doom: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner party with new friends. Worry remedied by some good old sweet nothings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, ya'll glad to be back! Happy almost spooky season. Hope you all like this next chapter, some serious friendships being built here, along with some other stuff! Enjoy!

His advances were harsh. Each swing was calculated and swift, the dangerous blade clashed with Rey’s. If Ben had lost stamina, it wasn’t showing. Maybe she just hadn’t swung a lightsaber in a while. _And maybe she was still waiting._

Rey huffed and blocked Ben’s next assault. His eyes light with fire, passion for the fight. She could tell he was having fun with this; had missed it. Ben jabbed forward, lunging to land a hit, narrowly missing as Rey’s side. She dodged his blow, grabbing at his extended arm, pulling him closer to block his strong swings. Ben’s long limbs were cumbersome for very close combat.

He twisted his core, slipping out of her grip and pulled away. Ben swung his weapon around, trying his best to clip her shoulder. Their blades crossed, locking into place. Rey’s eyes snapped up, locking with Ben’s. She gritted her teeth, pressing forward with every ounce of her strength. Her partner’s lips quirked upward at her exertion. _He was definitely having fun with this._

Pulling upward, Ben released their blades, putting a few feet between them. “Getting tired?” She quipped.

Ben responded with a short laugh before moving forward quickly, grabbing at her weapon as it hit his. “You won’t get off that easy,” he spoke breathily with a small grin. Before Ben could pull her blade away, Rey reached into the force, freezing his blade mid-swing.

Pulling back, Ben grunted in effort. Rey smiled at the noise, laughing breathily at the disgruntled sound of annoyance that came out of his mouth. _Now she was having fun with this._

Now on the attack, Rey flipped her grip around. The style was new, but Rey moved easily through the motions, able to be nimbler and more calculated with her strikes. Not to be outdone, Ben took the advances in stride, matching her speed with sheer strength.

They both became transfixed on the other’s movements, steps, and swings capturing their full attention. Maybe the fact that they were fighting each other added to their diverted interest from the rest of the world.

Rose watched from the doorway as Ben and Rey clashed metal staffs, the scrap of the material hurting her ears. Although violent on the surface, the couple’s eyes were locked as they engaged in their beautiful dance. Each step was together, each swing and dodge of a blade came at the perfect time. It was mesmerizing to watch their ease in using the force with their fighting style.

Parts of Rey’s lightsaber laid on the bench abandoned for now in lieu of training. The cool metal sitting in the mechanic’s hand tingled with anticipation. Rose had noticed that something the force-sensitive pair shared was their impatience. They couldn’t sit still for long and that was evident from the forceful swings.

Rose couldn’t tell if Rey knew, but Ben was definitely pulling his punches. She had heard stories about the mighty Kylo Ren, the marks on Finn’s back was evidence enough. But Rose had no doubt that Rey wasn’t actually in danger. Ben maybe, but Rey? Definitely not.

The clash of metal rang out across the room as the two blades clashed together once more. Crossed together, it was exactly as it was on Starkiller. But this time, they knew it would end with them together.

Ben took the advantage in this situation, pushing forward against their crossed blades. Something he could’ve easily done in their first duel. But true to his word, Ben had never wanted to kill her.

Rey realized what he had done a little too late, losing her balance and falling backward, tumbling toward the ground. However, before she had the chance to crash against the cold floor, a strong hand reached forward and grabbed her wrist, preventing her from falling.

Looking up, her eyes met Ben’s smirking face. Rey rolled her eyes, finding her feet underneath her once more. _Next time_ she sent him across the bond. He laughed at her grievance, keeping his hand wrapped around Rey’s wrist, stroking slightly with his thumb.

A cough came from the corner of the room and they broke apart, finally realizing that Rose was watching them.

“Hi,” the young woman spoke awkwardly. “Sorry to interrupt”

Rey shook her head; a smile replaced the flush on her cheeks. “It’s no problem” she exclaimed brightly.

“Yeah, Rey was finished anyway,” Ben interjected, his smile still pointing straight at his sparring partner. He spun the staff in his hand flippantly.  
  
Rey scoffed. “That was a lucky shot” she spoke turning to give him an exasperated look, the annoyance growing in her voice just as the giddy look on his face did.

“Anyway,” Rose interrupted them again, before cutting herself off. She took a pause, realizing had just happened. What Ben had just said. What he had just done. Kylo Ren told a joke and laughed about it. Kylo Ren, the self-appointed dark lord had just teased Rey, right in front of her. _Wow, it had been quite the few weeks._

After a moment, Rose shook her head free of the confusion. “Anyway—” she repeated again. The pair turned to look at her, finally shaking the remaining distraction of one another from their minds. “I have the part you asked for,” Rose told Rey, extending her hand forward and opening her palm to reveal the small metal chamber. The mechanic had gotten a message from the force user early in the morning requesting the stabilizing chamber; hoping to contain the energy produced by her crystal.

A bright smile came to Rey’s face as she lurched forward to accept the offering. Twisting it around in her palm, the woman rushed over to where her half-constructed lightsaber laid. “It’s perfect.” She told Rose and she held the chamber toward the middle of the contraption.

“I’m glad,” Rose smiled at the force user’s excitement. “Wouldn’t want you going off tomorrow without it.”

The words, however simple in intention, weighed heavily on the man in the room. Ben’s smile faded, replaced with a furrowed brow and a concerned frown. Rey didn’t seem to notice, fully content trying to wire the chamber into the two halves of her saber.

“I need to go finish this!” She spoke turning around. Ben quickly hid the woeful look on his face, trying to look supportive.

Rose felt bad about worrying the man in front of her and tried to distract him from the impending mission. “Once you guys are done with that, why don’t you meet me for dinner?” she offered.

“In public?” Ben questioned her, a surprised look in his eyes. Rey reached over and swatted him.

Rose shook off his expression. “It’s a small base, Ben.”

_As if that was supposed to make it any different._ He was still a war criminal in many people’s eyes.

“Let’s say seven?” The mechanic pressed on.

“We will see you then,” Rey responded for the both of them. “Thanks again for finding that part!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Rose responded with a dismissive wave as she turned around to walk out of the room. “See you soon.” The young woman spoke, not giving the pair any opportunity to back out of her offer.

—

“Why did we agree to this?”

“Because I’m tired of eating cold food delivered to our room” Rey responded gingerly. “What’s the big deal anyway, I thought you liked Rose?”

They were walking to dinner and Rey could tell that Ben was on edge. His foot was tapping all afternoon as she was putting the final touches on her lightsaber. The only moment of peace was when she finally placed her yellow crystal in its final place.

“I do like Rose,” Ben pressed. “I just think she is the only one who likes me on this base” Ben spoke pointedly.

“Oh, don’t worry too much about that. Besides, I think your mother has this place on their best behavior.”

He scoffed at her words. “Everything will be fine. It will just be for twenty minutes.” Rey reassured him.

Thankfully when they arrived at the room designated for the base’s meals, it was mostly empty. Just a few stragglers who looked more shocked than antagonistic as Ben and Rey walked to the table Rose was sitting at. But much to their shock, the woman wasn’t alone. Poe Dameron sat next to her, trying his best to look pleasant.

“Hi,” Rose greeted them. “Poe thought that he could join us,”

The man looked up at the force-sensitive pair, giving them a small smile as they sat down. “I just figured, if we are going to be working together, we might as well get to know at least a little bit about each other.” The man’s voice was neutral despite the obvious nerves that peaked through.

Ben said nothing, averting his gaze to the food in front of them.

“I realize I didn’t give you guys the warmest welcome and I’m sorry about that. I can’t imagine what you two have been through in the past few weeks.” Poe said holding his breath for their reaction. The pilot stared at the two people across from him. Rey nodded at him politely, nudging Ben in the side.

Gripping the utensils in front of him, Ben begrudgingly looked up at Poe. “I know I won’t ever be your favorite person, but the mission is important, and I hope we can find a way to work together.” The former dark lord spoke cordially.

Poe nodded at the response.

“Where is Finn?” Rey asked after a moment of silence.

“He, uh” Rose began, looking at Ben before speaking again. “Finn is having a harder time with all of this.” She gestured to the circle of them as if to imply everyone was the problem.

“Don’t worry too much about Finn” Poe interjected. “He knows what is expected of him and won’t do anything to mess things up. Finn wants what is best for the Resistance in the end.”  
  


Silence fell onto the group once more. “So, Rey, did you finish your lightsaber?” Rose perked up brightly.

Rey’s gloomy expression dropped and lit up at the mention of her new weapon. “Yes, I finished it this afternoon,”

“A lightsaber? Really? What color is it?” Poe leaned forward in sudden curiosity. Even Ben seemed to have the tiniest smile of pride at the mention of her new saber.

Rey laughed at Poe’s question. It hadn’t dawned on her that this would be something anyone else would be interested in. Especially when that someone spent most of his days flying x-wings.

“It’s yellow”

Poe hummed in approval giving her a smile of affirmation as he ate another forkful of food. “It’s a shame that we can’t be in the air, my poor ship might think I’m replacing her.” The pilot spoke jokingly changing the subject. “Hey, by the way, how do you perform that spinning shot?”

Ben’s eyes shot up from where they had been resting on the plate. He stared at Poe, looking for any malice or bane in his words. They both knew exactly the last time Ben had flown his tie silencer. _More like the last time Kylo Ren flew it._

But Poe just sat there, waiting expectantly for his answer.

Ben took a breath. “Well, you might need to find yourself a ship that doesn’t look like it’s about to fall apart for starters.”  
  
A brief pause echoed around the table in the aftermath of Ben’s words.

Poe then proceeded to let out a hearty laugh, banging his hand against the tabletop. Rose soon followed in the pilot’s joy after again wrapping her mind around Kylo Ren being able to tell a joke.

“You got me there,” Poe responded, holding his hands up in mock surrender. Ben cracked the smallest of smiles. The air suddenly felt lighter. The people he was sitting with seemed less imposing. He could feel Rey’s smile through the bond, appreciative that Ben was trying to get along with Rose and Poe.

And after that, the conversation flowed fluently. They still avoided sore subjects, most of which revolved around Ben’s previous alias. Mostly joking and telling stories about weird things they had seen on different planets.

Their plates became empty, but Ben didn’t feel the need to find an out. It was surprising, in all his wildest dreams he had never imagined a scenario that led him here; having a mundane conversation with people he once called enemies. Is this what life was supposed to be like?

“Well it’s getting late, and we all have a big day tomorrow.” Poe spoke, jutting his chip out at the darkened skies that had replaced the orange sunset outside. “Best get some sleep, we might need it.”

The older man stood up, flashing the group a short smile before throwing a ‘See you in the morning’ over his shoulder as he walked toward his room, taking most of the jovial atmosphere with him.

Ben and Rey looked over at Rose who also offered them a small smile. “Good luck tomorrow,” She spoke truthfully before standing up. “I’ll be watching the whole thing from the control room”

Her words were meant to be encouraging, but just as earlier, the good-willed intention reminded the force users what was at stake tomorrow. What could happen if things went awry. And this time, Rey seemed to share in Ben’s concern.

“Well, goodnight, thanks for coming tonight,” Rose spoke lightly, slightly unaware of the mood change in the two force users who mumbled a response back as they watched their new friend retreat to her quarters for the night. Ben’s hands began to shake once more as Rey’s heart pounded heavily, trying to break out of her chest.

—

They walked silently through the halls back to their room. The prospect of ‘tomorrow’ hanging heavily in the air. Ben kept Rey’s hand clasped between his as he tried to not think about Rose and Poe’s words from earlier. Rey could feel the slight tremble in his fingers, not wanting to let go. It was the first time he had gotten nervous before a mission. All those years with the knights and he had never feared what or who awaited them at whatever godforsaken planet Snoke sent them to.

Maybe now it was because he had something to lose.

With no hesitation, Ben pushed open their door and led Rey inside, closing it behind him, and leaving them bathed in a soft darkness. Light peaked through a slit in the window coverings, only illuminating their bodies within the dark.

Standing in the middle of the room, Rey reached up and twisted her arms around his neck, Ben reciprocated immediately, winding his arms around her waist, hugging tightly.

“Are you worried about tomorrow?” Rey whispered, breathing him in deeply as she gently pressed her face into his neck.

Ben hummed slightly, his fingers pressing into the fabric bunched along her stomach. “Yes,” he replied softly. Ben knew he couldn’t lie to her.

Rey didn’t reply, instead pulling back and gazing into his eyes. She felt in her bones that everything would be fine in the end. That the vision they had shared all that time ago hadn’t been a cruel lie. But— there was a pit in her stomach, something she couldn’t shake. Maybe it was all the residual panic from the war. Everyone running around in fear was projecting onto them. That had to be it.

Pushing those thoughts away, Rey began counting the freckles on Ben’s face, wondering if the lifetime they shared was enough to memorize them all. The shadows amplified his features, every angle, line, and dip. It was at that moment she realized how handsome Ben truly was; underneath all the years of war, torture, and neglect. Yet maybe enduring all of that made him even more beautiful.

Her eyes lingered on the curve of his face, beautifully marred by the scar. She followed its path to where it disappeared below the neckline on his shirt. Rey placed her fingers against the rough mark, tracing the line until his skin was replaced with the soft black fabric. Her eyes rose up to meet his. Ben’s. He didn’t need to say anything, only nodding slightly in affirmation.

Wordlessly, Rey reached down to the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head, revealing the scarred skin that continued underneath. Tossing the offensive article of clothing away, Rey frowned, eyeing where his scar ended on his chest.

This shouldn’t bother her. It’s not like she hasn’t seen him like this before. But something about being so close, seeing the full extent of the broken, torn skin so haphazardly stitched back together….

Ben noticed the way her regret bounced between Rey’s mind and his. Not waiting for another second, he reached forward and placed her hand against the marked skin. Warmth flowed between them once more.

“Ben I’m so—”

Leaning closer, Ben cut Rey off. He wrapped his arm firmly around her waist, pulling her close so that he could brush a kiss delicately at her temple. “I forgive you” he whispered gently. Rey knew Ben had never blamed her for the permanent mark; that he secretly like a piece of her that would always be on him. But hearing him say those words released any remaining guilt she may have hidden away.

Looking up, she found trust in his dark eyes. Trust. Hope. _Love_.

Leaning forward, she kissed him with a new passion. She gripped at his shoulders, tracing the scar that resided there also.

His hands found their way under her own shirt, pushing up slightly before hesitating. Rey’s breath hitched as she broke their kiss. Their eyes met once more, their cheeks red and flushed. Ben’s pupils were blown wide, it made him even more beautiful.

Ben slid further, pushing the fabric up over her torso. Rey could feel the sparking path his fingers left as he slipped her shirt all the way over her head. The room was cold, biting at her skin. Subconsciously, she wrapped her arms around her torso, covering the exposed skin and averting her gaze from Ben’s.

A hand came up, wrapping around her wrist, pulling slightly. “I know I’m not exactly—” Rey trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. She had never been this close to someone before. And it terrified her.

Ben reached up, cupping her cheek and forcing Rey to look into his eyes. “Rey…. I don’t know if I can make this any more clear.”

He pulled one of her arms away from where they covered her exposed skin. “But I want you. All of you”

Ben’s gaze dropped to run his eyes up and down her body. Each second as loving and tender as the last. “No matter what”.

Using his other hand, he pulled Rey’s other hand off her side and placed it on his own chest. Ben returned his own palm to her torso, splaying his hand across her ribcage, fingering the edges of the thin fabric that covered her breasts. Leaning forward, he kissed her once more.

_Perfect_ she heard his voice echo in her own mind.  
  


Squeezing his side, Rey smiled into his lips, no longer feeling the need to hide away from him. Gliding her hands up, she rested them at the base of his head, twisting her fingers between strands of his hair.

Rey could feel a pressure building inside of her and as if all at once, everything became clear. The force hit her like a wall of rocks. Something that Rey now knew had always been there. Even when they were on opposite sides. Quickly breaking away, she leaned her forehead against Ben’s and let out a shaky breath.

“Ben, I love you.”

He exhaled, the smile on his face growing larger and larger. Leaning forward he brought his mouth to hers once more, this time lighter but with the same electrifying effect as the first time they had kissed.

After a second, he released her, letting out a breathy laugh of relief. “I love you too,” Ben whispered without hesitation, his words full of truth and pure elation. He laughed once more before pulling Rey closer and lacing his fingers through her hair and pressing their foreheads closer together. “Stars’ I love you so much.”

She leaned forward, and connected their lips once more, both of them laughing. It was even better than how Rey imagined declaring her love for someone would be. There was no doubt that Ben was hers and she was his.

Reaching down, Ben tapped at the back of her legs before effortlessly picking Rey up. She responded immediately, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist as Ben walked them backward toward the bed. The fear and worry had now melted away, replaced by feelings of excitement and comfort.

Slowly, they discarded the rest of the fabric that separated them until it was just skin. And laying there, in the darkness of the small room, their world became too full to talk. The mission, the war, everyone else in the world became fleeting memories; lost in the tangles of the sheets. A fatality Rey could fully accept if it meant staying here with the person she loved most in the universe.

Eventually, the pair lost their ability to tell where she ended, and he began. But perhaps that was always how it was meant to be.

—

The air was cold, snow-dusted the streets of the desolate town. It was dark out, late; and the natives knew not to be out past curfew. A pair of black boots leading five identical others that trailed slightly behind down the narrow alleyway.

“The recruits will be arriving tomorrow night. No mistakes.”

Kiara flitted her hand, sending the rest of the knights off to patrol neighboring streets. Everything needed to be in place for tomorrow.

Footsteps approached but she knew who it was, even with the mask covering his face.

“What is the matter Valtar?” She asserted without turning around.

“Do you really think it is necessary for us to be here?” The man questioned.

“Why?” Kiara quipped back. “Can’t take the cold? Come on Valtar, we’ve been in worse places than this.”

“No, that’s not what—” The other knight paused, his voice mechanical and distorted through the mask. But it couldn’t hide his doubt. “It’s just a simple recruit transport”

Kiara finally turned around to face him. She caught sight of her yellow eyes reflecting in the visor of his helmet. Kiara had chosen not to wear her own mask for the past few weeks, deciding her normal appearance was menacing enough. She matched them with a grin, the lone dirty streetlight the only thing to expose her sinister motives.

“The recruits won’t be the only ones arriving tomorrow”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. So I don't usually write scenes like that but I hope you got the point. If not I'll be explicit here. They did the devil's tango. Just the night before a huge mission. Again, I don't usually write stuff like that so please be gentle, but I also wanted them to finally profess their love for one another. Seemed right.
> 
> Ahh slipped some darkpilot in for purely your (And my!) enjoyment. Felt like Ben and Rey could use another player on their side. Poe seemed more likely than Finn in the context of this story. (Plus them all being mad at each other is just exhausting!)
> 
> Man, we hadn't checked in with our girl Kiara in a while. I missed her! All jokes aside, I really hope you liked this chapter and are not to mad at the delay! See you next time!


	23. Remember Me Fondly,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone feels nostalgic before a life-threatening event, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!! I've missed this so much. 
> 
> School has me swamped, I also work for the election commission in my town (lol go vote please!) so that has obviously been a high demand pressure in my life. But despite all that I have finally finished this short chapter! Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I intended to make this chapter much longer but decided to give you some sort of writing after so long, so hopefully, the continuation will be here soon.

It was still dark out, everyone else was still asleep. Rain pattered the windows and the wind whistled outside.

Rose was already in the control room with Kaydel the radio and surveillance equipment linked to their ship. Poe and Finn had already made their way into the hanger, doing last minute checks again and again.

Leia stood next to the craft. Even though it was the early morning, she was still dressed impeccably. Rings on her fingers, braid and all, the general looked perfect. Maz stood silently at her side, twiddling her thumbs, trying to calm the nerves floating around the room.

No one spoke any words; they had already gone over everything that needed to be said in the meetings yesterday.

The General stared out the open hangar door, she saw only the beautiful landscape of the planet shrouded in grey, the storm had started and gave no signs of ending soon. It was a perfect cover, but also added another layer of potential danger to the entire plan. Scenarios of doom and bad outcomes bounced in her mind, each crack of lightning came like a blaster bolt. One after another.

The flood of images stopped when a sudden noise. Across the hanger, the connecting door opened revealing Ben and Rey. They wore equally incognito dark outfits, both inconspicuous enough to blend in on any backwater planet. Her son’s scar stuck out, but under the dark of night, Leia hoped it wouldn’t be too much of an issue.

Everyone paused what they were doing to look up at the entering force users. The energy of having them here still felt a bit off, but Leia didn’t have the capacity to worry about it. _They had too many other things to worry about._

As they walked into the hanger, the air seemed to spark. A sense of their combined power was felt throughout the echoing room. Outwardly, they were just two people. But the pair commanded the room, their images radiated across the galaxy. Unfairly having the weight of an entire religion forced upon their shoulders. Leia had stood in the same room as Darth Vader, but there was something about the power of two. To share that burden, even when on opposite sides.

So yes, they were just two people, but two very important people.

“Morning” Maz spoke to the pair, as they finally were within speaking distance. Rey nodded in return; Ben seemed distracted by whatever Poe was looking at on the outside of the ship they would be soon boarding. Finn stood idly by, his head perked as the pair made their entrance, his face impassive.

Leia looked between the different looking people gathered in the hanger, the rain still falling outside. All of them different but fighting for the same thing. All as powerful and strong as the next, all in different ways.

“Come over, all of you.” She called everyone together. The small group circled around, all bringing their eyes to stare at their leader.

“I want to thank you all for everything you have given up. I cannot repay you for all you have sacrificed, all you will sacrifice.” Her eyes landed on Ben as she spoke, finding memories of a small toothy-smiled boy in the shadow of this tall broad figure that has taken his place in all the missing years. He kept his eyes on the floor, standing close to Rey.

“Watch out for each other and keep each other safe. We all have a common goal. If we stay together today, it will bring a bright tomorrow.” Her words echoed throughout the room, the temperature dropping with the continued wind.

“Bring each other back, trust each other.” She now looked at Finn. The man had a complicated background, but Leia was hopeful he was on the right track now. If only he could let go of the past, the former stormtrooper could find that he has more in common with her son than he thinks.

“May the Force be with us. Always.”

The group all exhaled as the ending of her words, the weight of the mission finally settling back in. Poe nodded at the General before leading Finn onto the ship.

Rey leaned down, giving Maz a misty-eyed hug. Ben stood idle, waiting for his partner. The young woman stood back up before giving Leia a nod and a small smile. “See you soon” Rey spoke as she moved past Ben to make her way up the ramp. Her son turned with her, placing a hand on Rey’s back, following her steps into the ship. Leia smiled at the gesture, the air getting thick around her.

“Ben,” She spoke with a tight throat.

Her son paused as he made his way up the ramp, Rey stopped to look back at him. Ben’s eyes darted between his mother and her, before giving her a reassuring nod that he would be following soon. He made his way back down the ramp until he was on even ground with his mother, although she was much shorter.

Leia held out her arm, reaching forward to him.

Confused, Ben’s eyes trailed down, widening slightly at what she held there before him.

He extended his fingers, once again grasping on to the cool metal that had protected him for the best and worst in his life. Ben brought his lightsaber back toward him, a ghost of a smile.

“I’m so proud of you my son,” Leia told him with her own somber smile on her face.

Ben broke his eyes away from his saber to look up at his mother, again noticing the new lines and grey hairs that now accumulated in her appearance.

“Thank you,” He whispered. “I’m sorry, I never said that enough.”

They paused awkwardly, looking at each other for a few seconds before Leia took the opportunity. Leaning forward, she took as much of her son as she could into her arms. And to her surprise, he hugged her back. She almost felt like she did on the day Ben was born, a new mother again. Ben exhaled all the pressure that had been in his chest, closing his eyes as he finally gripped onto his mother again for the first time in many years.

After a moment, the pair broke apart.

“Say safe.” She told to him once more. Ben nodded in response, taking a step back toward the ship.

“Oh, and Ben?” Leia called out to her son one last time. Halfway up the ramp, Ben looked back at her.

“I like her.” His mother spoke softly with a smile. “I like her a lot.”

Ben gave her what could almost be considered a smile. It had the same feeling as one he gave every time he looked at Rey. Ben didn’t respond, choosing instead to finish walking into the belly of the ship; his hands twiddling his lightsaber.

Leia kept the somber smile on her face as she walked him leave; trying to push the sinking feeling in her stomach away. The familiar sound of the hydraulic pressure expelled from the ship as the ramp elevated back up, cementing their departure. She exhaled in concern, the mother and general’s heart pounded heavily as she took steps back.

Standing with Maz, the two aged leaders watched the ship’s thrusters light up before shooting off into the rain; Gone in the dark.

—

The two men were silent in the cockpit of their rusting craft. Every so often one of them would lean forward and flip a switch, check the coordinates to make sure they were still on the correct hyperlane. Finn and Poe hadn’t said many words since the former stormtrooper had declined the pilot’s offer to go to dinner the previous night. He hadn’t spoken to Rey since that first night really either.

“Do you think everything will go fine?” Poe broke the silence, his nerves obviously getting the better of him.

Finn shrugged in response. “You can never be 100 percent on any mission, not to mention one with two of the most wanted fugitives in the galaxy.” The man spoke passively, disconnecting his words with who they were being spoken about.

The air fell silent again, Poe didn’t know how to remedy the awkwardness in the air.

“He isn’t what I imagined he’d be like.” The pilot toed a fine line with those words, looking at the man seated in the chair next to him; searching his face for a reaction.

Finn didn’t say anything, but also didn’t look overtly angry, so Poe continued. “That level of abandonment and loneliness obviously did a number on him, but outside of the mask….”

“Just because someone has endured trauma doesn’t mean they can justify the horrible things they do to others,” Finn answered levelly, doing a good enough job to cover the bitterness that laced his words.

“I’m not trying to justify what he’s done, Finn” Poe nabbed. “I’m just saying, that from what I’ve seen and heard, he’s a lot less fucked up now that he is being tempted by the light instead of the dark.”

The man across from him didn’t respond, obviously uncomfortable with the topic, so Poe continued.

“Yes, he’s done fucked up things. Hell, I’ve been in the receiving end of it once or twice, I know you have too…. But Finn, he’s here and he’s trying. And maybe that isn’t enough, maybe it never will be for you. But at least he’s trying."

Finn finally looked up at Poe for a split second before returning his gaze to the windows ahead.

“And maybe it’s all for Rey, maybe it isn’t. And I know I wasn’t exactly rolling out the welcome wagon for them when they got here, but you being an asshole about it right now isn’t helping. It’s not going to help our cause and it sure as hell isn’t going to help win us this war.” Poe told his friend gruffly. Rose has definitely been rubbing off on him.

“I just thought I’d get that out before we potentially have to go out and risk our lives for each other” The pilot ended sarcastically.

Silence filled the claustrophobic space once again. The recycled air was now thicker than it was before. 

“She’s different” Finn whispered quietly after a moment.

Ah, there it was.

“Rey…. I don’t know what happened to her.” Finn’s voice shook sadly, the heartbreak so clear in his words.

Poe thought back to dinner last night, all the moment’s Ben or Rey had beamed at each other. Or just a few minutes ago when he found them huddled together whispering to each other in the common quarters. How Ben never made a decision without looking at Rey first, how they shared words just by locking eyes with each other. How they stole small touches whenever they thought nobody was looking or they simply didn’t care if anyone was.

The pilot kept his thoughts to himself, but Poe could think of a number of things that had happened between the two-force users that caused their relationship to change. Perhaps Finn was in love with Rey and that’s why this was so hard. Poe didn’t think that was it, the way Finn talked about the woman was always protective, not romantic.

“I had been so happy to hear her voice that day on the radio. After not knowing if she was even alive….She talked like Rey.” Finn rambled off.

“and when she woke up in the infirmary after they had gotten here, she looked like Rey.” The former stormtrooper has a wide-eyed exasperated look on his face like he couldn’t quite believe that the past few weeks had even happened.

“And then I couldn’t recognize her.”

Poe looked to the side, his friend sat, staring out the front glass into the galaxy in front of him. Trying to find an explanation for what had transpired before him.

“The way she ripped that needle out of her arm. The way she limped through the halls to defend a man that just a few weeks before that had tried to kill both of us? I just don’t understand.”

It honestly still perplexed even Poe. He had heard little bits of the story from Rose or Leia or Maz but if he hadn't spoken with Rey and Ben personally, he probably would still be on the same page as Finn.

“Rey has a way of bringing out the best in people,” Poe replied. “But for the record, I don’t think she did all the work.”

Finn finally looked up at Poe, finally listened. “Maybe the universe presented him with another chance, that he decided to take it and maybe do some good with it.”

“I’m not asking you to be best friends with him,” Poe appealed. “I’m just asking you to give him a chance. Just talk to him. Rey hit you in the face with a stick the first time you met and you became best friends.”

Finn looked behind them, toward the quarters of the ship where the pair in question sat. He thought about Poe’s words. Everyone was scared of what was to come. They had to find a way to work together or they were all dead.

But, It was hard to see past the mask. All the rage, anger, and pain Kylo Ren had brought. But now the mask was off. Poe, Rose, and obviously Rey had been able to see some sort of good in the man.

Before he could respond the controls started beeping; alerting them to their impending arrival.

—

Despite what everyone said, it was never silent in space. The unsteady creaks of the ship’s lighting movements, the tick of air being refiltered throughout the ship. And of course, Ben’s foot wouldn’t stop tapping.

They were alone. Poe and Finn had left them in the rundown quarters, both taking their pilot duties seriously. The ship was nothing special, a thirty-something year old S-class ship Maz had brought when she had first arrived at the Resistance. Heavily produced and more importantly, inconspicuous to anyone who might see it.

Rey reached her hand out to clasp Ben’s larger one. Ben’s eye snapped around to find nothing, no prying eyes of Poe or Finn. They were alone.

Her fingers were shaking even within the firm grasp of his hands. Their eyes met in between the steady blue flashes of hyperspace. Ben’s eyes burrowed into her, his dark gaze always giving her more. Promises of a beautiful and peaceful future danced behind his black lashes.

Leaning forward, Rey cupped his face. She closed the distance between then, placing a gentle kiss against his lips. A familiar warmth flowed between them, but each of their lips trembled slightly.

Pulling back Rey let her eyes wander across the canvas of his skin wondering how she had ever missed this particular scar or that new freckle. Her fingers brushed across his skin, feeling his pulse every few moments.

He gave her a somber smile like he wanted to promise that future they so desperately wanted. But given their current situation, it was something Ben couldn’t guarantee.

“I love you” Rey whispered into the space between them. Although they hadn’t said those particular words to each other many times, it felt like they had somehow been saying them all along; no words needed.

Ben nodded in response, his own fingers finding their way to grip at her thigh. “Always” his voice broke as he said it, but his small hardened smile remained. _They would get out of this. They would find a way to get out of this._

Before they could do anything else, the ship shook. The sudden movement forced them to break apart, just as the blue streaks faded, revealing a million stars staring back at them from the small port window.

“Ten minutes to planetfall,” Poe’s voice came into the room as he made his way into the compartment. He stared at the pair. They were sitting on the bench together, but apart. Poe gave them a halfway sideways glance before returning to mission-mode.

“Once we make to the surface we have to work quickly, an hour at the most and then we are gone. I don’t want to spend any more time here than we have to.” The pilot spoke quickly, keeping his eyes anywhere but the pair.

“Rey you and Finn will go check out the town, look for anything suspicious, or that we might need to monitor. Ben, you and I will go meet the contact.”

They all knew the plan, but Poe’s hurried words of reminder seemed to comfort the faithful Resistance member, so Rey didn’t say anything. Everyone was nervous. She couldn’t tell if Poe was more nervous about the mission or having to be alone with Ben for an extended period of time. Ben hadn’t said any words about the particular arrangement, keeping his face passive whenever they had to discuss the mission specifics. 

“And who exactly is this contact on the most back waste planet?” Ben asked. Nor Leia or Poe had told them who it was in previous meetings. But this time Poe relented.

“His name is Novikov, he has a shady past, but has been reporting the activity on Ruusan,” Poe explained. “Not exactly the type of person you’d expect to be helping us, but,” He paused before flashing his gaze between Ben and Rey. “He’s trying to find his way, and maybe helping us is a start to get there.”

The three fell silent again, the noise outside the ship drowned out by the quick breaths and insistent tapping of Ben’s food.

“Well,” Poe spoke awkwardly. He still hadn’t exactly figured out how to interact with Ben. “I need to get back, to uh, land..” the pilot jolted out toward the cockpit where Finn still watched over the mechanisms.

Ben and Rey made eye contact once more, their minds both trying to force some sort of comfort toward the other. They tried to distract each other by staring out the window.

Ruusan wasn’t exactly known for being a charming planet. Oppose to the beautiful ones Rey had seen, of soaring landscapes and filled with unimaginable amounts of bursting colors, Ruusan just seemed dull. Grim seemed to cover all the buildings, the entire planet a stagnant rust color. Industrial smoke blocked the stars from view above. The windows already gathered a thin layer of frost on the glass as they neared the ground.

“Cargo shipment 37-52” Rey could hear Finn’s voice echo through the hallway. _That was their cover. Cargo_. Rey tried to remember any part of the meetings they had earlier about this mission. She could barely think of anything. She thought of her friend. Finn had been her first real friend. Now they were barely looking at each other. And they would have to figure out a way to get through this mission.

_Just don’t be seen and look for anything suspicious. Don’t be seen._

Ben reached over and placed his hand across her own, steadying the fingers Rey didn’t know had been trembling.

They both exhaled as the shuttle shook as it came into contact with the ground. Rey’s heart pounded. This was only the second mission she had been on in her entire life, the first being to Starkiller. She glanced up at Ben as she thought of how much had changed since then. How much she had changed.

The engines cut out after a minute, filling the air with silence. Rey could only hear the jagged pounding of her nervous heart.

Poe and Finn walked into the cabin from the cockpit, both looking very serious. Her friend found her eyes, giving her a nod before his eyes darted down to where Ben’s hand clasped with her own.

Finn gave a gruff exhale, as he shook his head and focused back on Poe.

“Okay,” The commander started, “We know what our mission is. Rey, you’ll go with Finn down to the west side of the city toward the recruitment facilities, while Ben and I go east to meet with Novikov” Poe’s voice, usually strong and unwavering, now had a shake in it.

They were in enemy territory, with the most recognized pilot of the resistance, the disparaged failed stormtrooper, a murderous scavenger girl who stuck with her murderous streak; known around the galaxy for murdering Snoke, and the Supreme Leader’s former apprentice himself. Not exactly what Rey would call incognito, despite their attempts to hide under the dark of night.

_Don’t be seen._

“Everyone set their timers for one hour. Meet back here when our time is spent.” Poe said. Everyone nodded in confirmation, spinning the knob on their identical bands to dial into synchronicity.

“Okay, let’s get this done.” The commander spoke finally. The group stood up and made their way toward the ramp. Ben kept Rey’s hand firmly in his grip, not caring if Finn or Poe saw.

The night air was dry, snowflakes dusted across the ground as a bitter wind whipped through the dark docking bay. She watched Poe make his way off in a direction Rey assumed was ‘east’. He stood quietly off to the side. Poe was waiting for Ben to follow, but also was giving them one more second before they had to split up.

Ben didn’t say any words, neither did Rey. All of the words had been spent, still lost in longing looks and their bedsheets from the night before. But despite the time limit and all the other things they desperately needed to get off to —

Ben gave her one more once over, looking her up and down before settling again on her eyes. The force still hummed around them, silent to everyone else.

And before Rey could pull away, before she could try to walk away from him and follow Finn, the man she loved leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers. He wrapped his strong arms around her body, pulling her into his warm, out of the bitter cold.

Rey tried to hold onto the moment, wishing they had more time. _There was never enough time._

After a moment he pulled back slightly, Ben placed his hands on both of her cheeks, threading his fingers into her hair. Leaning down once more, he bushed a delicate kiss between her eyes. She leaned into his touch, feeling the pulse as his thump padded against her skin. _Don’t let me go_ Rey thought, hoping that he would hear her and keep her in his arms just a little longer.

All too fast, Ben had pulled away and was walking toward Poe. Her heart ached, watching him walk away. Rey stared as he walked away.

  
“Rey?”

Finn’s voice broke through the air. Shaking her head, Rey turned to look at her friend. He stood a couple of yards away, waiting for her to follow. Finn wasn’t looking at her but had called out nonetheless. She nodded hesitantly, giving one last glance at Poe and Ben’s departing figures in the dark before following him west toward the alleged training facilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the feels always get me. I felt like Poe was the best person to talk to Finn. He had those same feelings of hate and anger toward Ben but has learned to forgive. Finn could be a tough subject given Ben literally slashed his back open but hey, we all love second chances and perhaps an impending source of trauma will bring them together?
> 
> Had to get in one last mother-son conversation before the shit hit the fan! (And tbh I forgot to give Ben his lightsaber back way earlier than this lol) 
> 
> Hopefully, after the election, I will have a lot less stress and a lot more free time to write! 
> 
> Shameless PSA: There are still 8 days to make your voice heard and vote (If you live in the US), go do what Leia would've done and stand up for the issues you believe in! 
> 
> Love you all and see you soon!!


	24. In Cold Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And for what it's worth......" 
> 
> More conversations and a new ally. Spooks lurk around every corner on a shifty planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, ya'll! The new chapter is up! So so happy to be back and I hope you all like it!

The snow cracked under Kiara’s feet as she watched the small group from atop her vantage point. Valtar was beside her, also watching silently. The wind whipped against their coverings, the woman— _Rey—_ Kiara reminded herself of her name, the desert dweller looked beyond uncomfortable shivering in the snow. _Perfect_

They watched as the group talked and nodded between themselves. Kiara rolled her eyes as Kylo and the woman embraced… but then… abruptly he walked away, leaving the woman shivering in the snow. Kylo followed the Resistance Pilot toward the west side of the city while the girl quickly turned around and went with the other man, east.

Their shadows disappeared under the cover of darkness as they trekked farther and farther away from each other. _Where were they going?_

The pair of Knights stared after each pair long after they had gone, trying to figure out where Kylo and the other man had gone off too. And more importantly, why they had split up in the first place.

She narrowed her eyes, following the footprints the woman had left in the snow. Kiara knew where they were headed. The training facilities were east. _But where was Kylo going?_

Kiara let a grin come to her face realizing what this new development meant. She stood up, gesturing at Valtar to follow her east. The other knights could tail Kylo and the other man, as they weren’t the most important thing.

No, The most important thing was that Kylo and the girl weren’t together and were headed to completely opposite sides of the city. _This could be easier than she originally thought._

_“_ Cut the comms of their ship, and then follow Kylo.” The woman told the other knights, her yellow eyes never leaving the direction the girl— _Rey—_ had gone.

—

The silence was palpable in the air between them. It had been a few minutes since they had split off from Ben and Poe, yet Finn hadn’t said any words beyond his initial calling to her.

Rey didn’t know why she thought Finn would talk to her. The man beside her had made it very clear how he felt about their current predicament, more importantly, who had been assigned to come on this predicament.

“You should put on your gloves; the temperature is supposed to get colder with the nightfall.” Perhaps she was hearing things, the wind fabricating words in her mind.

“Rey?”

It took another few seconds for her to snap her head up and realizing that Finn, was speaking to her. His voice came calm and concerned, the normal tone he had always took on in the past when talking to Rey, before everything had changed. His face looked kind, just like she remembered it being when he found her on Starkiller. The face of her best friend.

“What?” It was the only word the highly force-sensitive woman could stutter out of her mouth at the current moment in time.

“I said that you should probably put some gloves on….the snow.” Her friend repeated to her, his eyes scanning her face. “Are you nervous or something?”

She thought that had been a given.

“I’m fine…” Rey trailed off as she pulled the resistance issued gloves over her shaking hands. Truth be told, Rey never liked gloves because she thought they made it harder to work with her hands. But her friend had been right, as her hands warmed inside the wool fabric.

“It’s okay to admit that you’re nervous Rey.” Finn pressed on. Despite only knowing her for a handful of months, it was embarrassingly easy for him to read her.

Rey looked down at her feet, crunching overtop of the hard snow with each step. “I just, after everything that has happened over the past few weeks…. With someone constantly chasing us and then the attack and now being apart from Ben….” She didn’t mean for the last part to slip out, despite every word being exceedingly true. But Finn had a way of bringing things out of her, and the admittance hung there for a few seconds. She didn’t care to concede the fact that she felt so alone without Ben’s constant presence at her side, even with the force bond pressing in her mind.

They must have walked a hundred feet before her friend finally spoke again, Rey flinched, readying herself for his response. “It’s hard, you know.” Finn’s words were hushed like it was hard for him to speak. He paused and let out an audible breath, trying to exhale the words he couldn’t find to say.

“When you disappeared, I was losing my mind. I thought that you were just stuck on some backwater planet all alone like you had just crashed back on Jakku.” Rey looked at her friend, finding herself entranced by his words — the most he had spoken to her since she had gotten back.

“That you needed help, that you needed me,” Finn spoke the last words quietly, his voice almost breaking as he let them out.

“But when you came back and were bringing him…. That you were _with him….._ I thought it was some twisted dream. It was easier to think that it was some dream. To have your best friend, come back and defend her worst enemy, one who had just tried to kill both of us?” Finn’s words finally fell, and Rey could almost see his heart breaking alongside his voice.

“Finn….” Rey’s heart clenched at his words. She tried to find something to say, anything to say, but nothing came out of her mouth. No defending words or persuading arguments. The pair finally stopped walking, pausing as the snow fell all around them. Rey knew that they had more pressing issues at the moment, that they had a mission to finish. Ben and Poe would be waiting for them. But somehow this felt more important.

“I just—” Finn started once more; his eyes were slick with tears as he raised them to meet her own. “I just don’t understand, Rey he….please help me understand.”

“I’m sorry, Finn. It’s a long story, that I wish I could’ve told you so long ago.” Rey spoke to him. She reached forward, placing her gloved hand atop his arm. Finn no longer flinched back, his face now much softer as he looked at her, no longer full of betrayal and judgment.

Stray tears now fell down her friend’s face, each filled with the struggle and pain of trying to figure out how they ended up on such opposite sides of everything. Finn reached up and brushed the small droplets of water off his face before they froze, he gave Rey a small, pained smile. “Well, I hope one day you’ll tell me about it.”

Rey smiled, nodding and giving him a soft breathy laugh before reaching up fully and pulling him into an embrace. Finn automatically responded, wrapping his arms tightly around her as he should’ve done when she woke up in the infirmary. “Thank you” She sighed into her friend's shoulder.

“I missed you so much Rey” Finn whispered back. “And for what it's worth I’m sorry for how I’ve acted since you got back.”

The pair broke apart, both their cheeks red from the bitter wind. Rey shook her head. “No, you had every right to be mad.”

Finn gave her a small sarcastic chuckle. “Well, perhaps we should get on with this so we can get off this planet.”

Rey gave him words of approval. “Yes, I think that would be best.”

The pair resumed walking, now each step feeling somehow lighter, the wound of regret and sting of it all slowly beginning to stich itself back together.

“Besides, this place gives me the creeps,” Finn said, resuming his normally chatty nature. Rey laughed at his dramatic remarks

“It’s like only bad things happen here.”

  
Finn and Rey made their way further west, unbeknownst of the two pairs of eyes following silently behind them, hands unlatching stun blasters from their belts. 

—

Ben was uneasy as he trekked through the uneven snow with Poe. His unlikely companion led the way, knowing every turn to make toward their unknown destination. The mysterious being named “Novikov” had yet to form an expectational image in Ben’s mind. All that Poe had said complicated past, yet still remained on Russan. Why anyone would try to make a living on a planet like this was beyond Ben. The air was bitter dry, and it stung every time he took a breath, an indecent smell accompanied each gust of wind. The air was also chillingly silent, Ben half expected a scream of agony to ring out at any second. He kept his head on a swivel, constantly surveying the people passing around them, each looking as shady as the next.

The man looked back in the direction that they had come, silently wishing he would see the outline of Rey already walking back toward them. Ben didn’t like being away from her. It wasn’t something he had expected to happen, but over the course of their time on the run together Rey had left an intent on him, one that Ben didn’t think would ever disappear. Maybe she had always been there. But, not having her within sight, especially on a planet like this made….. nervous.

Poe seemed to be catching on to Ben’s nerves, casting a questioning look to the other man. “Don’t worry, we will be out of here soon. Novikov is meeting us just around a few blocks up and the conversation shouldn’t be long. Besides, I don’t think anyone will mess with us.” Ben was intimidating just by sheer size alone, combine that with his glare and combat capabilities, Poe didn’t think that anyone had much of a chance against the former Dark-sider.

“It’s not us who I’m concerned about.” The other man whispered back to the Resistance Commander. Ben kept looking around, eyes darting from one dark alleyway to the next; his hand gripped firmly on his lightsaber. Poe had never seen the red blade in action, only hearing from Finn’s vivid recounting of the encounter as well as the grotesque scar that split his back in half.

The pilot grunted knowingly in response. Poe couldn’t pretend like he didn’t know what was going on with Ben and Rey. For two highly secretive and private individuals, they didn’t do a great job of keeping any of their emotions in check when it came to the other person.

Everyone in the inner circle had their own assumptions on the force-sensitive pair. Gossip and theorizing had been limited under Leia’s watchful eyes. But there were still signs. Hell, the simple fact that Ben didn’t use the room assigned to him on the base made it obvious enough. That was all that Poe noticed even before he had dinner with the pair or caught them holding onto each other on the flight here, not to mention that hug before they split up planetside. 

“I know that you love her,” Poe spoke to Ben, who winced slightly as his biggest secret was put into the air. The other man’s lack of denial and wide-eyed glance was all the confirmation Poe needed.

“It’s fine, Rey obviously loves you too, why else would she even consider letting you stay with the Resistance if she didn’t.”

“It’s nothing of what you think….” Ben trailed off. “I didn’t mind trick her or anything.”

Poe gave his companion a hearty laugh in response. “Nah, I didn’t think that maybe the other way around, but Rey would’ve never been that weak-minded.”

Ben exhaled lightly at the Commander’s attempt at humor. “She makes me better,”

“That may be, but I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Coming back here was a decision you made all on your own.” Poe spoke truthfully. Ben found himself liking the pilot more and more. “But I’m not the one you’ve got to convince…..”

“Finn.” Ben interrupted.

“Nah—well, maybe.” Poe sighed, looking down at their feet as he spoke. 

Ben looked over at the other man, the light and shadows hiding and revealing his face as they walked. It was at that particular moment that he remembered the first time they had met. _Forcefully met._ “For what it’s worth,”

Poe looked up at him, his face twisted in question. “I’m sorry about what I did to you.”

The pilot’s face dropped a bit as he realized what Ben was talking about before closing his eyes, taking a breath, and reopening them. His hand came up to rub at his temple. “It’s war. We all do things that we aren’t proud of. I’ve had my fair share of questionable decisions.” The commander winced slightly.

“No, it shouldn’t matter if we are at war. What I did hurt you and it was wrong to invade your mind. I know what that’s like and I’m truly sorry for putting it on you.” Ben told Poe quietly.

“We all get through what we must. You’re here now,” Poe spoke back. “Thank you for apologizing though…. For what it’s worth.” The two men exchanged a small forgiving smile before falling silent once more.

They kept walking until Poe led them down a, particularly rough looking alley, jutting his head in the direction he wanted Ben to follow. Debris and a thick layer of grim covered everything they walked by.

A figure stood hidden in the shadows at the end of the pathway. Their face remained obscured as they approached. Ben’s nerves returned as they neared, gripping onto the handle of his lightsaber a little harder.

“Novikov” Poe spoke as they got within a few meters away. “Thanks for meeting us.”

The man stepped forward; his face finally illuminated by the light. The man was about Poe’s height, but had very clearly been through his fair share of ‘shady engagements”. The type both Ben and Poe knew quite well. And as he finally put a name to the strange enigma Poe had described back in the ship, Ben finally understood why Novikov had chosen a backwater, forgotten planet to end up on.

The entire right side of the man’s face was burnt an unnatural scarred shade of red, his right eye was completely missing, leaving a gaping open hole where the structure should’ve been. Skin sewed itself back together as well as it could, but jagged edges still hung off the man’s skull. Ben resisted the urge to reach up and touch his own facial scar, one that now looked remarkably tame compared to the man that stood in front of him. 

“We got five minutes” Novikov spoke quietly. His voice came out raspy and faded. A haunting sound that somehow matched his face. This was the real cost of war. Countless ruined lives, the potential of a meaningful life wasting away, pouring out of their wounds until what’s left is just an empty shell.

“What’s been going on with the First Order movements over on the west side of town?” Poe pressed on, obviously not bothered at the appearance of the other man.

“They be makin’ something terrible o’re there…” Novikov told them, his burnt lips impeded some of his words, his accent thick and hard to understand. “Pumpin load o’ ship’ents in daily.”

Poe and Ben looked over at one another, silently asking the other if they had any ideas about what could possibly be going on. Ben rubbed at his shoulder, as a pressure set in. Must be the cold. Glancing around, he eyed the passerbyers, looking to see if any of them looked suspicious. Two hooded figures were stopped in the distance, but Ben couldn’t what they were doing.

“What kind of supplies are they bringing in?” Ben asked quietly, his eyes stayed dark, heart pounding rapidly. He was increasingly thinking that they needed to get off this planet.

“Lot’ of shtuff” their contact responded, “mostlee unmarked boxes, and such, could be anything”

Ben sighed at the lack of information and had suddenly developed a headache.

“I seen those high rankin officers comin round’ here more often. Surveyin the city.”

“The Knights,” Poe finished for the man.

“You’re sure that they all were here?” Ben spoke hurriedly. After they had completed training, the knights only all convened together for something of high importance. “You are sure it was the Knights of Ren?”  
  


“Yea! And that skinny redheader fellow.” Novikov went on. “must’ve come four or five times in the last two months alone.”

“Hux” Poe named the de facto Supreme leader. The commander paced back and forth, his finger tapping together in front of his body; thinking pensively. “Why would Hugs be on this specific site? They have hundreds across all the major systems, I can’t imagine he just happened to take a liking to _this_ planet.”

“I’m afraid that is all I got this time. The securitee has been amped up, and the night raids too. Makes it hard to be out every night watchin em.” At that moment, the disfigured man looked up and noticed the two men that had been lurking. “Well, it best that I be goin’ now”

“No, thank you Novikov.” The pilot spoke, before handing his contact a handful of credits. The man reached out and frantically grabbed the money, tucking it away in his tattered coat pocket.

“Thanks,” Ben spoke also. “We should probably be leaving soon as well.”

“Just win the damn war,” Novikov told them in his gruff voice before ducking under his hood and making off back down the alley, taking his credits and disappearing into the shadows of the city.

“I just don’t understand what is so special about this planet. Why put a base on a shitty planet like this, one with no major exports or resources?” Poe began to wonder out loud, pacing back and forth, not concerned about the pair watching them from down the street.

Ben could hear the question and had an idea for an answer, but before he could speak, a nauseating dizziness came over him. “Huh,” He let out, stepping back until he found a wall to lean against, his head was now throbbing, his vision going blurry for a brief second. The man brought his hands up to his face, trying to stabilize his sight.

“Ben are you alright?” Ben could hear Poe speaking to him, but it sounded far away; dull and far away. The pilot glanced back at the shadowy pair, who had started walking down the alley toward them. “We need to leave,” Poe reached down and placed his hand over his blaster, readying himself to pull it out.

Suddenly, an intense pain invaded the force user’s mind. Something was wrong. Ben hadn’t felt anything like this since training with Snoke, The mental invasion he had perfected with him and Kiara had a similar type of pain. Ben crouched to the ground with pain, gripping at his temples, trying to will the pain away. Looking up, he was barely able to make out the two figures in the distance, Ben knew that they had spent too much time here, that they needed to leave without causing a scene.

He could feel Poe at his side, saying incomprehensible words. And all of a sudden, a sharp scream emanated around them, one full of pain and agony. One that Ben had hoped to never hear again after the throne room. _BEN! Please!_

A dark pressure clamped around him. Ben’s vision seemed to go fuzzier at the edges, his throat became constricted. Something was very, very wrong.

And as quickly as it had begun, everything stopped. The throbbing gone; the screaming ceased. All that was left, was a cold, detached feeling right in the middle of Ben’s chest, his mind and heart heavier than ever. Looking up, noticed that their watchers were nowhere in sight. But why follow and have the upper hand if you won’t fight? The cloaked figures obviously knew who they were following. Knew who they were meeting.

Ben’s stomach dropped, he felt sick at the realization. _Kiara knew they were going to be here today._

The force user abruptly stood up, frantically whipping around in the direction they had come from. Ben’s eyes were wide as he finally understood what was happening. The pain had faded quickly because it wasn’t his own. _Rey!_

Rey was in trouble.

—

Pain throbbed through his entire body. Finn couldn’t see a thing, only darkness. All he could think about was how his body felt numb and was unresponsive. A loud ringing vibrated through his skull, resulting in a throbbing head. The man rubbed his lips together, trying to get some sort of moisture onto them. They tasted metallic, like blood.

Finn groaned, rolling over until he felt a rough substance under his cheek. _What had happened?_

Finally, the man willed his eyes open, finding color as it resumed to his mind. Breathing out, Finn spit out a small amount of gravel, before raising his head slightly to look around. His vision blurred as he slowly moved his head side to side, only able to comprehend that he was laying on some sort of ground.

Exhaling slowly, Finn raised his arms under him, to prop himself up. Looking around more clearly, the man noticed a strange silver capsule on the ground. It looked almost like….?

_No, it couldn’t be._

Rey’s lightsaber sat on the cold cobblestone a few feet away from where he was laying. But where was its owner?

“Rey?” Finn whispered weakly. Looking around, he couldn’t find her. Only tread smear marks in the snow, all scribbled and messy, trying to tell the story of the people that made the prints.

He also heard voices, distant but frantic.

Turning his head, Finn saw two figures running toward him. Their outlines were faded and blurry. The man shook his head, finally realizing that it was Poe and Kylo.

Once they reached him, Poe bent down and helped get Finn into a sitting position. Kylo paced all around the scene. “Where is she?!”

The force user’s voice was frantic, bordering on hysterical. Tears fell from his eyes, his whole body shaking. “Tell me she got away!”

Finn flinched at the exclamation. Looking into the man’s eyes, he only found panic and worry. Kylo spoke his words like he was going to break and for the first time since Finn had known the man, he looked weak. Defeated. It made it hard for the former stormtrooper to find his words, even harder to speak them aloud.

“I… I don’t know. I woke up and she was just..... gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my..... what to do...
> 
> I love reading scenes where one character breaks down over the disappearance of another. It really shows how lost and terrified they are to live without the other and I can't think of a better pair for this trope than Ben and Rey. Rey having no reaction to Ben's death at the end of TROS made absolutely no sense to me, but that's why we are all on this site! 
> 
> New character alert!! Novikov is their new informant, and may or may not be seen again. What do you think happened to his face? Must be an interesting story. 
> 
> How you all enjoyed, I already have a part of the next chapter written, so hopefully, it won't be too long of a break this time!


	25. A Dying Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What to do with all this sadness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! SO happy to be back! I just spent the last week of the semester finishing up final exams and watching all the Star Wars movies with my roommates as a distraction! Always a good time. Hope you like the chapter, more of a conversation-driven one rather than dynamic but still important! Oh, and by the way, Tis the Damn Season!

It was like someone had ripped his heart from his chest. Every ounce of happiness, drained all the blood from his body, stripping his life away. Rey was gone, and Ben’s life had been taken with her.

But the emptiness in his chest revealed something far darker. That was exactly it, his chest was empty. His body numb. That place in the back of his mind where Rey had always been, even before Ben had known it was her, drew a blank. It was a blaster hole, all raw and jagged around the edges. The spot where she once was now a gaping wound, leaving behind only pain. Now a desolate void, pumping his body full of darkness.

All Ben wanted to do was hate. Was to rip this lifeless, insignificant town apart, wiping it away and the memory of Rey’s disappearance with it. But then his eyes caught the reflection of a dull streetlight, it stung his eyes.

Looking around, his eyes fell onto the source, the bland yellow streetlight bounced off Rey’s lightsaber. Its reflection somehow amplified and brighter, shining in his eyes, like it was trying to tell him what to do, where to go. He let his knees falter, giving way to the painful drop to the cobblestone below, not caring what the others thought, how weak he might’ve looked.

The other two men gazed on, wordlessly passing thoughts between them as they looked to where Ben was.

“We need to leave,” Poe spoke, his arm was wrapped around Finn, stabilizing him as the man fought with his injuries to stand. His right leg wasn’t working and looking down, the blaster hole in his cargo pants confirmed Finn’s suspicion. Placing much of his weight on Poe, grunting as they took a small step, the man looked across the snow dripped street. Ben was still there; he was still dropped to his knees in front of what Finn assumed was Rey’s lightsaber. Poe was uneasy, looking around for whatever had taken Rey, the streets disappeared into the dark, hiding unknown haunts and deadly consequences.

Ben reached down taking the dark hilt in his hands. It felt warm, the small heartbeat of the kyber crystal beating inside. The warmth was alone in the saber, the usual, comforting presence that Ben had grown to love wasn’t there. His mind was empty and cold. For the first time in a long time, the man was alone, his heartbeat uneven and lonely. Ben squeezed the hilt, trying to get it to tell him where Rey was, why he couldn’t feel her. His glossy eyes snapped up and looked around at the buildings around him.

Poe watched the former dark sider carefully, unsure of how to proceed in this situation. He exchanged a look with Finn. Ben stood up abruptly, spinning around wildly, his eyes frantically searching the sky for any clue of where his partner had been taken. The snow had started to fall again, making it even harder to decipher what had happened minutes before.

“Ben,” Poe started. The man turned around suddenly making eye contact with the commander. His face looked pained, revealing every fleeting emotion that passed across the man’s face. At that moment, Poe realized why Kylo Ren had worn a mask, his eyes reflected all that made him vulnerable. And oh boy was Rey his biggest one.

“No,” Ben spoke harshly, with no mask to conceal his worry, Poe could almost see tears forming behind his frantic eyes. “I’m, I won’t leave without her.” The man’s words shook horribly, it made the commander’s heart clench. Ben’s words were broken, revealing what laid in his chest. “They couldn’t have gotten far. Finn you don’t remember _anything_ about what happened? ”

“Ben!” Poe interrupted the man, he switched into Commander mode. The heavier the snow got, the higher likelihood they could get stuck here, and if that happened they were all at risk. “You would be playing directly into their hand!” Poe grabbed at Ben’s jacket with his unoccupied arm, struggling to both keep Finn upright and Ben from running off.

The man clenched his teeth together, seething. Finn shifted uneasily beside Poe. It was clear that the pain behind Ben’s eyes was quickly morphing into something more reflective of his past self. If they didn’t get off this planet soon, Kylo Ren could be on the verge of tearing through this whole town.   
  


“The best thing that we can do for Rey right now if get back to base and figure out where she was taken!” Poe spoke hurriedly, his body ached from holding up Finn and his hands were freezing in the cold. “There is no blood, meaning they took her, probably hoping that you would follow”

Ben let out a choked sob, his arms fell to his side limply, his shoulders releasing their tension in defeat. “I…. “ the man started, his eyes closing to hide the pain residing within them. “I need her.”

The mask fell. Poe saw Finn’s jaw drop out of the corner of his eyes. The man before them now bore no resemblance of the cruel, power-hungry apprentice that had be the destroyer of worlds and seeped fear into those who spoke his name. No, it was just the scared eyes of a man who had lost the woman he loved.

Reaching forward the commander placed a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder, trying to offer some sort of solace. “Ben, I promise we will get her back, but right now we need to get somewhere safe.” He didn’t look up, Ben kept his head dipped, looking at the quickly disappearing tracks in the snow.

Surprisingly, Finn spoke up. “We will find her.” He repeated. “But Poe’s right, there isn’t anything we can do about it now. I’m sorry about her, she’s my friend as well, but….” The former stormtrooper faltered, trying to find hope in a hopeless situation. “Dying won’t help Rey and that’s exactly what would happen if we tried to find her now.”

Ben didn’t give a response, instead, he closed his eyes and exhaled shakily. After a few moments, the man clipped Rey’s lightsaber on his belt next to his own, his hands wobbling.

Once he had gripped his hands together, Ben raised his eyes and finally looked at Poe and Finn. He didn’t say anything, but his resignation was clear.

“Okay,” Poe breathed out. The pilot, struggling to keep Finn upright, took the lead back toward the ship. Ben reluctantly followed suit.

When they finally made it back to the ship, the three walked up the ramp. Closing it behind them, Poe sealed their fate, they were living to fight another day. The Commander just hoped his decision didn’t steal Rey’s life from her.

—

“What do we do now?” Finn spoke quietly. The incandescent glow of hyper-speed outside the cockpit reflected around the room as they speeded away from Russan. After running a decloaking scan for any nearby ships both on the planet and in orbit but coming up with nothing, Poe had decided it was the best course of action to regroup with the Resistance before they all were captured.

“Well, first I think we need to get you to the infirmary,” Poe responded, throwing a gaze down at the haphazardly bandaged.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about Poe.” Finn told the pilot.

Poe exhaled exhaustedly, after their mission ending in possibly one of the worst ways, he wasn’t exactly ready to relive their defeat again. They just had to relay the entirety of what happened to Rose over the comm system, leaving her to prepare the base for their arrival.

“We don’t know where she is, or if……” Finn paused, his voice shaking. “ If she’s still alive.” The former stormtrooper still felt like he was in a state of shock like whatever had just happened, hadn’t actually. Maybe it had something to do with getting knocked out.

“Would you please not say that so loud.” Poe hushed him, looking back from the cockpit toward the back of the ship where Ben was. “You saw what he looked like sitting back there. Let’s not even go there. At least for right now.”

Taking Rey had been a bold move, especially with Ben within a close distance. Whoever it was had skill and power, enough of it to take on Rey and even betting on Kylo Ren being there as well.

“Do you think? What do you think with happen with…?” Finn jutted his head in the direction of Ben.  
  


Poe exhaled again, his head falling forward as he closed his eyes. “I don’t know.” He resigned. “To think that Kylo Ren and Ben are the same person kind of is mindboggling,” Poe spoke, after all the time he had spent resenting him, he couldn’t even recognize the defeated man behind them in the ship.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Finn whispered. “With Rey gone,” The man’s words faltered as he shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have said that.” He just had that conversation with Rey, trying to be better. Kylo Ren had only a place in Ben’s past.

Poe shook his head before speaking again. “How far would you go? To get back the one you love the most?”

Finn looked up at Poe before sighing. “As far as I needed to.”

The pilot nodded in agreeance, giving Finn a pointed look, but didn’t say anything else. Finn would never tell this to him, but ever since Crait, Poe had become to wise for his own good.

Looking behind him once again, the former stormtrooper gave another weary look toward the belly of the ship. Finn found himself worried for the motionless man sitting heartbroken in the cargo hold, worried that they had not just lost Rey, but Ben Solo as well.

—

When they landed, Ben walked off the ship mindlessly. His mother and Rose had been there to greet them, to ask what happened. But he didn’t stop for the formalities. The promises that they would find _her_. That nobody was ever gone, that everything would be alright.

Instead, Ben walked straight past them, making the short trip back to _their_ room. He paused in front of the door, remembering that night Rey had kissed him there before pulling him inside to their own hidden world.

He pushed open the door, finding the action much harder than usual. To be alone in this room before felt like it could be home. Now it just felt cold and bitter, his lonely shadow was the only other thing to keep him company now.

Ben stood in the room, gazing around at how everything seemed to be frozen back in time. Like they had never left. He had just come back from a meeting with his mother and Rey was still fixing ships in the hanger. Like everything was normal.

Rey’s staff was still leaning up against the wall. A spare shirt of his hung over the back of a chair. The single window had the same grim on the edges. The desk was covered in loose scraps of metal from when Rey was building her saber. Her scent lingered in the air, the sheets of their bed still twisted from the night before when they had—

Suddenly, Ben felt like he couldn’t breathe. The air seemed immensely thick, struggling to make its way into his lungs. He stumbled backward, his legs limping from their placebo lack of air. Ben closed his eyes, squeezing them shut it was almost painful. Before he knew it, his hands grabbed at the door handle once more, forcing himself away from the happy memories that were stored in that room. Happiness that had been taken away with Rey.

The halls were empty from what Ben could tell, but honestly, he couldn’t. His vision was skewed, blobs of darkness dotting in and out, scrambling his mind further.

The bright lights overhead stung Ben’s eyes. His head pounded; his scar throbbed. Ben’s hands were sweaty, slipping as they pushed through another door. The room was dim, finally escaping the harsh light. But the dull yellow light wasn’t what Ben could see. He only saw red.

The wall was the first thing that his fist made contact with. The old metal straining under the sudden impact. It hurt, a lot. Ben knew his knuckles were bleeding, but he didn’t care. Without hesitation, he pulled back a threw another punch against the wall. Another. And another. One after the next.

After a certain point, it was just bone hitting the dented metal, but Ben didn’t seem to notice. Blood seeped down his wrists, staining his shirt, some dripping to the floor below. Tears flew down his face, mixing with the metallic bloodstains on the ground.

Ben let out a disgruntled yell. His pained screams echoing around the room. He reached down, picking up the bench that sat below and hurling it across the small room. Bloodstained wood splintered as it made contact with the ground, small shards littered the floor upon impact.

It was his fault. He should have never left her. Ben had left her to fight alone, something he promised never to do. It should be him, not her. It was his past that had caught up with them, not hers. He was the sinner who killed and destroyed, the one who deserved to die, not her. He had destroyed her, the one he promised never to hurt. Rey.

The vents seemed to screech overhead, Ben brought his hands up and placed them over his ears. It was like Snoke was there, reminding him that he would always fail. That he would never be worthy of anything outside the darkness.

_‘You are worthless, boy.’_ Snoke’s vile voice emanated in his head. He saw Kiara’s yellow, unnatural eyes, her cracked skin. His own shadowy figure that had threatened to kill himself in the forest all those weeks ago. _“she’s gone, you were too weak to protect even her.”_ He heard himself taunt in his own mind.

Ben dropped to his knees, not even registering the pain as he did. “Rey,” he breathed out, trying to find her in the force, trying to prove to himself that she wasn’t gone.

_Nothing._

Opening his eyes, Ben looked around the room. He had ended up in the training room; well, what was left of it. Wood and metal shards littered the floor, blood pooled underneath his hands. He let out a choked sob, keeling over Ben wrapped his arms around his middle, trying to hold together the pieces that were breaking off of him. Without her presence in his mind, Ben’s darkest thoughts were free to run wild. Suffocate him, and remind him of all the terrible things he had done and would never be able to undo. He wept; the tears not able to be withheld.

A short sound broke through his breaths, like the wind sucking in, and creating a silence he rarely ever felt. Ben stopped his quick jagged breath, the walls coming up again, too proud to let whoever it was see him like this.

“Hey, kid.”

Now Ben really stopped breathing. Slowly opening his eyes, a faint blue glow lurked near the corners of his vision.

Ben raised his head, meeting the sad gaze of his uncle. “please go away,” he spoke weakly. Ben didn’t have the energy to fight his own mind as well as his uncle. He looked away, his head falling back against his knees.

“I’m not sure that would be a wise decision,” Luke observed, staring down at the splits in Ben’s disfigured hands.

Silence fell between them, as neither of them said anything. After a few moments, Ben thought just maybe his uncle has complied and disappeared back into the force. Peeking upwards he found his assumption to be wrong.

“I lost someone I loved once.” Luke’s words were lightyears away as he remembered a memory that felt as so.

Ben had heard this story before, Anakin Skywalker’s demise on the second Death Star took some digging but he had read all the transcripts.

“It was my fault, I, let my own pride made me lose sight of what was truly important, why I was even doing what I set out to do.”

Despite their differences, Ben actually felt something behind his uncle’s words. Maybe it was just the comfort of a distraction, hearing of someone else’s mistake to forget his own.

“And what did you do after?” Ben whispered quietly. “How did you go on?”

“Well, I was too proud to go after them and say that I was wrong. It took me too long to realize that I could’ve prevented it, if I hadn’t been stuck within the Jedi ways.”

Ben froze finally realizing that Luke wasn’t talking about Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker at all. He raised his eyes, finally looking at his uncle. His eyes, despite having the signature blue glow, were the same kind one’s Ben had looked up to as a kid.

“I wasn’t there for you when you needed me most, Ben. So, I’m trying to be here now.”

Ben’s voices shook, tears pricking the back of his eyes once again. “I don’t know what to do, without her… I don’t think I trust myself. You had been right; I was too weak to keep out the dark then.”

“No,” Luke spoke. “You came back, and I know that you like to give Rey credit for that, but you did that by yourself, Ben. You. Sure, she gave you a light to see, but you were _strong_ enough to find your own way out of the dark.”

“What are you trying to prove? That in death you’ve had this moment of clarity?” Ben bit out. “A little late for that in case you haven’t noticed.” He spoke with annoyance, some leftover from his complicated relationship with his uncle but most coming from the pain of being without Rey.

“No, Ben, I’m not….” Luke started again. The force ghost stepped awkwardly around the room, finding his place, sitting on one of the few unbroken chairs in the room. “I’ve never known the type of love you and Rey have, Hell, I don’t think anyone has. But I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did of letting go.”

Ben’s brows softened, relaxing a bit as he finally listened to what Luke was saying.

“I made the mistake of thinking you were gone, that your decision had been made. I acted horribly, I pulled a lightsaber on you, when I should’ve asked you what was wrong, asked you how I could have helped….. instead of leaving you to do it yourself.” Luke grimaced at the memory; his biggest regret laid bare. “And I know this isn’t the same situation, but don’t succumb to the dark as I did. That won’t save her”

“I just need to know if she’s alive.” Ben breathed.

“She is.” Luke spoke firmly. “I don’t know if you would still be here given your kooky connection if she wasn’t.” It was half of a joke, one that broke the surface tension between them. Maybe not everything was broken at this moment. “You both are too strong not to know.”

“But how do I get her back? How do I even find her?” Ben spoke.

“That, I, unfortunately, can’t help you with,” Luke sighed. “But if you think with the heart of your father and the mind of your mother, I can imagine that you’ll find yourself in a damn good place to start.”

Ben did give his uncle a shaky exhale at that comment. He looked back at Luke once more, he knew that this particular conversation was probably about to be coming to an end. Was it even happening? Exhaustion and blood loss might have been getting to him.

“I am truly sorry for how much pain I put you through, Ben.” Luke spoke. “But I want you to know that if anyone deserves to be happy after this war is over, it’s you and Rey. But I fear the galaxy hasn’t ever been particularly kind in that department for our family.” His brows furrowed as he talked, a painful past, one his own and one not reminded Luke of his own tragedies.

“Thanks for that,” Ben whispered softly. It felt odd to have such a quiet conversation with someone he hated for such a large part of his life. But stranger things have happened in this galaxy.

“Perhaps you could be the one that changes that,” Luke spoke with a small smile. “Solo’s are particularly good at beating the odds you know.”

It was another bittersweet reminder of a painful memory Ben knew he could never take back. The younger man closed his eyes, breathing in and out before opening them to find himself alone once more. The soft blue light had disappeared, leaving Ben to be bathed in darkness once more, the only light coming from the small window in the door.

_‘If you ever need me, I’m always with you Ben.’_

Looking down, the pain finally registered in his mind, as he stared at his hands. The right one, his dominant hand, was considerably worse than the left, but both were bleeding terribly. Ben could even see small shards of glass and metal dug deep in the open flesh. It stung, and the blood still hadn’t clotted. He grimaced as he inhaled sharply, the pain grew substantially worse, spreading through his fingers up toward his wrists.

Standing up, Ben trudged toward the door, the shards under his feet cracking from the weight of his body. Opening the door, he slowly made his way toward the infirmary, hoping to find some painkillers and perhaps a way to mend his mind back to Rey’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you find the light within the dark? Ben knows what it feels like to lose yourself to the dark, hopefully now with something *someone* to lose, it won't look the same as his past. 
> 
> Had to throw a few jabs in there at the ridiculous cyclical nature of star wars, seriously what's with them and happy endings for romantic couples? Doesn't anyone over at Disney love, love? Sorry, soapbox over, let's get back to my worthless commentary :0
> 
> Rey is gone and Ben is lost, but why can't they feel each other. Perhaps it has something to do with all that dark side voodoo Kiara has been up to? What are the limits of the force? Maybe one day we will find out. 
> 
> Hope you liked all the sadness in this chapter, but I hope you all have a happy holiday season, even if it is apart from loved ones this year. Thanks for reading as always. Stay safe and see you next time!


End file.
